Random Sentence Prophesizing

From: thefridayjones@hotmail.com (Friday Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.friday,alt.slack,alt.magdalen,alt.slack.sputum
Date: Sat, Apr 6, 2002

This one's a doozie:

Fifteen-year-old "Bob" stabbed his mother to death and then retreated
to the basement of the family home, where he was later found reading
the Bible and chanting, "Kill the Devil."

(And yes the name "Bob" is in quotes because he's a juvenile criminal
being mentioned under an alias!!!)

From Kids who Kill, pg.85

And remember, find YOUR daily prophecy by picking up the nearest book
at hand, opening it and random and reading the first line that your
eye alights upon!

---

All I ask of Thee, Lord
is to be a drinker and fornicator
an unbeliever and a sodomite
and then to die.
- Claude de Chauvigny
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v4.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

nu-monet v4.0 wrote:
>
> Friday Jones wrote:
> > And remember, find YOUR daily prophecy by picking up the
> > nearest book at hand, opening it and random and reading
> > the first line that your eye alights upon!
> >
>
> The nearest book which just *happened* to be there, no
> doubt by the influence of the great COSMIC RUMBALL
> Himself, was "The Art of Caribbean Cooking", by Yolande
> Cools-Lartigue.
>
> I opened it to page 91, and instantly saw my Munchkin
> Prophecy of the Day: "Fried Cabbage" WITH MSG!
>
> I can but assume that GODLIKE THINGY ITSELF has CHOSEN
> me to carry out his work in the world! For I am the
> SWORD of the AXE of the GUN of the MOST HIGHEST CABBAGE
> HEAD EVEN THAN THE OTHER CABBAGE HEAD DIETIES!
>
> The FIRST THING I must do, therefore, is to GET FRIED!
>
> And though it is prolly not a very wise thing to do when
> FRIED, I have been ORDERED to engulf copious amounts of
> Caribbean Cuisine! though it may burn the tongue out of
> my head and make me shit flames on the 'morrow as my
> bowels have turned to water.
>
> Interpreting the recipe liberally, it then says that ALL
> WEALTH SHALL GO TO THE HIGH PRIEST OF THE CABBAGE GOD!
> AND HE SHALL MAKE A SERIOUS GO OF EXPLANDING AND ENLARGING
> THAT WEALTH AT THE NEAREST INDIAN CASINO!
>
> And, that the WORD of the GREAT CABBAGE GOD shall go forth
> in the world, I AM ALSO COMMANDED TO RECRUIT SOME HOOKERS
> who shall only be paid if they don't pass out from my
> priestly concoction of SACRED GIN AND ROOFIES once they
> have serviced my instrument of SACRED CABBAGENESS!

Damn! I'm a one man history of Catholicism.

--
Toynbee Idea in Movie 2001 --
Resurrect Dead On Planet Jupiter --
J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)

>Prophesizing is not a real word.

Yes it is! I saw it one a vending Machine in the Men's Room of a local Bar.
MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"Just think, the next time I shoot someone I could get arrested!"

Lt. Frank Drebin, "The Naked Gun"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Geo" <geovoice@earthlink.net>

"dyskolos" <dyskolos@menander.org> wrote in message
news:3CAFFDF6.F7B3B122@menander.org...
> Prophesizing is not a real word.

Neither is Farkelberry, but I still use it:))

Rev.Geo, master of anti-language.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "palimpsest" <angkorw@temple.com.plex>

"dyskolos" <dyskolos@menander.org> wrote in message
news:3CAFFDF6.F7B3B122@menander.org...
> Prophesizing is not a real word.

If good Friday says it, that's good enuf for me.
(next time ya 'r.s.p.' a dictionary, you may be very suprised.
ECCO's in the house.)

prophe-sighing,

'imp'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v4.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

James T. Rex King of the Monsters wrote:
>
> >And remember, find YOUR daily prophecy by picking up the
> >nearest book at hand, opening it and random and reading
> >the first line that your eye alights upon!
>
> OK, her is mine:
>
> Using a apiar of Snap Ring Pliers, remove the Piston Ring
> Snap Ring from the Piston.
>
> From Chilton Repair & Tune Up guide for the Chevy S-10
> Pickup, 1982 to 1987.

