I have gotten email griping about some "Open Letter" to me sent by my
friend (I THOUGHT), Steve Bevilacqua, in which he slanders me and kisses
Legume's corpse-butt and plans a Memorial Party Oct. 28th? Or something?
Anyway, IT NEVER SHOWED UP ON THE METRONET SERVER apparently. (I have a
feeling I might have missed a day or two's worth of stuff... chunks seem
to be missing here and there, but maybe those are chunks missing from my
OWN BRAIN!!) I would certainly like to see this dastardly document I've
heard so much about. STEVE I'M CALLING YOU OUT ON THIS. EMAIL it to me ya
craven bastard. Hiding behind a newsgroup, eh? You probably don't WANT me
to show up at a Legume Memorial Gut Blow-Out because you're afraid I'll
TROMP ALL OVER HIS PRECIOUS MEMORY. WHAT DO YOU KNOW?? If Legume were
here, that's what HE'D do. So I'll "channel" Legume and do it for him.
I've a good mind to fork out my own good money and get to your silly
prune-faced uptight "memorial" JUST TO WRECK IT!!!
Rev. Ivan "Biggest Dick in Dallas" Stang
(so dubbed by Rudy Ray Moore himself)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sxb40@po.CWRU.Edu (Steven Bevilacqua)
Subject: Re: Open Letter to Stang RE:Legume (Rev Bevilacqua)
Date: 17 Sep 1995 17:21:09 GMT
Well my days of covering for him are over.
Praise Legume.
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Subject: Re: Open Letter to Stang RE:Legume (Rev Bevilacqua)
Date: 17 Sep 1995 18:49:10 GMT
Ahhh, NOW this thing finally shows up on my server.
In article <438bg4$ro@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu>, sxb40@po.CWRU.Edu (Steven
Bevilacqua) wrote:
> t(An Open Letter To Ivan Stang
> This was origanally a private letter to Ivan Stang, but I decided
> it was something that all SubGenius' should read.
>
> You Bastarard.
That's BASTARARARD. Check the dictionary.
I don't know and don't care what your explaination
> is for writing what you did about Legume, there can be no excuse. Legume
> busted his ass for you and the entire Church of the SubGenius. How could
> you forget all that he did for us?
FORGET?? Hell, he was a cash cow. And I'm gonna make sure he STAYS one. If
he came back to life, I'd kill him again. No preacher ever got anywhere
near this much p.r. while he was alive. He was a good preacher, but what
can I say? He's been more PROFITABLE dead than alive. I'm just trying to
consider what Legume would think best for the CHURCH. The fact that I
control the Church checkbook is beside the point.
> In a way I'm not surprized. We all knew you hid deep seeded jelousy.
> I don't know how many times that you had said "Man, I don't see why HE gets
> all the girls, I'M the star here" But I didn't realize how bad it was.
If he had had his dick shortened like I ordered him to, there wouldn't
have been a problem.
Legume
> was your friend, even his enemies had a few nice things to say about him.
Yeah, like "At least he lives in Philadelphia and not HERE!!"
> Because Stang, even they have something you obviously don't, respect. And now
> when it's all said and done, when he can no longer defend himself, you
take the
> opportunity for a few cheep shots.
Well hell, if I'd have said stuff like this while he was alive, he'd have
whupped the shit outta me!
> Ivan, you and I have been friends for a long time, but I don't see how
> I can remain friends with someone like you. I mean who's next "Lies", Sterno
> or maybe me.
You first. THEN Sterno. LIES still CUSSES enough to be my friend.
>No thank you I don't need a friend that I can't trust. What
> surprizes me most is that you of all people knew how hard his life had been.
> Being raised by his crazy Jehova parents. Did you know when I called them
> to ask about services they said there wouldn't be any because "It cost
too much"
> and "No one would show"
Can't say as I blame 'em. Look at it from his point of view.
> BullShit! Legume had hundreds of friends and fans.
Would you want them staying at YOUR house??
Oh, I guess you do.
