From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Mar 24, 2003 11:34 AM
GOT-DAMMIT!!
I was at this hippie fest called Winterstar all weekend,
and it was a
fine little festival, but the PEACENIK HIPPIES kept
SCOLDING me for
turning on the TV to see what were the latest facts,
lies, pics and
bites.
Until last Wednesday, I hardly ever turned on the TV
except very
briefly at 7 pm most Sundays, and even then, usually
only to cuss in
frustration; my one fave show, Futurama, is always cancelled
or
pre-empted, as Fox's revenge on Matt Groening for making
them billions
of dollars in ways they didn't think of.
But since Wednesday I have been frustrated when the TV is OFF.
Now, I know as well as anybody, maybe better than most,
how slanted TV
news is, especially during wartime, so I'm not fooling
myself about
fooling myself. I am a propagandist so I study propaganda.
"Our propaganda is better than their propaganda."
There, there's a
SubGenius War Quote for ya.
Anyway. These hippies. They're all so anti-war that
KNOWING ANYTHING
ABOUT THE WAR is apparently considered "not being
here now." Well, I'm
damn glad I'm not THERE now. I sometimes felt like I
was the only
person there who was feeling a tremor in the Force.
Now, I am not exactly anti-war. Some wars are good.
My hippie peacenik
wife said, "When has a war ever solved anything?"
I said, "Maybe
America should have stayed out of World War II."
She saw my point. Her
family is Jewish.
I would LOVE to see Saddam's regime rubbed out; I now
wish Bush 1 had
finished the job in '91 when they were CLOSE. The warm
illusion of
democracy and hindsight makes these opinions feel almost
like they mean
something outside my own head.
Whether an invasion was the way to do it remains to
be seen, but now
that it's started, I personally "support the troops,"
that is, I want
to see them WIN. Even if it isn't quickly, which is
probably where I
differ with some folks. Once the battle is engaged,
all the political
stuff vanishes; there's just soldiers. Believe it or
not I really do
care about those soldiers. I was never in the military
but I spent over
a year writing and editing feature length documentaries
about the
Vietnam war, one IN VIETNAMESE. I was PAID WELL to sit
in an air
conditioned office in peacetime and be able to emotionally
identify
somewhat with soldiers of BOTH sides, Us and Them, and
I earned that
money.
It is NOT "just about oil" and even if it
was, I'm so disgustipated
with the willful ignorance and knee-jerk reactions of
some of my fellow
peace loving hippies that I am tending to ask lately,
inspired by The
Onion, "Well, just exactly HOW MUCH oil for HOW
MUCH blood?"
On the other hand, I was thrilled to see a fucking quarter
of a million
protestors tearing it up in NYC and elsewhere. The right
to protest the
wars to defend our right to protest, now that's the
Amerikee I was
taught to obey.
I study CNN and Fox and all that, and see the GIGANTIC
HOLES they leave
in the Hole Story. Not sure what's being kept OUT of
those holes, but
the guessing is the fun and horrific part. During Friday
and Saturday,
I know that part of what was kept out of the holes was
footage of
MASSIVE PROTESTS all over the U.S. 1400 arrested for
demonstrating in
SF alone, and until Sunday they managed to keep that
stuff down in the
subtitles.
But the anti-war people can be every bit as two-faced,
smug,
self-deluding and full of shit as any Fox News miniskirted
anchorwoman.
Willfully ignorant. "THE AVERAGE AMERICAN IS AGAINST
THIS WAR!" they'll
keep hollering, a statement which indicates to me that
THEY DON'T HAVE
JOBS. For if you have a job, and are forcibly thrown
in with the
average everyday American, you'll find that they DO
want to see the old
"regime change" and ARE behind El Presidente.
It disgusts me when either rich Republicans or jobless
antisocial
slackers claim to be speaking for "the common man."
I don't LOOK DOWN on the cowmanures exactly, but I don't
have to
believe in their shit, and I NEVER believe anybody who
claims to speak
for them.
I finally got home so I could watch the War news in
obsessive peace,
but I don't have cable TV, on purpose, and the REGULAR
broadcast
channels were all BACK TO NORMAL!! God damn dating shows
and Oprah
whining.
I ran across the street to where I figured my ACE neighbor
and the
Winterstar guest Wavy Gravy would be watching cable
news, but they were
GLUED TO THE OSCARS. Wei and I watched that for a little
while, but we
didn't recognize any names of any of the nominees and
had not seen a
single movie that had been nominated, so we went home
and read more
history that had been written by winners.
