HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com
Date: Thu, Jun 1, 2000 3:28 PM
Message-ID: <3936B966.5DBFD6D3@home.com>

Give me your top ten (or however many) reasons why the Church of the
SubGenius is superior to the Church of Cthulhu, or why "Bob" Dobbs is
superior to Cthulhu. Give me a LOT of answers, please, because the best
ones will be read by me, half-naked, on stage tomorrow night at the
Dallas anime festival known as "Project A-Kon".

Our planned mini-devival was accidentally scheduled at the same time as
a performance by some crazy chick calling herself the leader of the
Church of Cthulhu. Kazoos and crowd-participation are involved in her
show. I need say no more. Of course, all parties immediately agreed
that a multimedia BATTLE between SubGenius and Cthulhuites must ensue.

We're showing some video, and there's a candidate-style debate planned,
but I'd like to show the A-Kon crowd that the true superiority of
SubGenius lies in the fact that our members are COOL and have good
ONE-LINERS and are BOLD SURREALISTS.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: "?!" <schabe@ten.daedgniklaw>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Jun 1, 2000 3:44 PM
Message-ID: <t2zZ4.815$uAu.7143879@news.randori.com>

At first, it seemed as though "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> penned the
lyrics that would rock a generation:

> Give me your top ten (or however many) reasons why the Church of the
> SubGenius is superior to the Church of Cthulhu, or why "Bob" Dobbs is
> superior to Cthulhu. Give me a LOT of answers, please, because the best
> ones will be read by me, half-naked, on stage tomorrow night at the
> Dallas anime festival known as "Project A-Kon".

If you read them *fully* naked, you won't need any other reasons. You said
"anime festival", right?

It also might be worth mentioning that when "Bob" eats you, it's the
*enjoyable* kind of eating.

--
schabe "one-line mind" @walkingdead.net
http://walkingdead.net
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: onan@subgenius.com (Onan Canobite)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: onan@subgenius.com
Date: Thu, Jun 1, 2000 6:05 PM
Message-ID: <slrn8jdnkc.9ap.onan@shell1.aracnet.com>

Rev. Magdalen <magdalen@home.com>:
>Give me your top ten (or however many) reasons why the Church of the
>SubGenius is superior to the Church of Cthulhu, or why "Bob" Dobbs is
>superior to Cthulhu. Give me a LOT of answers, please, because the best
>ones will be read by me, half-naked, on stage tomorrow night at the
>Dallas anime festival known as "Project A-Kon".

J. R. "Bob" Dobbs is real.
H. P. Lovecraft is fake.

J. R. "Bob" Dobbs is a purebred Yeti who hates all humans.
H. P. Lovecraft was a purebred White man who hated Jews and Blacks.

J. R. "Bob" Dobbs is alive.
H. P. Lovecraft is dead.

Followers of "Bob" get nekkid in the woods and go to Amsterdam.
Followers of Lovecraft read paperbacks alone in their parent's house and
go to the mall.

You can buy all the Lovecraft you want.
You can't buy what "Bob" sells you until after you pay for it.

- O.

--
Rev. Dr. Onan Canobite <onan@subgenius.com> http://www.subgenius.com/
Lemurian Toll Free Voice Message and Fax Number: 877-380-0077 ext.976
Send $30 unto The SubGenius Foundation Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 USA
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: bubbleghost <bubbleghost@hushhushmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Jun 1, 2000 7:07 PM
Message-ID: <13rdjsoamqkvk2gggmfifjbcqda7ojgkm4@4ax.com>

On Thu, 01 Jun 2000 19:28:54 GMT, "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
scrawled upon the shithouse wall that is usenet '

