Real Sex Goddess Joins Church!

From: Carl Guderian <carlg@vermilion-sands.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack,alt.slack
Date: Fri, Mar 14, 2003 4:21 PM

REAL SEX GODDESS JOINS CHURCH!!

Dinner Party Erupts In Impromptu Devival

Local Musicians Joined For 24 Hours In The Sight Of "Bob"

(A "B"NN Insider Edition Exclusive!)

(Amsterdam) The next X-Day could find a real Sex Goddess at the controls
of an X-ist UFO now that the $30.00 of international author and sex
legend Xaviera Hollander is on its way to Church coffers.

Ms. Hollander organized a dinner party at her home to show off a
collection of Slovenian erotic paintings she had recently acquired.
Among the crowd of art dealers and random types were a few musicians and
four Subgenius ministers.

The Pope Of All Europe, David Black, cooked a wonderful chicken curry
for the 34 guests. No sooner had the plates been cleared away and the
art viewed, when the Pope conducted a Short Duration Marriage of two
local musicians, Liz and Igor.

Ably assisting the Pope were Rev Oddiofile, Pope Phil Monty (Northern
England and Mornington Crescent) and Rev. Carl X al-Hazmat al-Hazchem
el-Hajj. Per correct Churchly doctrine, business came first. Xaviera
handed Oddiofile her $30 to ensure her place among the Elect. Oddiofile
paid the Pope to perform the wedding, with one U.S. Dollar ( = 0.91
euro), which he promptly burned.

As clouds of high-octane 'frop wafted overhead, Oddiofile produced a
portable Dobbshead to serve as an altar. The couple kneeled before "Bob"
and pledged to give each other eternal devotion, sex and footrubs and to
be each other's stinkybears.

Our purpose served, Xaviera kicked us all out, whereupon the Subgenius
contingent Dobbsed up Legendz, Amsterdam's local goth bar (famous from
Tempe to Transylvania) and the Pope robbed a local one-armed bandit for
about 100 euros.

Selah.

Rev. Carl al-Hazmat al-Hazchem el-Hajj

--
I always cry at chemical weddings - Rose E. Cross

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From: prostata@bronze.coil.com (The Stinking Bishop Prostata Cantata MP)

In article <3E7239D9.493F5B96@vermilion-sands.com>,
Carl Guderian <carlg@vermilion-sands.com> wrote:
>
>(Amsterdam) The next X-Day could find a real Sex Goddess at the controls
>of an X-ist UFO now that the $30.00 of international author and sex
>legend Xaviera Hollander is on its way to Church coffers.

Ok... this IS the coolest thing I've heard all week.

cheers!

--
ItisbycaffinealonethatIsetmymindinmotion.
Thebeansbecomegrounds thegroundsbecomeespresso theespressoiscaffine
ItisbycaffinealonethatIsetmymindinmotion.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Modemac <modemac@modemac.com>

On Fri, 14 Mar 2003 17:18:36 -0500, prostata@bronze.coil.com (The
Stinking Bishop Prostata Cantata MP) wrote:
> Ok... this IS the coolest thing I've heard all week.

Second that erection. This has truly secured Pope Black a place of
honor in the annals of SubGenius History!

But, the real question is...WILL SHE BE THERE AT X-DAY?

--
First Online Church of "Bob"
http://www.modemac.com/

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: EdFred <ed_fred@REMOVEhotmail.com>

On Sat, 15 Mar 2003 00:19:05 GMT, Modemac <modemac@modemac.com> wrote:

>On Fri, 14 Mar 2003 17:18:36 -0500, prostata@bronze.coil.com (The
>Stinking Bishop Prostata Cantata MP) wrote:
>>In article <3E7239D9.493F5B96@vermilion-sands.com>,
>>Carl Guderian <carlg@vermilion-sands.com> wrote:
>>>(Amsterdam) The next X-Day could find a real Sex Goddess at the controls
>>>of an X-ist UFO now that the $30.00 of international author and sex
>>>legend Xaviera Hollander is on its way to Church coffers.
>> Ok... this IS the coolest thing I've heard all week.
>
>Second that erection. This has truly secured Pope Black a place of
>honor in the annals of SubGenius History!
>
>But, the real question is...WILL SHE BE THERE AT X-DAY?

shit, from what i heard its CARLS PANTS xavier wanted into!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: KRONOS <null@void.com>

On Fri, 14 Mar 2003, carlg@vermilion-sands.com wrote:
> REAL SEX GODDESS JOINS CHURCH!!

"The Happy Hooker" was a VERY important part of my education

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rene Claypatch" <frogert4@yahoo.com>

PRAISE "BOB" !!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Real Sex Goddess Joins Church!
From: "ICEKNIFE" <icNOekSPAMnife@lmi.net>

we need a specific honorific for those who bring weird celebs,
particularly sex professionals, porn stars, etc. into the fold.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Modemac <modemac@modemac.com>

On Sat, 15 Mar 2003 01:12:35 -0800, "ICEKNIFE"
<icNOekSPAMnife@lmi.net> wrote:
>we need a specific honorific for those who bring weird celebs,
>particularly sex professionals, porn stars, etc. into the fold.

That's easy enough. Just ask the INCREDIBLY NICE AND GENEROUS ARTISTS
OF ALT.BINARIES.SLACK to come up with a design for an award of some
sort, and think up a proper name for it. Something like:

"For his actions which have resulted in a tremendous Public Relations
Coup for our religion, the Church of the SubGenius does hereby award
POPE BLACK with the ORDER OF THE SACRED COW."

Or something like that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: glassgnost <dahacker@nospam.dslextreme.com>

On Sat, 15 Mar 2003 04:54:30 -0800, Modemac wrote:

> "For his actions which have resulted in a tremendous Public Relations
> Coup for our religion, the Church of the SubGenius does hereby award
> POPE BLACK with the ORDER OF THE SACRED COW."
>
> Or something like that.

How about "The Sacred Order of the HOLY COW!"?

--
Mystical Reverend Doktor glassgnost, Minister of Unnatural Selection
-- dahacker (at) dslextreme (dot) com --
Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money Back!
http://www.subgenius.com ...or KILL ME!

-- Male cadavers are incapable of yielding testimony.
-- Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices would be well advised
to refrain from catapulting projectiles.
-- Neophyte's serendipity.
-- Exclusive dedication to necessitious chores without interludes of hedonistic
diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.
-- A revolving concretion of earthy or mineral matter accumulates no congeries
of small, green bryophytic plant.
-- Abstention from any aleatory undertaking precludes a potential escallation
of a lucrative nature.
-- Missiles of ligneous or osteal consistency have the potential of fracturing
osseous structure, but appellations will eternally remain innocuous.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde" <rabbs@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack,alt.slack
Date: Sat, Mar 15, 2003 4:18 PM
Message-ID: <YTLca.60$T01.47615@monger.newsread.com>

"Carl Guderian" <carlg@vermilion-sands.com> wrote in message =
news:3E7239D9.493F5B96@vermilion-sands.com...
> (Amsterdam) The next X-Day could find a real Sex Goddess at the =
controls
> of an X-ist UFO now that the $30.00 of international author and sex
> legend Xaviera Hollander is on its way to Church coffers.
>=20
I knew where babies came from by the time I was four (and shocked the =
neighborhood by explaining it to all my friends), but The Happy Hooker =
was the true start of my sex education. There is much in that tome to =
be savored and retained. I owe much of my sexuality to her!

Just thought I'd throw in that thought for you folks to roll around in =
your brains...

--With love, the Rabbs
------

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Original file name: Real Sex Goddess Joi.txt - converted on Thursday, 29 May 2003, 16:37