> In fact a few of us in Cleveland and Akron were thinking about
> putting together an offical memorial service for Dr. Legume, and now
> I'm SURE we're going to do it. And you Stang are not invited, only his REAL
> friends can come. When we need backstabbers I'll give you a call.
> In fact it won't be just a memorial service... I'm going to
> make it a full fledged SubGenius BLOW OUT! We already have the support
> of bands and preachers accross the country. So you just stay at home
and ponder
> that.
>
>
> Sincerly,
>
> Rev Steve Bevilacqua
> ###
Well, that does it. I don't care if I have to hitchhike, I WILL BE THERE.
You can set up ARMED GUARDS to keep me out but WHEREVER AND WHENEVER YOU
DO IT, MAN, REV. STANG WILL BE THERE TO YANK BACK THE FACADE OF "GOODNESS"
WITH WHICH THE FOOLISH WOULD VEIL DR. LEGUME!!! YES I SHALL CRASH YOUR GIG
IF ONLY TO REMIND THE MOURNERS WHAT AN EVIL, DESTRUCTIVE, WOULD-BE HITLER
THAT LEGUME REALLY WAS!!! Legume is as evil as "Bob" is lucky. Hell he
might even have been the Anti"Bob". Well, no, probably not. But he was
BAD SEED!!! He was a vicious, prattling ANIMAL, a wallower in filth!! What
I oughta do is show up at your so-called "DEVIVAL" and RAISE HIS CORPSE
FROM THE DEAD and send his rotting shambling hulk on a pitiless rampage at
your little cocktail party!!
HEED MY WORDS!!!
The Great Satang
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Subject: Re: Open Letter to Stang RE:Legume (Rev Bevilacqua)
Date: 17 Sep 1995 18:51:05 GMT
In article <43aplo$h78@linda.teleport.com>, nenslo@teleport.com (NENSLO) wrote:
> Nenslo says:
> Yeah, I say we throw that homo out of his own fucking church the
> fucking jew faggot. Fuck him the fucking fucker. Stang, you see this?
> You fucking SUCK man. You fuckihng weasely little geek. I'm gonna kick
> your fucking ass for you you fucking faggot. Fuck you.
>
> Your friend,
> Fuck you.
Dear Fuck you:
Shame on you for using such sexist words.I think we can handle this
dispute in a gentlemanly manner, can't we?
Rev. Ivan Worthington Stang III
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Subject: Re: Bonnie Raitt kills Dr. Legume.
Date: 17 Sep 1995 18:53:09 GMT
In article <437ksk$qbq@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, oldbeans@aol.com (Old
Beans) wrote:
> It was recently discovered in an autopsy that the real cause of Dr.
> Legumes death was not a motorcycle accident. The cause of death was
> actually exposure the fatal stench that was emanating from
etc.
>
How dare you speak so disrespectfully of the dead. Dr. Legume was a SWEET
man. You can't come to my party, nyah nyah.
Veve Stangilacqua
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@news.infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Subject: Re: Open Letter to Stang RE:Legume (Rev Bevilacqua)
Date: 18 Sep 1995 04:34:11 GMT
On Sun. Sep 17, 1995, sxb40@po.Cwru.Edu told All:
sCE> Here is a letter the coward Stang wrote to me, guess he didn't
> want YOU to see it.
> Well my days of covering for him are over.
> Praise Legume.
Actually, I never saw the original either. Only your follow-up note to
me(?).
But hey, don't let THAT stop you. Let him have it.
* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * That guy Ibid, he thinks he knows everything.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@news.infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Subject: Re: Open Letter to Stang RE:Legume (Rev Bevilacqua)
Date: 18 Sep 1995 04:34:41 GMT
On Sun. Sep 17, 1995, i.stang@metronet.com told All:
isc> Well, that does it. I don't care if I have to hitchhike, I WILL BE
> THERE. You can set up ARMED GUARDS to keep me out but WHEREVER AND
> WHENEVER YOU DO IT, MAN, REV. STANG WILL BE THERE TO YANK BACK THE
> FACADE OF "GOODNESS" WITH WHICH THE FOOLISH WOULD VEIL DR. LEGUME!!!
