'IT' revealed

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Sun, Dec 2, 2001 9:38 AM
Message-ID: <3C0A3CFD.4EDE@succeeds.com>

irk wrote:
>
> http://theitquestion.com/
>
> What is IT?

WHAT IS "IT"?

1) It can make the young girls cry.
2) It can make the grey sky blue.
3) It can make the pain go away.
4) It reaches from the inner mind to the
outer limits.
5) It sucks.
6) It is what "They" want.
7) It will rule the world.
8) It is more than you can handle.
9) It is beautiful. So very beautiful.
10) And deadly. Yes. Deadly.
11) "They" will never allow It.
12) It is far out.
13) It is a noun.
14) It demands a heavy toll for Its services.
15) It will take and take and never give.
16) It gets to you after a while.
17) It will get into your pants.
18) It will ignore your pain.
19) It is fucking expensive.
20) It is utter bullshit.

--
$
There is no nu-monet there is only Zuul.
$
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Subject: Re: IT
From: König Prüß, GfbAEV <saurkraut@weinerschnitzle.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Dec 3, 2001 2:26 PM
Message-ID: <9ugjlk$3ki$1@bolzen.all.de>

"Rev. Magdalen" escrivened:
>"kissiii" <kissii3.0temp@home.com> wrote in messagenews:kwNO7.140346$pb4.84278402@news2.rdc2.tx.home.com...
> Wow, that was a letdown.
>
> They made us wait around for almost a year to tell us that IT was pretty
> much what everyone thought it was, a scooter.
>

But it's a scooter that NEVER FALLS DOWN! That's pretty cool! You could
ride it while you were drunk!

>
>
>

>"kissiii" <kissii3.0temp@home.com> wrote in messag
>news:kwNO7.140346$pb4.84278402@news2.rdc2.tx.home.com..
>> Wow, that was a letdown
>
>> They made us wait around for almost a year to tell us that IT was prett
>> much what everyone thought it was, a scooter
>
>
But it's a scooter that NEVER FALLS DOWN! That's pretty cool! You could
ride it while you were drunk!

>
>
>

>But it's a scooter that NEVER FALLS DOWN! That's pretty cool! You coul
>ride it while you were drunk
>
>
>
>

That Stirling engine is something, it could put the gas co.'s out of bidniz
http://www.dirtsimple.com/
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: "St. Marc the Perpetually Amused" <disciple@templeoferis.org>

I saw Dianne Sawyer(n1) nearly fall *off* the silly thing this morning -
*it* may stay up, that doesn't mean YOU will. A few other comments:

1) The stabilizer is a computer-controlled gyro system. As one person put
it, "This is going to give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'computer
crash.'" Gyro tumbles or system freezes, you go ass-over-teakettle.

2) The first time somebody runs over and kills somebody else, I guarantee
you that *any* potential profit to the manufacturer or economic benefit to
the consumer will be wiped RIGHT OUT by the lawsuits and costs of insurance.

3) The last exercise some of us GET is walking from our cars to our offices
or the train or whatever. Take that away, and I hope those things have good
shocks, because we're all gonna weigh 400 pounds. Although the concept of
riding one of those things to the health club does provide a certain
Amusement.

St. Marc

(n1)Actually it was Martha Stewart. Martha Stewart and Dianne Sawyer are the
same person. One of them wears a wig. I don't know which one.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@attbi.com>

>
> 1) The stabilizer is a computer-controlled gyro system. As one person put
> it, "This is going to give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'computer
> crash.'" Gyro tumbles or system freezes, you go ass-over-teakettle.

Well, if you go to www.segway.com instead of getting all your news from the
TeeVee, you would know that it has two independent redundant controllers, so
if one goes out, the other takes over and brings you to a safe stop.
>
> 2) The first time somebody runs over and kills somebody else, I guarantee
> you that *any* potential profit to the manufacturer or economic benefit to
> the consumer will be wiped RIGHT OUT by the lawsuits and costs of
insurance.
>

Its top speed is 12 MPH. When I went to driving school, they told us that
no one had ever been killed by a crash at that speed. This is a good fact
to know for many purposes. But it STILL doesn't mean that you can DRAG
someone behind a truck at that speed and they will be ok! That is a whole
other physics problem.

> 3) The last exercise some of us GET is walking from our cars to our
offices
> or the train or whatever. Take that away, and I hope those things have
good
> shocks, because we're all gonna weigh 400 pounds. Although the concept of
> riding one of those things to the health club does provide a certain
> Amusement.

So we'll be fatter, but we'll be breathing cleaner air. Maybe we won't be
any healthier ourselves, but the chances of mutant worms and/or insects
growing to enormous sizes and killing us all will be greatly reduced.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: "St. Marc the Perpetually Amused" <disciple@templeoferis.org>

>
> Well, if you go to www.segway.com instead of getting all your news from
the
> TeeVee, you would know that it has two independent redundant controllers,
so
> if one goes out, the other takes over and brings you to a safe stop.

Oh, like THAT's gonna be an unbiased news source. Anyway, fine. So two
systems have to fail at once (assuming they have independent gyros.) It was
unlikely that the FIRST one failed. I promise you some idiot will find just
the RIGHT bump and hit it at just the RIGHT speed to knock them both out at
once or confuse them or something. In a *sane* world, that would be written
off as a freak misadventure. However, to our legal system, there is no such
thing. (See point #2.)

>
> Its top speed is 12 MPH. When I went to driving school, they told us that
> no one had ever been killed by a crash at that speed. This is a good fact
> to know for many purposes. But it STILL doesn't mean that you can DRAG
> someone behind a truck at that speed and they will be ok! That is a whole
> other physics problem.