Man, are you gonna have some *sore* nipples.

But if that's what Jesus wants you to do...

--
The future is either
AgriPetro-Mercantilism, or
Globalist Darwinism.
Choose.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

"I Love To Dream About Turning Into A Lobster!"
from Weekly World News

Sorry, best I could do. The actual bookshelf is across the room and the other
nearest thing was a Webster's Collegiate dictionary, which would violate the
spirit of the thing. I tried that for a lark and came up with Mnemosyne, the
goddess of memory and the Muses, fathered by Zeus, but that's a bit too bizarre
when I'm also quoting Janor Hypercleats.

Besides, I'm already a bit of a crab, so its not that big a leap.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
"I hate everyone "Bob," but I hate you a little less."
"That's good enough, Janor."

My dog is worried about the economy
because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
That's almost $7.00 in dog money.
- Joe Weinstein

"There is no mystery prize;
they just made it up
to make kids work harder for no money."
- "Invader
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Geo" <geovoice@earthlink.net>

Heh, the closest book to me is the "Diablo II ultimate strategy guide",
please assimilate the following:
"somewhat like the Paladin's Thorns, this spriit reflects damage done to you
back on the enemy."

I LIKE IT!!!

Rev.Geo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: SubGenius Spice <SGSpice@safe-mail.netnoise>

[That is, at the position of "what now? we know it's not ascending",
we still have a decision, but now there are only two possible
outcomes; either the sequence is descending, or it is neither
ascending nor descending.]

-programming business applications with microsoft visual basic 6,
pg 223

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org>

RevEl wrote:
> So I picked up the book on the desk at my elbow, which
> is "The Man in the Queue" by Josephine Tey, opened it
> and read, "So how should he do it?"
>
> Damn. Look for answers and all I get are questions.

Okay, I got this from the book I always keep on my desk:
"Also, since below the Abyss Reason is Lord, let men seek by
experiment, and not by Questionings." The Book of Lies
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sanfordandson40@hotmail.com (Kat Suit Model)

I got, "Rick continued pummeling away at her greased clam."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

"It may be a little frightening to think about our parents being
children."

From GRANDPARENTS A Special Kind of Love
a children's book stamped DISCARDED from the "Brampton Public Library"
and mailed to me anonymously by someone in Canada, with NO EXPLANTION,
presumably in an act of sheer bulldada. Anyway that was the only real
BOOK right at hand. I figure TurboTax instructions don't count.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected
(Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: Fax, call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3CAFFDF6.F7B3B122@menander.org>, dyskolos
<dyskolos@menander.org> wrote:

> Prophesizing is not a real word.

It's preacher's jargon for an obscure way of measuring the level of
gullibility, or in some cases nit-pickeddyness, on the part of the
"pew-packers" or, more precisely, of one given particular pew-packer.

You would have to be a practicing preacher and attend the occasional
preachercon to be exposed to this sort of slingo. It's akin to carny
and rock-n-roll jargon. Grew from pirate movies and pulp fiction, and
vaudeville portrayals of gypsies.

On Sun, 07 Apr 2002 00:06:15 -0800, dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org> wrote, in
alt.slack:

>Prophesizing is not a real word.

It is now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: temujin9@yahoo.com (Rev. Java I.Q. Matrix)

"The core of the Prince of Fate is a ball of iron hatred, coated in a
thick layer of icy optimism."
-- Heaven & Hell (Revelations III), from SJGames, pg. 37

I could go through a long breakdown of what this means, but I think its safe
to say that today isn't a good day to be a Pink in my presence. Unless you
grovel well; Kronos doesn't mind grovelers, and by Dobbs, he's as good a
ShortDurPerSavior as any.

Rev. Java I.Q. Matrix - temujin9@yahoo.com
retroediting the Symphony, just because

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Original file name: Random Sentence Prophesizing.tx - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:06