Put me down then

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Jan 19, 2003 5:05 AM

"Rev. Magdalen" wrote:
>
>
>
> Once there were two Buddhist monks walking by a river. On the other
> side of the river they saw a young woman trying to get across, but the
> water was too high for her to make the crossing. She called out to the
> monks for help, though she knew they were forbidden by their oaths from
> touching women. One of the monks crossed the river, picked her up, and
> carried her across. He set her down and continued walking with the
> other monk. The other monk became more and more upset until finally he
> stopped and confronted his brother, saying "Why did you touch that
> woman! You know it is forbidden!"
>
> The monk said, "I put the woman down. Why are you still carrying her?"
>
And the other monk said, "No, YOU'RE the one still carrying her." And
the monk said "No, YOU are!" And the other monk said, "Nuh uh, it is
you!" And the monk said "No sir it most certainly is not me." And
the other monk said "It most certainly is!" And the monk said "You
are an idiot." And the other monk said "You take that back!" And the
monk said "No I will not take it back, idiot." And the other monk
said "You will regret this!" And the monk said "Oh I am so scared."
And the other monk said, "You'd better be scared!" And the monk said
" Oh what are you gonna do." And the other monk said, "You'll see
what I am gonna do, you'll see." And the monk said "Well I will just
start holding my breath right now for that to happen." And the other
monk said "You go right ahead it will save me the trouble." And the
monk said, "Idiot." And the other monk said "All right that is it,
come on!" And the monk said "Oh buzz off little man." And the other
monk said "I have had it. This is it. This is where you go down."
And the monk said, " Okay, look, I guess I was a little harsh there,
just calm down." And the other monk said, "I am sick of you telling me
what to do, you take off that robe because I am going to pound you."
And the monk said "Okay if that is the way you want it okay." And he
took off his robe and they both laid into each other like nobody's
business until the other monk finally got the advantage and laid the
monk out with a good solid punch and then he picked up a big rock and
lifted it over his head and brought it down on the monk's head and
then he did it again and again until it was just a horrible mess and
he threw the rock to one side and went over and puked in a bush and
then after a while he put his robe on and took the other monk's stuff
and said, "Now who's the smart guy." And then he left.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

nenslo wrote:
>

(Geez, you forgot to add the *good* parts)

> The other monk became more and more upset until
> finally he stopped and confronted his brother,
> saying "Why did you touch that woman! You know
> it is forbidden!"

"You have disgraced the Shao-Lin Temple!"

> The monk said, "I put the woman down. Why are
> you still carrying her?"

"Aha, I can do what I want, for I am the Master of
Yung-Wang-Hing-Du, Flying Scumber Monkey Gung-Fu!"

> And the other monk said, "No, YOU'RE the one still
> carrying her."

"And it is FORBIDDEN to learn Flying Scumber Monkey
Gung-Fu from the syphletic drunken gutter-Master of
the Mountain, who sits in trees and steal apricots!"

> And the monk said "No, YOU are!"

"Aha, and not only THAT, but I have also learned the
secrets of the Flying Trampoline and Squatting Dog
Style Kung-Fu! (Swishing sounds as his hands go
around in a circle, chopping up air.)

> And the other monk said, "Nuh uh, it is you!"

"Those are inferior to the banging genitalia exercises
taught by our great teachers the Felonious Monks, and
will cause strange lines and spots to appear on your
body that I can poke with my fingers!" (More swishing
sounds in empty air.)

> And the monk said "No sir it most certainly is not me."

"Yo Mama!" (Loud incidental music and zoom in on
monks' face, showing him contorting it, repeatedly and
actorially.)

> And the other monk said "It most certainly is!"

"Not My Mama!" (More incidental music, zoom in on other
monk showing really pronounced sneer under moustache.)

> And the monk said "You are an idiot."

"I must destroy you to redeem the honor of the Shao-Lin
Temple!" (Lots more swishing.)

> And the other monk said "You take that back!"

"But you cannot destroy me and you cannot redeem the honor
of the Shao-Lin Temple, for it is I who jerked off in the
rice now for several months working in the kitchen and all
the other monks are weak from eating my poisoned jism-rice
and can easily be defeated as I fly through the air and
make swishing sounds at them!" (Incidental music again.)

> And the monk said "No I will not take it back, idiot."

"So it was YOU who I suspected was jerking off in the rice
now for several months working in the kitchen and making
all the other monks weak from eating poisoned jism-rice
so they could be easily defeated as you fly through the
air and make swishing sounds at them!!"

> And the other monk said "You will regret this!"

"But now it is too late for you all! Stubborn Donkey
Style!" (swishing sounds.)

> And the monk said "Oh I am so scared."

