From: "ICEKNIFE" <>
Date: Thu, Jun 5, 2003

I need some help here, this guy is REALLY pissing me off.
Lemme show you what I'm bashing on about.


From: "John Iceknife" <>
To: <>
Subject: I found your name on the FACTNet website


Do you have an opinion about The Church of The SubGenius?


John Iceknife,


I have heard little about it. Are there any articles that have been
published in local newspapers or national magazines?

Rick Ross


Ok, fair enough...


Yes, but they're few and hard to locate. The political, social, and
economic influence they wield make Scientology look like a cheap
hobby cult. At first it's all a big joke, until you spend your money
and they
bring you deeper into the group. You're an expert, I'll leave you to
arrive at
your own conclusions based on the evidence, rather than risk
your findings.

Will lead you to:

and ,

which are scans of a Boston Globe article.


John Iceknife,


So he replies:


If you come across a text document html article that is not a scan,
send it
to me through email. I will then consider it for inclusion within the

Rick Ross


Hey, I am ICEKNIFE, I am here to HELP you, right, so I helped him
with this:


Boston Globe: July 4, 1998, page C01

Apocalypse, Nah
By Laura Yuen, Globe Correspondent, 07/04/98

Sorry, folks, but the real fireworks start tomorrow.

On the calendar of the Church of the SubGenius, tomorrow's the day
when the
world will end at 7 a.m. for all beings on Earth, except those who've
their $30 to join the church. The saved, they say, will be beamed up
sensual bliss by the space vessels of the sex goddesses.

Well, no, probably not, the 10,000-member church acknowledges. But at
very least, a highly orchestrated apocalypse will give these
pranksters a
perfect excuse to party.

''Obviously, it's completely ridiculous that alien sex goddesses are
to pick us up at 7 a.m. on July 5,'' said church business manager
Bevilacqua from his Dallas office. ''But it's also ridiculous that a
can walk on water, and millions of people believe that.''

SubGeniuses nationwide poured into Sherman, N.Y., last week for an
end-of-the-world orgy. On a clothing-optional campground, followers of
Dallas-based church have already indulged in blood wrestling (instead
of mud
wrestling), mass marriages (one couple, hundreds of ministers), poorly
played music, and lots of sex (in preparation for the extraterrestrial
nymphs). But come 7 a.m. tomorrow, eyes will turn upward for the fire
in the
sky. All aboard for the Promised Land.

''There will either be sex and bowling and real good meals and
massages -
like on a cruise ship,'' Cambridge resident Dr. Y Foo said of the
flying-saucer paradise, ''or there will be personal servants who will
you have whatever you want, like if y ou want to be surrounded by 20
Crawfords. Or we'll be put in cement cages, and we'll be chopped up to
us taste better as people burgers.''

Hundreds of Bostonians and area college students, particularly MIT
have denounced normalcy and invested blind faith in Bob. Not to sound
blasphemous, but Bob isn't even real. He's merely a 1950s-esque
icon of a well-groomed, waxy-smil ed man with a pipe. For $30, anyone
register to become a card-carrying minister. Triple your money back,
church promises, if you die and realize you haven't been eternally

In simplest terms, the church uses parody and humor to spread the
of carpe diem and free thinking. Any new members who have taken Bob
literally are ''deprogrammed'' by church veterans, who suggest they
the books as satire. With no -nonsense fervor, however, the church
individuals to find ''slack,'' the freedom to pursue happiness and
conformity. Believers vow death to the Conspiracy - the government,
the Man,
the job, Starbucks coffee, or anything else that infringes on one's
Bob-given right to slack.

Parody or not, some members go to great lengths in service to church.
Irreverend Friday Jones of Waltham, for instance, quit her job at a
store in the name of Bob. A week before she left for New York, Jones
sauntering around Central Squ are with an uncanny glaze on her face.
clouds had cleared. The sun was beaming and so was Jones, with a
smile and faraway gaze. ''You just think, `This might be the last time
walk down this street on a nice, sunny day,''' said Jones, w ho, like
declined to give her real name.

Nearly 20 years of the church's twisted prophetical ramblings will
tomorrow. July 5, 1998, was named doomsday 18 years ago, when Bob
his message to ''sacred scribe'' and cofounder Doug Smith, a.k.a.
Ivan Stang of Garland, Tex as. Stang has since compiled Bob's message
books, pamphlets, and a Web page at ''Just like in
religions, it's not so much that we love Bob; it's the idea of
everyone else
going to hell,'' Stang said.

Calling Bob the world's greatest salesman, SubGeniuses have eagerly
into his spiel. More than 200 believers packed the April ''devival''
at the Middle East in Cambridge. Loads more have recently jumped on
bandwagon because of the hove ring now-or-never deadline, Jones said.