> YES I SHALL CRASH YOUR GIG IF ONLY TO REMIND THE MOURNERS WHAT AN
> EVIL, DESTRUCTIVE, WOULD-BE HITLER THAT LEGUME REALLY WAS!!! Legume
> is as evil as "Bob" is lucky. Hell he might even have been the
> Anti"Bob". Well, no, probably not. But he was BAD SEED!!! He was a
> vicious, prattling ANIMAL, a wallower in filth!! What I oughta do is
> show up at your so-called "DEVIVAL" and RAISE HIS CORPSE FROM THE
> DEAD and send his rotting shambling hulk on a pitiless rampage at
> your little cocktail party!!
isc> HEED MY WORDS!!!
I guess that tears it. Grease the treads on the APC, maw, me 'n' Stang's
goin' ghost huntin'. Looks like we may have to bust our way in too.
Hell, we might just do that even if we DON'T have to. Hell of an entrance,
I'd say.
* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * "I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it."
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: jimvan@gate.net (Jim Vandewalker)
Subject: Re: Open Letter to Stang RE:Legume (Rev Bevilacqua)
Date: Mon, 18 Sep 1995 22:15:33 -0500
The Way of the SubGenius is the way of hate, diamond-hard HATE, and the
way of the sick black joke.
Thomas Henry Huxley was what XIXth century Victorians called a
"freethinker," meaning he was an atheist. One of the things he took issue
with in his life was Victorian sentimentality about "meeting your loved
ones in heaven." Then his son died and the culture vultures of the time
wondered aloud if he would abandon his previous stand on the non-existence
of heaven and seek the consolation of religion. Well, he didn't. He may
have been a latent SubGenius.
We now know, of course, that Huxley was wrong, HIDEOUSLY wrong, about the
gods, and the afterlife. But what does the SubGenius offer in defiance to
those evil malevolent beings, whose playthings merehumans are?
HATE, admantine hate, that's what, and a black joke. A joke that grows
thick and gnarled like a root grows in the dark. And the black and
twisted root that writhes in the dark seeks...SLACK! Stang knows this;
like Huxley he refuses to accept the consolation of sentimentality when it
would be easy to do so, and if the reports are true of the cold green fire
that burned in the depths of Legume's eyes, he knew it too.
The revelation will come to Bevilaqua when he sees the tortured spirit of
Legume pissing into the upturned mouths of the Masters of Fate, and hears
the SubGenii laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
YES! The laugh of the SubGenius that smashes the crystalline spheres and
throws up stinking black mud in the noses of the gods. MUD! Black and
foul as the joke of the SubGenius.
What was that, Legume? Do WHAT to 'em if they can't take a joke?
--
Jim the Prophet
Spreading Eco-Mulch for the Gods
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Donna Kossy <dkossy@teleport.com>
Subject: Re: Open Letter to Stang RE:Legume (Rev Bevilacqua)
Date: 17 Sep 1995 02:22:41 GMT
Mrs. Nenslo adds:
That goes DOUBLE for ME, Stang you fucking faggot. Our fucking toilet
STILL has some of YOUR fucking SHIT stuck on the dry part of it that we
can't even SCRUB off from LAST YEAR, you goddamn lousy bastard. And it
stinks like your fucking CUNT. You fucking prick. FUCK YOU STANG. You
fucking suck TOTALLY.
Love,
NOT nenslo, MRS. Nenslo, see?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sxb40@po.CWRU.Edu (Steven Bevilacqua)
Subject: Re: Open Letter to Stang RE:Legume (Rev Bevilacqua)
Date: 18 Sep 1995 16:19:52 GMT
>Well, that does it. I don't care if I have to hitchhike, I WILL BE THERE.
Your going to have to, I'm not payin' your way this time.
>You can set up ARMED GUARDS to keep me out but WHEREVER AND
>WHENEVER YOU
>DO IT, MAN, REV. STANG WILL BE THERE TO YANK BACK THE FACADE OF
>"GOODNESS"
>WITH WHICH THE FOOLISH WOULD VEIL DR. LEGUME!!! YES I SHALL CRASH
>YOUR GIG
>IF ONLY TO REMIND THE MOURNERS WHAT AN EVIL, DESTRUCTIVE,
>WOULD-BE HITLER
>THAT LEGUME REALLY WAS!!! Legume is as evil as "Bob" is lucky. Hell he
>might even have been the Anti"Bob". Well, no, probably not. But he was
>BAD SEED!!! He was a vicious, prattling ANIMAL, a wallower in filth!!
