The Bobbie Awards, 2004

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>
Date: Thu, Jul 8, 2004


This year, all recipients received (or will when I get their addresses
figured out) a printed document, suitable for framing, with their
Category and Name hand-lettered by Princess Wei "R." Doe, and signed by
Yours Truly.

Most of those in attendance also received a Blue Ribbon bearing shiny
writing with phrases like "I Can Dress Myself" and "Best Little
Helper", provided by Dr. Dark and Her Majesty HellNo.

Five Grand Bobbie Winners were granted The Bobbie trophy, which are
very impressive custom-made artworks created by Her Majesty HellNo
(photo of Modemac with his on alt.binaries.slack).

* * *

Most Insistent Enabler: Dr. G. Gordon Gordon

Sexiest: Little Fyodor

Time and Rhythm Control: Senator Thompson Speck (Amino Acids)

SubSITE Chassis Detailing: St. Bucky

Most Conspicuous Absence: Banjo Bob

Best New Ranter: Rev. Alex Thompson

Best New Preacher: Rev. Carter LeBlanc

Christopher Lee

Sacred Garter of the Sodality of the White Glove of Connie: IMBJR

Most Exploited for Commercial Purposes: Heart Ignition

Best Recent Eruction of Dobbsheadism: Espira

Best Taste in Tastelessness: DJ Shaver

Best Invokers of Unseen Titanic Forces: The Amino Acids

Best Back-Up Documenteur: Rev. Steve Scynic

Best Knockers, Most Missed: Rev. Susie the Floozy

Most Delicate: Rev. Orton Nenslo

Chaos Coordinator and Special Nepotism Awatd: Rev. Nickie Deathchick

Bulldada Preservationist Society - Epopt 3rd Degree: Dr. Dark

Best Award Award: Her Highness HellNo

Least Killfiled (by SubGeniuses): Rev. Joe Cosby

Unmasker of False Prophets: Rev. Blackout

Most Fascistic Nazi of an Evil Empire, and MOST VALUED SUBGENIUS: Rev.

The Unremembered Award Category Award: Rev. Artemia Salina

Highest Bribe/ Best Sustainers of Life: Pastor and Joyce Pressure*

LongDurPerSav, Hour of Slack: St. David Bachner

Best New Radio Doktor: Dr. Sinister, Radio Synaesthesia

Everything: Pater Nostril*

Worst Role Model: Dr. Philo Drummond

Best Role Model: Dok Frop

Sharer of Least Wanted Knowledge and Most Wanted Knowledge Erasers:
Rev. Sifu

Keeper of Sifu: Rev. Diana

Most Brain-Scrambling String-Bending: Dr. Ray Hey

Best Stage Presence: TIE: Rev. Zorro / Col. Sphinx Drummond

Most Natural-Seeming: Rev. Lee Burls

Best New Doktor: Rev. Norel Pref

Best Head and Heads: Rev. Sinphaltimus Exmortis

Best Video Propaganda: Pope Lupus Yonderboy & Crew

Best Protesticle Songs: Lonesome Cowboy Dave

Best Good Cop: Rev. Barbra Alien

High Unpredictable Special Award: Rev. Televangela

Elevation Enhancement: Lord Ferg

Indispensibility (not to be consuded with sensibility): Rev. Modemac*

Most Edible Scale Model Escape Vessels: Rev. V and Rev. Enni

Treasurer of Numerological Anomalies: Governor Rocknar

Most Glamorous: Sister Decadence

Best Special Effects: The Volkerdings

Best Uploads and Late-Nite Viewing: Nu-Monet V. 5, Nu-Monet V. 6

Memorial Fondly Ironic "BEST PARTICIPATION" Blue Ribbon: The Late Rev.
Steve Chekey

SPECIAL AWARD for EXISTING: The Barneys, Brushwood Folklore Center*



* Were handed Bobbie Trophies at the Awards Ceremony. I kept one Bobbie
Trophy for the SubMuseum.

The Bobbie Awards were administered this year primarily by Princess Wei
and Rev. Ivan Stang, with Rev. Jesus Christ, Dr. Dark and Her Majesty

4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)


From: Two Beans <>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <> wrote:


You forgot one.



From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>

Two Beans <> wrote:

You're right! At the last minute we threw in Pope Phil Monty,
"Greediest," since he kept wanting to run up and grab all the awards
meant for the British a.b.s.-fux


Subject: Re: The Bobbie Awards, 2004

Alright, I'll give you that. But you still forgot anopther one.



From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>

You're right again!

