Goodbye

From: "Artemia Salina" <y2k@sheayright.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Dec 18, 2002 3:57 AM

Hello Mother and Father,

I am writing to you to tell you that this is the last time
that you will ever hear from me. Since my induction into the
Church of Subgenius my eyes have been opened to many truths.
Reverend Stang and Doktor Mister Sister have been counseling
me almost non-stop. They have explained to me that you are
EVIL, and that after this final letter to you, I must never
have contact with you again. You are EVIL because of the oil
that you squander and pollute the Earth with. You are EVIL
because of your shoulder-to-the-grindstone work ethic,
wasting your lives in the shallow pursuit of material
wealth. You are EVIL because of the pain and suffering
that your way of life causes the impoverished peoples
of third world countries. You are EVIL because you made me
clean up my room before I could go out with my friends.

I want you to know that though I HATE YOU, I'll always
love you. Don't try to find me; I'm very happy here
in my closet assembling Subgenius Wall Clocks and
other Swag. I have to go now because I have to
work on increasing my production or Reverend Magdalen
won't give me my daily carrot and alfalfa sprig.

I'LL BE GLAD WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.

Love, Artemia

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From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Artemia Salina wrote:
>
> Hello Mother and Father,
>
> I am writing to you to tell you that this is the last time
> that you will ever hear from me. Since my induction into the
> Church of Subgenius my eyes have been opened to many truths.
> Reverend Stang and Doktor Mister Sister have been counseling
> me almost non-stop. They have explained to me that you are
> EVIL, and that after this final letter to you, I must never
> have contact with you again. You are EVIL because of the oil
> that you squander and pollute the Earth with. You are EVIL
> because of your shoulder-to-the-grindstone work ethic,
> wasting your lives in the shallow pursuit of material
> wealth. You are EVIL because of the pain and suffering
> that your way of life causes the impoverished peoples
> of third world countries. You are EVIL because you made me
> clean up my room before I could go out with my friends.
>
> I want you to know that though I HATE YOU, I'll always
> love you. Don't try to find me; I'm very happy here
> in my closet assembling Subgenius Wall Clocks and
> other Swag. I have to go now because I have to
> work on increasing my production or Reverend Magdalen
> won't give me my daily carrot and alfalfa sprig.
>
> I'LL BE GLAD WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.
>
> Love, Artemia
>

Dear Cold, Cruel World,

I am writing to you to tell you that this is the last time
that you will ever hear from me. Since my induction into the
Church of Subgenius my eyes have been opened to many truths.
I see now why I have been persecuted my whole life, why you
hate me so much, why you try so hard to keep me down, and
why I never seemed to belong. It is because I am better
than you. I am better than your gods and your religions.
I am better than your philosophies and your politics. I am
a superior mutant and an abnormal. I have never belonged
to this world, surrounded by you goddamned untermeremensch
and it was only when my eyes were opened by "Bob" and HIS
Church, did I finally see the lack of error in my ways.
Oh, sure, you might think that I am going to commit suicide.
Now that would really be the icing on your shit cake, now
wouldn't it? But no. For you, no such luck. For I intend
to make each and every one of you swines commit suicide
instead. Now it may not LOOK like suicide, but it will be
suicide nonetheless. It may look like a "patriotic war",
where you throw your bodies onto the conflagration like so
many male lemmings, leaving your females to masturbate
themselves into a lonely, premature deaths punctuated with
unsatisfying lesbian encounters. OR it may look more like,
well, a vast number of male lemmings throwing their bodies
onto a conflagration like so many of themselves, still
leaving me to masturbate their females into premature
climaxes or something. Or, your whole freaking planet may
just blow up and I won't be on it SO THERE. Because I have
other plans, plans that "Bob" told me about and I believe
"Bob" when he says that I wouldn't be on this stinking,
festering, anti-mutant and anti-abnormal polluted planet
when he or some other galactic-class or better being
decides to put it out of my misery. SO THERE AGAIN.

I'LL BE GLAD WHEN YOU'RE DEAD,

nu-monet

--
Give me thank or kill me.
--nu-monet

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Original file name: Goodbye.txt.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:47