waiting for the xists

Date: Mon, Feb 4, 2002 10:05 PM

From: xenu <mmmm@kkkkkk.com>

Each and every day I keep the slack going in my life hoping that this
x day will be the last.

The con seems to make the pinks more and more stupid by endlessly
feeding them shit that they happily eat up with that dopey grin that
seems to hang forever on there empty faces.

there inability to think for them selves is evident when they can't
seem to gather an intelligent thought with out quoting CNN or some
other News source and when you dare to question the motivations of the
media they just roll there eyes and call you weird simply because you
have dared to question the integrity of the endless corporate babble
that spews for the media.

even more evident is the way the youth seem to have absolutely no mind
at all just endless following one stupid fad after an other and when
asked to thinks they stair blankly and give a half retarded laugh.

so this why i say "BoB" dam it hurry up and bring on the X it ships!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nikolai kingsley <nikolai@broadway.net.au>

people have been saying this about youth since the time of Augustus
Caesar. so far, not a lot has changed, except the time between the start
of a fad and the end of a fad becoming a little shorter. the youth of a
culture are programmed to engender despair in their elders; it gives 'em
high blood pressure and helps 'em move on faster.

nikolai
---
i seem to be an expletive

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: xenu <mmmm@kkkkkk.com>

Just for FYI I'm 16

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nikolai kingsley <nikolai@broadway.net.au>

waaaal, maybe i'm generalising a little here, but in my view that makes
YOU the youth. were you lamenting your own behaviour?

nikolai
---
kids these days.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

>Just for FYI I'm 16

Good, we old wheezing Elder Silverback Subs need the extract of your fresh
young pineal gland. Why, Stang hisself is only making it because of the
exoskeleton the Sleestaks made for him after he gave them that last load of Pink
meat.

Just expose yer nipples and whiff this fropstick and lay on this cold table
face down next to the sluices. No, it won't hurt. C'mon, you don't want to leave
Mary Magdelan in charge of the Church. She'll kill off all the males and it'll
just be Connie's gig then. Wouldn't be the same.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
CEO, Gassy McMethane's Danger Cigars

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem
mihi dabis ad capul tuum saxum immane mittam.
- "I have a catapult. Give me all the money
or I will fling an enormous rock at your head."

"If you want me, you can find me,
left of center, off of the strip."
- Suzanne Vega

"The moose! The MOOOSE!!
Hurry! There isn't much TIME!"
- "Invader Zim"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Bryan J. Maloney" <bjm10@cornell.edu>

> Each and every day I keep the slack going in my life hoping that this
> x day will be the last.

I thought the first X day was the last and all the real SubGeniuses were
already taken off to a better place.

--
"A 'Cape Cod Salsa' just isn't right."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)

> Good, we old wheezing Elder Silverback Subs need the extract of your fresh
> young pineal gland. Why, Stang hisself is only making it because of the
> exoskeleton the Sleestaks made for him after he gave them that last load of Pink
> meat.
>

It's true, xenu. Being a young 'un is likely to garner more than less
respect in this church. My, can anyone here imagine attending an
X-day while in their sexual prime?! You're going to be a BIG HIT!

The only thing that'll make you BIGGER is if you're still actually
VIRGINAL!

I believe that'd send the Conneites into a wild lion-pride FEEDING
FRENZY!

:) -APLY

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: xenu <mmmm@kkkkkk.com>

well i attend a all boys school that virgin thing is a yes

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Fredric L. Rice" <FRice@SkepticTank.ORG>

One of the neat things about it all, though, is that you
_don't_ have to wait for X-Day. Give the Human Surplus
League a call! They'll help you. }:-}

--
Dial M: http://www.LisaMcPherson.COM
Dial F: http://www.SlatkinFraud.COM/
Dial R: http://www.RaulLopez.ORG/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

>well i attend a all boys school that virgin thing is a yes

Doesn't have to stay that way. Just pick a really cute one and give him your
pudding cup every day for a week. By Saturday, you'll be ridin' the Flesh
Torpedo to Whoo-Hoo Land like the elite do. This really works. If you can't find
no gurls and can't afford no rubber heiney, the Wild Pudding is your best bet.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> well i attend a all boys school that virgin thing is a yes

You poor bastard, that happened to me, too!

