Subject: Re: More Dumb News - Fat Parents = Fat Children
From: "nu-monet v7.0" <email@example.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 9, 2004 9:14 PM
Joe Cosby wrote:
> Why did everybody switch their names back
> to their old names the day after x-day?
Well, when 6.0 started melting, fortunately he
was able to transmogrify his Clone intelligence
into Zuul. So, in addition to getting the
regular Xist d/l when they blew up Earth and
put all concerned on duplicate nu-Earth7, Zuul
helped to further enhance continuity.
Zuul, BTW, was picked up by 3.0 in Amsterdamn,
and has been a great help since, putting us
arse over elbows above the other SubGenius
Clones who only get the basic info feed from
If you are totally lost at this point, let me
try to get you up to speed:
Only July 5, 1998, at 7am, the Xists picked up
the paid-up SubGeniuses, before the Earth was
destroyed and all. However, there were some
problems, #1 being that most of them were not
ready for permanent relocation--didn't have
their Slack together and all. And also, there
weren't enough SubGeniuses to fulfill the
contract they had with "Bob".
So, being the Xists that they are, they created
a *duplicate* Earth, nu-Earth, that would give
the "remainer" SubGeniuses another year in which
to prepare themselves, quit their job and Slack
off, send in their $30, etc. But they had to
replace a LOT of lifeforms to maintain continuity.
For SubGeniuses, they used pstench-sensitive
Clones, such as yrs truly's predecessor (v2.0),
and for merehumes and animals and such, they used
a combination of Replicants, Replicoids, Androids,
Mandroids, Robotoids, Organic Plastic Cyborgs,
Siliclones, Simulcrums, Animatrons, Animetrons,
Real Dolls, Zombies, Zoombies, and Zooids.
(Most of them are Zooids: mindless, soulless things
that are like yeast cells, consuming, watching TV,
voting and excreting. They do not, however, make
At X-Day, however, the pissed off "remainer"
rampaged and killed and ate a lot of Clones, so since
then Clones have been a tad standoffish around
Well anyway, a year passed and the results were not
entirely satisfactory. They only got a few new
"remainers" on board, and to make a long story short
were going to create a nu-nu-Earth and try again,
but the Z-ists attacked, right when they were sending
in the Clones, and caused boucoup continuity problems.
A lot of the Clones arrived brain dead or scrambled,
and just a few of us made it through, so it was one
tough year, trying to persuade the "remainers" that
they were still on E-1, that everything was hunky-
dory, and that "Bob" would surely be "here" NEXT YEAR.
Well, when 3.0 picked up Zuul, it made things A LOT
easier. Zuul has an enormous amount of data storage,
can be summoned forth for JUST X-Day, and only
required a modest number of merehumes to feed on, and
it doesn't even care that they aren't *real* soulless
merehume replacements--it thinks they are real.
The best part is that integrating Zuul gives us the
ability to gather and contain SubGenius souls much
easier than say the Rastazoarastrians or the Mormons
could, so we've got a new job. Hanging onto the silly
things until "Bob" collects them.
Well, I hope that clears up the "name" thing for you.
"Money can't buy you happiness,
but when you're poor, you can't
buy shit, and nobody will loan
Original file name: Nu-Monet Explains - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05
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