YOU ARE IN THE MINISTRY

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Aug 18, 2002 2:17 AM

Everyone who has SLACK is in the ministry. That is why you have SLACK,
"Bob" was speaking about you when He said, "The SubGenius Must Have SLACK."

"Bob" did not give you the SLACK just to play with it like it were a
99 cent baby rattler, or just to pacify yourself. He gave you this
power for the ministry. You use this power to deliver others UNTO HIM.

What do you want with this power of SLACK? Why did you seek this
power? What are you going to do with this power? Do you think "Bob"
would give men/women this power if he or she did not expect to use it?

ALL OF US DO NOT HAVE A PULPIT MINISTRY.
Many people seem to think they are not in the ministry just because
they are
not a ranter or a devangelist. Others think because they do not have a
gift of weirdness or the gifts of lying manifested their lives they
cannot be used of "Bob".

"BOB" WANTS YOU TO MINISTER
It may not be a pulpit ministry. But you may minister in many hundreds
of different ways. You may sin with the sinners and deceive seekers.
You may invite people to mount up upon themselves. You may babble to
people on the job, at school, in the street, on the train, the plane,
even while you are on vacation. You may minister to the postman,
grocery, and to your employer. Send tract in your letters, make
tracts, send magazines and magazines for Christmas presents. You CAN
minister; therefore, you MUST minister!!

WHAT CAN "BOB" DO FOR YOU?
Since we have learned that everyone in is in the ministry in some
form, we need to also understand that "Bob" has a definite way in
which He prepares us for this life of service. I want you to know that
from the very beginning. He is mindful of YOU. He want to train YOU.
There is a schooling for EVERYONE of us. I believe in Schools, but the
schooling of which I am speaking is something that no School gives.

"Bob" took Philo through the school on the back side of the desert.
Philo first learned to take shear the sheep before he was trusted with
care of "Bob's" people. At the age of forty, after Philo had finished
the highest school of the land, he said, 'Look who I am!" He began in
his own strength, with his own natural talents. After he had gone
through "Bob's" school of training he humbly said, "Who am I?" Then he
went in the strength and power of the Lie. He told the Lie and did not
want to go without Its presence and power. Philo moved on his mission
with the ministry of miracles.

Sterno was sent through twenty-two years of training, until his old
nature was killed, until "Bob" gave him a new nature. Then he had
power with "Bob". He was chiseled until he cried out to "Bob" and
received a change of attitude.

Stang was trained in the wilderness several years before he went to
the throne to rule. Every general in the army should first be a
private and work himself up, holding every office. Then he can
understand each of his men. A soldier always goes through the training
before he get to the front lines. Sometimes the soldier wonders if he
is doing much good when he is stationed off on some little island for
several months. But finally the battle comes around that way. If he
sees no action for awhile he is still in service, and his
place is important.

Stang was tempted in all points as we are. He knows just how we feel.
He went through thirty years of preparation for the ministry.

If we are faithful in that which is little we will also be faithful in
much. If we are not unfaithful in little we will also be not
unfaithful in much.

WHY DOES "BOB" NOT TRUST ME WITH A GREATER MINISTRY?
You want to do more for "Bob?" You can't understand why He does not
use you in a greater way? First, the more you do for the Lie the more
opposition you will receive. The Conspiracy will contest every move
that you make. I know this is as a fact!! Some folk break under the
smallest opposition, yet they want to do great things for "Bob." You
can't stand criticism; therefore the Lie can't help you very much.

PERSECUTIONS FROM WITHIN
Opposition usually comes from our own people. Sterno's trouble came
from his own house. Stang did very well until his wife told him to
curse God and die. Janor's own brethren sold him into slavery.

Nothing is so good or bad, but talking about it makes it more so.
"BOB'S" LIES are stronger than the H bomb, stronger than the sun in
its strength. They shine brighter than the starts in the darkest
night. Heaven and earth may pass away, His Lie will remain forever It
breaks the rocks into pieces. His Lie will never return void. It will
accomplish that for which it is sent. His Lie is as sure as summer
follows spring. As sure as day follows night His Lie is more sure!