>Give me your top ten (or however many) reasons why the Church of the
>SubGenius is superior to the Church of Cthulhu, or why "Bob" Dobbs is
>superior to Cthulhu. Give me a LOT of answers, please, because the best
>ones will be read by me, half-naked, on stage tomorrow night at the
>Dallas anime festival known as "Project A-Kon".
>
>Our planned mini-devival was accidentally scheduled at the same time as
>a performance by some crazy chick calling herself the leader of the
>Church of Cthulhu. Kazoos and crowd-participation are involved in her
>show. I need say no more. Of course, all parties immediately agreed
>that a multimedia BATTLE between SubGenius and Cthulhuites must ensue.
>
>We're showing some video, and there's a candidate-style debate planned,
>but I'd like to show the A-Kon crowd that the true superiority of
>SubGenius lies in the fact that our members are COOL and have good
>ONE-LINERS and are BOLD SURREALISTS.

"Bob" is MUCH better looking than Cthulhu, not having tentacles and
being green and all.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Jun 1, 2000 8:26 PM
Message-ID: <3936FF3F.291D@subgenius.com>

Rev. Magdalen wrote:
> We're showing some video, and there's a candidate-style debate planned,
> but I'd like to show the A-Kon crowd that the true superiority of
> SubGenius lies in the fact that our members are COOL and have good
> ONE-LINERS and are BOLD SURREALISTS.

When I was in Cleveland last week, Stang, Friday, and I were discussing
Lovecraft. I said, "H.P.Lovecraft is the Stan Lee of his generation".

Feel free to use that, Mags.

--
--------------------------------
Dr.K'taden Legume
--------------------------------

"The best political weapon is the weapon of terror. Cruelty commands
respect. Men may hate us. But, we don't ask for their love; only for
their fear."

- Heinrich Himmler

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----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: kevbob@ecsis.net (kevbob)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Jun 1, 2000 11:03 PM
Message-ID: <sje90e505ri102@corp.supernews.com>

magdalen@subgenius.com (Rev. Magdalen) posted to alt.slack on Thu, 01
Jun 2000 19:28:54 GMT with <3936B966.5DBFD6D3@home.com>

>Give me your top ten (or however many) reasons why the Church of the
>SubGenius is superior to the Church of Cthulhu, or why "Bob" Dobbs
>is superior to Cthulhu.

i wouldn't necessarily say that would be true, until i read on -->

>as a performance by some crazy chick calling herself the leader of
>the Church of Cthulhu. Kazoos and crowd-participation are involved
>in her show. I need say no more.

obviously this is a FALS CHURCH of cuthulu.

obviously they must be destroyed.

unless she's cute,

in which case,

someone should just take the damned kazoo away from her before something,

unfortunate,

happens.

--
"the shade, is a tool, a device, a savior."
-Deftones
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: "Abbess Abyss" <abbessabyss@uswest.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Jun 1, 2000 11:53 PM
Message-ID: <9rGZ4.192$rE2.11263@news.uswest.net>

"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> wrote in message
news:3936B966.5DBFD6D3@home.com...
> Give me your top ten (or however many) reasons why the Church of the
> SubGenius is superior to the Church of Cthulhu, or why "Bob" Dobbs is
> superior to Cthulhu. Give me a LOT of answers, please, because the best
> ones will be read by me, half-naked, on stage tomorrow night at the
> Dallas anime festival known as "Project A-Kon".
>
> Our planned mini-devival was accidentally scheduled at the same time as
> a performance by some crazy chick calling herself the leader of the
> Church of Cthulhu. Kazoos and crowd-participation are involved in her
> show. I need say no more. Of course, all parties immediately agreed
> that a multimedia BATTLE between SubGenius and Cthulhuites must ensue.
>
> We're showing some video, and there's a candidate-style debate planned,
> but I'd like to show the A-Kon crowd that the true superiority of
> SubGenius lies in the fact that our members are COOL and have good
> ONE-LINERS and are BOLD SURREALISTS.

"Bob" 's your escrow.
Cthulu's your escarole.

