From: Cardinal Vertigo <>
Date: Sun, Jul 11, 2004

As I've said before, the Xists aren't coming. Sorry, guys, but you're
deluding yourselves. Con Year 1998 really WAS 1998.

What's happened is that those Xist bastards have welshed out of their
deal with "Bob." Since the CON is already doing a fine job of
destroying Earth without their intervention, they're not going to bother
making the trip from Planet X to pick us up. Who can blame them, really?

Construction of the fleet of battleships to extract bloody revenge from
the Xists is proving unfeasible, so I am disbanding the WETPUSSY
Militia. All volunteers and conscripts are released from service,
effective noon tomorrow. I have faith that "Bob" will realize the
Xists' treachery and make 'em pay through the nose for it.

But in the meantime, if the humans destroy themselves they're almost
certain to take all my fellow Yeti with them in the process. That's not

Being a Yeti (H. sapiens superioris), I naturally have incredible
mental, physical, and sexual talents that the humans literally can't
even dream of. Given the situation, I feel I'm ethically required to do
everything in my power to keep the planet from being annhiliated.

So to me, the question is no longer "how can I best kill time until it's
really 1998," but "how do I destroy the CON before it destroys the planet?"

"Superstition is to religion what astrology is to astronomy; the mad
daughter of a wise mother."
- Voltaire

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