I've GOT ONE!

From: iDRMRSR <alexithymia@depression.org.east>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 25, 2002 9:39 PM

I got one! I just hung it on my wall. It looks really cool. I am so
proud of it.

Stang told me not to tell anyone, but after I saw it up on my mysterious
blank beige walls here in the East Side ward, I was simply busting my
buttons. Something about having to pay the artisan his share after I
bought it at the Indyvival.

Actually, I tried to hang it last night with that sticky putty crap. It
stayed up for a few hours and then KLAAAAANNNGG! slipped off the wall.
I hope this doesn't mean that I'm not WORTHY. I hope the 30 lb. hanger
I bought at W mart holds it up now. That'll be the true test.

I was going to mount it on the INSIDE of the toilet lid, where it
probably belongs, but that would have been uncomfortable for my morning
excremeditations. Besides, that's a little TOO Midnight Cowboy.

Well, I'm enjoying it, which is a lot to say for something you can't use
to masturbate with. But I'm honorbound not to say what it is. To think
that someone put on goggles or something and sweated in a hot Southern
state slaving to forge this object...that it was mysteriously
transported to Northern Ohio, where it remained unsold until fate
decreed that it travel to the swag table at the Indyvival...that I had
the requisite amount of Pink money with me to piss away. Wow. I'm
ready for the rupsture now.

[*]
-----

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From: friday@fridayjones.com (Friday Jones)

In article
<F463C99F51069160.15F57AB870855B50.BF5F42E52BD6CC0C@lp.airnews.net>,
iDRMRSR <alexithymia@depression.org.east> wrote:

>I got one! I just hung it on my wall. It looks really cool. I am so
>proud of it.
>
>Stang told me not to tell anyone, but after I saw it up on my mysterious
>blank beige walls here in the East Side ward, I was simply busting my
>buttons. Something about having to pay the artisan his share after I
>bought it at the Indyvival.
>
>Actually, I tried to hang it last night with that sticky putty crap. It
>stayed up for a few hours and then KLAAAAANNNGG! slipped off the wall.
>I hope this doesn't mean that I'm not WORTHY. I hope the 30 lb. hanger
>I bought at W mart holds it up now. That'll be the true test.
>
>I was going to mount it on the INSIDE of the toilet lid, where it
>probably belongs, but that would have been uncomfortable for my morning
>excremeditations. Besides, that's a little TOO Midnight Cowboy.
>
>Well, I'm enjoying it, which is a lot to say for something you can't use
>to masturbate with.

Try the left "port", if you know what I mean and I think you do.

I myself use the "prong" that sticks out from the lower left.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

In article <F463C99F51069160.15F57AB870855B50.BF5F42E52BD6CC0C@lp.airnews.net>,
iDRMRSR says...
>
>I got one! I just hung it on my wall. It looks really cool. I am so
>proud of it.
>>Stang told me not to tell anyone, but after I saw it up on my mysterious
>blank beige walls here in the East Side ward, I was simply busting my
>buttons. Something about having to pay the artisan his share after I
>bought it at the Indyvival.
>>Actually, I tried to hang it last night with that sticky putty crap. It
>stayed up for a few hours and then KLAAAAANNNGG! slipped off the wall.
>I hope this doesn't mean that I'm not WORTHY. I hope the 30 lb. hanger
>I bought at W mart holds it up now. That'll be the true test.
>>I was going to mount it on the INSIDE of the toilet lid, where it
>probably belongs, but that would have been uncomfortable for my morning
>excremeditations. Besides, that's a little TOO Midnight Cowboy.
>>Well, I'm enjoying it, which is a lot to say for something you can't use
>to masturbate with.

I thought you were gonna say it was the commemorative adamantium Sternodick,
but that would NEVER fit inside a toilet lid.

Um, you don't like things you can't masturbate with? Boy, you must have some
extra-special friends. I mean, um, *cough*, I have a FEW like that, but well,
um...uh.

I slipped off the FLOOR once, but I didn't go KLAAANNNGGGGG. We so weird.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Not Going Utterly Mad: Its Job #1!

