Subject: Addendumb to the Geek Chart

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack,alt.slack
Date: Mon, Apr 8, 2002 12:23 PM

http://seapagan.org/pagan-hierarchy/pagan-hierarchy.gif

This is the specifically-pagan part of the geek chart discussed last
month, and is pretty funny. However, whichever geek designed this chart
proved its own geekery by getting certain things completely backwards,
such as isolating SubGenii as being looked down on by Discordians, and
having below us only ONE lower rung, the UFO contactees. From our point
of view, of course, we would be at the top of the chart looking down on
literally everyone else on the chart. Actually, we wouldn't be on the
chart at all since we aren't pagans. Only a pagan would be so myopic as
to think "Bob's" Church was a pagan thing. There is a smattering of
pagan/SubGenii, just as there are Christian SubGenii, Stamp Collector
SubGenii and SubJewnii. But then, don't the Internet SubGenii always
think that the Church is an "internet thing" that started there with
someone named BoB? And the swinger SubGenii think it started with an
orgy in Las Vegas. And the lawyer SubGenii think it started at Harvard.
The circus clown SubGenii all have heard that it came out of an
elephant's butt. The Stangian Orthodox SubGenii and the Drummondian
sects both think they were the first idiots to say Praise J.R. "Bob"
Dobbs EVER. Each brand of SubGenius filters it through its own
particular Idiot Filter.

I hate to admit that I am close enough to the pagan community to get
every single lame inside joke in this chart. Once again, I ocupy about
five completely opposing positions on this chart that should,
theoretically, cancel each other out.

On the other hand, the good news is, despite our lowly position on the
chart, I personally got paid more for ranting at pagans than did almost any of the top pagan speakers, at least at Starwoods, the biggest pagan "con". I know this
because I am now a voting member of the con that runs that con.
(I hope this doesn't make me ineligible for future prizes! Damn, I hadn't thought of that.)

So while the pagan geeks might have ranked us low on their geek chart,
somehow we end up ranking much much higher on both the Coolness and
Income charts. We, of course, are the arbiters of the Coolness chart.
But the income chart, hey, money orders talk louder than even bullshit.

You can always get the opposing viewpoint by tuning into one of those
Discordian syndicated shows on college radio, or going to one of those
Discordian night club shows, or bootlegging one of those Discordian
videos. (I know, I know, that's all too organized for Discordians,
chortle chortle t-hee t-hee) While they may dream of Eris, Connie WILL
fuck us ALL.

I shouldn't be mean, actually; three of the most famous leading lights
in the Discordian world -- RAW, Kerry Thornley, and Steve Jackson of
Steve Jackson Games -- are/were (depending on life-force status) die
hard SubGenius fans/contributors. So there ARE good Discordians... the
SubGenii who wrote the books that the other Discordians buy.

Side note: one of the other Starwood organizers is also the organizer
of the Cleveland Skeptics Society, where I will be "lecturing" on April
26, the week after the Indyvival. So, see, even Skeptics can be
SubGenii and neopagans at the same time.

That is how supremely hypocritical our religion truly is, Praise
Fucking "Bob."

"Bob" lets us take our religion *even less seriously* than the skeptics
take theirs. And if we ever took ourselves as seriously as pagans do,
Dobbs would blast us all individually from our shoes with lightning
bolts made of electrified nails soaked in rotting fish guts, the minute
we ventured outdoors.

So ya'll beware that shit and remember every second to Fuck 'Em If They
Can't Take a Joke.

Dang-fire it, I got up this morning BOUND AND DETERMINED to JUST FINISH
THE SWAG MAIL-OUT and move on to the art tweaking and not FUCK with my
email or the newsgroups. But NO I had to check my email. I'm only two
letters down out of 25. ARRGH. Oh well at least my cold is going away,
we're caught up on Hour of Slack, all the crises passed for now, and
I've only got about 30 more Slack filled chores on my to do list.

And you know, the funny thing is, in this case they actually are almost
all pretty Slack-filled chores! One of them is to dole out some of
these Slack filled chores to the three people who volunteered the last
time I bitched about the low grade worm-puke-like nature of our new
recruits these days. This has got to be the SLOPPIEST, LAZIEST mind
control cult EVER. But I will whip you pukes into shape. I will forge
Real SubGeniuses of you. When you leave my Zombie Entraining Academy
you will have Slack. You will wield your Slack against your enemy and
you will win. You will take away your enemy's Slack. But until then you
are pukes. You are maggots. Now repeat after me. This is my church.
There are many others like it, but this one is mine. (You know the
drill, continue.)

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Original file name: Addendumb to the Geek Chart - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44