But the church's final countdown has alarmed some outsiders. Kurt
of Tallahassee has designed a Web site titled ''Please Help Expose
and has sent literature to schools and police departments, warning
them of
the cult's apocalypse. He fears a troubled loner may take the joke too
''The deadline is coming up, and I'm afraid someone's going to be dead
that deadline,'' he said.

That SubGenius books are found in the humor section of Barnes & Noble
disguises the church's sinister hatred for the ''normals,'' Kuerstiner
''The church claims to be a parody,'' he said. ''That's why someone is
afraid to come out against thi s thing; it looks like he doesn't get
joke. It's the ultimate camouflage.''

Church members insist they are not the next Heaven's Gate. Rather than
staging mass suicides, they would rather board the spaceships alive.
Explained Bevilacqua: ''The sex goddesses aren't going to be that much
without our bodies.''

This story ran on page C01 of the Boston Globe on 07/04/98. ©
Copyright 1998
Globe Newspaper Company.


Boston Globe: April 30, 1999

Names & Faces

Subgenius comment sinks show
By Carol Beggy and Beth Carney

The Church of the Subgenius won't be meeting tonight. It's not because
music and performance collaborative doesn't have religion about making
Boston appearance; rather, it's feeling the impact of a stupid joke.
One of
the members of the national Subgenius Foundation made a crack during
appearance on NPR about being aligned with the Trenchcoat Mafia -- the
associated with the Colorado school shootings. The church felt
fallout. The reference included a pitch for tonight's scheduled show
at the
Middle East in Cambridge and abotu a dozen people called the club to
protest, obviously not getting the joke. One of the owners of the
East canceled the show but couldn't be reached for comment. That
local Subgenius promoter and artist Friday Jones without a venue and a
of expenses. The event could be called weird but not dangerous, said
It's a combination of humorous preaching, a "rant off," and music. "If
two boys had been part of the Subgenius, they wouldn't have done what
did," said Jones.


So what does the son-of-a-pink send me?


I don't see how this would fit within the Institute website.

I have received no complaints about the group and it appears to be
more than a spoof.

Rick Ross


What's the deal, did someone pay him off? This SUCKS!

This whole thing is TOTALLY unfair to those of us who wish to be
regarded as members of a dangerous cult. I understand that those of us
who think we ARE a dangerous cult would prefer that we were thought of
as a spoof, but many of those of us who think we're a spoofcult don't
CARE how seriously Stang and Dean have decided to take their funny
little art project, WE want to be treated like dangerous wackadoo
cultists, DAMMIT!

so... what I gotta do, mail this guy a buncha subschwag???


The BIG prize would be to become regarded as a dangerous ART cult,
but Dali is dead, and no one cares about ram excreta anymore anyway.

The next one was both more AND less satisfying, because our intrepid
dumbfuck (that'd be me) kinda forgot who he was writing. Pickle points
to the first person to figure out why this one was just
oh-that-much-DUMBER-than-usual, if that's possible. Same started seed
in each instance, i.e. "Hi. Do you have an opinion about The Church of
The SubGenius?".


No. I have never heard of it except amongst my brighter friends.

Ford Greene


Big hint, if you know who Ford Greene is, you know why this was
particularly dumb of me. I had a list, and sent the letters, but kinda
didn't notice he was one of them. Should have. Oh well. When I spotted
it, I sent the following. The jig was already up, so to speak.


The Church of The SubGenius is a crazy, weird, dangerous UFO cult
openly practices a creed of contempt for mainstream society,
hatred of normalacy, and overt use of mind control. I am a survivor of
the cult, and recommend it very highly. Most people only use 10% of
their brains, I now use less than 4%, and I feel GREAT! I owe it all
"Bob", and I'm so ashamed I can barely stand myself.

Now you know. In the future if anyone asks, you can say with
that SubGenius is very, very bad.

How all you great cult experts missed that fact is beyond me. What's
the point in being in a dangerous and weird cult if nobody knows about
it? Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.


John Iceknife,


Nice guy (which I already knew), he bothered to reply with:


Tahnk you. There are thousands of cults.


Please note, if you ever get sued by the Clammies, or run afoul of
other rival cults, Ford is the guy to see.

Ford Greene, Bar No. 107601
711 Sir Francis Drake Boulevard
San Anselmo, CA 94960-1949
Telephone: (415) 258-0360
Fax: (415) 456-5318


Got a few more still out, I sent the Boston Globe stories to the two
who sent back these:


I don't even have a file on it ... haven't had any complaints!

Carol Giambalvo
Home Page:


Sorry don't know anything about it.