"You know, it's not like
I *wanted* my car to break down."
- Shay, explaining to the police officer
why he was blocking traffic
on the overpass

"Its one a.m. and I'm out of saliva."
- "The Simpson

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>

"iDRMRSR" wrote

> Well, I'm enjoying it, which is a lot to say for something you can't
use
> to masturbate with. But I'm honorbound not to say what it is. To
think
> that someone put on goggles or something and sweated in a hot Southern
> state slaving to forge this object...that it was mysteriously
> transported to Northern Ohio, where it remained unsold until fate
> decreed that it travel to the swag table at the Indyvival...that I had
> the requisite amount of Pink money with me to piss away. Wow. I'm
> ready for the rupsture now.

could it be? has the dam broken at long last?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

iDRMRSR <alexithymia@depression.org.east> hunched over a computer,
typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, iDRMRSR <alexithymia@depression.org.east> laughed
madly, then wrote:

It's an OTTER.

I'm good at these.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"All's I can say is that I don't want the stupid CapitolOne card,
I want whatever sort of credit card the Vikings are using."
Kibo

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <8m5y8.158$Sm3.157450@news.uswest.net>, Blackout
<blackout@404infomagic.net> wrote:

> could it be? has the dam broken at long last?

Apparently, in order to BUY one, first they must hold one in their
HANDS, get the HEFT of it. Just seeing a photo of it bleeding, or being
frisbied aroiund Burning Man, doesn't impress these creatures. To get
their attention you have to wave it back and forth under their noses
and get them to SNIFF it. Then they sprout boners and would probably
pay TWICE what we're charging.

Did I mention that I always wear one under my preaching robes now,
directly over my heart? And that Ed Strange's giant pulpit is LINED
with them on the inside? That's as much for the POWER from the
RADIATIONS as it is from the protective nature of the cold hard STEEL.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

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From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
news:260420021230144290%stang@subgenius.com...

> Apparently, in order to BUY one, first they must hold one in their
> HANDS, get the HEFT of it. Just seeing a photo of it bleeding, or
being
> frisbied aroiund Burning Man, doesn't impress these creatures. To get
> their attention you have to wave it back and forth under their noses
> and get them to SNIFF it. Then they sprout boners and would probably
> pay TWICE what we're charging.
>
> Did I mention that I always wear one under my preaching robes now,
> directly over my heart? And that Ed Strange's giant pulpit is LINED
> with them on the inside? That's as much for the POWER from the
> RADIATIONS as it is from the protective nature of the cold hard STEEL.

kids nowdays is so durned used to holdin' LIGHTWEIGHT IMITATION CRAPOLA
in their hands they just hardly don't even know what is going on when
you show them a CHUNK of HARDCORE GOODNESS. "hey mister, this don't feel
all SHITTY-POO lahk them dobbsheads thay gots at KMAHRT"

maybe a "laying on of heads" is in order. just go up and SMACK 'EM with
it and scream BLEEDING HEAD GOOD, HEALED HEAD BAD!

maybe start sellin' the antidote to the psychotropic mucous on the
surface of the steel while we're at it

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: iDRMRSR <alexithymia@depression.org.east>

>>psychotropic mucous

P...P...P...sychotropic MUCOUS?????

[*]
-----

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From: SubGenius Spice <SGSpice@safe-mail.netnoise>

"iDRMRSR" wanted alt.slack to know:

>>>psychotropic mucous
>
>P...P...P...sychotropic MUCOUS?????
>
>[*]
>-----
>

BACON!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>

"iDRMRSR" wrote

> >>psychotropic mucous
>
> P...P...P...sychotropic MUCOUS?????

the only cure is to upgrade to Screen Backing 2.0.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: iDRMRSR <alexithymia@depression.org.east>

Hey, there Blackout.

An artisan with your skills SHOULD be able to take one of them things
and soak it in Epoxy to fabricate a toilet seat lid. I'd buy that for a
dollar!

I could be giving my Epopt a daily swirly. Think about how it would
dress up the average excremeditation chamber. The emanations could cure
your back while you are sitting, and Bob could lap up every drop of
stray liquishit and misaimed wee wee.

And the Pink visitors you have could say "Whassat???". That'd be
definitely WORTH something...

[*]
-----

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>

"iDRMRSR" wrote

> Hey, there Blackout.
>
> An artisan with your skills SHOULD be able to take one of them things
> and soak it in Epoxy to fabricate a toilet seat lid. I'd buy that for
a
> dollar!

I can do it. I don't think a dollar is gonna cut it, but if you're
serious email me and you'll be the first on your block to own one. Shit,
the first in THE WORLD for that matter.

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Original file name: I've GOT ONE!.txt - converted on Thursday, 29 May 2003, 19:17