My high school was all male AND we had to wear fucking TIES.

The long-suspected race of FEMALES was seen at my school only after
school hours -- they came from far and wide from OTHER schools for our
esteemed DRAMA CLUB.

So guess what club I was in.

And I still didn't get laid until I was in college, and then I went and
MARRIED her, it was so hard to find one THAT COOPERATIVE, and I was so
thankful for the opportunity.

And this in the "SUMMER OF LOVE" years!

But I did wear big stupid glasses and try too hard... it's not
surprising looking back on it, but at the time I came real close to
killing myself out of loneliness and feelings of rejection. All VERY
typical, sadly. One never totally gets over that, unless one can manage
to become TRULY Pink.

Thus I am very sympathetic to the Young and the Laidless, especially
the Fat Ugly Short and/or Dorky. Until I find out they're ALSO
ASSHOLES, which is indeed the case about half the time. It took me a
long time to realize that conversely, half the time the NON ASSHOLES
are the tall handsome normal ones.

The important thing to remember is, NO MATTER HOW BAD THINGS GET, you
ONLY have to stay alive until X-DAY!! Which isn't that far off. This is
true of ANY AND EVERY SUBGENIUS.

There are probably some who will be lucky to stay alive until X-Day,
and I imagine that the travails of the lonesome nerd PALE in comparison
to their worries.

So DON'T POSTPONE SLACK!! When you're dead you "shut up like hell," so
make noise while you can.

Also, sex is half a status thing; only the opinions of the other humans
makes it seem so important. Just for relieving the poisoning of the
gunads, the jack off artist is actually the most honest artist of all.
When I was young it wasn't actual live sex with a real girl that I was
after anyway, so much as affection. I would have been happy to have a
girlfriend who would let me hold her hand and would bat her eyelashes
sweetly at me. That would have been enough jack-off fodder to last
months. Back then. Hell, nowadays, nearing 50, it takes either 50 mb of
alt.binaries.plumpers, or else Princess Wei batting her eyeleashes
sweetly for 5 seconds.

Also, YOU yes YOU are AUTOMATICALLY GUARANTEED INSTANT SEXUAL AND
AESTHETIC SATISFACTION with a complete set of ROMANTIC X-Day '98
videotapes, available only at Connivin' Ivan's Media Shack,
http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog.html

"FUCK" that P.O. Box -- "Bob's" "HOLE" -- with your "DICK" of MONEY...
and be COOL like a SYBARITE!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> Doesn't have to stay that way. Just pick a really cute one and give him your
> pudding cup every day for a week. By Saturday, you'll be ridin' the Flesh
> Torpedo to Whoo-Hoo Land like the elite do. This really works. If you can't
> find no gurls and can't afford no rubber heiney, the Wild Pudding is your best
> bet.

Huey, even at private schools, that only works for the Bush kids and
the Perots and the Ewings and the Spellings and the like. As I should
well know, god damn it. There's a glass ceiling even in elite buggery.

Classist pigs.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Bryan J. Maloney" <bjm10@cornell.edu>

> My high school was all male AND we had to wear fucking TIES.

That's a great way to generate several lifetimes of rage looking for a
target.

> Thus I am very sympathetic to the Young and the Laidless, especially
> the Fat Ugly Short and/or Dorky.

The best revenge for a dork is to breed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

>I would have been happy to have a
>girlfriend who would let me hold her hand and would bat her eyelashes
>sweetly at me. That would have been enough jack-off fodder to last
>months. Back then. Hell, nowadays, nearing 50, it takes either 50 mb of
>alt.binaries.plumpers, or else Princess Wei batting her eyeleashes
>sweetly for 5 seconds.

I'd ask for one of her eyelashes to clone, but I'm really sloppy in the lab;
the clone would probably have one eye in the middle of der forehead (and maybe
one on the BACk eeyeeww), cook poorly and mostly sit on the couch and drool, sic
semper potatus. She so fine, SIIIGH.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com


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