So now I'm back to my normal Monday, wishing it wasn't
quite SO normal.
Or so FORCIBLY NORMAL-APPEARING.
It's TRULY SURREAL, is what it is. For days now, whenever
I close my
eyes I see those endless loops of green cities burning,
and
pixel-vision traveling shots tracking across a barren
desert spotted
only by a line of tanks. Did I REALLY see Ollie North
giving canned
speeches as a Fox News spokeman? Was that really poor
Xanaxed-out old
Ted Koppel in a gas mask, wheezing in the back of a
hot truck? Could I
really have been seeing GERALDO RIVERA standing there
in fucking
Afghanistan, saying, "We're doing Afghanistan AGAIN!
Osama Bin Laden is
up in those caves there behind me, and this turbaned
old man is about
to tell those 1,000 troops where he's hiding. Back
to you Frank."
Like a long tedious dream.
So now I have to get back to the various things I left
undone, like 4
months of non-immediate email. All that PHP based money
making crap.
The taxes. OH FUCK I have to videotape an interview
with myself for
some documentary movie about Robert Anton Wilson.
AND I have to unpack AND get Hour of Slack out again
BUT I think what
I'm gonna do is sit here and copy over all the music
and rant
recordings I made at Winterstar, and FUCK THIS SHIT.
ESO and the ethnic
musicologist Halim el Dahb (I'm NOT making that name
up) premiered a
collaborative composition called "Obession with
Oil"... a recording I'm
eager to evaluate.
And I gotta do the ads and packaging for the 3 new SubG
DVDs that I
finished last week, when I thought they were gonna take
the borrowed
video camera back away from me.
They didn't. I actually knew they wouldn't all along.
I was using the
invented excuse of the Soon to Be Returned Borrowed
Camera in order to
motivate myself to learn a new skill and to get those
videos revised
and modernised.
I invent these deadlines, then convince myself they're
real, then knock
myself out meeting them. It's the Emergentile Way. The
imagined threat
of world war was an added incentive that I used this
time. Hey, it
works! The DVDs look infinitely better than the old
VHS versions and
will probably sell better too. I'll be kept out of "real"
employment
for YET ANOTHER MONTH.
This sort of self delusion has kept me out of "real"
employment, and
The SubGenius Foundation open and productive, for 20
years. "TO THINE
OWN SELF BE TRUE"? FUCK THAT SHIT. Be true to yourself,
and you'll
never get anything done. You'll just sit on your ass,
GRAZING.
To thine own self be A CONVINCING LIAR, that's what
I keep saying. To
myself.
PRAISE "BOB". Praise the soldiers and praise
the protestors. Praise the
rich assholes for giving all those soldiers and protestors
something to
do with their lives.
Whew, that's some cynical shit. But seriously, praise the soldiers.
They're the only ones who aren't just sitting or parading
around,
shooting the shit about all this.
I am BEHIND OUR TROOPS. For their sakes, let us hope
that "Bob" is not
LEADING them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> GOT-DAMMIT!!
It's really fucking NICE to be NICE, ain't it?
Well, FUCK 'EM ALL!
1) The warmongering politicals
2) The airheaded asshole hippies
3) The murderous motherfucking baby killers
4) The Moslem Empireist dickwad wogs
5) The other vandal peasant wogs
6) The French
7) The media whores
8) The Maoist Hollywood egophiles
9) The flag-waving po'bucker patriots
10) All you scum-spurting, shit-slinging,
saddle sore sucking SubGenii
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> I would LOVE to see Saddam's regime rubbed out;
I now wish Bush 1 had
> finished the job in '91 when they were CLOSE.
The warm illusion of
> democracy and hindsight makes these opinions feel
almost like they mean
> something outside my own head.
He should have had his ass kicked a long time ago, and
if we were REALLY
oppressing them then the whole mideast would be on their
side shooting the
shit out of US. They ALL want that monster gone, and
they know it, and
Prince AlFaisal certainly isn't putting up a fight because
the Saudi
leadership KNOWS what it's like to be a bunch of tribal
sand fleas in tents
with the bad guys trying to exterminate them, just like
the Kurds are now
with Saddam's regime.
What the irony IS, is that America and Britain are supposedly
fighting to
free a bunch of oppressed tribals that a hundred years
ago would have been
the enemy, the Lakotas and Zulus certainly see the irony
I'm sure.