Human beings can and do die every day simply by falling the wrong way and
breaking their necks. At a walk. Or even just standing *still.* The impact
of the thing will not be the cause of death: the knocking down will. ("Run
over" is probably beyond the capabilities of the thing: I shouldn't have
phrased it that way.) And, like I said, normal people will consider it a
freak accident. Lawyers and insurance companies will view it as Payday and
Doomsday, respectively.

>
> So we'll be fatter, but we'll be breathing cleaner air. Maybe we won't be
> any healthier ourselves, but the chances of mutant worms and/or insects
> growing to enormous sizes and killing us all will be greatly reduced.

Good points. Scratch that last one.

St. Marc
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack

John Starrett wrote:
>
> kissiii wrote:
> >
> > Wow, that was a letdown.
> >
> > They made us wait around for almost a year
> > to tell us that IT was pretty
> > much what everyone thought it was, a scooter.
>
> ...As it is, the line will probably be all the way
> around the planet to get an overpriced scooter with
> a gyro. Whee!
>

That last word gave me an idea for "Its" marketing
campaign. Take the music used for the Weeeeeee!
shockwave and modify it with MTV-style rapid edits
of "It", as a commercial.

--
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

kissiii wrote:
>
> Wow, that was a letdown.
>
> They made us wait around for almost a year to tell us that IT was pretty
> much what everyone thought it was, a scooter.

Marketing uber alles. In fact, this move, a campaign of mystery,
followed by a pedestrian product, is sure to backfire. No, I take that
back. If folks were intelligent and ignored the product, it would
backfire. As it is, the line will probably be all the way around the
planet to get an overpriced scooter with a gyro. Whee!

JS
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: md_archangel@hotmail.com (mykal d'archangel)

I don't like it - it sounds like a ploy to rob us of our most
basic functions - walking! And listen to this - straight from the
website --

"The user interface tells you ONLY WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW"

Now they're *thinking* for us!

And it does this with an icon of a *face* - which means you don't
need to READ - which means they want to keep you STUPID!

...

But it'd be cool for cities... and if it folded up - that'd be
neat.

st m d'a
-------------------
Quijibo Jerk
http://quijibo.walkingdead.net
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: "Ned Wreck" <NedWreck@usenetserver.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Dec 3, 2001 9:25 PM

How soon before people start racing them?

--
Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money Back!!! HTTP://WWW.SubGenius.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Ned Wreck" <NedWreck@usenetserver.com>
Date: Mon, Dec 3, 2001 9:23 PM

Bloody 'ell! Now that's what I call thinking!

--
Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money Back!!! HTTP://WWW.SubGenius.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: "Xenu" <xenu4231@hotmail.com>

at fifteen miles an hour it should quite a...YAWN....exciting race.
Sarcasms off
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: "glassgnost" <dlindnerSPAMBLOCKED@socal.rr.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack

>
> I saw Dianne Sawyer(n1) nearly fall *off* the silly thing this morning -
> *it* may stay up, that doesn't mean YOU will. A few other comments:

I saw her try to do a "no hands" ride, and the thing started to shudder...

More interesting, IMO, is that apparently the "key" sets the top speed. I
can see "key hacking" happening already. ;)

--
What would you do if the people you knew
Were the plastic that melted
And the chromium too? - Frank Zappa

- dlindner (at) socal (dot) rr (dot) com -
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: md_archangel@hotmail.com (mykal d'archangel)

>How soon before people start racing them?
>

Fugget that! I want to see free style BMX / skateboard / Inline
skate style ripping and shredding! X-Games here "IT" comes!

st m d'a
-------------------
Quijibo Jerk
http://quijibo.walkingdead.net
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: IT
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

WHOA. IT just lost my vote.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3c0c08ee.860405@news>, mykal d'archangel
<md_archangel@hotmail.com> wrote:

>
> And it does this with an icon of a *face* - which means you don't
> need to READ - which means they want to keep you STUPID!
>

Next it'll be Motorized Hips so fucking won't be so much trouble.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Dr. Rev. Chuck, M.D., P.A." <cdub@_REMOVETHIS_erols.com>

St. Marc the Perpetually Amused wrote:
>
> Human beings can and do die every day simply by falling the wrong way and
> breaking their necks. At a walk. Or even just standing *still.* The impact
> of the thing will not be the cause of death: the knocking down will. ("Run
> over" is probably beyond the capabilities of the thing: I shouldn't have
> phrased it that way.) And, like I said, normal people will consider it a
> freak accident. Lawyers and insurance companies will view it as Payday and
> Doomsday, respectively.

Anyone remember Carl Reiner's lawsuit against Steve Martin in _The Jerk_?
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> Next it'll be Motorized Hips so fucking won't
> be so much trouble.
>

Wasn't it obvious that eventually people would have
wheels? Think of all of those cartoons where people
had wheels instead of feet--for no obvious reason.

Okay, so you were expecting maybe the "flying" version
of "It", like the Lizardmen(*)-type guys used in the
Jonny Quest cartoons? That's prolly second generation.

I figure the next think Kamen will come out with will
be a large, boxy, but fast moving robot with tread
feet and pincher-claw hands and a light bulb on the
top of its head. The one with the hinged lower jaw
that opens when it speaks.

The future *is* cartoon technology.

(*)actually not the "Lizardmen". Just guys dressed up
like lizardmen, but in a different, not lizardmen
episode.

--
$
There is no nu-monet there is only Zuul.
$
"What I love about truly pathetic people
is they always think they can ARGUE YOU
into liking them." -- Joe Cosby

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Original file name: 'IT' revealed - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:29