Subject: I can't masturbate!

From: Legume <none@yerbiz.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002 11:03 AM
Message-ID: <Xns9224720652B94CortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114>

I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching my
dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.

--
Legume
----------
Me TOOL USER! FIVE-FINGER-MAN! Make weapons! Sharp arrow heads! Strong
bow! Trade to beady-eyed hunter types! Chase wives while hunter-types
gone! Make pictures on cave wall, say magic words while wearing scary
bear skull, keep whole tribe guessing!

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Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: "nu-monet v4.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002 12:02 PM
Message-ID: <3CFE3630.6E91@succeeds.com>

Legume wrote:
>
> I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND,
> is touching my dick seems so queer that I just go limp
> wimp from disgust.
>

Use your feet!

--
Frustration is the first time you can't
do it a second time. Panic is the second
time you can't do it the first time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002 12:59 PM
Message-ID: <UsrL8.34$SQ1.37449@news.uswest.net>

"Legume" wrote

> I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching
my
> dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.

put on some nail polish and cheap perfume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: "Pisces" <priestesspisces@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002 1:20 PM
Message-ID: <_LrL8.36191$lM2.1222289@twister.southeast.rr.com>

i weep for you.
i weep for all who cannot wank.
i will wank tonite in your name.

"Legume" <none@yerbiz.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9224720652B94CortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114...
> I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching my
> dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.
>
> --
> Legume
> ----------
> Me TOOL USER! FIVE-FINGER-MAN! Make weapons! Sharp arrow heads! Strong
> bow! Trade to beady-eyed hunter types! Chase wives while hunter-types
> gone! Make pictures on cave wall, say magic words while wearing scary
> bear skull, keep whole tribe guessing!
>
>
>
> -----------== Posted via Newsfeed.Com - Uncensored Usenet News
==----------
> http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
> -----= Over 100,000 Newsgroups - Unlimited Fast Downloads - 19 Servers
=-----

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: Slackitude <allyerslack@whereyathink.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002 3:31 PM
Message-ID: <Xns922493C98F23Aallyerslackrighthere@216.148.227.77>

Legume <none@yerbiz.com> wrote in news:Xns9224720652B94CortezLegume18465086
@128.242.171.114:

> I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching my
> dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.
>

I just imagined your hand on my dick. You're right it turned me off.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: IMBJR <imbjr@imbjr.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002 5:41 PM
Message-ID: <191tfugk95i1edj4e8qf7brgt6kkspieg8@4ax.com>

On 5 Jun 2002 10:03:42 -0500, Legume <none@yerbiz.com> wrote:

>I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching my
>dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.

I hope you maintain this hands-free approach when urinating, otherwise
you might get tempted to knock one off the wrist.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: El Queso <the_cheese_23@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002 6:33 PM
Message-ID: <3CFE9464.5242AFB2@yahoo.com>

Paint your fingernails and put on a bracelet.
Queso

Legume wrote:
>
> I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching my
> dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.
>
> --
> Legume
> ----------
> Me TOOL USER! FIVE-FINGER-MAN! Make weapons! Sharp arrow heads! Strong
> bow! Trade to beady-eyed hunter types! Chase wives while hunter-types
> gone! Make pictures on cave wall, say magic words while wearing scary
> bear skull, keep whole tribe guessing!
>
> -----------== Posted via Newsfeed.Com - Uncensored Usenet News ==----------
> http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
> -----= Over 100,000 Newsgroups - Unlimited Fast Downloads - 19 Servers =-----

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: friday@fridayjones.com (Friday Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.friday
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002 9:06 PM
Message-ID: <friday-ya02408000R0506022110050001@news.earthlink.net>

In article <Xns9224720652B94CortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114>, Legume
<none@yerbiz.com> wrote:

>I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching my
>dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.

Pretend that you're pulling on your WIFE'S dick.

That should get your knuckles greasy.

---

There is only one tactical principle which is not subject to change. It is,
"To use the means at hand to inflict the maximum amount of wounds, death,
and destruction on the enemy in the minimum amount of time."
- GEN George S Patton, Jr, AUS

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jun 5, 2002 10:15 PM
Message-ID: <PBzL8.204$t91.225656@news.uswest.net>

"Legume" wrote

> I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching
my
> dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.

just the fact that you are even thinking about how to make a dick feel
good is a pretty good indication of what a flamer you are.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Jun 6, 2002 1:47 AM
Message-ID: <050620022247552069%lilith@ZubJenius.com>

In article <Xns9224720652B94CortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114>,
Legume <none@yerbiz.com> wrote:

> I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching my
> dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.

So go cut off some random woman's hand and use THAT. Yeesh, do I have
to think of all these things for you?

Her Ladyship Lilith

--
\m/ -=8=- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ -=8=- \m/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Jun 6, 2002 3:41 AM
Message-ID: <3CFF123F.FFD7B18B@sheayright.com>

Legume wrote:
>
> I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching my
> dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.

I get around that by fantasizing that I'm a football jock and my hand
is a skinny defenseless kid that I'm dominating in a high school shower
room. It's not a sex thing, it's a social hierarchy thing!

--
Artemia Salina -- http://www.drpez.com/drali1.htm
Blameworthy Miserable Percase Wrestles Reprobatory Dianthus!!! Just ask Kevan!

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----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I can't masturbate!
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Jun 7, 2002 10:15 AM
Message-ID: <070620021015468354%stang@subgenius.com>

In article <Xns9224720652B94CortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114>,
Legume <none@yerbiz.com> wrote:

> I can't do it...the very idea that my hand, a MAN'S HAND, is touching my
> dick seems so queer that I just go limp wimp from disgust.

If you were a real man, you'd cut that thing off.

(OOOPS! Near-Janor line!)

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

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Original file name: I can't masturbate! - converted on Friday, 16 May 2003, 16:50