From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Date: Fri, Mar 5, 2004
Well, congrats to everybody that has been emanating evil thoughts his way.
Believe me, I had a case of the VERY SAME thing he had
back in '94.
Pancreatitis. And OOOOOHHHHHH! is this guy SUFFERING.
Didja know the mortality rate of this affliction is
something like 50%?
Somehow, I managed to survive. 16 days in the hospital
followed by 6 months
of recovery.
You see, the PANCREAS generates the juice that dissolves
the meat that you
eat. When it inflames, where it sits, there is no ROOM
for it to swell up.
So the juice leaks out in your gut, where it starts
digesting YOU.
Oddly, they can't give you MORPHINE for the intense
pain, because MORPHINE
turns the pancreas ON. Also, you get one hell of a
case of peritonitis (my
fever went to 107). And they stick a tube down your
nose to suck out every
last drop of pancreas juice. Can't have even a sip
of WATER by mouth the
whole time.
Oh yeah, and that swollen organ, having no place to
expand, shuts off your
small intestine. No pooping through the ENTIRE DURATION.
In fact, if you
do manage to squeeze something out, then that means
you MIGHT survive,
because it's a sign the damn sweetbread has unswollen
a little.
Heh, the best part is, no food or water for 16 days,
you go nuts. You also
lose 40 pounds or so. But they have to give you MASSIVE
amounts of fluid,
so they hang this thing that has SIX IV bags and pumps
directly into your
heart, in an attempt to flush out the poisons.
You end up looking like the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Everything
below your
waist is fat and fluffy. Can't get your shoes on or
make a fist.
And after the immediate problem is taken care of, if
you survive that long,
the dead pancreas has NO PLACE TO GO. So it sits in
your belly forming what
they refer to as a Pseudo Cyst. Takes the better part
of a year to get rid
of the dead tissue.
So I'd say, all that HATE was NOT WASTED! This affliction
is as close to
living in a PAIN AMPLIFIER as you will ever get on this
Earth.
And one out of TWO patients doesn't make it.
So, since I *did* manage to survive somehow, umm, well....
[*]
-----
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>
YOW. Call me a softie, but I just wanted for the guy
to not be in any
position of political authority, not for him to die
a nightmarishly
agonizing death.
But is gallstone pancreatitis somehow different from
what you had? CNN
claims:
"The condition occurs when a gallstone migrates
from the gallbladder to
the pancreas, causing a blockage.
It can be extremely painful and sometimes dangerous
but usually isn't
life-threatening, said CNN medical correspondent Dr.
Sanjay Gupta."
http://tinyurl.com/296f2
--
"In a way, I see posting to alt.slack as being
like pitching duck
food into a pond. The ducks may eat it, or they may
miss it and a
fish will eat it, or it may just turn into gooey black
muck on the
bottom. In any event, the best thing that will occur
is either duck
shit, fish shit, or gooey black muck." -- nu-monet
v6.0
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Sputnik" <Sputnik@pupnik.org>
Originally CNN.com maintained that it could be caused
by a blockage, or
possibly alcoholism, but that wouldn't be the case in
Ashcrofts instance.
Yeah, right.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
Cardinal Vertigo:
>>It can be extremely painful and sometimes dangerous
but usually isn't
life-threatening, said CNN medical correspondent Dr.
Sanjay Gupta."
Well, I did say I had this condition myself TEN years
ago. Shit, maybe now
in 2004 they have better ways of coping with it. Still,
you don't expect
the CON to tell you that the LawGiver is MORTAL, do
you? Ten years ago, I
guess, was the dark ages of medicine.
Also, there is a matter of degree. I actually had pancreatitis
TWO times.
First a mild case that lasted about a week and didn't
result in any hospital
time. Second was the killer, when I went to get the
Xray with the contrast
to make all my inner tubules light up. That dye did
to me what the
gallstones did to Ashcroft.
Funniest damn thing was, they never found a gallstone
in me at all. It's a
mystery. I also read the lethalness of it simply by
looking at the doc's
faces. Right after my Xray procedure, I doubled over
in pain and the doc's
got me up on a gurney and it was like a 12 hour episode
of ER until they
shoved a tube up every orifice, and then began to create
some more orifices
in which to stick tubes.