Ok I've said before he wasn't perfect. Sure he slept with my girlfriends a
few times behind my back, and I didn't find it too funny when he busted
out the tail lights of my Riviera, or that time he shaved a mohawk into
my cat... But damn it Stang he's dead, and you
have to respect that.
I'm not sure excatly what Legume would have wanted
in a memorial service, or even if it would be legal, but it's gonna be a blow out.
And I swear upon Legumes very grave that I will do whatever it takes
to keep you out. We've got so many bands and preachers coming
in to talk about thier personal feelings of Legume and of what Legume
ment to them, that we don't need YOU to ruin our memory of him!
And I'm here to tell you that you may have just gone too far this time.
My E-mail is loaded with preachers and SubG's saying "Stang's
just gone too far this time." I hate to create this rift in the Church,
but the Dr. ment too much for me to show him disrespect, when he can't
even retailiate.
>What
>I oughta do is show up at your so-called "DEVIVAL" and RAISE HIS CORPSE
>FROM THE DEAD and send his rotting shambling hulk on a pitiless rampage at
>your little cocktail party!!
>HEED MY WORDS!!!
Give me a break. That isn't even funny, your mocking a great person. Personally
I'd love to see you do it, just to watch Legume get his revenge on YOU!
And I'll remind you Stang
that you may say "Legume is worth more to the church dead" but let's
not forget about who around here has the price on thier head. Scared Stang?
Oh what's wrong, bet you didn't want THAT to get out. Bet you didn't want
the entire Curch to find out who is REALLY worth more dead then alive.
Or don't you think they'll turn on you for a few bucks. You want to find out!
Just keep pushing Stang, or should I say SCHTANGMAN.
I Think I've said enough, don't you?
Rev. Bevilacqua
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sxb40@po.CWRU.Edu (Steven Bevilacqua)
Subject: Legume Memorial/Halloween Party
Date: 19 Sep 1995 05:41:01 GMT
Not much time ....
Just got back from GWAR meeting...
Legume Memorial set...
OCT 29th
That's a sun
Cleveland, OHIO
THE PIETA
43rd and Lorian
Ubove all people's books
More info later...
Rev B.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Date: 22 Sep 1995 06:47:05 GMT
You ain't keeping me out, DEVILacqua. You and ALL your hired boot boys can
swagger all you want but I'm getting in there if I have to hire the
Samuels brothers. But probably the REAL SubGeniuses will rally and we'll
BATTER YOUR FUCKING DOOR DOWN, WALK over your wimpy little "audience" of
"mourners," UPEND Legume's coffin, CUT HIS HEAD OFF, LAUNCH it, and then
play FOOTBALL with it.
I don't care if he WAS cremated. So we'll use a stand-in corpse. Maybe YOU.
Hey, ya'll ever wonder what Steve Bevilacqua looks like?
He looks just like Jesus.
BE FOREWARNED...
STANG
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: whtmtv@aol.com (WHTM TV)
Subject: Legume Memorial Fund.
Date: 18 Sep 1995 10:02:54 -0400
Okay you slackers: Time to stop hogging the slack and send some of it to
those in need. I just got word Legume's family hasn't gotten diddly in
the way of help for Legume's body baggin'. If you can't bother writing a
check and addressing an envelope, you can at least call the sacred 900#
and hear Legumes last memorial rant. 1-900-990-5085 ext. 324. Must be
18, 5 minute max, $2 a minute. The proceeds will go to the family in
need. Do your duty before Legume returns with this baseball bat to beat
some sense into you. When it comes to slack, sometimes it is more blessed
to give then it is to recieve... -Papa Joe.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: oldbeans@aol.com (Old Beans)
Subject: John Mellencamp kills Dr. Legume.
