From: "Espira" <email@example.com>
Date: Wed, Mar 10, 2004
'Bob's Your Uncle ' London Show Reportathon
Saturday 6th March ,9.30pm
Pissed and pissed off.Dramatic Pope-of-all-drunks-in-europe
entrance.SubGenius hymn starts to BLOW.The place is CROWDED.Are we really
getting this popular?David Lee Black has entered the building.... The
parting of the waves.The Drunk Moses takes the stage sipping from the red
Sea of whisky on the way and SWAYING with the sea sickness.Where THE HELL
has he been? But all is forgiven [again] as the punters are whooped up into
a Blag style frenzy!!!Noise.Lights.No space to swing a Badger.Once the Pope'
s robes had all slid off,and the Slurred YELLING ceased,only then was
introduced back into the fold and up on stage,our lost brother Rev. FINN
wearing his wifes tea cosy .More whisky fuelled holy blitzkrieg....hmmm must
attach that cheeseburger to the string.Then ushered to the stage a fine
looking box.Technical problems [blame the IPOD].A confused crowd.A muffled
Elvis noise is heard.'Return to sender' finally kicks in ... Yes my
friends,it was the time for the visual feast that is ELVIS IN A BOX!!!!!
[aka a very squashed Rev.Error].The box is shuffling and singing and
entertaining the crowd!!!!! But alas no sign of the man himself.Will he ever
come out form this hibernation? Time for my good self [dressed as a Rabbi]
to take front of stage and entice the Elvis OUT with a Cheeseburger
[purchased from the FCKF kebab shop earlier..that stands for Fish Chickin
Kebab and Fries].Well,a quick dangle of the burger in front of the box and
Elvis's head popped out.The crowd go wild.Elvis takes a bite.The crowd go
wild again.More preaching.Plastic Mediator's Mum  plays old school
gospel organ sounds,having the best time she has had in 50 years she assures
me.Her father was a Russian pianist who knew Einstein.I can see them both
smiling down on her as she plays surrounded by giant DobbsHeads and sweaty
LEEVIL! LEEVIL!! LEEVIL!!! Looks like he brought some
LEEVIL!!!! The man himself takes the stage.whips off his shirt.on with the
shiny black horned Mexican wrestling mask.Little sliver boxes with flashy
lights kick start the Leevil Audio Assault!!!! Finally something they can
How the Fuck did he get those 3 EVIL scratches on his
blames Plastic Mediator.She denies it.No one believes her.Much jumping up
and down and rejoicing is had by all.The building is bursting.People stand
on tables to see.Elvis/Error is spotted in the crowd wearing a fetching pair
of red curtains.Plastic Mediator's mums blonde curly wig is slipping
off.Pope Phil Monty takes a well deserved swig of freebie Whisky.I can see
Rev.CircleMaker and his electronic EYE recording the proceedings.Running
over time already.No time for Leevils cock [somewhere else in the building a
girl is being taken downstairs and shown another cock instead,but that's
another story].Charlie of THE FIGHTING COCKS grapples a giant dobbshead...
Leevil ends prematurely.Rev.Priest takes the stage.Running late as usual.I
throw off my Orthodox Jew attire and reach for the fake tits and old man
Halloween mask that constitute Frau Sexy tonight.Plastic Mediator comes
backstage and tightens her corset.looks at Frau Sexy."You want to use the
Riding Crop or the Studded Leather Paddle ?".I look out at the unsuspecting
Pope David Lee Black as he launches the Bleeding Head of Bob into the
crowd.I look at his tender butt."Studded leather paddle" I say.
Last but by no means least.KARAOKE DOMINATRIX.but rather
spankings to the audience,Pope David Lee Black wants to be SPANKED FOR THEIR
SINS!!!!!!! All on his own,he takes centre stage as Europe's 'The final
Countdown ' fills the air.His belt is loosed.His trousers drop.The two
tormentors come up from behind.Plastic Mediator takes the left and Frau Sexy
the right.WE UNLEASH HELL on Daves naked bum.*thwack! *thwack! *thwack!
ARRRRGGGHHHHHH !!!!!! 'it's the final countdowwwwwwn!!!!!!' *thwack!
The pope rolls around on the floor in agony.the stage
PENIS hangs out and scares the hell outta the crowd.Praise
More Noise.Shouting.Chaos.And this is where I choose to end my story.
Other things [Tan leather jackets,radio shows,Rombo's
MU,curry,café titanic,t shirt sales] can all remain a mystery to those who
Honourable mentions go to >
Asa,Contradiction,Marga,Jonathan and Tracey,Foundry
staff,The drunk bag lady
I lured into the venue with promises that I'd let her sing
onstage,Leevil,Pope Phil Monty who didn't perform,Isle of Jura
Whisky,Notaw,Blue Rabbit,Assam the leather shop
owner,Jay,Gaby,Jenny,Roberto,Matyi and all those I forgot.
Pretty pictures and video coming soon to..
yours sincere witness
Original file name: Bob's Your Uncle LON#1AD13F.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05
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