Oppression is always a cover excuse for the real reason
for war, it always
was, from slavery to extermination, it doesn't matter.
It's about keeping
the resources flowing. The blacks and jews certainly
appreciate the effort
but there's something else there, and it has to do with
making sure that the
balance between the idealism that keeps relations warm,
and the jaded
bureaucracy that rules the resources, remains steady.
There is nothing
worse than jaded bureaucrats who manipulate idealism,
and no side is
innocent there; the point is to make the idealism that
works better for
everyone OTHER than the bureaucrats, win. Lesser of
2 evils I guess.
> It is NOT "just about oil" and even if
it was, I'm so disgustipated
> with the willful ignorance and knee-jerk reactions
of some of my fellow
> peace loving hippies that I am tending to ask lately,
inspired by The
> Onion, "Well, just exactly HOW MUCH oil for
HOW MUCH blood?"
I keep my demonstrable opinions to myself if they're not 100% educated.
> On the other hand, I was thrilled to see a fucking
quarter of a million
> protestors tearing it up in NYC and elsewhere.
The right to protest the
> wars to defend our right to protest, now that's
the Amerikee I was
> taught to obey.
Shit yeah. It should remain so, dammit.
Now that I'm REALLY working a job and making money,
I want to see a world
that runs smoothly so I can remain doing so. Let those
without incomes get
arrested, even if Bush was illegally elected. It would
be wise to vote his
ass out of office after this is all said and done tho.
And if that doesn't
happen, fuck the yankwankers, I'm moving to another
slightly less corrupt
place.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: zosodada@aol.com (Zosodada)
Stang ranted, "I am a propagandist so I study propaganda."
Some of the best US propaganda has, apparently, been
appearing in middle
eastern news journals. I've seen claims that Saddam
is dead, Uday is alive with
half his brains blown away, &c.
Stang:"...the willful ignorance and knee-jerk reactions
of some of my fellow
peace loving hippies [&c.]...."
One of the peacnik protesters on TV prattled on about
how Jesus said it's not
right to drop bombs near children. I must have missed
all the recent Jesus
interviews about the war.
Stang: "...' When has a war ever solved anything?'..."
Afgani folks are playing soccer on soccer fields that
were once used as killing
fields by the Taliban; listening to music, and even
playing it legally; and the
Afgani women can even go around with their faces hanging
out in public.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Zosodada <zosodada@aol.com> wrote:
> BTW, are you crippled?
He's a long-time Bay Aryan. That may be how you got the impression.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: zosodada@aol.com (Zosodada)
Stang 'splains, "He's a long-time Bay Aryan. That
may be how you got the
impression."
Well, actually most of the people I've known to prattle
on the internet so
prolifically and faithfully have been dependent on prosthetics
or otherwise
seriously physically handicapped -- supporting their
endless online time with
disability checks from "the Con" and big cash
settlements from possibly-bogus
accident lawsuits; eternally and clumsily typing their
angst-ridden, psychotic
fantasies into the public forum with pencils held between
their teeth or deftly
clenched between their toes. I figured that scenario
might explain it all --
the clumsy keyboard skills, the bad attitude, the obvious
drug-induced
impairment of the mental faculties, &c.
I was afraid I might garner the reputation as someone
who mocks the cripples if
I went too hard on him.
Fortunately, I don't have any reservations about garnering
the reputation of
someone who mocks longtime brain-addled, Bay Aryan,
sociopathic retards.
Fuck San Francisco. The only city more accepting of
people injecting their
plentiful heroin supplies in your expensive-but-ought-to-be-condemned
apartment
doorway than inhaling the sacred smoke of a fuckin'
tobacco cigarette on the
sidewalk. If you want oral sex there you have to either
be gay or willing to
travel all the way to Marin for the ocassional soccer
mom.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: no use <nodding@water.com>
"ICEKNIFE" wrote:
> I certainly do NOT want us to "win" this
war, I want us to pull our
>troops out because there's a damn impending impeachment
proceeding.
Ah HAH! You SEE!? We, with the help of the One True
God, drove the
imperialist filthy whoremongering drunken infidel invaders
back to the
Sodom & Gommorah from whence they came! We TOLD
you they were weak.
This day proves that whosoever shall hope to rise up
and be an overtly
murderous thug jackass in his region shall be able to
do so NOT ONLY
with the full cooperation of the doofii in the UN, but
also without
any serious risk of being thwarted.