Note that the news said that they would "have more
details in about 48
hours". That's medispeak for...if the sucker actually
lives two more days,
he might pull out of it.
[*]
-----
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: glassgnost <glassgnost@nospam.sbcglobal.net>
iDRMRSR wrote:
> Well, I did say I had this condition myself TEN
years ago. Shit, maybe now
> in 2004 they have better ways of coping with it.
Still, you don't expect
> the CON to tell you that the LawGiver is MORTAL,
do you? Ten years ago, I
> guess, was the dark ages of medicine.
I expect they'd cut open his belly and slap some saran
wrap on 'im to
give his guts room to expand. I seem to recall such
a description
regarding how one of the guys the sniper tagged was
being treated.
--
Mystical RevvedErrand Doktor glassnost
the furious,mysterious and oh so serious
Seer of the r-r-r-Reeking Taco of Destiny
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
"iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote;
> shoved a tube up every orifice, and then began
to create some more orifices
> in which to stick tubes.
Sounds a bit like the early Rock & Stick tests.
The current crop of
Bobbies are real pussies and could not handle that;
they get all
hysterical when you just TAPE the tubes on and then
rip it back off a
few times. OTOH, the Dobbs version of Nair is... brrr,
I hate to even
THINK about that again... most of my hair came back
eventually, but
not on the head. Goddamned snickering "Bob."
--
HellPope Huey
Lordy, I'm so tired of sitting here,
I feel like running down the street nude
and yelling "LOCUSTS!! LOCUSTS!!!"
Rev. Onan says the world needs a Pope Huey CD.
I say it needs a 400 degree mineral oil enema.
- H-Pee Huey
"You are an oratorical snob."
"Yes and God loves me for it."
- "The West Wing"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)
>shoved a tube up every orifice, and then began to
create some more orifices
>in which to stick tubes.
O! They TOLD You those were tubes! But you know what
they say, Dead Patients
don;t file sexual assualt charges!
MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
"iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com> wrote;
> You see, the PANCREAS generates the juice that
dissolves the meat that you
> eat. When it inflames, where it sits, there is
no ROOM for it to swell up.
> So the juice leaks out in your gut, where it starts
digesting YOU.
.....................
> Oh yeah, and that swollen organ, having no place
to expand, shuts off your
> small intestine. No pooping through the ENTIRE
DURATION. In fact, if you
> do manage to squeeze something out, then that means
you MIGHT survive,
> because it's a sign the damn sweetbread has unswollen
a little.
......................
> Heh, the best part is, no food or water for 16
days, you go nuts. You also
> lose 40 pounds or so. But they have to give you
MASSIVE amounts of fluid,
> so they hang this thing that has SIX IV bags and
pumps directly into your
> heart, in an attempt to flush out the poisons.
.....................
> And after the immediate problem is taken care of,
if you survive that long,
> the dead pancreas has NO PLACE TO GO. So it sits
in your belly forming what
> they refer to as a Pseudo Cyst. Takes the better
part of a year to get rid
> of the dead tissue.
.....................
> So I'd say, all that HATE was NOT WASTED! This
affliction is as close to
> living in a PAIN AMPLIFIER as you will ever get
on this Earth.
Humor, justice, surreal pathos, severe medical pain,
karma, IVs,
rotting meat, hate... by God, this hilarious story has
it ALL!! When's
the musical coming out?
--
HellPope Huey
The Church of the Subgenius a RELIGION?
I thought we were an unruly gang
who was too poor to afford motorcycles
Anybody remotely interesting is mad,
in some way or another.
- "Doctor Who"
You kids today have it easy.
When I was a kid everything was HUGE.
My dad was nearly four times bigger than me.
You couldn't even see the tops of counters...
Then gradually everything became smaller
until it was the manageable size it is today.
- Bizarro
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@subgenius.com>
HPH:
>>by God, this hilarious story has it ALL!! When's
the musical coming out?
I'll make you a deal. Go out and drag Mel Gibson into
THIS church, and he
can make his next movie about the suffering of iDRMRSR!
[*]
-----
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