Fun XDay ideas and Tiki Banzai update

From: (Legume)
Date: Wed, May 14, 2003

Hi all, I'm crossposting this here from the XDay board, it's a list
of fun XDay ideas and Tiki Banzai update.

Ideas for XDay fun:

1. "Jibaro paintball"
For about twenty bucks you can buy a .40 caliber blowgun and 250 .40
caliber paintballs. Dress up like a wildman and hunt monkeys (each
other) with blowguns. All out blowgun war, or even a "let's hunt Ed
Strange" game. Go "Lord of the Flies" on somebody's ass.

2. "Wake up Dr.Legume early in the morning"
Not fun for the person who does it, but everyone else will laugh at
you forever when I get through.

3. "Pin the note to Locnar"
Pretty self explanatory. Write insulting things on post-it notes and
try to stick them to Locnar without him noticing. Trickier than it
seems, he's sweaty.

7. "Lobster Fight Club"
Lobsters are nature's coolest bugs. They're made of a hard plastic-
like substance that takes lots of abuse. We each go buy a live
lobster (we can send an expedition to Jamestown)and name him, writing
your lobster's name on his shell. Then we find a shady spot, take off
the rubber bands and have them fight to the death. If they don't
fight, we can make them into puppets and reenact scenes from Japanese
monster movies. Hell, we can crash them into each other like GI Joes
or just start winging them at people. We can let them loose in the
pond...or the pool.

Better still, we can eat them.

8."Start your own language"

Make up a secret language. Speak only that language. Teach it to
others. Biru flarken ti pu cronnun.

14."Lying contest"
Get together with a big circle of friends and start telling whoppers,
just like those ignorant fucks in rural towns do. I used to sit
around with my Pa and 12 older brothers back in Africa telling
whoppers, until that day when the Scientologists came and
machinegunned my people. I only escaped because I slithered into the
sewer like a snake and came up through John Travolta's toilet and hid
in his ass, where I sit to this day, typing messages to Yahoo groups
over my cellphone.
Finally, I need FEMALE ASSISTANCE for an art project I have planned
for XDay. Sikki, you'd be PERFECT, for it, but I'm gonna put out the
word anyway to any gals out there who are willing to volunteer for
this, in case you aren't interested.

I will not go into the details until the ball is in motion, but this
experiment requires you to have a really twisted sense of humor and
the willingness to go 'that extra mile' for a project which will no
doubt become future SubGenius lore. Email me at legume@s...
if interested.

Tiki Banzai Update!

XDay's rolling up on us like a jail on wheels, and my
hetero-butt-buddy Chazz and I have discussed new bar ideas for the
Tiki Banzai Experience.

Basically, every year we have a fucking blast. But even after
generous tips and donations, we still end up losing money on the
bar...which was fine when we were spending PinkBills (inside joke).

But this year, we're instituting a new policy; BYOB. We'll have the
stage, the lighting, the fire, the atmosphere, the "Chazzmosity", the
music, and if you want to party, bring a bottle of whatever you like
to drink best, and share it with your pals, drink it yourself, or
belly up and donate it to the bar. We might take up a collection for
a keg.

We all come together on this (that sounds like fun), we pool our
resources, we do what Dobbs wills, and we can have us a bonobo good
time in the newly-expanded Club Tiki Banzai (now with Vitamin X).

PLEASE, though, we'd appreciate it if you didn't do what last year's
dumbass did and donate a half of a 2-litre bottle of diet Mr.Pibb and
then expect to be served up frosty margaritas all night. If you want
to freeload, you better have entertainment value, or me-n-G.Gordon
Gordon will do to you what we did to that kid in Chicago back in
September of '92.

As usual, I'll be around to bullshit and rub all up on the ladies,
but I think I might pass on the bartending to someone else...easy,
since it's BYOB. Any of you wants to volunteer a shift, you get a
good view of the stage from the bar. Come on back and see me there.

Not you, Klaw.

Womenfolk! Any of you nasty gals want to get in a little "X" time,
see me or Chas and we'll treat you right. Ask last year's lucky "X-
Women" if you want the nasty details.

And, as always:

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