Stang on Columbia Shuttle

Earth -- they got off.They are much more serious than we SubGenius amateurs have been aboutgetting our own ships built, and I wish a lot more of my hard earnedtax money could be devoted to THIS way of killing people, FOR GOODEXPERIMENTAL (and unknown Top Secret) REASONS, rather than some of theother ways it's spent on.Those pilots know better than anybody how dangerous it is, and they doit anyway, perhaps because they'd rather die doing something thantalking about it. I'd rather just talk about that particular activity, myself. You won'tsee me on a fucking motorcycle much less a Year 2003 Space Rocket.Think of all the cool super-secret gizmos those astronauts got to foolwith while alive, though. Man. Hey, I just came up with a good paranoid scenario. The astronauts havebeen instructed to dump this mysterious cargo into orbit. One of themdoes some homework and discovers that it's a Doomsday Privacy-ErasingDevice that could easily be used by the Wrong Hands to enslave allhumanity under (FILL IN THE BLANK ACCORDING TO YOUR PARTICULAR CONSCARECROW). The astronauts confer and decide not to activate the evildevice. But one of them is of course with Them, the big Them, and hepulls a Death ray on the other astronauts. It's a stand-off. Then thebwoman astronaut who he knocked out COMES TO just in time to clobberhim from behind. There's a DRAMATIC FIGHT aboard the shuttle as it'scoming in for a landing.The good guys defeat the bad guy and have informed Mission Control thatthey are coming in for a landing with BIG NEWS that will shockeveryone.That's when They (in Washington or Langley) order the secret buttonpushed that makes the shuttle explode on re-entry, just as if a heatpanel or something had been damaged during takeoff. (Which had fakefootage of standing by, in case of just this contingency!)Hey, see, I'm just like a REAL conspiracy theorist now.

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Original file name: Stang on Columbia Shuttle - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44