You are all MOOSES

From: caizna@purpletuleturtle.com (Joe Cosby)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Apr 29, 2001 4:00 AM
Message-ID: <3aebc9ec.32806351@news.mindspring.com>

mailto:caizna@purpletuleturtle.com

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

There's No 'My Kid Has Cancer' In Team

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
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Subject: Re: You are all MOOSES
From: SubGenius Spice <spice@cotse.comquat>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Apr 29, 2001 7:42 PM
Message-ID: <lF1H6.47711$IJ1.3600049@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>

In a recent alt.slack clinical trial, 4 out of 5 Joe Cosbys agreed
that...

[...]

>"You're in a desert. You see a turtle on it's back, baking in the hot
>sun, dying. What do you do?"

point out the fact that if you were in the desert, it'd be a tortoise.

--
http://www.faqs.org/rfcs/rfc2795.html
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Subject: Re: You are all MOOSES
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack

"Yeah, I know what *that's* like. It can get *freakin'*
hot out there, too, you know. So hot that the asphalt gets
all gooey and yer just drinkin' water *constantly*. But at
least it's a *dry* heat. I don't think I could *stand* it
if it was like Louisiana or Florida or some shit like that.
Humidity sucks, you know. I hear they even get condensation
dripping down their walls when it's really humid out.
Now out here, on the other hand, you get hot, so damn hot
that it makes the soles on yer combat boots go soft and crack.
Get this--just lying in the shade doing nothing--you still
suck down five gallons of water a day, man. Yer drinkin'
and drinkin' and you never need to pee and you don't *feel*
sweat but your tee-shirt gets all salty. Five gallons a
day, and yer not doing anything! That's what the U.S. Army
says. They went out into the desert in like the 1940s or
something and tested it. They say a new pair of combat boots
will only last three days out in that rocky desert in summer."

(Interviewer shoots interviewee.)

--
"There is no nu-monet. There is only Zuul."
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Subject: Re: You are all MOOSES
From: "whyaskwhyaskwhy" <blackout@404infomagic.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Apr 29, 2001 10:24 PM
Message-ID: <tepje97l8i2i0c@corp.supernews.com>

it USED to be a dry heat, until fuckheads decided to turn the desert into a
chunk of Missouri by overwatering the golf courses that are found every mile
or so. and everybody in Phx. needs a lawn, right? or else, uhhhh, they
wouldn't have one.

interesting side note: 15 minutes in Phx and you will want to shoot people
in traffic for raising their unibrows at you in a disagreeable fashion.
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Subject: Re: You are all MOOSES
From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)

In article <F%4H6.47918$IJ1.3625360@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>,
SubGenius Spice <spice@cotse.comquat> wrote:

> >>> >"You're in a desert. You see a turtle on it's back, baking in the hot
> >>> >sun, dying. What do you do?"

I try to figure out how the hell I wound up in the desert. Well, it might
be nicer if I turned him back over, but since I'm not an Indian or
whatever and don't believe in dumbass legends beyond the acid that's in
the center of a golfball, I have no metaphysical motivation to act. After
all, I have to get my damned ass out of the desert. The turtle is on his
own. However, for better or worse, the only desert I have to figure my way
out of is the sociological one that led us all to be SubGeniuses. Any
suggestions would be seriously considered, since I am stuck in a state
where they keep trying to teach their goats to clog dance.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Talkin' 'bout my half-deaf g-g-g-generation,
WHAT, WHAT??

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Subject: Re: You are all MOOSES
From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)

In article <asfH6.5493$kA1.233480@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>,
SubGenius Spice <spice@cotse.comquat> wrote:

> > I try to figure out how the hell I wound up in the desert. Well, it might
> >be nicer if I turned him back over, but since I'm not an Indian or
> >whatever and don't believe in dumbass legends beyond the acid that's in
> >the center of a golfball,
>
> acid?
> the "good" kind of acid or the "bad" kind of acid?

In my experience, that has largely depended on starting point,
environment during and whether some sadistic asshole kept asking if that
was the cops coming. Boy, did we beat his ass later. Also whether the cook
allowed strychnine into the mix, which makes your jaw hurt. I say avoid it
entirely nowadays. Unless you want to fall prey to the darker aspects of
HellPopism. Hey doktors, it hurts when I do this, EIEIEI!!!

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Talkin' 'bout my half-deaf g-g-g-generation,
WHAT, WHAT??

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Subject: Re: You are all MOOSES
From: SubGenius Spice <spice@cotse.comquat>
Newsgroups: alt.slack

In a recent alt.slack clinical trial, 4 out of 5 HellPope Hueys agreed
that...

>In article <3aed0d64.464954@news.mindspring.com>,
>joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby) wrote:
>
>> Mr. T will have to play Subgenius Spice.
>
> But Joe, hasn't ye learned ANYthing yet? NObody plays Spice. Nobody.
>Don't pinch her nutmeg uninvited or she'll kick yer damn ass, bud. All
>hail Spice!

aw shucks.

i'm as tame as a wet cat in a dry cleaning bag.

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Original file name: You are all MOOSES - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:35