Abbess Abyss
Brilliantly Boring
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com
Date: Fri, Jun 2, 2000 2:28 PM
Message-ID: <3937FCD1.EE3BA50B@home.com>

kevbob wrote:
>
> magdalen@subgenius.com (Rev. Magdalen) posted to alt.slack on Thu, 01
> Jun 2000 19:28:54 GMT with <3936B966.5DBFD6D3@home.com>
>
> >Give me your top ten (or however many) reasons why the Church of the
> >SubGenius is superior to the Church of Cthulhu, or why "Bob" Dobbs
> >is superior to Cthulhu.
>
> i wouldn't necessarily say that would be true, until i read on -->
>
> >as a performance by some crazy chick calling herself the leader of
> >the Church of Cthulhu. Kazoos and crowd-participation are involved
> >in her show. I need say no more.
>
> obviously this is a FALS CHURCH of cuthulu.
>
> obviously they must be destroyed.
>
> unless she's cute,

She's what we call "hefty," and her hair is a la Elaine from Seinfeld.
Cute? Maybe if she ever shut her rapid-fire mouth. Her eyes are kinda
nice, but she appears to be addicted to some kind of powerful stimulant,
the kind that makes you run around like a ferret. Or she might just be
like that naturally. Any way, nobody is "cute" to me after telling me
they think it would be funny if their big puppet were to eat me, thus
proving that their stupid comic-book character is superior to Dobbs.
I'm all like, not even in PUPPET FORM will I participate in a SKIT that
puts down J.R. "Bob" Dobbs.

>
> in which case,
>
> someone should just take the damned kazoo away from her before something,
>
> unfortunate,
>
> happens.
>
> --
> "the shade, is a tool, a device, a savior."
> -Deftones
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: kevbob@ecsis.net (kevbob)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Jun 2, 2000 6:46 PM
Message-ID: <sjgeaaon5ri60@corp.supernews.com>

magdalen@subgenius.com (Rev. Magdalen) posted to alt.slack on Fri, 02
Jun 2000 18:28:27 GMT with <3937FCD1.EE3BA50B@home.com>

>She's what we call "hefty," and her hair is a la Elaine from
>Seinfeld. Cute? Maybe if she ever shut her rapid-fire mouth. Her
>eyes are kinda nice, but she appears to be addicted to some kind of
>powerful stimulant, the kind that makes you run around like a
>ferret. Or she might just be like that naturally. Any way, nobody
>is "cute" to me after telling me they think it would be funny if
>their big puppet were to eat me, thus proving that their stupid
>comic-book character is superior to Dobbs. I'm all like, not even in
>PUPPET FORM will I participate in a SKIT that puts down J.R. "Bob"
>Dobbs.

hmmm.

well then.

um.

proceed with their destruction and stuff.

--
"i've got a chip on my shoulder,
and it's almost as big as yours."
-Babyland
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: cuthulu@shreve.net
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Jun 2, 2000 7:01 PM
Message-ID: <m3snuvg01w.fsf@cuthulu.shreve.net>

"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> writes:

> She's what we call "hefty," and her hair is a la Elaine from Seinfeld.
> Cute? Maybe if she ever shut her rapid-fire mouth. Her eyes are kinda
> nice, but she appears to be addicted to some kind of powerful stimulant,
> the kind that makes you run around like a ferret. Or she might just be
> like that naturally. Any way, nobody is "cute" to me after telling me
> they think it would be funny if their big puppet were to eat me, thus
> proving that their stupid comic-book character is superior to Dobbs.
> I'm all like, not even in PUPPET FORM will I participate in a SKIT that
> puts down J.R. "Bob" Dobbs.

Can I see the big puppet eat you?

Does the puppet have tentacles?

