From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Apr 22, 2002 3:17 PM
RECORD SWAG TAKE, BEAUTY AT INDYVIVAL
REV. GIRL-U-WANT named $waggart of the Year
Simply because the Quijibians are COOLER than anyone
else, I expected
the world's first Indyvival to be a FUN devival. But
I certainly did
not expect THIS Slack-imbued an atmosphere. Because
they have the best
taste in preachers, I expected the PREACHING to be good,
but I didn't
expect the audience to be THIS receptive. Because there
has never been
a big devival in Indiana, I expected a fair turn out
at the club and
decent sales at the Sacred Swag Table, but I SURE didn't
expect a
packed house and RECORD BREAKING sales.
After totaling up the $wag-take and dividing it by the
number of people
there, I determined that EACH PEW-PACKER had bought
an average of $8
worth of STUFF from the Church.
Only at DRAGON CON have we ever sold such volume...
and 10,000 people
attend Dragon Con.
The SubGenius Foundation and the Quijibo posse shared
a big sales
table. The Swaggartess on the Foundation side was REV.
GIRL-U-WANT,
sometimes aka SlackSlave, sometimes aka Rev. Thea. Lil's
fiancee. MY
GOD MAN!! Only *NOW* do I see what Lil has been planning!
How could I
have been so blind. This "Long March" is a
long range plan indeed,
starting with the stealing from Ohio of the Swaggart
with the Magic
Touch.
BUT THERE IS YET HOPE FOR THE MIDWEST!!
For Thea was WoManning only the Foundation side of the
swag table. The
other side, a display of all known issues of Quijibo,
had at its helm a
young Quijibian lady. A young lady whom the cagey Rev.
Cletus
Interruptus, her long time escort, has WISELY kept away
from X-Day
Drills, Sister Decadence and Dok Frop.
Shortly after things got started, Thea came over to
me and said,
"Stang, I just sold a Membership to quite possibly
the BEST LOOKING
WOMAN that this Church will EVER have in it."
That's a pretty bold statement. Think of Princess Wei,
or Astrobabe,
for instance. All I can say is, the newly ordained Sister
Rachel also
could NOT POSSIBLY have come from this planet.
In Saint Al Capp's comic strip of old, Li'l Abner,
there was a
character named Stupefyin' Jones. Stupefyin' Jones,
probably a relative
of our Rev. Friday Jones, was so good looking that she
was NEVER SHOWN,
so beautiful that not even AL CAPP, who could draw Daisy
Mae and
Moonbeam McSwine, would attempt to draw her. She was
the anti-Medusa:
so gorgeous that men who gazed upon her were struck
dumb in total
paralysis. She was used to foil men's escapes during
Sadie Hawkins Day.
The sight of her caused Li'l Abner's wooden shoe-soles
to come back to
life, and sprout roots -- roots that grew into the ground
so quickly
that he was held fast, enabling Daisy Mae to finally
catch him and
marry him.* These Space Babes...
It's like that.
Friends, SubGenius devivals no longer look like GWAR
shows, with an
audience of 1,000 Stangish-looking pudgy bespectacled
boys. We only
get 100 of them. But the SUBGENIUS BOYS, once they
finally get one,
have GREAT looking girlfriends, so there's also 50 DOLLS
at SubGenius
Devivals, albeit all TAKEN. And the Indyvival was particularly
awash in
Connietite FLESH. Oh my god. If a perverted old SubGenius
lad or
lesbian is into those slim model types, there were plenty
of those to
gaze upon enraptured, and if you're like me, a renaissance
man into
renaissance sized "plumpers," you'd be drooling
like a hound dog,
stomping one foot and howling at what was packed into
those TIGHT
outfits... ahhh yes, the Harvest... hoo dawgies... Oooh
la la... Sister
Decadence... Evangela... that new girl.... that other
new girl...
ngogngogngogn, be still my heart.
R. Crumb would be GREEN with envy if he knew what he'd missed.
Well, you can see where my head's at. In the Gutters
of Heaven, among
the Soft Round Things. To be fair I should say that
Pope Phred and Papa
Joe did their usual superb preaching performances, which
I'll have to
hear OVER and OVER while editing Hours of Slack, and
had GREAT SUITS.