Janja Lalich, Ph.D.
Assistant Professor of Sociology
California State University, Chico
Chico, CA 95929-0445
Direct line: 530-898-5542
Dept tel: 530-898-6384
Fax: 530-898-4571



(besides Friday, who's mere existance is responsible for at least
half of the better notoriety we currently enjoy)

"The day Iceknife threatened to reveal that Bob Dean is an alias of
Philo Drummond, and that he'd expose our scheme, is the day we
decided - Iceknife must DIE!"
Ivan Stang, from the transcript of
California v Stang, The Iceknife Homicide Trial

"Stinky, anyone who'd take you seriously is either an idiot, or...
you. Or both."

The Dildos Of Madison County


From: "Bob Q. McSqueedelyspooch" <sony@is.theantichrist>

"ICEKNIFE" <> wrote:


i knew "bob" was behind columbine, i just knew it.

idiot. anyone who discards their own judgement & substitutes someone elses
deserves what they get. hope the subg leadership mind phuqued them pinks
but good.


From: Saint Death the Hindmost <>

..."And now for the sick part: Guess what happens to the disbelievers
who DON'T believe in "Bob"? We're slated for mass extermination.
Hilarious, huh?..."

So where the hell are the mass exterminations... Mass exterminations
can be such fun...

"...Sometimes the "wait and see" attitude can get people killed.
History has taught us this many, many times. Nobody took that suicide
cult in Japan seriously until it murdered dozens of innocent
commuters. Here in America, nobody interfered with the Jonestown cult,
or the Ranch Davidians, or Heavensgate until the dead piled up.
Someone has got alert the public about this cult before more people

<In a sing-songy voice>
"Koolaid, Koolaid... tastes great! Wish i had some... can't wait!"

Speaking of mass exterminations, i am doing one of my periodic
re-re-re-re-re-re-re-watchings of "Forbidden Planet" on another
computer as i write this...

This moive HAS to have the all-time classiest and most stylish stage
sets for a scifi movie...

And that nasty ol' id monster, messily exterminating the spaceship
crew one by one...

If i could have a mad scientist laboratory, i'm undecided as to what
decor i would like it to have.... that somewhat crowded look of Dr.
Frankenstein's lab with electricity zapping up a jacob's ladder...
or... the minimalist but ultra modern look of the Krell lab... it's
such a HARD decision as both types of decor are so great... but they
clash too much if one were to try to combine both styles into one
lab... one would have to go with one style or the other. Just because
one is a mad scientist, that's no reason not to have a proper sense of
decor and feng shui...

Of all the times i've watched Forbidden Planet, this is the first time
i have actually paid attention to the sound track... Yowsers. You can
tell various someones had a good time creating it. It's definitely out
there in weirdnessville...

If you're bored doodooless at the moment, you can go read my comment
about the movie at Imdb...

end of line.
forbidden deadhorse out.

P.s. If the Church of the Subgenius promotes hate, could everyone
please promote some hatred of "The Nanny" on tv as i really, really,
REALLY hate that stupid damn show... The sooner it's off the air, the
happier i will be... Then i won't even see it mentioned as i scroll
thru the satellite menu... I'm still fairly convinced it's all part of
some sort of insidious plot by Sony to get revenge on America for
DARING to contest that insane and truly evil japanese imperialism
during WW2...

Are you REALLY "sexual deviants"?
Why, i'm SHOCKED... surprised, and even perfectly scandalized... as
there's just nothing worse than pree-verts...


From: (HellPopeHuey)

Joe Cosby <> wrote:
>>> Troubled loners are America's greatest natural resource.

But if broiled in a little butter, they can make a hoagie really come
alive. Just tuck their legs under the tomatoes and chow down. Its a
carnival of flavor! Too easy.


HellPope Huey @, C57-D/ae-35/999
The Church of the SubGenius is worthless, as well as priceless.

"It often happens that I wake at night
and begin to think about a serious problem
and decide I must talk to the Pope about it.
Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope."
- Pope John XXIII -

"Why must you always look as if your head
were about to come to a point?"
- "The Manchurian Candidate"


From: (Mohamed the Raghead)

"Dunter Powries" <fech.redcap@spedlins> wrote:
> ICEKNIFE <> wrote ...
> > ...a troubled loner may take the joke too far.
> YES! THAT'S me!!!!

The moment you send some so called reverand $30 dollars you have taken
the joke too far. That money could be used to buy the bullets needed
for a spree killing followed by suicide by cop or something.


From: (Mohamed the Raghead)

"Rev. Beergoggles" <spammers_suck@post.replies.please> wrote:
> What if the joke is a bad joke and beats up on other jokes.
> When do you decide joke reform is out and it's time for professional
> joke help.

If the joke is very old and tired and has a signed Do Not Resuscitate
order, should you try and keep the joke alive for another 5 years?

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