ARISE! now showing in DivX; London Devival

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>
Date: Thu, Mar 4, 2004

To commemorate ARISE!'s rebirth on DVD, we are immediately shooting
ourselves in the foot and posting it for free on

We are also posting a near-DVD quality MPEG movie (SVCD compliant) of
the LONDON 2003 DEVIVAL short film, edited by Rev. ERRor -- to


which is being held THIS WEEKEND, Saturday March 6!


IMPORTANT NOTE: it's not It's
alt.binaries.MONTER-movies. No S in MONTER.

We decided to take over that old, abandoned movies newsgroup because it
was a stash for bulldada movies and badfilm in the first place, and
because that retarded, mistaken spelling of "monster" is a CLEAR
MESSAGE FROM "BOB" that this is the right newsgroup for us to use.

We're not using our usual stash for pictures and sound,
alt.binaries.slack, because there are so many little wheeny whiny
crybaby pussy-wussy boys on alt.binaries.slack who HATE movies to be
posted there -- presumably they still don't know or want to know how to
download a free newsreader program from I'm assuming
they still use browsers like Netscape or Explorer to view Usenet
newsgroups. (No offense to the self-blinding, pig-ignorant sissy-wissy
SubGenius boys who can't handle the same technology that TINY HUMAN
INFANTS master easily. I really don't mean to put anybody down.)

Of course, if you're not on some kind of fast DSL or cable Internet
connection, these movies would take you a couple of days each to
download, so for you this is all moot. And that's another reason we
post the giant files outside of alt.binaries.slack. We DO have mercy on
those who can but mewl and puke. And that's also one reason why ARISE
is available on VHS or DVD (or VCD!) from

The version of ARISE! that I posted is a DivX avi movie, about 580 mb
in size (fits on a CDR), 88 minutes long including the X-Day ad at the
end and the Church Commercial as a "preview." All the most common
movie players for Windows or Mac will play it. The player might have to
automatically fetch a codec from

There are LONG and DETAILED HOW-TO INSTRUCTIONS for movie-newsgroup
newbies in the "NFO" text file that I posted with ARISE. (You'll have
to scroll down past the ASCII Dobbsheads and movie description.)


I also posted my old claymation porno short, "Reproduction Cycle Among
Lower Life Forms Under the Rocks of Mars," a classroom documentary from
the future which shows what the Spirit and Opportunity landers are
filming RIGHT NOW with their electron micro-cameras, but not sharing
with us. This is a 12 minute film, turned into a VCD-compliant MPEG.
(It's also Part One of the feature-length compilation, "PRE-DOBBS
STANGFILMS," which is also on DVD.)

More about the London Devival:
Sat. May 6
7PM - 11PM
@ The Foundry, 84 Great Eastern St,London,Ec1

FREE ENTRY!!! ..... nearest TUBE is Old Street

Featuring Hellfire Preachin' and Dubious Antics from Real SubGenius®
Pope David Lee Black ... Pope Phil Monty ... Reverend ErRoR ... Espira
... Rev.Priest ... Contradiction

also .... LEEVIL [live] ... helmeted penis scratching underdog anti

KARAOKE DOMININATRIXES .... choose your tune and bend over!!
Mass-Cerimonial spankings to the sound of 'The Final Countdown'

plus ... all the chicken, ewok and badger you can eat!!!!!!!!

for more info contact.....


From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>

Chip Salzenberg <> wrote:
> According to
> >To commemorate ARISE!'s rebirth on DVD, we are immediately shooting
> >ourselves in the foot and posting it for free on alt.binaries.monter-movies.
> PRABOB! I can now play ARISE! on my laptop wherever I go, even without using
> my legally purchased DVD in my loud and battery-draining DVD drive!
> Muchas gracias, Señor Stang.

At the EXACT MINUTE that you posted this, your new "HAND-LABELED"
Memorex brand copy was duping!


Anyway, now you'll have a version for each possible player. I still
have some "skeleton-fuckers" if you want to complete your collection.


From: "nu-monet v6.0" <>

But what is going on from here?

I've got a ton of Slackful Bulldada to post,
but it's got to be intersperced with Church
Infoganda, or all is for naught.

Who else will post SubGenius stuff to monter?


that is?


From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>

Well here's my rough plan. I was gonna post a bunch of shorts in
VCD-mpeg form mostly -- DAY OF THE SUBGENIUS (that British rendition of
The Brag by Bolex Bros.).... Codini's ADVENTURES IN TEEN LIFE and "Get
Down with My Sickness," stuff like that.

"Something New to Die For," Sverre Kristensen's 30-minute insane
documentary about the Church.

Onan's Confession.


Then I also have the 5 X-Day Featurette, the 20-minute cut, which would
make a nice SVCD sized thing.

Basically all the stuff that's in our DVD catalog has long been done up
in the various Net formats and some are even RARred already, awaiting
this Great Day of Evacuation and Release.

I figure if we keep up the INTERSPERSION, we will win more souls. They
might fear or hate "the Bobs" (as humans sometimes call us) at first,
but as they see from the non-"Bob" posts like yours that our grasp of
Bulldada, and our collections, are second to none, they will realize
eventually that "Bob" IS IN FACT the ENERGY SOURCE for ALL of the great
badfilm, from the Lumiere bros. to my close personal friend, Rudy Ray

I have a whole lot of half-edited SubGenius material in the hamper. My
drives are crammed with animations made from a.b.s. art and other
things, set to music, and all the good 6XDay footage, and I'm more
inclined to tear into that stuff knowing there's some immediate place
to pester people with it.

