Subject: Question from newly ordained:

From: Rev nobody yet <group@here.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Oct 15, 2002

Is there a timeline for the Church of Subgenius?? Ya know who started it, major players, what happens when teh exalted Stang is dead? Seriously; who carries the torch when Stang is gone?
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From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

OH MY GOD! THE TORCH! I haven't even SEEN the torch since 1985!
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From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

That's what you get for scratching your hemorrhoids with it.

Her Ladyship Lilith
--
--=8=-- \m/ --=8=-- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ --=8=-- \m/ --=8=--
When I lick myself, it's usually just a little reward for a job well done.
-- Joe Cosby
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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev nobody yet wrote:

> Is there a timeline for the Church of Subgenius??
> Ya know who started it, major players, what happens
> when teh exalted Stang is dead? Seriously; who
> carries the torch when Stang is gone?

Oh, that's easy. Nobody. That way we erase all the humongous debts that the Church has incurred since its inception.

In its own way, it's like the Babtist Foundation of America or Enron, except that the Church beat them *both* out, by setting up an enormous and fraudulent tax evasion scheme and incurring HUGE losses without EVER having ripped anyone off or even showing a profit!

Or a prophet, natch.

Of course, all of the innumerable shadow corporations, called Clenches, each get to form their own Church, named "The Reconstituted CotSG", "The Post-Apocalyptic CotSG", etc., ad nauseum; EACH AND EVERY ONE OF WHICH CAN CLAIM THE *SPIRITUAL* DESCENT (but not the financial responsibilities of) the original Church.

And, of course, they will all be at each other's throats, trying to steal congregants and stuff and threatening lawsuits and trying to steal little bits of Rev. Stang's corpse or ashes or hamburger, whatever, to use as icons.

And, sooner or later, one of them will get a charismatic leader who will create a rigid hierarchy and spend a lifetime unifying and legitimizing the ONE TRUE VERSION of the CHURCH of the SUBGENIUS.

Then it will be onto ecumenical merges with other religious fanatical sects. Maybe a Kali cult or the Reformed Church of Stan, the Barbies or the Barneys.

But, on the plus side, maybe the world will be destroyed first.

--
"Flectere si nequeo superos, acheronta movebos."
("If you can't yield to the gods of heaven, then move with the
powers of the inferno.")
-- from Virgil's "Aeneid"
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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

The Torch. RIGHT. The Torch... it's... around here somewhere. I'm sure it's safe. It's, uh, in the basement, that's right, the basement, with the soul cannisters and stuff. It's fine. Just... burning right along... PEE YEW, just smell that ever-wafting Holy Smoke. Yep, that Torch is in able hands, not to worry. So are the Tablets. It's not like anybody would leave 'em in Jesus' garage in Arlen... and then forget about it when they moved to Austin... or some irresponsible thing like that. No, those sacred items are well secured right here in the old Vaults, yep, everything's just fine.

Look, what are you worried about anyway? When I die -- SAY, WHATS THE HURRY?!? -- "Bob" will just hire another Sacred Scribe. I think it would be #274 next. Whoop tee fucking doo. It's not like I'm the High Epopt. Basically I'm just the clerk that makes sure the domain names and the trademarks and stuff like that are kept up to date for the Dobbs family and runs the dummy company tax write-off.

The early history of the Church is spelled out in painstaking detail in Chapter 2 of The Book of the SubGenius. The credits pages of that and Revelation X are pretty accurate.

And where's that exaltation, anyway? I'm still WAITING....

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to
1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB
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From: IMBJR <imbjr@imbjr.com>

On Tue, 15 Oct 2002 15:03:55 GMT, "nu-monet v5.0"
<nothing@succeeds.com> wrote:

>And, of course, they will all be at each other's
>throats, trying to steal congregants and stuff and
>threatening lawsuits and trying to steal little bits
>of Rev. Stang's corpse or ashes or hamburger, whatever,
>to use as icons.

I shall be glad to offer you a piece of his testicles. You can wear it
on a chain about an ankle.
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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

SO IT WAS YOU.
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From: glassgnost <dahackerSPAMBLOCKED@socal.rr.com>

On Mon, 14 Oct 2002 23:02:52 -0700, Rev nobody yet wrote:

> Is there a timeline for the Church of Subgenius?? Ya know who started
> it, major players, what happens when teh exalted Stang is dead?
> Seriously; who carries the torch when Stang is gone?

Rev.RevvedVette whispers in my ear that Stang is Found-On-the-Road-Dead
already. Has been for years. What did you mean by "gone", anyway?

The only significant torchlike pstench in the reasonable future currently
detectable to my seventh nostril resembles methanol/nitro flames blasting
from twin pipes...

--
Mystical Reverend Doktor glassgnost, Minister of Unnatural Selection
-- dlindner (at) socal (dot) rr (dot) com --
Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money Back!
http://www.subgenius.com ...or kill me!

Still looking for the glorious results of my misspent youth. Say, do you
have a map to the next joint?
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From: friday@fridayjones.com (Friday Jones)

In article <151020021437013904%stang@subgenius.com>, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

>And where's that exaltation, anyway? I'm still WAITING....

I'm planning on giving you an exaltshaker for Xmas.

--
And they travelled up the hill. And when they reached the top of the hill,
they saw more hills, for these hills before them were the very same as the
hills of Larellieianelalellelelel. And Aragorn said, "Those hills are the
hills of Larellieianelalellelelel." And they walked down the hill. And then
walked up the next hill. And behold, they saw more hills.
- The Fellowship of the Ring (paraphrased by Robot Karate Man)

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Original file name: Question from newly .txt - converted on Friday, 13 June 2003, 22:40