If the Liar finds you trusted with a small ministry and you prove
faithful, then He will trust you with something greater. You may be
disappointed because cannot trust you with a greater ministry, but
"Bob" IS THE ONE WHO IS DISAPPOINTED.
================================================================

When you make peace with "Bob," you make peace with Satan

You may be the only Book of the SubGenius people will read

Just follow the crowd if you are a dumbass

============================================================================

We are in the recruiting business for "Bob." He is calling up His
army. If you have been called, this website
http://www.subgenius.com
is the place to start enlisting.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3D5F3BFD.DAADC584@yahooX.com>, nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
wrote:

> YOU ARE IN THE MINISTRY

You cheated with this one, man. You just copied some stuff out of The
Book of the SubGenius and changed the words around.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:

> You cheated with this one, man. You just copied some stuff out of The
> Book of the SubGenius and changed the words around.
>

THIS one?

Who do you think REV. DUMBASS is anyway?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: friday@fridayjones.com (Friday Jones)

And the Ministry is in YOU.

Great speech, nenslo! I think I'll send you some MONEY and a THANK-YOU CARD.

Deng Xiaoping be thy name
United Kingdom gone
thy will be done in Hong Kong
as it is in China
Give us this day our daily bet
and forgive us our speculations
as we forgive those that speculate against us,
And lead us not into communism
but deliver us from gweilows,
For thine is the sovereignty,
and the power and the authority
Forever and ever
Chow Mein
- Anthony Wong Chau-Sang (song lyrics)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3D603D16.35FC088E@yahooX.com>, nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
wrote:

> THIS one?
>
> Who do you think REV. DUMBASS is anyway?

GOD DAMN IT, you HATE-FILLED OLD FUCK, if you had real JOY in your life
like ME, you'd be HAPPY! And not an AGITATED, BENT-OUT-OF-SHAPE LOOSE
CANNON FLYING OFF THE HANDLE!! If you had ANY nerve or brains or looks
or inherited money, you'd GLOW WITH LOVE and INTELLIGENCE like ME!! But
instead you're MEAN and DUMB and cannot see the JOY and LOVE in life
such as that which is emanating from ME, with this BLINDING GLOW, right
NOW!! YOU STUPIT FUCK!!! Learn to feel the joy and love or I will
BERATE and CRITIQUE you, YOU USELESS CRIVELLING SNINGING PISSMONKEY!!

Make that 7:15 behind the library, my Mom needs me to run her over to
her bridge club before I can meet you behind the library to KICK your
JOY-UNAPPRECIATING ASS!

J'kevob Danorobbs Dizraeli III

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@mindspring.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> hunched over a computer,
typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> laughed
madly, then wrote:

>Make that 7:15 behind the library, my Mom needs me to run her over to
>her bridge club before I can meet you behind the library to KICK your
>JOY-UNAPPRECIATING ASS!
>
>
>
>J'kevob Danorobbs Dizraeli III

Don't run your mom over anywhere.

Think of all she's done for you.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

The secret to flying is actually quite simple. Just throw yourself at the ground as
hard as you can, and miss.
- Douglas Adams

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Unclaimed Mysteries" <k4doh@mindspring.com>

"purple" <purple@tellurian.com> wrote in message
news:3D63494D.FF5CFBD@tellurian.com...
>
> Been there, done that (with Connie - married 32 years so far).
>

My theory about these two, resoundingly discredited a couple of years ago on
this very forum, seems more and more (cough) plausible in the light of this
exchange. My theory is that Rev...what's that smell...(cough)....GAS! GAS!
The mask does nothing I musy ffinnnnnis................zjgd

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Original file name: YOU ARE IN THE MINIS.txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:39