Still, even Pope Phred's sartorial splendor and collarbone-breaking
rantsmanship was overshadowed completely by the charm
of Cleo, his
lovely fiancee. I was SO happy to see Pope Phred with
this wonderful
lady instead of that whiny girl that used to follow
him around,
"Andreoo" or whatever her name was.
I suppose I could say something about Saint N's spectacular
one-man
musicianship, which sure got me to dancing, in fact
it even inspired me
to undergo the Fake OverMan Mask transformation, and
wear that damn hot
rubber mask. But I'd rather ooohh and ahh about the
band's VOCALIST,
HELLENA. How can she possibly be so good looking and
still be able to
remember all those lyrics?
If there are any women who were at that devival that
I HAVEN'T
flattered and slobbered over, yet, believe me, it's
only because carpal
tunnel syndrome and lack of space-time are preventing
it.
I'm trying to give an accurate devival report, and that's
what I
remember best. All the BEAUTIFUL LADIES' SMILING FACES
and DANCING
LAIGS.
I met and talked geek with StAllio, whose very ear-ripping
mixes St.
Mykal has been posting to a.b.s. lately. When I first
saw him across
the room I thought he was Rev. David Lynch (our David
Lynch, not the
other, less notorious one that makes movies). Similar
beard-do.
As may be obvious, I was feeling much more rested and
refreshed than at
the recent Cleveland devival. ("Sleep is the ONLY
true narcotic." --
Philo) This time, Rev. Chris Lee, St. Mykal, Rev. Cletus
and that new
young guy, I forget his name, good camera man, they
had to run around
like chickens with their heads cut off and undergo Convention
Host
Syndrome to earn their Devivor Diploma. BUT!!! THEY
DIDN'T!!!
As befits their laid back beatnik reputation, the Quijibo
gang members
NEVER FREAKED OUT!! In fact even while coordinating
airport runs and
backstage lobotomies, they displayed a preternatural
calm that was
infectious. Or maybe that was just Dok Frop's Power
to Disorient
People's Minds at work. But at any rate, this devival,
and the general
jawing and partying before and after, had the most DELIGHTFUL
atmosphere!
I have just about never experienced such pure unsullied
GOOD VIBES at
ANY devival or X-Day Drill.
NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON hassled me. NOT ONE MENTALLY ILL
STALKER
blathered his pathetic mind games at me. NOBODY'S BEERY
BREATH was so
godawful that I wanted to start a temperance movement.
Everyone SPOKE
LOUD ENOUGH for even me to understand them. Every single
crazy
SubGenius maniac showed me GOOD MANNERS. The heckling
was perfectly
timed and judiciously applied. Nobody stole any of our
shit. The club
was a really NICE place, not a dive. The bathrooms smelled
FINE. The
antithesis of the Euclid Tavern bathrooms. The fine
historic Dollar Inn
where the Quijibiacs graciously housed us was PALATIAL
and had Cartoon
Network. And, there are White Castles all over Greenfield
and
Indianapolis. I can no longer use that material as food,
but it was
reassuring to know that Sliders were nearby, COULD my
guts handle them.
One of the most memorable experiences of my LIFE --
and Wei feels the
same way -- was the sort of brunch on Saturday afternoon
before the
devival, at the Broad Ripple Brewer's Pub. It was just
like an X-Day
Drill or, as Dok Frop pointed out, a typical SubGenius
Amsterdam
restaurant scene. The room was FULL of people and I
knew damn near
every single one of them by Church name... yet they
were from ALL OVER
THE COUNTRY, it seemed like. From neighboring states
anyway. For
instance Rev. Jim and his pals from Detroit, Rev. Pickle
from Chicago,
Doktor PissOff and Barbra Alien from Pittsburgh (just
a sampler)... it
was like an indoor Brushwood.
The pub DID swiftly move us into a special room away
from The Others
and then close the door. Some of us look and sound very
mild mannered
but others think nothing of blurting out a hearty "Fuck
"Bob"!" through
their mouthful of piercings and tooth modifications.
What else... the Youngest SubGenius Preacher, Rev. Alex,
and his dad,
came, but of course Rev. Alex couldn't enter the devival
because he's
only 15, but we stood around in the wind and yakked
for awhile outside.
These damn stupid LAWS... the state can force 15 year
olds to go to
SCHOOL, yet they can't DRINK?!? What kind of sense does
that make?
