Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)

From: "nu-monet v4.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Thu, Apr 11, 2002 1:35 PM

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> YA'LL ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS...
> But the SACRED P.O. BOX... the one in Dallas that's been there since
> God's birthday, the one that everybody memorized, the one printed not
> only in our published books but also in all the TEENY TINY ADS in all
> the books and pamphlets and old crumbling punk zines the world over...
> ...HAS CHANGED!

FREQUENTLY ASKED STUPID QUESTIONS (FASQ):

1) DOES THIS MEAN YOU ARE SHUTTING DOWN THE CHURCH?
2) YOU MEAN THAT *THAT* *WAS* A *REAL* POST OFFICE BOX?
3) DO I GET MY ETERNAL SALVATION OR TRIPLE MY MONEY BACK NOW?
4) WHAT IS THAT NEW POST OFFICE BOX NUMBER AGAIN?
5) IS THE NEW POST OFFICE BOX NUMBER STILL IN DALLAS, AT THE
OLD POST OFFICE BOX NUMBER?
6) DO I STILL HAVE TO ADDRESS MY MAIL IF IT GOES TO THE NEW
POST OFFICE BOX?
7) DO I STILL HAVE TO PUT POSTAGE ON MY MAIL TO HAVE IT SENT
TO THE NEW POST OFFICE BOX?
8) WHAT IS THAT NEW POST OFFICE BOX NUMBER AGAIN?
9) DOES THIS MEAN I SHOULD ONLY SEND MY $30 TO THE NEW POST
OFFICE BOX, ORDER SCATALOG STUFF FROM THE OLD POST OFFICE
BOX, AND SHOVE THE $3 FOR A PAMPHLET UP MY BUM?
10) ISN'T THE NEW POST OFFICE BOX AN EVEN FURTHER DRIVE FROM
CLEVELAND?
11) CAN I SEND YOU ILLEGAL STUFF THROUGH THE MAIL NOW?
12) CAN YOU SEND ME ILLEGAL STUFF THROUGH THE MAIL NOW?
13) CAN I STOP BY AND VISIT YOU AT YOUR NEW HOME P.O. BOX
ADDRESS?
14) WHAT IS THAT FUNNY BUZZING SOUND YOU HEAR WHEN YOU HOLD
YOUR BREATH FOR A REAL LONG TIME?

--
Toynbee Idea in Movie 2001 --
Resurrect Dead On Planet Jupiter --
J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: onan@subgenius.com (Uncle Onan Canobite)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote...

> THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION
> PO BOX 204206
> AUSTIN, TX 78720-4206

These are the end times.

- UNCLE ONAN

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: thefridayjones@hotmail.com (Friday Jones)

> These are the end times.

"Bob" wept,
Jesus fled,
those saucers
can't come
soon enough

---

A wise man once said, "If you are firmly rooted in the Tao, all the
forces of the earth may pull at you, and you will not be moved."
Similarly, if you are freely floating with the flow of Slack, you may
make a thousand journeys, and never feel the effort of a single step.
- St. Marc

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

onan@subgenius.com says...

>These are the end times.

Eh, I heard that 20 years ago when I was first "Bobbed," yet we've lasted
enough for "Family Guy" to horrify my Jehovah's Witness sister. We might just
make it to the point where "Anthrax Cat" cartoons appear on the WB after "Anal
Moon." Hey, it could happen. I mean, everything ELSE is happening.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way

"Corporations have been enthroned ....
An era of corruption in high places will follow
and the money power will endeavor
to prolong its reign
by working on the prejudices of the people...
until wealth is aggregated in a few hands
and the Republic is destroyed."
- Abraham Lincoln, 1861-1865

"Drop it in, don't CRAM it in!"
- "The Simpsons"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)

>YA'LL ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS...
>
>But the SACRED P.O. BOX....HAS CHANGED!

Praise Bob!

>THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION
>PO BOX 204206
>AUSTIN, TX 78720-4206

You just wanted to get closer to them Bush Twins! They have a line of Sailors
and Mexicans streached out around the Block every night while they "entertain"
them. Anna Belle Chung can never catch up with them!

Austin, where I saw DEVo on their NEW TRA tour and had a religous experiance
that changed my likfe forever, or for five minutes, I can't remember.
MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"Just think, the next time I shoot someone I could get arrested!"
- Lt. Frank Drebin, "The Naked Gun"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

> Spread the word... change the address of the Sacred PO Box in your
> missionary work... sigs... posters... reprints... tattoos...
> brandings...

