Subject: Re: Attn Stang - Pink Alert

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jun 17, 2002 10:44 AM

iDRMRSR wrote:

> Drove by yer place on the way to my kid's. Looks like some herd of Pink
> clones are having a graduation party or something. Dang near run over
> three of their females x-ing the street. Might wanna be sure you got a
> Dobbshead with you if you venture out.

That was probably the "block party," which they have every couple of
months on this street in the form of a pot-luck dinner. We went to
it... we make a policy of appearing now and then so the neighbors will
have less to mutter darkly about. This way they can SEE us, and they
don't have to wonder. "Oh them? They're very sweet. He seems to be kind
of out of it and she sort of leads him around and tells him what to do.
He must be brain damaged from drugs -- he doesn't drink at the block
parties. Don't call the police on them yet."

Of course I DREAD going to these things. I'm still 2 Hours of Slack
behind and our house is a wreck and the last thing I wanted to do was
deal with these humans. Yet, I'm glad we do it now and then... as I'm
sure you know from your job, the SubGenius MUST be able to "pass" for
human. Besides, for all we know, there might be more SubGenii on this
block!

We bought this house, so it behooves us to be on friendly terms with
the neighbors if possible. So far we haven't got any ENEMIES that I
know of. There's one couple down the street who know who "Bob" is --
the big Full Metal Dobbsheads I have are visible from the street at
night sometimes, and this lady asked Princess Wei one day on the street
if she lived in the house with the "Bobs" on the wall. Wei said yes but
left it at that. At the party I talked to that couple but they didn't
mention "Bob".

As usual I ended up getting along best with the oldest, squarest
looking people there, who also happened to seem the least yuppified and
Pinkish. The old people at parties are often the only ones who are on
the same drugs as me. Coffee, prunes, hyoscyamine or Immodium-D and
maybe a little White Widow, whereas all the law abiding good citizens
are gulping down gallons of powerful central nervous system
depressants. I wish to fuck I still could. But instead, I'm stuck with
being the weirdest looking yet least drugged partygoer... awash in
irony, like Michael Landon lurking outside the prom in "I Was a Teenage
Werewolf".

Happy Fathers Day, belatedly. If Little Mister Sister didn't tell ya,
I'm doing it for him -- I'm sure he would.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Attn Stang - Pink Alert
From: nerv@rcn.com (Rev. Son Gohan)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:

>I'm stuck with
>being the weirdest looking yet least drugged partygoer... awash in
>irony, like Michael Landon lurking outside the prom in "I Was a Teenage
>Werewolf".

This disturbs me greatly. I mean, with all these signs of old age -
has even the mighty STANG begun to age and wither? Or will he manage
to tromp forth, in the fashion of those old basterds in the higher
echelons of Red China? Or...

OH DEAR GOD

*activates google*

YES!!!

GRANPA! From www.waltermillershomepage.com!!!!! A true example of the
Elderly SubGenius! And he, too, is not a human.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Attn Stang - Pink Alert
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Rev. Son Gohan <nerv@rcn.com> wrote:

> GRANPA! From www.waltermillershomepage.com!!!!! A true example of the
> Elderly SubGenius! And he, too, is not a human.

The specified server could not be found. Died of old age?

"You gotta shout, and make a lot of noise, or whatever, because when
you're dead, you shut up like hell." -- Jeroen van Braam

Oddly enough, despite my decrepitude, I appear to be able to stay up
later, dance harder, cloaca-fuck more prairie squids, and operate more
machines simultaneously, WHILE RANTING, and making it all look EASY,
than ANY of you WHIPPERSNAPPERS. Come to that, I ain't been seeing much
whip-snappin' lately a-TALL.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Attn Stang - Pink Alert
From: "Two Beans" <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>

> Come to that, I ain't been seeing much
> whip-snappin' lately a-TALL.

You ain't heard my new album yet, ya ol' bastid.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Attn Stang - Pink Alert
From: dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org>

If I ever got that plane ticket to x-Day you've been promising me for
years you'd hear spine-snappin'.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Attn Stang - Pink Alert
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Oh THAT! I think Byron has your plane ticket. You need to get that from
him, pronto. If he doesn't have it then G Gordon Gordon does. Sterno
said something about giving one of those guys that ticket, and your
"freroin". (WINK WINK)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Attn Stang - Pink Alert
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

I can think of 4 or 5 who mouth the words, but who can't carry the TUNE worth an
amphibian SHIT. Well, you DID say cloaca,
which in turn, made me think of R'J'lame. Now THERE'S a real cloaca for you.
Really runny.

I asked one of our UberGoddesses why she gave up being a full-time practicing
Pagan and she sagely said "Because I got tired of being expected to flop over and fuck anyone who came along, just because they said so." There's a lot of jabber about
"Slack" and time & space, but part of real Slack is picking a time that doesn't
shove Rolos up someone's nose with a knitting needle and space, of course, means there's a soft enough, BROAD enough place to sex a girl that size such that both may
enjoy it until it SexHurts. You know I am right. Hello? Hello?

There's a small lesson in there somewhere, but you're watching "Wheel of
Torture" and missed it. DUMBASS.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
My sense of perspective is running down my leg
like a Jack Russell terrier tearing after a dropped turkey leg.

"I form the light and create darkness;
I make peace and create evil;
I am the Lord that doeth all these things."
- Isaiah 45:7

I just know that something good is gonna happen
Just sayin' it could even make it happen
- Kate Bush, "Cloudbusting"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Attn Stang - Pink Alert
From: nerv@rcn.com (Rev. Son Gohan)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>Rev. Son Gohan wrote:
>>>
>> This disturbs me greatly. I mean, with all these signs of old age -
>> has even the mighty STANG begun to age and wither?
>
>"Mighty"?? "Begun"??

Yes, yes. Mighty in ways other than the fleshly strength, it is true -
but is not the cockroach mighty, despite its tiny scuttling ways?

The TYRANNOSAUR may have been mighty, but look what THAT got it. It
was a beast of burden for the Elder Things, and then DEAD.

>> GRANPA! From www.waltermillershomepage.com!!!!! A true example of the
>> Elderly SubGenius! And he, too, is not a human.
>The specified server could not be found. Died of old age?

My bad, it should be www.waltermillerhomepage.com - this is what I get
for typing it out and making assumptions. (And thus, an ASS out of
UMPTIONS. Who deserves it, the FUCKER.)

>Oddly enough, despite my decrepitude, I appear to be able to stay up
>later, dance harder, cloaca-fuck more prairie squids, and operate more
>machines simultaneously, WHILE RANTING, and making it all look EASY,
>than ANY of you WHIPPERSNAPPERS. Come to that, I ain't been seeing much
>whip-snappin' lately a-TALL.

We cain't be bothered, what with the angst and the TV and all.

Actually, you probably just have more experience points than us, you
old fart. And YOU came from the day when XP values came from THINGS,
not from "ROLE PLAYING".

And in modern games, you get THREE OR FOUR, not THOUSANDS! I swear.

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Original file name: Re- Attn Stang - Pink Alert - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44