The Time Machine - the movie (again)

Date: Wed, Dec 12, 2001 9:53 PM

From: Modemac <>

Of course, as the old joke goes, "Didn't I see this movie already?"

From: Derek Janssen <>
Subject: The Time Machine
Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 20:46:40 -0500

Yes, we've heard the horror stories secondhand, third-hand and

But now (previous hide-and-seek teasers aside) we have the solid
Ladies and gentlemen, you HAVE been warned:

...He's no Malcolm McDowell OR Marky Mark, now, is he?

Derek Janssen (who might actually *like* an Andrew Lloyd Webber
musical version)

First Online Church of "Bob"

From: nu-monet <>

> Of course, as the old joke goes, "Didn't I see
> this movie already?"

I downloaded the big version of the trailer, to look
for details. My first impression: "Gosh, did they
use outtakes from the new 'Planet of the Apes'?

Then I wondered how they would gut the social
commentary of the original. Let's see. The first
movie was very anti-war, so this one will be pro-war.

It was a very personal experience, so in the new one
he will have to blab about himself and "share" his
emotions with lots of people.

The idea of altering time itself was not very
threatening, though he was cynical about changing
the destiny of all mankind. So now he will be
terrified with the idea of altering time, but
optimistically convinced that he can make things
better in the past *and* the future.

The Time Traveler was a confirmed bachelor, so he
will have a girlfriend (check on this one, just
looking at the previews.)

The original movie took place in quaint, Victorian
England; they'll have to move it to the US, and try
to make it look like a quaint US version of
"Victorian US". This makes no sense, but it will
be idealized as all get-out. Notice the decided
lack of filth and dust in the past.

The first movie was played very straight, so they
will need a cheesy stand-up comedian (I'm thinking
the hologram guy), who makes lots of Jim Carey-
type facial contortions and cracks jokes.

The hero used to have short hair commensurate with
his time and place. Now he will have anachronistically
long hair. Check.

In the original everyone was English or Scandinavian,
excepting the Morlocks. It didn't matter. So they
will have to multiculture it up a bunch, and P.C. it
for effect. A wheelchair-bound Morlock?

All told, it will barely break even in the theaters,
the afficionados and critics will sneer, and it will
be relegated to the dustbin before sundown.

Let me know how accurate my guesses were.

There is no nu-monet there is only Zuul.
The Anti-Limerick, by nu-monet:

There was a young man with an orange,
Who kept that there orange for a month,
It didn't turn silver,
It turned kinda purple,
And that there was one spoiled orange.

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Original file name: Time Machine -- predictions.txt - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:09

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