What I learned in Boot Camp

From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Apr 30, 2000 1:02 PM
Message-ID: <390C673B.4A0C@subgenius.com>

1. When a Drill Sergeant offers you beer, refuse. They're NEVER nice
unless they plan on kicking your ass.
2. How to cuss in Spanish.
3. Steal whatever you can get away with.
4. The best response to a difficult situation ALWAYS involves laying the
smack-down on someone smaller and weaker.
5. Everyone FARTS at the 1/2 mile mark.
6. ALWAYS check the wind direction before lighting up that chunk of
opiated black Afgani hash.
7. If someone larger and meaner than you constantly fucks with you,
attack him WHILE HE'S ASLEEP.
8. There's ALWAYS a means to revenge yourself if you have foresight and
imagination.
9. If you're told to dig a hole and you hit a water main, do whatever it
takes to BUST it (I really fucked up Ft.Benning this way).
10. When things get roughest, smile and whistle a happy tune. This
scares the SHIT out of folks.
--------------------------------
Dr.K'taden Legume
--------------------------------

"The best political weapon is the weapon of terror. Cruelty commands
respect. Men may hate us. But, we don't ask for their love; only for
their fear."

- Heinrich Himmler

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Subject: Re: What I learned in Boot Camp
From: Reverend DragonSpirit <ryuseisen@deja.com>

Legume wrote:

I have a couple more.........

> 1. When a Drill Sergeant offers you beer, refuse. They're NEVER nice
> unless they plan on kicking your ass.
> 2. How to cuss in Spanish.

And tagalog!

> 3. Steal whatever you can get away with.

Learn to steal for your unit! This is guaranteed to give you a license
to steal anything that you want or need without getting punished for
it. A good cumshaw artist can be worth his weight in gold.

> 4. The best response to a difficult situation ALWAYS involves laying the
> smack-down on someone smaller and weaker.
> 5. Everyone FARTS at the 1/2 mile mark.
> 6. ALWAYS check the wind direction before lighting up that chunk of
> opiated black Afgani hash.

Never light up in the head, it reeks to high heaven for days and is
guaranteed to get your ass kicked.

> 7. If someone larger and meaner than you constantly fucks with you,
> attack him WHILE HE'S ASLEEP.

Fuck with his rack, locker, and equipment, then when he causes the
entire company to sweat the bulkheads, entice your fellow recruits to
shower him with boots.

> 8. There's ALWAYS a means to revenge yourself if you have foresight and
> imagination.

A missing duty bely or leggings can cause havok, and start a barracks
wide search, the guilty party (whoever you are out for) usually gets
beaten pretty good.

> 9. If you're told to dig a hole and you hit a water main, do whatever it
> takes to BUST it (I really fucked up Ft.Benning this way).
> 10. When things get roughest, smile and whistle a happy tune. This
> scares the SHIT out of folks.

Whenever you are on the claymore, machinegun, or rifle range, tell the
instructor/DI that you think about this when you masterbate. If
possible, always draw happy faces on your targets, and ask to learn the
proper way to remove an ear from a head.

> --------------------------------
> Dr.K'taden Legume
> --------------------------------
>
> "The best political weapon is the weapon of terror. Cruelty commands
> respect. Men may hate us. But, we don't ask for their love; only for
> their fear."
>
> - Heinrich Himmler
>
> -----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
> http://www.newsfeeds.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
> -----== Over 80,000 Newsgroups - 16 Different Servers! =-----
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: What I learned in Boot Camp
From: tiburÛn@sharks.plc.ltd (tiburón)

On Sun, 30 Apr 2000 19:57:11 GMT, Reverend DragonSpirit <ryuseisen@deja.com>
wrote:

Q:
>possible, always draw happy faces on your targets, and ask to learn the
>proper way to remove an ear from a head.
>
A: With your teeth, preferably while the owner is still alive.

HTH!

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