"Farting Tuna Style defeats Stubborn Donkey Style!"
(more swishing sounds.)

> And the other monk said, "You'd better be scared!"

"Licking Aardvark Style defeats Farting Tuna Style!"
(more swishing sounds and jumping around like a
monkey.)

> And the monk said "Oh what are you gonna do."

"Drunken Wino Style with Iron Liver is better than
anything YOU know, pussy!"

> And the other monk said, "You'll see what I am gonna
> do, you'll see."

"I'll kick your ass!"

> And the monk said "Well I will just start holding my
> breath right now for that to happen."

(They actually appear to start hitting each other,
to no effect. But real noisy.)

> And the other monk said "You go right ahead it will
> save me the trouble."

(Jumping through the trees while making monkey noises
at each other. Nobody even has a bloody nose yet.)

> And the monk said, "Idiot."

(All the rest of it is pretty much the same until one
of them hits the other one in the nuts *just so*, and
he keels over dead. Then the winner goes to back to
the Temple and defeats ALL THE OTHER MONKS AT ONCE,
EXCEPT ONE, who goes out into the mountains to learn
the SECRET STYLE of Kung-Fu that will allow him to
defeat the monk who just wiped out the other monks.
But ONLY after doing a bunch of exercises like breaking
crockery, poking at a tree and punching holes in rice
paper with his fingertips.)

--
"A stupid movie WILL NOT make you turn
down a blowjob. Simple as that."
-- nu-monet

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3E2A7859.4C9CD486@yahooX.com>, nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
wrote:

> And the other monk said, "No, YOU'RE the one still carrying her." And
> the monk said "No, YOU are!" And the other monk said, "Nuh uh, it is
> you!" And the monk said "No sir it most certainly is not me." And
> the other monk said "It most certainly is!" And the monk said "You
> are an idiot." And the other monk said "You take that back!" And the
> monk said "No I will not take it back, idiot." And the other monk
> said "You will regret this!" And the monk said "Oh I am so scared."
> And the other monk said, "You'd better be scared!" And the monk said
> " Oh what are you gonna do." And the other monk said, "You'll see
> what I am gonna do, you'll see." And the monk said "Well I will just
> start holding my breath right now for that to happen." And the other
> monk said "You go right ahead it will save me the trouble." And the
> monk said, "Idiot." And the other monk said "All right that is it,
> come on!" And the monk said "Oh buzz off little man." And the other
> monk said "I have had it. This is it. This is where you go down."
> And the monk said, " Okay, look, I guess I was a little harsh there,
> just calm down." And the other monk said, "I am sick of you telling me
> what to do, you take off that robe because I am going to pound you."
> And the monk said "Okay if that is the way you want it okay." And he
> took off his robe and they both laid into each other like nobody's
> business until the other monk finally got the advantage and laid the
> monk out with a good solid punch and then he picked up a big rock and
> lifted it over his head and brought it down on the monk's head and
> then he did it again and again until it was just a horrible mess and
> he threw the rock to one side and went over and puked in a bush and
> then after a while he put his robe on and took the other monk's stuff
> and said, "Now who's the smart guy." And then he left.

See, that's just what I was saying about this monk story and how
maddeningly it says, "You're like being way too uptight over nothing,
man, so you must be like stupid." When the Lord said it to me, it
struck me as being true in my particular case that particular time, and
I was glad He had helped calm me down. Also I thought it a cute story
which I should remember, to spring on somebody when I wanted to PISS
THEM OFF.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>
>
> See, that's just what I was saying about this monk story and how
> maddeningly it says, "You're like being way too uptight over nothing,
> man, so you must be like stupid." When the Lord said it to me, it
> struck me as being true in my particular case that particular time, and
> I was glad He had helped calm me down. Also I thought it a cute story
> which I should remember, to spring on somebody when I wanted to PISS
> THEM OFF.
>

Yep. See, you can carry on a dispute as long as you like, making the
other person think you are having an equal exchange and then pop this
out saying, "See, I am the brilliant elder monk and you are the dopey
novice so you have to stop arguing with me right now because I am
morally superior and you don't want to keep embarrassing yourself by
questioning that." People who use scriptures to correct and educate
OTHER people haven't learned anything from them themselves. It's how
small minds make themselves feel big - a total waste of the material.
And it's the classic example of that old saw you and I set the teeth
on:
Q: "What's the word for it when the thing you do to try to show how
cool you are is the thing that proves you're an idiot?"
A: "NENSLO."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Legume <none@yerbiz.com>

nenslo wrote:

> he put his robe on and took the other monk's stuff
> and said, "Now who's the smart guy." And then he left.

I have to say that this, along with nu-monet's prayer, are right up there
as some of the best shit ever posted to alt.slack.