Date: 20 Sep 1995 22:41:12 -0400
Two days ago singer/songwriter John Mellencamp confessed to police
that he had killed Dr. Legume and told them all the greusome details. On
the night of his death Legume stopped his Harley at a gas station and went
inside to use the restroom. He was using the urinal when the drunken John
Mellencamp came stumbling out of one of the stalls and tapped him on the
shoulder, and told Legume to close his eyes for a second while he changed
clothes. Legume just looked the other way. When Mellencamp said, "okay,
i'm done," Legume turned to look at the celebrity and noticed that he
wasn't wearing any clothes at all, and even worse, Mellencamp had female
genitalia. Being the sweet man that he is, Legume just laughed and started
to walk out the door when Mellencamp, who was extremely offended, grabbed
him and started to beat him with a tampon. Legume fought back and started
punching Mellencamp in self defense. All of a sudden Mellencamps roadies
ran into the bathroom from the tour bus outside and pushed Legume down
and pinned him on the ground. Mellencamp got down in a crouched position
over Legumes head and spread his female genitalia right in his face. The
stench was so fatal that Legume died instantly. Discovering this,
Mellencamp and his roadies took Legumes body and his Harley and dumped it
on the side of the highway so it would appear that Legume was killed in a
motorcycle crash. (Why do you think they call him John "Cougar"
Mellencamp?))
Cankersaurus.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mation@aol.com (Mation)
Subject: Does the Con know? Re. Legume
Date: 20 Sep 1995 22:43:13 -0400
Has anyone heard anything about a couple of teenage girls committing
suicide
after hearing about Dr. Legume's motorcycle accident and death? Or about
a
comic book comemorating the good Doktor? Anyone else hear about this
shit?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Path: feenix.metronet.com!news.ecn.bgu.edu!usenet.ins.cwru.edu!po.CWRU.Edu!sxb40
From: sxb40@po.CWRU.Edu (Steven Bevilacqua)
Subject: **Legume Wake/ Halloween Party Announcement**
Date: 20 Sep 1995 17:48:19 GMT
I have recieved a myrad of messages claiming I'm only
USING Legume's death as a way to capitalize on
peoples emotions. This is a LIE! and I am personally offended.
I'm just trying to the proper and decent thing in having a memorial
service for a good friend and great Subgenius. I'm sure you'd want
your friends to do the same for you. 'Nuff said..
So with that in mind here's the memorial info.......
*****************************************************************************************
** THE DR LEGUME HALLOWEEN MEMORIAL BLOWOUT **
** **
** CLEVELAND OHIO, SUNDAY OCTOBER 29th **
** **
** LEGUME IS DEAD, SO LET'S HAVE A PARTY! **
** FUN, GAMES, MUSIC AND RANTING FROM YOUR FAVORITE **
** SUBGENIUS PREACHERS: **
** REV. IVAN STANG **
** FATHER JOE MAMA **
** REV TOTH WILDER **
** MANY MANY MORE.... **
** **
** BANDS, DJS, ACTS: TBA **
** **
** COSTUME CONTEST: AWARDS FOR BEST LEGUME **
** LOOKALIKE (BEFORE AND AFTER THE ACCIDENT) **
** **
** RAFFLE!: PRIZES: **
** LEGUMES RIDING GLOVES (Still scuffed and bloody!) **
** A BOTTLE OF JACK DANIELS (Just like the one found in the **
** car that killed Legume) **
** GRAND PRIZE: LEGUMES URN COMPLEATE WITH ASHES! **
** **
** COME AND JOIN THE FUN. **
** MORE INFO ON THE WAY OR CALL **
** THE SLACK CRUSADE HOTLINE AT **
** (216)556-0338
** Still accepting preachers, bands and acts, please E-mail **
*****************************************************************************************
See you there!
Rev Bevilacqua
--
Flying Lemur Anti-Social Books: Sex, Bombs, the Occult!
Web site....http://www.apk.net/lemur
US Mail: PO Box 770222 Lakewood, OH 44107 (216)251-1654
Send SASE for FREE Catalog.
Original file name: I'm GLAD he's dead
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.