Subject: I Think We Scared Them

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 16, 2003 3:01 PM

On Monday I took some video masters to a professional video dubbing
place in Cleveland, probably the most established of such, to get these
old formats copied to new formats I can work with. The front desk gal
and the technician boy were both very friendly. I had to go over some
technical stuff with the techno boy. This meant explaining more or less
what it was he was transfering.

One has to be careful when leaving precious originals with print shops
and the like. I once got a call from a print shop in Dallas where I had
just dropped off the second Stark Fist tabloid to be printed. "We ain't
gonna be printing this kind of material. Yew better come over here and
get your originals, I mean QUICK-like, like in an hour, before we
change our minds and BURN them."

So I asked the techno boy if he had ever heard of The Church of the
SubGenius. He had not. Therefore I told him, "Well, it's not really a
church, it's a comedy group. Like Mad Magazine but... fucked up." Same
thing I tell cops when asked. He grinned and seemed to think that was
fine.

This afternoon, when I went to pick up the finished transfers, the
techno boy was not around and the formerly friendly front desk girl
seemed VERY nervous, brisk, and perfectly happy to get my credit card
number and have me out of there. Completely different vibe.

What did they transfer?

ARISE
MTV-SubGenius minute
SOMETHING NEW TO DIE FOR
X-DAY 98

Imagine if Techno boy transfered X-Day 98 FIRST. The titties would get
his attention, but by the denouement he's seen me standing NAKED in a
POND being pelted with insults because... "Where are the SAUCERS,
Stang?"

At that point he's thinking, "These are some FUCKED up hippies!"

Good. Good. Now imagine if he next plays "SOMETHING NEW TO DIE FOR,"
the great remix of our old videos by Sverre Kristensen. That video IS
scary. Sverre did a VERY good job. At this point video boy is catching
on that not only are these hippies FUCKED UP, but they've been doing
this for at least TWENTY YEARS and have gotten a shitload of media
attention that he somehow seems to have missed. (Much of it having been
foreign or after his bedtime.) And there's all this stuff about
killing and Charlie Manson.

THEN imagine if he puts on the MTV-SubG video. He would have to see the
slates at the beginning which clearly mark it as an MTV product though
"Doug Smith" (me) is listed as director. So now he knows that not only
have they been around forever but that SOMEBODY thought they were COOL
and gave them MONEY. The MTV-SubG think looks much bigger budget than
it is.

THEN he has to sit through ARISE and by then... well, he has to take a
couple of days off.

Actually I am pretty sure that the order he did them in was:

X-Day 98
ARISE
Something New to Die For
MTV.

So that's good too.

And he certainly MUST have called the sales guy and the desk gal in to
see this weird shit.

Maybe he and the Sales Pink thought it was all wild and wacky, and only
she was aghast and crossing herself fervently.

And when I walked in to get that box all she could think of was me
NAKED in that SWAMP.

Huh huh huh!

If I start inspecting the tapes and they all turn up blank, including
the masters, well...

That's what SubMasters are for.

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Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: Jeff Spicoli <dude@tubes.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:

> If I start inspecting the tapes and they all turn up blank, including
> the masters, well...
>> That's what SubMasters are for.

wouldn't they be SubG Masters or SubG Clones?

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Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: "Chas. 'Mark' Bee" <c-bee1@uiuc.edu>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:

>> And when I walked in to get that box all she could think of was me
> NAKED in that SWAMP.

Poor girl, can sexual dysfunction due to emotional trauma be far behind...?

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Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Jeff Spicoli <dude@tubes.com>wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>
> > If I start inspecting the tapes and they all turn up blank, including
> > the masters, well...
> > That's what SubMasters are for.
>
> wouldn't they be SubG Masters or SubG Clones?

Sort of... more like SubG SubMasters. Made entirely by sub-SubSlaves.
"Bob" is the only SubG Master. However he did paint the magnetic oxide
onto these ribbons of plastic to make them into the videotapes we see
today -- charged particle by charged particle. No camera was used. He
had to be very careful not to degause or demagnetize each particle as
he was gluing them down, and they all had to be in the exact right
place, and not upside down or sideways. And he did it BLINDFOLDED.

That's why the technical quality of portions of these tapes is not
super slick.

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Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: "Artemia Salina" <y2k@sheayright.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:

> That's why the technical quality of portions of these tapes is not
> super slick.

I've had a hunch that that was the case for a very long time, and boy
are my shoulders tired.

--
Research shows that reckless drivers prefer SUVs
over any other type of vehicle.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Chas. 'Mark' Bee <c-bee1@uiuc.edu> wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:

> > And when I walked in to get that box all she could think of was me
> > NAKED in that SWAMP.
>> Poor girl, can sexual dysfunction due to emotional trauma be far behind...?

Stockholm Syndrome, I WISH. She wasn't bad looking. But, you know,
probably Pink on both sides.

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Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)

>Stockholm Syndrome, I WISH. She wasn't bad looking. But, you know,
>probably Pink on both sides.

As long as she is Pink in the Middle!

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Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: "Chas. 'Mark' Bee" <c-bee1@uiuc.edu>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:

> Stockholm Syndrome, I WISH. She wasn't bad looking. But, you know,
> probably Pink on both sides.

Well sure, but I ask you, what's a Bride of Frankenstein without the
fun of assembly? Only way to get that perfect blend of alienation,
arrogance and irreverence without costly psychic surgery.

Sometimes ya just gotta make your own mutants!

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Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

> Poor girl, can sexual dysfunction due to emotional trauma be far behind...?

She'll spend the rest of her life like the guy in Fear and Loathing in
Las Vegas, knowing that somewhere in the world there are hippies in
men's rooms doing terrible things to each other and sucking on each
other's sleeves in the throes of some fetish he's never even heard of.

--

Macro: (n.) a series of keystrokes used to simulate a missing but
essential command.

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Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Joe -- that's the second time you've mentioned the sleeve. I suspect
you're SLEEVE-jonesin'.

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Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

>Joe -- that's the second time you've mentioned the sleeve. I suspect
>you're SLEEVE-jonesin'.

From where I'm sitting that's the second time the sleeve has CREPT UP
on me and DEMANDED to be mentioned.
It's all a giant liberal plot.

--

Libertarians are just survivalists who don't know how to survive.
- Niall

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Think We Scared Them
From: dinosaurbob@comcast.net (dinosaurbob)

Kill normal people! Kill normal people! Kill normal people! Kill
normal people! Kill normal people! Kill normal people! Kill normal
people! Kill normal people! Kill normal people! Kill normal people!
Kill normal people! Kill normal people!

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Original file name: I Think We Scared Them - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44