I did not have to kick Chris Lee's ass for flirting
with Wei, as I had
threatened, because I was able to instead kick his ass
with a
toast/brag in the Dolemitean tradition. Althoough the
sight of him down
there necking with my wife while I bragged about kicking
his ass for
flirting with her almost interrupted my carefully timed
delivery. I
wrote the brag in the car and typed it up on Chris'
computer when he
wasn't looking. He might want to extract that from his
documents folder
and post it, IF HE HAS ANY CAJONES.
During the Amateur Rant-Off at the end, when we had
open mike, and
hardly any drunks were going for it, Wei and I SANG
as a DUET our new
song parody, also written in the car, "You say
SubGeniuses and I Say
SubGenii." This is an utterly inside-joke, Bobbie-like
"filk" song that
we would never inflict on an audience during the "paying"
part of a
devival. I will be interested to hear the recording.
Princess Wei is a
singer in a folk trio and has the voice of an angel.
I have the WORST
known singing voice, at BEST, and I was very hoarse
from preaching.
It must have sounded REALLY REALLY REALLY FUCKED UP.
But, "anything for
a laff," "the show must go on," and "fuck
'em if they can't take a
joke," those are our mottos in the SubGenius Burlesque
trade.
I had a couple of brain-fart flashback confusion moments
because at
certain times it looked like an exact duplicate of the
recent Cleveland
devival. Pater Nostril, who is like family, was able
to escape West
Virginia again; he has became the world's fastest Giant
Dobbshead-and-Banner-hanger. Rev. Toth Wilder, one of
the fathers of
Ohio SubGeniusdom, brought a carload including the newly
very-slightly-renamed Rev. Steve Cynic. These people
are where MY Slack
comes from at these devivals, because they help pack
up all the
decorations and the Ed Strange Giant Pulpit and Jesus
Canvas "Bob" and
Giant Full Metal Dobbshead, the swag and tripods and
mikes and so on
without me EVEN HAVING TO ASK. GODS ON EARTH my friends,
ANGELS WALKING
AMONG US. HE-DEMONS VOMITED UP FROM HELL. One or the
other.
More like a sinister chortling devil was new Cleveland
Heights neighbor
iDRMRSR, "Mister Sister" when spoken aloud,
which name has led to some
confusion. Hardly anybody knows what he looks like and
whenever I
mention his name they go, "Now... uh... Mister
Sister... with a name
like that... is he, like, um, a, uh, "tee vee,"
one of those, EH,
trance jender-like folks?" Actually that's a good
question, come to
think of it. I have no idea why Mister Sister has that
name. He's about
as far from a TV as you can get, being a Dadful sort
of daddyio and
jolly Good Ol' Boy on first impression. It takes at
least 5 minutes to
figure out that he's so very fantastically twisted and
sick, possessed
of a sense of morbid humor that rivals Dr. Legume's,
although of a
distinctly different horrible pstench.
Whenever alt.binaries.slack-fux get together -- in this
case Pater
Nostril, me and iDRMRSR -- we always speculate about
how crazy our
FELLOW hard core a.b.s.-fux might be. And what they
LOOK like. iDRMRSR
and I have both met the mysterious Atom Funway in person...
if it was
really him and not a minion... but NO ONE knows if
"Fernandinande
LeMur" really even exists or is a committee somewhere.
The one blurry
photo of IMBJR was discussed. If you think about it,
most of the
a.b.s.-fux are behind so many layers of Secret Identities
that we don't
really know for sure if each other are male or female,
or even
mammalian.
I DID MEET MAGNA-3, though. He posted a lot of cool
audio on a.b.s.
last year and has been off-line since. He came to the
devival. He lost
his good Net connection due to changing jobs or something
like that,
but will probably be back to posting soon.
Magna-3 said that being "forced off-line"
turned out to be Involuntary
Slack, in that, while unable to post, he got a LOT more
creative work
done than when he was spending a lot of time on-line.
PERHAPS THERE IS A LESSON IN THAT!!
Whatever it was, I've already forgotten. I am still
a tad woozy from
the Devival and trip back. We drove, Wei drove rather,
and it's a
looong way, and it rained a lot. I cannot BELIEVE that
Princess Wei is
out in the world functioning. My every bone and muscle
-- such as they
are-- are ACHING, partly with Slack. It is COLD too.