--
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-- Eric Hoffer
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Jun 3, 2000 1:34 AM
Message-ID: <020620002234476475%lilith@ZubJenius.com>

[[ This message was both posted and mailed: see
the "To," "Cc," and "Newsgroups" headers for details. ]]

In article <3936B966.5DBFD6D3@home.com>, Rev. Magdalen
<magdalen@home.com> wrote:

> Give me your top ten (or however many) reasons why the Church of the
> SubGenius is superior to the Church of Cthulhu, or why "Bob" Dobbs is
> superior to Cthulhu. Give me a LOT of answers, please, because the best
> ones will be read by me, half-naked, on stage tomorrow night at the
> Dallas anime festival known as "Project A-Kon".

WAY too late to be useful, I know, but:

Cthulhu is a fish. "Bob" is a fisherman.

The Prophet Lilith

--
=====Her Ladyship Rev Dkr St Popess Lilith von Fraumench, Esquire=====
===Prophet--Devivor--Corrective Phrenologist--XXX-Day Stage Manager===
==c/o SSUCC--916 NE 65th #369--Seattle WA 98115--ssucc.ragnarokr.com==
==Inside the heart of every genius lurks a tard yearning to be free.==
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Jun 3, 2000 1:38 AM
Message-ID: <020620002238279703%lilith@ZubJenius.com>

In article <3937FCD1.EE3BA50B@home.com>, Rev. Magdalen
<magdalen@home.com> wrote:

> She's what we call "hefty," and her hair is a la Elaine from Seinfeld.
> Cute? Maybe if she ever shut her rapid-fire mouth. Her eyes are kinda
> nice, but she appears to be addicted to some kind of powerful stimulant,
> the kind that makes you run around like a ferret. Or she might just be
> like that naturally. Any way, nobody is "cute" to me after telling me
> they think it would be funny if their big puppet were to eat me, thus
> proving that their stupid comic-book character is superior to Dobbs.
> I'm all like, not even in PUPPET FORM will I participate in a SKIT that
> puts down J.R. "Bob" Dobbs.

Not even if "Bob" put a gun to your head and told you to mock him or
die?

The Prophet Lilith
"I *am* a mockery of you, "Bob"--or KILL ME."

--
=====Her Ladyship Rev Dkr St Popess Lilith von Fraumench, Esquire=====
===Prophet--Devivor--Corrective Phrenologist--XXX-Day Stage Manager===
==c/o SSUCC--916 NE 65th #369--Seattle WA 98115--ssucc.ragnarokr.com==
==Inside the heart of every genius lurks a tard yearning to be free.==
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: kevbob@ecsis.net (kevbob)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Jun 3, 2000 5:13 PM
Message-ID: <sjit8li15ri33@corp.supernews.com>

lilith@ZubJenius.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench) posted to
alt.slack on Sat, 03 Jun 2000 05:34:47 GMT with
<020620002234476475%lilith@ZubJenius.com>

>Cthulhu is a fish. "Bob" is a fisherman.

I AM DEEP SEE DIVING AND YOU CAN NOT SEE ME.

--
"i never thought, that i should be anything
but what's inside of me. tell the committee,
please. they got the wrong nominee."
-Babyland
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: HELP ME TROUNCE ANIME GEEK CTHULHUITE!
From: Boddhisatva Troutwaxer <tungtungNOtuSPAM@pacbell.net.invalid>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Jun 3, 2000 11:44 PM
Message-ID: <0bf8ecb1.e6d0eee7@usw-ex0104-031.remarq.com>

In article <sjit8li15ri33@corp.supernews.com>, kevbob@ecsis.net
(kevbob) wrote:
>lilith@ZubJenius.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench) posted to
>alt.slack on Sat, 03 Jun 2000 05:34:47 GMT with
><020620002234476475%lilith@ZubJenius.com>
>
>>Cthulhu is a fish. "Bob" is a fisherman.
>
>I AM DEEP SEE DIVING AND YOU CAN NOT SEE ME.

"Dobbs rules, Cthulans drool. You want the mike? THEN SAY IT
BITCH!! SAY IT!!"

T.

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