I WANNA BE PINK

From: "Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Oct 30, 2002 10:32 AM

Oh I'm so depressed my life SUCKS, I'm not getting laid, I have everything
but I prefer to be stuck feeling sorry for myself because it's so much
easier to COMPLAIN about shit and be a MARTYR instead of get my ass up and
do something DIFFERENT even if it's LAME because I'm too SCARED and LAZY and
PROGRAMMED to think at all for myself, and anyhow even if I start from zero
all the people who are richer than me and all the people who have done it
far longer than me are so far ahead now, and I'm getting older, and I should
have more than I have now, so why does it even matter, I need to think about
having stuff instead of dreams because it's too late to have dreams, but
stuff is just as pointless as dreams now and I'm still not getting laid and
oh what's the point, this existential catch-22 of the vicious cycle of ADULT
UNHAPPINESS is just making me SUICIDAL now, and since I'm so low and
SUICIDAL then I guess it's all a problem with my BRAIN chemistry because the
doctors say so, so here I'll take these MEDICATIONS to bring me up
artificially since I now have a diagnosable MENTAL ILLNESS that is caused by
whining, complaining, and worrying, a short term solution to life's problems
which ends up being the psychological equivalent of eating candy, sugar
cubes and syrup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner until I have type II
diabetes at the age of 25. Because it's all a RACE, see, it's ALL ABOUT who
has the most STUFF when they die because if you don't have STUFF then you're
NOTHING. And if I don't have all this MONEY and STUFF, then I'm WORTHLESS
and might as well not make an effort in being HAPPY even if it only requires
leaving my house to take a WALK because it's pointless since I want a car
but can only afford a bus pass and can't enjoy walking because it reminds me
of not having all the STUFF I WANT. And now...now...wow, the medication is
kicking in...oh, when did you want that memo? I love my job. Smile, we like
it when you smile too.

...

I'm TOO DAMN LAZY to GET SLACK and using just a little HOPE, just trick my
brain into being HAPPY, as it's far more familiar to trick it into being
SICK because that's what all the sick motherfuckers do around me anyhow.

Why be different? Fuck "Bob", and I don't need any Slack, I wanna be like
everyone else around me, I WANNA BE PINK!

alliekatt

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: twobeans@godhatesyou.com (Two Beans)

"Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<SXSv9.14452$FS5.8487@nwrddc04.gnilink.net>...

> I WANNA BE PINK!

I want big fluffy-feathered white wings growing out of my back so I
can fly.

-2B

"Being desirous of allaying the dissension's of party strife now
existing within our realm, [I] do hereby dissolve and abolish the
Democratic and Republican parties, and also do hereby degree the
disfranchisement and imprisonment, for not more than ten, nor less
than five years, to all persons leading to any violation of this our
imperial decree." -Emperor Norton, Emperor of the United States and
Protector of Mexico --San Francisco Herald, August 4, 1869

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)

"Alliekatt" <alleykatzen@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<SXSv9.14452$FS5.8487@nwrddc04.gnilink.net>...

> I'm TOO DAMN LAZY to GET SLACK and using just a little HOPE, just trick my
> brain into being HAPPY, as it's far more familiar to trick it into being
> SICK because that's what all the sick motherfuckers do around me anyhow.
>
> Why be different? Fuck "Bob", and I don't need any Slack, I wanna be like
> everyone else around me, I WANNA BE PINK!

Have you ever known an unhappy retard? Sorry darling, you were born
with a semi-conscious mind, and must now pay the price of your
treacherous thoughts. This country rewards the stupid and the
diabolically evil. And I'm telling you right now, it's too late for
pinkness.

Now, if it's GLORPNESS you're after, that IS always an option. But as
I told a dejected Sloth at XDV, we ain't vampires. It's not a bite
on a neck that transmits our disease. No no no no NO! It's a dick in
the ear.

I promise to ease the transition as much as possible. Really. I mix
a BAD-ASS martini.

-APLY

"Old Blue Eyes is back again. But he
was never here in the first place."
-The Eels

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: archetypepopstarserialkiller@hotmail.com (Jesus Fucking Christ)

Alliekatt said (a few days ago)
>
> > I WANNA BE PINK!

..and I depressed Alliekatt further by not spelling his(?)
name correctly. We here in The World of Pinkness regret this.

So, Alliekatt. You are 25? Relax. You have your whole pink life
ahead of you.

Do you live somewhere conducive to transporting yourself by bicycle?
It beats the bus all to hell! Besides, there is nothing like a little
exercise to bring that pink glow to your cheeks! You might be amazed
how it will raise your spirits to provide your own pedal power.

Don't be discouraged by that initial body reaction. It sucks! You can't
make it two blocks without hurting like a motherfucker and you swear you
will never touch another fucking bicycle in your life. Don't quit.
Next time go three blocks. At the end of a two weeks, you will be going to the
grocery store with your back pack and buying healthy food to cook.

Yeah, you might want to learn to cook.

Also, if at all possible, grow your own
stuff to put in that pipe. You may have to fight a lot of paranoia, but it's
money in your pocket instead of always handing it over to your friends.

Being pink takes patience and planning. I know these are tall orders.
It seems like only last year when I myself was 25. I couldn't plan my
way out of a wet paper bag. I had no patience whatsoever. I was too busy
being depressed. I didn't want to listen to anyone, let alone a PINK.

Just start with the bicycle thing. You'll see.

Yours in Pinkness,
hey did you notice that Jamaican-talking dude was absolutely right?

Back to document index

Original file name: I WANNA BE PINK.txt.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:47