Last week Northern
Ohio became HOT, and we took down the storm windows
and even set up
A.C. in the Bed Chamber. Now it has switched back to
London-like chill
and fog. But, I am excited and warmed by the prospect
of checking the
SG newsgroups for devival feedback, as well as by the
donated Mac and
CD burner which is cranking out Hour of Slack copies.
This will be a
GOOD WEEK. I will finish sorting the a.s. posts, I will
geek out
setting up the new office computer donated by the great
and handsome
St. Marc, I will get some Art Mines of new artists up
on SubSITE, AND,
I have the ACE digital video camera this week so I can
touch up the new
video with the NEW PO BOX, and start advertising the
hell out of it.
Wow, I will be sending the swag $-order to AUSTIN instead
of Dallas.
What a bold new century this is getting to be. Seeing
how EXPERTLY the
Quijibo clench is carrying on, and IMPROVING, the devival
tradition, I
as the Sitting Sacred Scribe -- sitting on the Throne
of
Excremeditation, the new Best of Quijibo issue in hand
-- am heartened
indeed for the future of our noble Church of the SubGenius.
SURELY
Dobbs will be made proud, and will GET OFF HIS ASS and
get this
gobbs-blamed X-Day Rupsture thing back on schedule.
THIS JULY!! SEE YOU
AT X-DAY!
ALL HAIL THE QUIJIBO CARTEL!!
This has been my testimony.
L'il Big Abner
* Interesting side note -- Princess Wei's mom was a
big Li'l Abner fan
and used to sketch Daisy Mae when she was pregnant with
Princess Wei,
idly thinking her daughter might come out looking like
Daisy Mae.
It's a DAMN good thing Wei wasn't born a boy, I reckon.
--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin,
TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The
Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: md_archangel@hotmail.com (mykal d'archangel)
On Mon, 22 Apr 2002 19:17:10 GMT, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
>Because there has never been
>a big devival in Indiana, I expected a fair turn
out at the club and
>decent sales at the Sacred Swag Table, but I SURE
didn't expect a
>packed house and RECORD BREAKING sales.
We're The Little Devival That Could.
>As may be obvious, I was feeling much more rested
and refreshed than at
>the recent Cleveland devival. ("Sleep is the
ONLY true narcotic." --
>Philo) This time, Rev. Chris Lee, St. Mykal, Rev.
Cletus and that new
>young guy, I forget his name, good camera man, they
had to run around
>like chickens with their heads cut off and undergo
Convention Host
>Syndrome to earn their Devivor Diploma. BUT!!!
THEY DIDN'T!!!
>
>As befits their laid back beatnik reputation, the
Quijibo gang members
>NEVER FREAKED OUT!! In fact even while coordinating
airport runs and
>backstage lobotomies, they displayed a preternatural
calm that was
>infectious.
Oh... there were moments... I think Dr Lee had more
of them than
anyone of us. But he had the pressure of being host
and hearder
of multitudes of people who had varying wants and needs,
while I
just had the pressure of making many things work all
at once
(which goes quite smoothly when people do what you say)
and
gettin people across a strange city. Cletus... I think
he had the
pressure of showin' up...
And making sure his girlfriend was still intact at the
end of the
night.
>What else... the Youngest SubGenius Preacher, Rev.
Alex, and his dad,
>came, but of course Rev. Alex couldn't enter the
devival because he's
>only 15, but we stood around in the wind and yakked
for awhile outside.
>These damn stupid LAWS... the state can force 15
year olds to go to
>SCHOOL, yet they can't DRINK?!? What kind of sense
does that make?
Yeah - I feel badly about that, but there's not much
any of us
can do other than try to fight the power as best we
can. Indiana
is one of the worst when it comes to the liqour laws.
>I did not have to kick Chris Lee's ass for flirting
with Wei, as I had
>threatened, because I was able to instead kick his
ass with a
>toast/brag in the Dolemitean tradition. Althoough
the sight of him down
>there necking with my wife while I bragged about
kicking his ass for
>flirting with her almost interrupted my carefully
timed delivery.
Too bad he forgot to break out the ring.
>During the Amateur Rant-Off at the end, when we
had open mike, and
>hardly any drunks were going for it,
A gent named Pimp Daddy Supreme had a solid rant. I
hope we got
that on our recording.
>Seeing how EXPERTLY the Quijibo clench is carrying on,
!!! Sir, I have always enjoyed your sense of humor.
>ALL HAIL THE QUIJIBO CARTEL!!
