Just Say "No"

From: "HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer" <SeventhSqueal@SlowOnTheUptake.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Jul 28, 2004 2:10 AM

Interesting blurb from JAMA:

Early Childhood Warning Signs for the Development of Substance Abuse as
Exhibited in Children ages 2-8 Years.

1. Enjoys being 'upside down' often and for long periods of time. (15
minutes a day)

2. Squishes eyes and eyelids to enjoy colors and patterns. (3-5 times a

3. Spinning around until dizzy and then tries to walk. (3-5 times a week)

4. Rapid consumption of Slurpees for 'brain freeze' effect and sugar rush.
(3-5 times a week)

5. Unnatural fascination with the BooBahs. (Daily)

6. Picks wrestling fights with adults, with the hope that the adult will
swing the child around in a circle upside down by their ankles. (2-3 times a

7. Hyperventilating until dizzy. (3-5 times a week)

8. Refusing to sleep for the fun of it. (2-3 times a week)

If your child exhibits 2-4 of these warning signs, immediate behavior
modification techniques and aversion therapy to euphoric states is suggested
by trained clinical child psychologists.

If your child exhibits 5 or more of these warning signs, a course of medical
psychiatric treatment in addition to the behavior modification and aversion
therapy is suggested.

If left untreated, it has been statistically proven that many of these
children will grow up to be drug addicts, repeat offenders, and welfare


The above post has been presented for entertainment purposes only.
Reader's discretion is advised.

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