Subject: For A.B.S. Arteests Regarding that Catalog Stuff - CafePressSales11-14.jpg (0/1)

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Date: Fri, Nov 22, 2002 8:13 PM

****
ATTN A.B.S.-FUX -- CATALOG, SWAG BIZ

11-13-02 (this part's a couple days old!)

So, I blithely started prepping, uploading and selling some carefully
selected super-cool SubGenius art vis Cafe Press. (FINALLY!) And the
stuff is starting to sell. AT A TINY LITTLE TRICKLE, but, that's
SubGenius sales. But you never know how any given two-bit publishing
scheme is gonna work until you try it. Last night Wei and I started
really looking at the sales reports, and lo and behold, we can view, on
the Cafe Press website secret private SubGenius Slack-Officer's area, a
list of each individual product order. We can see the NAME of the
SubGenius who ordered each thing.

BUT WE ONLY GET THE GENERIC NAME OF THE PRODUCT.

For instance, we sell 5 clocks. (We have in fact sold 5 clocks since we
started.) But it doesn't say WHICH clock. It just says "WALL CLOCK". We
can tell whether the damn thing has been mailed, but I dunno if it's a
HEART IGNITION Wheel of Connie Clock, an IMBJR "Flowering Slack" clock,
a LeMur "Psych 11" Clock, a Funway "Garden of Eden," or a "Bub" or
Wings of Slack (Vreedeez or Williams?)

Now each of those clocks is only marked up $3. And they're on sale now
so it's only $1 profit on them right now. The reasons somebody bought
the damn clock are two: they like "Bob" and they like the artwork on
that particular clock. The "Bob"-liking part is Church business, but
the art-liking part is where you the artist (me too actually) needs
payback of some kind.

I am pretty sure that every damn one of you in question has said on
actual paper somewhere, "Oh hell yeah, use the hell out of my art, if
you make enough money to send me any, then send some." This is
actually what I myself usually end up saying to fellow low-end
small-time zine publishers and half assed mail order geeks, ... A.C.E.
for instance. Usually the pay ends up being a copy or two of the
product. Like the pay for most bands most nights is enough to cover gas
expenses getting to the gig.

It's why we keep our day jobs. Only -- in my one particular case, this
IS my day job, such as it is. I'm glad it's me, and that somebody has
to do it, or all this great art would briefly flicker on a.b.s. and
then vanish. Rather than get exploited in at least some meager way.

What's driving me crazy is, I WANT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE PRODUCTS
FOR MYSELF! Wei and I have had to sit here scrolling down this amazing
window of, say, X-Day Ornaments, just SLOBBERING over 'em. We CAN buy
these at cost, and that's how we'll buy the ones that we would pay
artists in... a couple or 3 bucks under the retail price.

Here's what I'm afraid of. Everything's cool but at some point your
buddy says, "Wow, so what is your cut off all this stuff of yours that
Stang is selling?" And you say, "Oh, he's gonna send me some of the
swag. I already got this keen pog here." And then your buddy (or,
worse, spouse) starts braying at you for being such a jerk and helping
that jerk Stang get rich.

Well, like I said, I wish I could afford some of this stuff myself.
Actually I will probably buy that calendar of my art. I made that just
SO I could buy it. Totally a vanity item. But... I want EVERY SINGLE
MUG! I don't even know if these things really look like the virtual
examples in the catalog look. (Those appear the SECOND you upload a
piece of art and match it to the product -- the ones seen in the
catalog aren't photos of existing objects, but virtual representations
that look real.)

I can't wait for the clock that Mister Sister ordered to get there, so
I can see what one of the clocks looks like! (He lives down the street,
when living.)

The thing is, it doesn't cost ANYTHING to add a product to this Cafe
Press catalog. It does cost time, to do it right. Each piece of art
really does have to be individually prepped for almost every product
you're gonna use it on. Otherwise it ends up looking abyssmally stupid,
as the average Cafe Press site proves.

It's interesting to see what other people have done with Cafe Press.
Actually it's dull to see what the numberless idiots have done with it,
but I also found some very tastefully and originally done sites that
made sense and had the look of professional art about them.

I imitated those.

For the average Cafe Press site, a stoner or retarded New Ager has
cranked out twenty or thirty weird trippy looking mandala effects
patterns with cute sayings on them in Photoshop, at about 5x6 inches
and 72 dpi, uploaded that, and then applied that one all-purpose art
file to 1 of every single thing Cafe Press buys in bulk, imprints and
mails. And takes their cut from, the CLEVER CLEVER PEOPLE.

*******
11-14-02

OOPS! MY TARDATION!

I just discovered, I CAN tell which product somebody buys! On the
detailed sales report it gives a product number. I have to actually go
to the section in question and look up that number to see which design
it is.

I just went though and listed out everything that sold since Nov. 1.

I wouldn't owe any of you guys anything yet! Except Heart Ignition. His
45 Dobbsheads, which is on the back of the main Dobbshead shirts, helps
make those Dobbsheads more popular. And one LeMur shirt sold.

?????

It's all the same old stuff that's selling. Dobbshead, Wings of Slack,
Connie & "Bob". The Wings of Slack are the big seller next to the
Dobbshead.

Nobody is buying the fucking unbelievably coool and colorful mugs or
tiles, or flying discs. One lunchbox, the XDV one.

The stickers sell... they're $3 each.

Like those 6 clocks:

1 Logo clock
1 Connie & Bob
1 Bergdol Skull-Bomb
3 Wings of Slack, Vreedeez style

MUGS: All Dobbs Mugs except one Connie and "Bob" mug. No sales on that
great color work yet.

ONE tile. "Dobbsworld". (My very first Bryce picture... ironically...)

Sweatshirts? 2 of Bob/45

T-shirts? Bob and 45 Dobbsheads
1 Psych 11 Long Sleeve T by LeMur.

Travel Mugs? 1 -- Heiroglyphs

1 Fleece vest, -- Wings of Slack

3 Caps: all Wings of Slack, 1 Bob

Ski Cap: Bobfish, Wings one each

Connie and Bob ornament. (The ornaments are now out of stock! ) (!!)

1 45 Dobbsheads Small Poster
1 America After X-Day large poster

1 Pledge small poster

Well SHEEEE-it. Looks like I'm gonna be my own biggest customer!
So that's how Cafe Press makes their money!

So, lads, here's how we stand.

Nobody is buying anything but pictures of "Bob" and those damn Wings of
Slack, hardly. Somebody bought my oldest, crudest art piece on a tile,
and one of LeMur's oldest on a T-shirt. I guess the 45 Dobbsheads by
heart ignition seems like a deal. Well hell.

The Memberships are still selling as always. Those and the el cheapo
"Bob" mug.

Well... I don't have to worry about owing any of you guys any money yet
to SPEAK of. I am trying to get some swag-batches together, CDs and
stuff I can send as way of thanks until some of this stuff starts
selling.

Holler if you DON'T want me selling something of yours! Or trying to
sell it anyway.

At this writing I haven't yet sent out a mass announcement to our
mailing list, but I will tonight, so let's keep our prehensile toes
crossed and hope the Santa "Bob" smiles on us and the stock market
keeps climbing, and some suckers go for this swag.

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Subject: For A.B.S. Arteests Regarding that Catalog Stuff - CafePressSales11-14.jpg (1/1)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

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Original file name: For A.B.S. Arteeests - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44