The original list was on a handwritten sheet. As we added names they
went on another handwritten sheet. That sheet disappeared and so one
might say, "I didn't know sheet." Princess Wei however recalls
lettering the following


Chief of SubGenius Architectural Works: Rev. Ed Strange

Most Innocent: Rev. Gwendolen

I think that's it. Oh yeah, maybe we might have thrown in a couple of
token quickie awards just to keep the, you know, sensitive but retarded
ones from feeling left out. Uh... oh yeah! I vaguely recall a best
disco award for one of those innocuous, barely-noticeable youngsters...
Rev. Three Peas or Doktor One-Nut or something like that. You know how
it is, all the funny names and would-be superstars all blur together...
OH YES! That was it! Rev. Two Beans! He did a whole set of original
tekno compositing and reframing and mixing Saturday night. In fact come
to think of it I remember being real impressed by its Amsterdam-like
sound and the keen cigaret lighter built into his computer. Oh yeah and
come to think of it I barely remember this part because I was pretty
tired but didn't my wife stop at the stage and dance for a long time to
that Two Beans music?, and now, damn it, it's all coming back to me, I
was dancing to it too, while Howll waited patiently for us to finish
and let him into the staff hot tub, and then we played with that
inflatable flying saucer that someone brought, which floated so eerily
if you gave it just the right spin, and Sister Decadence was dancing
her ass off too. Okay, right, and I even filmed Two Beans doing his
mix-O thing just as my batteries were dying. That's right, *Two Beans*
got that *Best Something Tekno Dance Award.* Like I said I lost the
list's page two and then forgot I lost it.

Now. Where was I.


Subject: Re: The Bobbie Awards, 2004

Forgot someone.

Um, yeah...



From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>

Naw, seriously Two Beans, we enjoyed the heck out of your ravey beats.
I even make tekno music myself every three or four months, and I have a
small collection of the stuff, more hardcore than ambient, so I can
tell how much more work you put into yours on account of it keeps being
different instead of the same all the time.

On the video, the nightvision negates the strobe light as well as some
of the flimsier clothing.

Speaking of forgetting, I ironically enough do distinctly recall
telling everyone all day Thursday that the drugs would cause me to
repeat my warnings about how the drugs would fuck up your values and
memory, and certainly had already done so to mine, and I apologized in
advance for telling them the exact same thing again later, were that to
happen. I do remember it actually happening with Joyce Presure and for
all I know it happened with everybody, over and over. I'm like Dr.
Jekyll. I can't know when it'll happen next. When Princess Wei arrived
with Dr. Howll, later, after a Howll-rrowing series of vehicle
problems, everyone she ran into asked her what was wrong with me, and
why was I warning everyone about the drugs.

So if I forget a detail here and there, such as for instance your
entire existence and life, and even your auto breakdown expertise, you
can't say I didn't warn you; I probably did so several times. Proof
that my concerns were valid is the fact that I warned you so many
times, yet neither of us actually remember any of my warnings... my
warnings that I would forget things. I'm telling you, it's the drugs,
man. We mustn't keep kidding ourselves about it. They fuck up your
values. They mess up your mind so that it takes forty years for you to
realize that they messed up your mind. And by that time, it's already
too late! Which is such a sad realization that pretty much all you can
do about it is to take more of the drugs that make you forget that the
drugs made you forget so much. I'm just glad they work so well. I'd go
fucking crazier if I remembered everything that just happened.

Now. Where was I.


From: Two Beans <>

*leans over in the chair, steepling fingers*

Now, tell me about your childhood.....



From: Sister Decadence <>

Hey Two Beans...for the brief times I was there, I loved yer rave
stuff. I loved the stuff you did at Exmortus' camp as well and I liked
what HE played too! (Exmortus, are you listening?) It was ALL
awesome....some danceable, some trancey, all good. On Sunday night
when The Lunacy hit me and I danced behind all those tents to the
grooves stark fucking naked in the moonlight. Fantastic.


From: Two Beans <>

Hey, I was just glad I could share some of my musical memes with
ya'll. As per usual on x-day, nothing planned out works the way its
supposed to, and the spontaneous things mesh up perfectly.

I'm definatly bringing the beat again if I can make it next year.



From: Cardinal Vertigo <>

If I'd known there'd be trance at Brushwood, I'd have hitched freight
trains to get there. You fucking asshole.

"In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to
liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his
abuses in return for protection to his own."
- Thomas Jefferson


From: nenslo <>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> Two Beans <> wrote:
> > Forgot someone.
> >
> > Um, yeah...
> >
> Now. Where was I.

Most Forgotten:


From: Joe Cosby <>

Feel free to use the marching chant I wrote for the Alzheimer's Day

- nenslo

Joe Cosby
With great power may come great responsibility, but until it arrives, any
normal human being would be going, "Yaay! Great Power! Wheeee!"
- Sebastian


From: "Heart Ignition" <XXcardiacflambe@comcast.XXnetXX>

I rather like the sound of being addressed as "Most Exploited" or "His
Exploitedness"... I think last year I had the "Shroud Of Legume", but I
still haven't figured out how to use it.


From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>

Heart Ignition <XXcardiacflambe@comcast.XXnetXX> wrote:
> I rather like the sound of being addressed as "Most Exploited" or "His
> Exploitedness"... I think last year I had the "Shroud Of Legume", but I
> still haven't figured out how to use it.

Neither could he, that's why he was giving it away.


From: "Heart Ignition" <XXcardiacflambe@comcast.XXnetXX>

So if I burnt it this winter to keep warm would y'all hate me or what?
Actually I burnt it last winter to keep warm but that pee smell and all the
women floating around on my porch made me put it out

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