The Parable of Mary Magdalen and "Bob's" Pipe

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Jul 11, 2002 5:39 PM

In August 2001 Mary Magdalen fell gravely ill. A great evil was in her
bowels, turning them to fire, and her brain was fevered. The illness went
on for many, many days, until she had almost given up hope.

The human doctors were incompetent. Since she had no money, they gave her
nothing but powerful painkillers and told her to hope for the best and wait
it out. They could not find the reason for the great evil in her bowels.

Mary Magdalen lay close to death in her bed for many weeks, drifting in and
out of consciousness, unable to even look at 'frop or food. Only noodle
soup would stay inside her bowels.

Then one day she was awakened from a fever dream by a strange sensation.
Beside her bed there stood a shadowy figure. She could not see the figure's
face. All she could see was the glowing red disk of a lit Pipe, smoking
gently above her as she lay in her sickbed.

"Poor little 'fropper," the figure said in a smooth, deep voice. "You have
served me well and brought many souls to my side, I hate to see you in so
much pain." Then "Bob", for by now Mary Magdalen knew it was he, took the
Pipe from his mouth and offered it to her. "Here, smoke this and be
healed," "Bob" said.

Mary Magdalen knew the frightening tale of the man whose head exploded
because he once smoked the One True Pipe without "Bob's" permission, but she
could feel that this time was different. Because "Bob" offered it freely,
she was able to take the Pipe and smoke of it!

And Lo! She became more high than she had ever been from any cheap
Conspiracy 'frop analog. As she slowly exhaled the sacred smoke, "Bob" and
the pipe disappeared, but she stayed high.

The smoke did not cure her, as "Bob" had claimed. It took more tests and
more weeks for the Conspiracy doctors to discover the proper antibiotics and
end the sickness. However, it DID get her high and it KEPT her that way!

Mary Magdalen got high off the One True Pipe, and she never, ever came back
down.

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Original file name: The Parable of Mary .txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:39