Popess Lilith's Opening Devival Sermon

From: mitchell@Doesn't.Spam.Suck.interserv.com (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)

This is a "paraphrase" of the sermon I opened the Seattle devival with. I never
wrote it down and will likely (a) forget some of the things I *did* say, and
(b) add shit I DIDN'T say. Tough tittie.

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What good has Rationality ever done the world?

Two hundred and fifty years ago a bunch of philosophers, like Rousseau,
Voltaire, Mill, and Paine posited that the main cause of poverty and suffering
was the superstitions enforced by the religions of the time. Their belief was
that universal education would inevitably end the reliance upon religion to
solve everyday problems, and that within a few decades all people would be
free, equal, and comfortably well off.

We look back over the past two and a half centuries to see what good
Rationality has done us. And what are the fruits of Rationality? NUCLEAR
WEAPONS. ACID THAT FALLS FROM THE VERY SKY. THE SPICE GIRLS. ALT.SLACK! The
"cure" to superstition has left us even more fucked up than before. And how
about Rationality's promise to end superstition? We look about and see CRYSTAL
SUPPOSITORIES AND HOMEOPATHIC CAR AIR FRESHENERS. And, lest I forget to
mention, ONE *BILLION* CHRISTIANS. ONE BILLION MOSLEMS. A SUBCONTINENT OF
HINDUS. ENOUGH JEWS TO MAKE A DOZEN ZIONS. And, of course, thousands of
Johnny-come-latelies like People's Temple and Heaven's Gate.

Friends, if there is ANY lesson to learn from Rationality, it is this: To fight
bullshit, you gotta USE bullshit. And J. R. "Bob" Dobbs has the *best* bullshit
money can buy.

Still skeptical? We can't blame you; this is, after all, an Inherently Bogus
religion here. But allow me to illustrate.

Who here remembers the Harmonic Convergence? Supposedly, if ENOUGH Newagers
converged on ENOUGH "power points" across the planet, and all prayed and
meditated and chanted gibberish on ONE DAY, then the whole world would find
itself whisked into an age of peace and love and freedom and equality. Sounds a
bit like the Rationalism gambit, doesn't it? Well, as is pretty obvious by now
the Harmonic Convergence was a pitiful FAILURE. Why did a day of good
intentions have no impact? Was it because the Newagers were stupid fools? Well,
YES, they *were* stupid fools, but there's more to the story than THAT.

The Harmonic Convergence fell on the anniversary of Elvis' death. True fact.

WERE THERE ANY NEWAGERS AT GRACELAND THAT DAY? NO!!! Not a motherfucking one.
They were too busy huddling about Lake Titicaca to spare a single body to stand
at the Greatest Shrine ever built in North America by a non-SubGenius. By
neglecting to put a single person at Elvis' grave they DOOMED their pathetic
attempts at "visualizing world peace," and unmasked themselves as the dumbshits
they truly are. If only they realized that the spirit of America is more
Elvisian than Mayan!

For that matter, why is it that Jimmie Swaggert is better known than Joseph
Campbell? Given the influence that Campbell's *The Power of Myth* has had on
the Newage movement you'd THINK people would know his name, and yet more
people are more likely to recognize Swaggert, whose main contribution to HIS
religion is making an ass of himself while luring idiots into his televised
flock. You could mention the vast amounts of cash that Swaggert receives from
his followers, but that's merely symptomatic of the REAL reason: Swaggert has
SOUL. And Campbell *doesn't*.

Dear friends, J. R. "Bob" Dobbs HAS SOUL. He's got so much fucking SOUL that he
doesn't need a damn bit of YOURS. He doesn't need your soul, and he sure as
hell doesn't need your mind. After all, what good has a mind EVER done "Bob"?
No, he doesn't need your SOUL or your MIND--all he needs from you, tonight, is
YOUR MONEY.

With the MONEY, comes the SLACK. With the SLACK, comes the POWER. With the
POWER comes the Downfall of the Conspiracy, the Subjugation of the Pink, and
the Ascention of the Overmen! YES! YOU WANT THAT POWER. YOU WANT THAT SLACK.
AND WE WANT YOUR MONEY. So meet us at the sales table this evening and help us
chainsaw right through the bullshit--into the hearts of our enemies--and GET
OFF WITH "BOB".

P.Lil

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Original file name: Opening Devival Sermon.txt.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:47