Fellow Wankers: I AM CUMMING!

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 17, 2003 1:11 PM

The transfers of "Something New to Die For," MTV-SubG and "ARISE" from
the 1" masters look so fucking good... my god, I haven't seen those
shots this clearly since we were doing the final online editing. You
can DISTINCTLY see EVERY FEMALE in EVERY SUBGENIUS CROWD SHOT. I lusted
after every single one of those girls, in my heart, during the shoots
and the devivals, and it is so wonderful to see their faces again.
(It's real easy to crawl through, frame by frame, in these digital
formats.) Two of the gals seen in early footage became pro cartoonists
-- Marian Hensley of "Maxine" and Carol Lay of, well, Carol Lay.
Got-DAMN. Mmmm mmm mmm. Hot geeky female cartoonists. Oooh la la. Where
was I. Oh yeah. the cumming and the videos. Actually I have not
actually done the freeze-framing and wanking, but it's GREAT to know
that the video masters are SO CLEAR that I COULD. The CLARITY is what's
bonerizing me.

And I haven't even STARTED looking at the re-transfer of the S-VHS
master of X-Day 98.

However I am concerned that the SOUND is fucked up on "Something New".
In just a few random PARTS. Very puzzling. The PAL master VHS IS very
old. There's a lot of shot-replacing that I COULD do to that film....
very time consuming. Kristensen used crappy VHS dubs of our old stuff
in his remix and I could drop these new PERFECT copies in place... but
then they'd stick out like the sore dick I'll have once I start
recutting the X-Day stuff. Much later. That one's not on the front
burner. Or what we might do is remix it AND the XX and XXX-Day "slide
show music videos" (also already revised, with El Queso and St. N
music) AND the 5-X-Day video... as Modemac suggested to me, something
like that, with an almost Burning Man level of tittietry, that might
also be of interest to Something Weird or one of those off-broadway
distributors.

Gotta do the 6-X-Day SubSITE stuff first though. Making the history and
recording the history sometimes seem to cancel each other out, and
NOTHING appears to be getting done. It gets done, but after a huge time
lag.

I got a referral to see a physical therapist because I can tell already
that my hands are about to go paralyzed from too much time on the
keyboard and the mouse-clicking. But I CAN'T STOP!! I am CREAMING over
this video tweaking ability. It is A.V. Geek HEAVEN.

The reason I'm on alt.slack frequently lately is that my video program
is busily rendering long stretches of video to compressed forms
suitable for mucking up binaries newsgroups with. When my computer is
doing that, it can't do much ELSE besides text-based stuff like email
and this. I stopped compulsively reading websites about Iraq shit for
awhile.

Also, watching Bob Dean's online nervous breakdown coming to a
mini-crescendo like last night does my heart good. I'm sure there's
more to come. Baghdad Bob may be gone, but I have a feeling that Canada
Bob has a few more "media blitzes" in him yet for us. (I.e. dozens of
pissed-off one-sentence posts per hour to this one Usenet newsgroup.)
You can't hold a blind jackrabbit down once it's had a taste of that
methamphetamine intravenously. So to speak. In this case the "meth" is
me mentioning him.

I'm doing it again now. *On purpose.*

Just to watch what he does.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <170420031311384774%stang@subgenius.com>, Rev. Ivan Stang
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

>
> However I am concerned that the SOUND is fucked up on "Something New".
> In just a few random PARTS. Very puzzling. The PAL master VHS IS very
> old. There's a lot of shot-replacing that I COULD do to that film....

THE FUCKING FUX!!
HUMANS!
I take back what I said about them being better than animals. Save the
whales, lab test the humans I say.

YES there was something wrong with the sound. Upon carefully inspecting
it every which way I determined this morning that ALL the expensive
transfers I had had done were in MONO! Fucking MONO!! We busted ASS on
those stereo whiparound effects in ARISE! Mark Mothersbaugh busted
SOMETHING on the ones for the MTV SubG spot. Not to mention that the
X-Day footage is ONLY BEARABLE if the sound is good. That DUNCE KID
just couldn't be bothered to check the SOUND TOO. Fucking FUX!!!

So I call up the place and politely explain that I suspect there may be
a problem. The desk girl gives me the salesman who proceeds to tell me
"Why sir but that's STANDARD, of course, we mix everything so that the
same thing is on both the left and right tracks, that way if, say,
somebody's left speaker is out, they'll still hear all the sound."

Needless to say it was all I could do not to become instantly
apoplectic at this UTTER UNBLINKING BULLSHIT.

I pointed out, probably with steam rising off of my voice, that my
experience with video copying and duplicating was that you got a copy,
or a duplicate, not a remix, and that indeed when I buy things like VHS
tapes and DVDs, that they are mostly NOT in mono with the same things
on both tracks, but stereo, even 6-channel, so perhaps it was NOT after
all STANDARD to REMIX EVERYTHING DOWN TO MONO "IN CASE SOMEBODY'S LEFT
SPEAKER IS OUT!!"

And the punk had the nerve to tell me he'd call me back.

Well half an hour later I was on the phone to the credit card company
in the process of having the charge negated or whatever (I've never had
to do that before) when the FUCK called me back all polite like and
said I could bring the tape back and they'd re-do it. (For which I'll
have to drive across town twice.) And the FUCK had the nerve to say,
"Maybe next time we should specify mono or stereo..."

The standard issue man wants only to be proven to have been already
right. That first and foremost.

(And I was *right* about that sound being fucked up! WASN'T I!!)

I could have insisted they send a courier to tote the shit across town,
but that just adds ONE MORE HUMAN to the mix, and as my stalkers and
would-be collaborators have no doubt noticed, I prefer doing shit for
myself when possible. Precisely because of this sort of thing.

Actually, you know what it is? The Pinks in that office all want to see
the SubGenius videos again. This time they'll make copies for
themselves.

AHH! While I was telling you this TERRIBLY IMPORTANT news, a brand new
nice DivX copy of Codini's extremely creepy "Adventures in Teen Living"
(starring "Bob") finished cooking and popped out of the oven. Mmmm,
long video files smell so good when they're fresh right out of the
renderer.

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Original file name: Fellow Wankers- I AM CUMM.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:47