I already have a small group of SubGeniuses who are busy rounding up
Bobbies and razor blades so we can start scraping up all those little
lik-n-stik ads. But we can't move forward until the new lik-n-stik ads
are ready. Let us know, thanks.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

You're giving razor blades to BOBBIES!!?? Nnnn, bad juju.....

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: UnitCLXXX@SputSouth.Com (RevEl)

Thought. If the old PO Box continues to forward, and we
can save it for perpetuity by funding it, there's no
need to remove all those little stickers. They're just
a grab-'n-comeon for new blood, anyway.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> >Roll that new number over on your tongue. "Two oh FOUR, two oh SIX."
> >"Two oh FOUR -- two oh SIX." Then in Texan: "AWww-sten TAKES-ess,
> >Sayuvin Fahv Sayuvin TOW OWE." (It's easier to remember in Texan.)
> ^^^^
>> So. Is it an "8" or a "5"?
>
> Sokay. I never really picked up a good Texas accent, either.

WOW! The instinct to say "75214" is still so deeply engrained and
imprinted in me by those whippings by "Bob" that even after
proofreading I didn't catch that!

Of course, as you know, 8 is pronounce "Ahyt" or "Ite" in Texan.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

> Of course, as you know, 8 is pronounce "Ahyt" or "Ite" in Texan.

It's like saying "I ate," only in one syllable. Try it, it's fun!

Next week, in *Learn To Speak Texan In 52 Lessons,* we'll work on those
pesky "uh" sounds.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

SPLR Ministries,
Western Japan <shinpath@gol.com> wrote:

> NO.... MORE ....... DALLAS????????????????????
> Lee Harvey Oswald is rolling in his grave with Jack Ruby and those
> annoying Seven Dwarf Illuminati.

See what I mean, though? With them gone, there's NOBODY cool left in
Dallas.

When I was a kid growing up in Fort Worth, the stock yards there really
STANK. But that's FANCY FRENCH PERFUME compared to what's been wafting
out of the North Dallas Country Club and places like that for the last
several years.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: Dave White <David.White@one.at>

Any details on the ghastly Thing That Will Happen to Dallas? And is this
stink out of North Dallas in any way connected? This is getting
curiouser and curiouser.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: royal709@37.com (Elvis Jesus Bond)

All those little adverts I pasted to the walls around Sydney
and Canberra...
http://www.angelfire.com/ut2/australia/bdoorbig.jpg

Well, time dies.

and those cryptic messages hidden in the clutter of
the houses of strangers...

http://www.angelfire.com/ut2/royal/fal1.jpg

Well, what can I say? Welcome to Austin!
Our favorite bumper sticker?

"It's not weird enough for me yet."
or "My other car is a bong"
or "MOO!"

http://www.angelfire.com/ut2/royal/capitolplane.jpg

(missed again!)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> These are the end times.

> - UNCLE ONAN

FINALLY!!! We've been WAITING for god damn long enough. Maybe this
will put a bug in "Bob's" ass about it.

The 1-888-669-2323 number is finally working. Magdalen was busy as hell
still unpacking stuff, but I was very happy to hear that their new
place is a lot bigger and nicer than the Dallas one -- which was
"homey". "Homey" like my old Victor Street house in Dallas was, when I
was doing all the Church biz out of there. Just a tiny bit cluttered
you might say.

About like my new own place is, come to think of it.

To tell the truth, 95% of our work happens over the Internet. The only
thing coming to the PO Box in Dallas was the occasional money order and
the VERY VERY occasional $1 for a Pamphlet or free info request. I have
gradually been urging people to send the art and sound related stuff to
me in Cleveland anyway.

BUT, we want to keep it at least forwarding JUST IN CASE that One
Important Guy with the One Sandal ever shows.

"There's too much stuffering in this agroculture." -- Onan

"There are no coincidences -- not when there's money to be made." --
"Bob"

"You are the center of a Conspiracy of Slack." -- Onan

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Friday Jones <thefridayjones@hotmail.com> wrote:

> "Bob" wept,
> Jesus fled,
> those saucers
> can't come
> soon enough

Well actually Jesus just got a better house, and I doubt seriously if
"Bob" has even NOTICED any of this yet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

HellPopeHuey
<hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com> wrote:

> Eh, I heard that 20 years ago when I was first "Bobbed," yet we've lasted
> enough for "Family Guy" to horrify my Jehovah's Witness sister. We might just
> make it to the point where "Anthrax Cat" cartoons appear on the WB after
> "Anal Moon." Hey, it could happen. I mean, everything ELSE is happening.