You see, my sandy brothers-in-bombs, we have proven
that we CAN
PREVAIL over those who, in their immoral immorality,
do not even so
much as tear out the tongues of dissidents, execute
foul & sinful
women who appear in public with men who are not blood
relatives, or
stuff our political enemies into wood chippers feet
first.
The chief imperialist filthy whoremongering drunken
infidel invader
himself is now on trial for his crimes against Allah.
The nation of
sinners is crumbling from within. Now is the time to
beat your
ploughshares into box-cutters, O my droogy brothers.
Your flights
depart in 10 minutes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
ICEKNIFE<icNOekSPAMnife@lmi.net> wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> > Zosodada wrote:
> >> > >
> > > BTW, are you crippled?
> >> >
> > He's a long-time Bay Aryan. That may be how
you got the impression.
>
> way to encourage the dean sockpuppet, idiot.
Sorry; I guess was being insensitive, not even thinking
about Bob Dean
when I made fun of you. You two are in competition or
something, right?
Well, good luck to the both of you on that. It IS rather
a close race.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>> ICEKNIFE wrote:
> >
> > way to encourage the dean sockpuppet, idiot.
> >
> Sorry; I guess was being insensitive, not even
thinking about Bob Dean
> when I made fun of you. You two are in competition
or something, right?
> Well, good luck to the both of you on that. It
IS rather a close race.
OUCH!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: "ICEKNIFE" <icNOekSPAMnife@lmi.net>
> Well, good luck to the both of you on that. It
IS rather a close
race.
Nope, not even a little. But it COULD be.
Is that what you're requesting? HUH, SMARTASS?
BEG for it, Stinky.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Zosodada wrote:
> Well, actually most of the people I've known to
prattle on the internet so
> prolifically and faithfully have been dependent
on prosthetics or otherwise
> seriously physically handicapped -- supporting
their endless online time with
> disability checks from "the Con" and
big cash settlements from possibly-bogus
> accident lawsuits; eternally and clumsily typing
their angst-ridden, psychotic
> fantasies into the public forum with pencils held
between their teeth or
> deftly
> clenched between their toes. I figured that scenario
might explain it all --
> the clumsy keyboard skills, the bad attitude, the
obvious drug-induced
> impairment of the mental faculties, &c.
Hey, no need to get personal. Some would say you're describing ME.
It does *sometimes* seem that the ones who hate the
(any) government
the most avidly and full-time are the ones living on
its handouts. All
governments ARE liars and thieves -- ripping off their
constituents,
but, in so doing, at least accurately representing them.
You can say
that much for them. Bush and his pals living off us
taxpayers, and full
time professional have-nots living off us taxpayers.
It all balances
out, like the great Circle of Life. In the cosmic view,
Bush might as
well be a Commie, and dole recipients money-grubbing
capitalists.
If the Republicans are as full of shit as Iceknife says
they are,
they're almost as full of shit as he is.
In fact, it's people like Iceknife that remind me conservatives
AREN'T
so completely full of shit after all -- just as liberals
aren't. The
type of shit of which they are half full (or half empty)
doesn't even
differ all that much usually. In this respect, blathering
extremists do
each other a great service. The liberals have their
Rush Limbaughs
and the conservatives have their Iceknifes. As long
as there are both,
the protestors can all be traitors and the warmongers
can all hate all
brown people. And everything can be SIMPLE.
NICE AND SIMPLE. The important thing is to be RIGHT.
Am I correct?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: zosodada@aol.com (Zosodada)
Re.: ". . . clumsy keyboard skills, the bad attitude,
the obvious drug-induced
impairment. . . . "
Stang: Hey, no need to get personal. Some would say you're describing ME.
Zos: Have I stumbled onto an archetype? It's pretty
much an all-encompassing
set of descriptors. I fall into the intersection of
that Venn diagram myself.
Stang: It does *sometimes* seem that the ones who hate
the (any) government the
most avidly and full-time are the ones living on its
handouts.
Zos: Is that because they're the ones who threaten governments
the most? --
appeasement is arguably the biggest lesson in Diplomacy
101 over at the
community college.
Stang: All governments ARE liars and thieves --
Zos: Survival of the fittest. We're all descended from
a long line of liars and
theives. Primitive survival tools. Law of the jungle
and all that.
Stang: Bush and his pals living off us taxpayers, and
full
time professional have-nots living off us taxpayers.
It all balances
out, like the great Circle of Life.
Zos: Sure. And full-time professional have-not is a
pretty good line of work to
be in these days. Barnacles have it made.