I agree with this post.
st m d'a
-------------------
http://www.indyvival.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: stalliongsta@yahoo.com (stAllio!)
"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message news:<220420021517280710%stang@subgenius.com>...
> Simply because the Quijibians are COOLER than anyone
else, I expected
> the world's first Indyvival to be a FUN devival.
But I certainly did
> not expect THIS Slack-imbued an atmosphere. Because
they have the best
> taste in preachers, I expected the PREACHING to
be good, but I didn't
> expect the audience to be THIS receptive. Because
there has never been
> a big devival in Indiana, I expected a fair turn
out at the club and
> decent sales at the Sacred Swag Table, but I SURE
didn't expect a
> packed house and RECORD BREAKING sales.
>
> After totaling up the $wag-take and dividing it
by the number of people
> there, I determined that EACH PEW-PACKER had bought
an average of $8
> worth of STUFF from the Church.
hi boys & girls! i'm gracie slick.
...no, wait...
anyway, indyvival rocked, as people aplenty have already
said, so i
shouldn't have to go into that too much. the crowd
was awesome & my
shy ass even talked to some strangers! i only wish
there'd been space
for some of OUR swag on the sales table...
> I'm trying to give an accurate devival report,
and that's what I
> remember best. All the BEAUTIFUL LADIES' SMILING
FACES and DANCING
> LAIGS.
that wasn't the only memorable part of the evening,
but it did
certainly add to the overall air of slack.
> I met and talked geek with StAllio, whose very
ear-ripping mixes St.
> Mykal has been posting to a.b.s. lately. When I
first saw him across
> the room I thought he was Rev. David Lynch (our
David Lynch, not the
> other, less notorious one that makes movies). Similar
beard-do.
anyone who was intrigued by some of the "bootlegs"
i spun (e.g.
nirvana vs destiny's child or the cure vs missy elliot)
should do
themselves a favor & check out http://www.boomselection.n3.net
. no,
i can't take credit for creating them (well, i guess
i could, but it
was a "dj" set); but i am probably the first
dj in indiana to ever
play them for an audience. this is apparently a big
burgeoning scene
in the u.k right now (although the ideas have been around
for years),
so the web site can be a lot to wade through, but it
is definitely
worth your time.
i did play some of my own compositions, though (most
of them didn't
sound quite right due to technical difficulties); see
the urls at the
bottom of this post.
i agree; quijibo were extremely pleasant & easy
promoters to work
with. great people, them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: md_archangel@hotmail.com (mykal d'archangel)
Now dang it son - I *tole* you to bring stuff to sell,
which
meant you'd have to cram it somewhere for people to
give you
money for.
Maybe as soon as you ante up the $30, you'll understand
the true
nature of sales and the mysteries of the swag table.
st m d'a
-------------------
http://www.indyvival.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Quin" <quin00@earthlink.net>
Brothers and Sisters,
So pleased to hear you had a good time! OK!?
But damn it man! Did you see those pot holes on 67 or
not? No. Wait a
minute. You took a helicopter or a saucer.
YES. That Rev Alex stuff does suck.
I was the priest in the Nasa hat. The two girls I came
with ended up going
home with each other. I could only supply the roofing
nails.
Oh, screw it!
I hope you all come back now ya hear? Please bring extra
moon beams next
time.
Rev Quin
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
In article <3cc60fec.2826253@news.in.comcast.giganews.com>,
mykal
d'archangel <md_archangel@hotmail.com> wrote:
> On 23 Apr 2002 11:00:40 -0700, stalliongsta@yahoo.com
(stAllio!)
> wrote:
>
>
> >anyway, indyvival rocked, as people aplenty
have already said, so i
> >shouldn't have to go into that too much. the
crowd was awesome & my
> >shy ass even talked to some strangers! i only
wish there'd been space
> >for some of OUR swag on the sales table...
>
> Now dang it son - I *tole* you to bring stuff to
sell, which
> meant you'd have to cram it somewhere for people
to give you
> money for.
>
> Maybe as soon as you ante up the $30, you'll understand
the true
> nature of sales and the mysteries of the swag table.
>
Actually grabbing a table and covering it with stuff
is easy. But you
have to have your own Swaggarts. Our Swaggarts cannot
be held
accountable for others' accounting. It's just too complicated
under
Devival conditions, what with the noise and blather
and blood.
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