Yeah, I mean, Poop Dog on Nickolodeon -- Royal Jelly Enemas -- Face
Fucking Baseball Bats in the Ass... all the signs are in alignment.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

James T. Rex King of the Monsters <mshotz@aol.comnospam> wrote:

> Austin, where I saw DEVo on their NEW TRA tour and had a religous experiance
> that changed my likfe forever, or for five minutes, I can't remember.
> MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

Where I saw a Grateful Dead concert at the Armadillo and can't remember
it. VAGUELY remember the New Riders of the Purple Sage opening.

Sodium Pentothol is NOT a party drug... I was in the SP-hole that
night. 1972... jesus fucking christ.

I lived in Austin for that one year, at Jester Dormitory. GGGordon was
the obnoxious know-it-all hippie that worked at the camera store near
U.T. that I frequented, and I didn't even know it.

Just as Sphinx Drumond and Philo Drummond used to frequent the same
Fort Worth movie theater kid shows that my brother and I did, in the
EARLY 60s. But we didn't KNOW. A great Mercy of Dobbs no doubt.

So now the Jesuses are down there with the Geddyns, the Gordons,
Sphinx, Steve Jackson, Paco from fringeware, and numerous other
Austinian SubGenii. And the best Tex Mex food on the planet. Doesn't
sound all that bad. In fact I think I'm gonna put on some old pre disco
ZZ Top right now. Maybe that song about Jesus just left Chicago.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com> wrote:

> I already have a small group of SubGeniuses who are busy rounding up
> Bobbies and razor blades so we can start scraping up all those little
> lik-n-stik ads. But we can't move forward until the new lik-n-stik ads
> are ready. Let us know, thanks.

*BSOOMNL*!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

RevEl
<UnitCLXXX@SputSouth.Com> wrote:

> Thought. If the old PO Box continues to forward, and we
> can save it for perpetuity by funding it, there's no
> need to remove all those little stickers. They're just
> a grab-'n-comeon for new blood, anyway.

Naw, it COSTS to forward. And they won't actually do it forever.
Eventually we'll have to get somebody IN Dallas to collect the stuff
physically, once a month or so. Believe it or not that's now a hang-up
because we don't know a SOUL in that neighborhood anymore. (You were
there!) Well, one. But... well.

I mean, we still have friends in Dallas, but like El Diablo lives in
the suburb PLANO which is 1.5 hours from the PO Box.

Hey, I wonder if BUCK still has his box right near my old one...! One
way to find out...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Dave White <David.White@one.at> wrote:

> Any details on the ghastly Thing That Will Happen to Dallas? And is this
> stink out of North Dallas in any way connected? This is getting
> curiouser and curiouser.

I don't know and it's probably best if Jesus doesn't tell me. Plausible
deniability and all. I would guess that maybe They're just finishing
the job They started 29 years ago this November.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

I mean 39 years ago this November.

Good lord, it's accelerating geometrically, just like Pappy said it
would.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Hey Stang or Jesus! was Re: BIG BIG Church News! (really)
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Alliekatt
<alleykatzen@hotmail.com> wrote:

> Speakin' of lik'n'stik, I got my Doktorate from Cafepress all of four days
> ago, and sent off the postcard to the Sacred Mailbox on that day; could
> y'all stick in the P.O.Box updated ordination packet sheets of
> lik'n'stickers along with the card when you send it off? Seeing as I hit
> the cusp of the move with my $30...

Jesus... those lik and stick things... now that's a
scissors-and-rubber-cement job I would have LOVED back when I had
microscope-like eyesight.

This move was rather sudden and I have little doubt that it will be
YEARS before we get all that print crap changed over. I've only just
started on the online changes.

A guy has already volunteered to keep the box open (it's $100 a year)
... that Memorial Fund will be named after him.

I am trying to recuit The Last Old Buddy of mine who's still in the old
'hood to be the Monk Who Checks the Box every 9 1/2 weeks.

If any bored-stiff SubGenius with a layout program wants to revise the
Sacred Lick and Stick stickers -- perhaps now with BobCo Fontism -- you
would get your NAME in LIGHTS in Heaven or at least an 1/8th page
corner ad.


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