Stang: In fact, it's people like Iceknife that remind
me conservatives AREN'T
so completely full of shit after all -- just as liberals
aren't. The
type of shit of which they are half full (or half empty)
doesn't even
differ all that much usually. In this respect, blathering
extremists do
each other a great service. The liberals have their
Rush Limbaughs
and the conservatives have their Iceknifes. As long
as there are both,
the protestors can all be traitors and the warmongers
can all hate all
brown people. And everything can be SIMPLE... NICE AND
SIMPLE. The important
thing is to be RIGHT.
Zos: Aften taking a shit the other day, I looked back
into the toilet bowl and
saw two distinct types of turd -- a light brown Shiloh
Farms 7-grain turd was
cuddling up with a Nubian chocolate nugget that could
only have been born from
a blood-red NY strip steak with greasy onions. Reminded
me of the fuckin' yin
and yang as it swirled around when I flushed.
Stang: The important thing is to be RIGHT... Am I correct?
Zos: Right, left... fascism comes in both flavors. In
FL it's right is might,
in CA it's right to be left. Still the same old shit.
If Gore were president
we'd still be warrin' with Iraq, only difference is
maybe Germany, France,
Russia and Canada would be in the coalition. It's not
that kicking Saddams ass
isn't justified -- it's that nobody trusts Bush II to
be in charge of this
kinda shit.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: zosodada@aol.com (Zosodada)
Asswipe leaks, "see? that's what I mean about "no
fucking talent of ANY kind".
You flame like a girl. Like a CANADIAN girl."
You flame like a big fat Frisco fuck, ya porksmokin' prig.
In another folder you're found compulsively posting the following text.:
"LA LA LA
HA HA HA"
What the fuck is that? Do you think that's macho? "LA
LA LA"?!? What a fuckin'
cunt-like thing to type. "LA LA LA"!
"A DICK IN YOUR ASS IS A DICK IN YOUR ASS IS A
DICK
IN YOUR ASS" -- Asswipe
Yeah, well I can tell you're speaking from experience in this regard.
"BYE!" sed fuck-cunt.
See ya. Don't let the uitgang hit you in your rancid ass-cunt on the way out.
And " PLONK!". . . ?
What the fuck was that? The sound of the exit doorknob
getting jammed between
your polyp-riddled puckerhole and your cuntly-fucked
cummy-cunt on the way out,
ya fuckin' fuck? I JUST WARNED you about that, you pathetic
shitcunt bastard!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: kysophan@yahoo.com (Mohamed the Raghead)
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> To thine own self be A CONVINCING LIAR, that's
what I keep saying. To
> myself.
And if you cant lie to yourself, who can you lie too?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: still no use <nodding@water.com>
"ICEKNIFE" wrote:
>So, you're Saudi?
O ye of laughably predictable stereotypification! In
order to keep
your chosen reality tunnel intact, it is critically
important that you
do not do Google searches which would lead you to information
indicating that a certain bugaboo in Iraq has, in the
last couple of
years, been lacing his rhetoric with Islamic fundamentalism
with
increasing frequency (kenneth). One would expect readers
of this
newsgroup to be sparklingly aware of religious imagery
deployed for
propaganda purposes. DO NOT read this story (or any
others like it)
-- http://www.arabia.com/life/article/english/0,11827,29541,00.html
--
about his receipt of a Quran written in his own blood.
Further, you should avoid other data about this same
guy offering a
reward of something like $20,000 to the families of
Palestinians who
die while killing Israelis. I would also suggest against
learning
about his recent (i.e. the last 10-ish years) building
of gargantuan
mosques enscribed with messages calling for the worshipful
to avenge
the wrongs done to Iraq by the *OTHERS*, or his belief
that harnessing
the pure, unadulterated hatred in the Islamic fundie
movement he will
be able to maintain his power that much longer.
Just keep telling yourself that he's REALLY a peace-loving
Buddha, and
would never, ever support terrorists or anything like
that. It can't
happen here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Back to "Normal"
From: zosodada@aol.com (Zosodada)
still no use nodding@water.com advises, "Further,
you should avoid other data
about this same guy offering a reward of something like
$20,000 to the families of Palestinians who die while
killing Israelis. "
I think it was $5,000.00 in US funds, but who knows
what goes on with the
Iraqi-Isreali exchange rate nowadays.
The guy you're addressing just thinks Hussien has a
really cute mustache that
he'd like to find on the other side of a glory hole
some day.
Original file name: Back to "Normal" - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:45
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