YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT BAD.

You think I'm ensconced up here in my ivory tower with my hot looking, pliant wife and my endless supply of the finest Malaysian fropsticks. But it's more like this.

You know those cartoons where there's a river full of just-cut logs floating fast from the tree farm down river to the lumber factory, and there are these lumberjack guys leaping nimbly from rotating, slippery log to log, nudging the logs around with long poles with hooks. And usually some hapless cartoon character is also desperately trying to navigate the logs to get across the river to escape some foe. Well, I'm like that, skipping from treacherous log to treacherous log across the river as they speed downstream.

Only I'm not carrying one of those hooked poles, I'm juggling razor sharp scimitars and fired-up chain saws, 3 of each. And while I'm doing that, and leaping from log to log before they each spin under my footing and capsize me, I've also got this 7 foot long POLE balanced on the end of my nose and at the very top of the pole I have balanced a big stack of the fanciest chinaware plates imaginable, all decorated with gorgeous hand painted floral patterns and Dobbsheads. And there's a bad monkey sitting on top of the plates. And a maddening ITCH right between my shoulder blades that just won't go away, and my nose is running, and I'm about to have to sneeze.

But it beats working.

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Original file name: YouThinkYouHaveItBad - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44