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----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: John Starrett <jstarret@carbon.cudenver.edu>

nenslo wrote:

Now *that's* a Zen story!!!

--
John Starrett

Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:
Zen koan:

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

John Starrett wrote:
>
> Zen koan:
> Zen koan:
> Zen koan:
> Zen koan:
> Zen koan:
> Zen koan:
(Ed: etc....)

Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

--
"HERE LIES NU-MONET.
GOT TRIPLE HIS MONEY BACK."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>

"nenslo" <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote in message
news:3E2B1B57.214E4F4C@yahooX.com

> Yep. See, you can carry on a dispute as long as you like, making the
> other person think you are having an equal exchange and then pop this
> out saying, "See, I am the brilliant elder monk and you are the dopey
> novice so you have to stop arguing with me right now because I am
> morally superior and you don't want to keep embarrassing yourself by
> questioning that." People who use scriptures to correct and educate
> OTHER people haven't learned anything from them themselves. It's how
> small minds make themselves feel big - a total waste of the material.
> And it's the classic example of that old saw you and I set the teeth
> on:
> Q: "What's the word for it when the thing you do to try to show how
> cool you are is the thing that proves you're an idiot?"
> A: "NENSLO."

When someone's "final comment" on an issue spreads over two days and
several different threads, then it is my duty to tell them this parable
if I have any respect for them at all.

--
They are mean because they are rejects from society.

--Bill Palmer on SubGenii

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

A fool quoting scripture is like a monkey playing a fiddle. It
doesn't make the fool wise or the monkey a musician, but it sure makes
the bystanders cringe.

If someone uses spiritual literature to DEFEAT people, to put them
down or shut them up, it would be better for them to BURN holy books
than to read them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>

"nenslo" <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote in message
news:3E2CFA99.E4BBD765@yahooX.com
> A fool quoting scripture is like a monkey playing a fiddle. It
> doesn't make the fool wise or the monkey a musician, but it sure makes
> the bystanders cringe.
>
>
> If someone uses spiritual literature to DEFEAT people, to put them
> down or shut them up, it would be better for them to BURN holy books
> than to read them.

It's totally sad that you have to see it as an attack when people try to
gently point out to you the fact that you are obviously tormenting
yourself with guilt and that you should either just give the damn money
back or else take your own advice and stop going on and on about it! I
don't need to attack you -- if I want to see you suffer, all I have to
do is sit back and watch you post over and over how you DON'T CARE that
you know who that money belongs to because you're a TOUGH, CYNICAL GUY
and you are DONE talking about it, so everyone ELSE should just SHUT UP!
AGAIN!

But, since you really do seem to be excessively suffering now, and you
seem unable to really make a "final comment", I will have mercy. I will
now stop talking about this forever.

--
They are mean because they are rejects from society.

--Bill Palmer on SubGenii

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3E2DA8C2.8217E3A1@yahooX.com>, nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
wrote:

>
> Why don't you do the world a favor and stop talking forever period.
> If we want the viewpoint of a hoarse half-drunk bony bar-faced hag we
> can watch COPS.

Sounds like Nenslo's fishing for compliments.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>
>
>
> Sounds like Nenslo's fishing for compliments.
>

(Listens carefully) Hmm....

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote in message news:<3E2DA8C2.8217E3A1@yahooX.com>...

> If we want the viewpoint of a hoarse half-drunk bony bar-faced hag we
> can watch COPS.

Hey, I think we should show at least some small regard for ANY
SubGenius who makes it to TV, even via the back door. Just consider
what a FULLY drunken one might achieve.

Its not like that flapping, leather-winged, phosphor-dot abortion
"Friends" is doing anything for America. I saw an episode dubbed for
the Swedish market and vomited until I saw God as a pimply teen-ager.
I fail to see how inebrated drunken hags could do much worse.

"I've got a red light warning
I don't know why
Maybe it'll go away if I shut my eyes"
I don't need your worship
just need a sacrifice each day
Don't need to worry
just want to help in every way"
- Tony Banks, "Big Man"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com> wrote in message news:<hmrm2vk0h7houiu349fq4up8tqeba6o5r1@4ax.com>...

> It's also a nice way of pointing out when somebody is arguing ad
> absurdum because they don't want to admit the shriekingly obvious.

All of this jousting is just whitewash for the central pivot we've
been dancing around for weeks: we all want to see video of Nenslo and
Magdalen sucking apple pie from one another's moustaches. Gimme
footage, PDQ.

"How do I know I'm here?
Not in some very lonely place?
How do I know I'm not on a star
spinning through outer space?"
- Big Bird, 'How Do I Know I'm Here?'

"I got NEEDS, Chicken Legs!"
- Mr. T

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Original file name: Put me down then.txt.txt - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:47