Those boys from up north that did the excellent "SubGenius TV"
episodes, 3 so far, have finally given me a copy of it on DV, but only
on the condition that I not do what I'm doing with all my own films,
that is, bootleg them. They already bootlegged 'em themselves on a.b.s.
but they were SHITTY bootlegs, little no-account 10-frame-a-second
jpeggy-looking HINTS of their actual grandeur (as projected on Dr.
Dark's Drive-In at Brushwood.) So I hope they will make those into
decent VCDs or whatnot.

What I have that's really special, and precious, and extensive, are
PRANK CALLS, and I mean not just the classics, in CHERRY condition, but
acres of horrendously evil and hilarious ones that YOU HAVE NOT HEARD.
(I used to get a lot of this stuff from the top collector that I ever
knew of, the original Lou Minatti (not the same as the Lou Minatti in
SubGeniusland now).

And there are the 6 or 700 Hours of Slack that were done before we went
all digital and Internetty. I have been thinking about those tapes in
my closet. Those 700 tapes. (It's a big closet -- it also has all the
tapes that went into THOSE tapes.)

But making new shit is ever so much more fun! Just ain't enough time in
the day is the problem.


From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>

nu-monet v6.0 <> wrote:
> Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> >
> > But making new shit is ever so much more fun!
> > Just ain't enough time in the day is the problem.
> >
> Thass my point! You need to subcontract the
> posting of the old stuff. There must be a dozen
> high-bandwidth buddies hanging around who could
> post something you give them.

?? What other SubGenii besides you and me have been posting movies?

> A CD takes about 10 minutes to burn at 8x, but it
> can take 3/4ths of a day to prep and post. Save
> yer precious bodily fluids for the really senseless
> stuff!
> Now I *know* high bandwidth SubGenii will read this,
> and all they gotta do is say "Yo!", and get a disk
> or twenty in the mail.

Boy, are you optimistic.

They might say YO and get the disk, but that's the last I'll ever hear
or see of them. And not because they're ripping me off for a disk.
Because they're SubGeniuses and they're 99% TALK. They'll INTEND to
help, but then when they see it isn't THAT MUCH FUN AFTER ALL, well,
that's when the Church's First and Only Law kicks in.

I'll get 3 offers, but they'll all be from people who have never posted
or even copied a movie before, much less converted and prepped one.
They'll tell me they'll do anything I ask, if I just real quick DROP
EVERYTHING, STOP and teach them everything it took me the last 10 years
to learn.

I've been at this for a while, and I'm just going by what happens when
I ask for SubSITE help. They'll rant or make pictures or music, but try
SUBGENIUS'S WORK. Hell, try getting one of them to help you hang up a
Dobbshead at a devival. They'd have been happy to help... if they'd
gotten there earlier... they'd have helped pack up, but it was Last
Call... PHOOEY! LAZY SubGeniuses!

OR, contrariwise, they'll BUST ASS, but it'll be their VERY FIRST
ATTEMPT at whatever it is they're trying to do, and while they
themselves get some PRACTICE on the SubGenius project, it never
actually gets finished in any way that we can use without me completely
re-doing it myself.

I shouldn't gripe too much because over the years there have been
helpers who helped a LOT. St. David Bachner comes to mind! The online
STARK FIST text last year was prepped somewhat by Jarto, Huey and
Temujin, and Phloighd. (I have never gotten any indication that anyone
actually READS the online Stark Fist, except when my stalkers quote
things they found there about themselves.) Rev. Cobblestone has
prettied up some of the Art Mines front pages. Rev ERRor redid the
whole Sound Bites downloads area, which was a HUGE effort that was
never mentioned by anyone but him and me. The whole reason I'm doing
any video at all is because the Gription Clench GAVE me a DVD recorder
and others GAVE me hard drives. Back in the day, important sections of
SubSITE like the Pamphlet were done by Rev. Noah. Various people tried
their hands at individual SubSITE pages last year -- but I ended up
having to redo all the LINKS. (Websites don't work the same off Unix
servers as they do off your home PC, but that's the kind of thing you
only learn AFTER doing a real website.)

This really is a "DO IT YOURSELF" religion, and that's why I don't
expect much help any more on practical things and why things progress
somewhat slowly even though the CREATIVE flow of art, music and text
never stops. St. David Bachner, Jesus and Magdalen are still working
behind the scenes, and I am. Otherwise... it's all fine artists and
brilliant musicians. Not one decent janitor or delivery boy in the
crowd. SEVEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE have, over the years, told me they were
fixing the Art Mines 12 links, and 5 have "taken on" the web links
pages at SubSITE. And I sent them what they needed. And yet those pages
still look just like they did in 1996 when I first put them up! (And
those are the SIMPLE ones that ANYBODY could do!)

There are 700 Hours of Slack that could be digitized by anyone capable
of copying a cassette into a computer and then pushing the "convert to
MP3" button. Four people have said they'll take that on... SOON. (Years
ago.) At this point I am outright DISTRUSTFUL of people who suddenly
appear out of the blue offering to "help." What it usually means is
they expect to be the Next Famous Preacher or something, just for the
noble act of OFFERING to help.

I'll say it again -- the best way to help the SubGenius Church is with
THING that ANYONE can do. It's in fact the ONLY thing that keeps
SubSITE and the PO Box open. TOIL we have aplenty. It's the MONEY that
the keeps the machines running.

PROOF: Rev. Chris Li laid out a whole paper Stark Fist ages ago, but WE
copies isn't that hard, but MAILING them costs THOUSANDS -- which
amount we never seem to NOT BE IN DEBT.)

The very best SubGenius CD has still not sold ONE COPY. The one guy I
gave a freebie to BECAME A SCI FI WRITER after hearing it, he was so
inspired. If we had more money, I could PAY somebody to do all the shit
like putting the labels on the CDs, dubbing the copies, doing back-ups,
running to the P.O. etc. etc.

While I'm bitching, another thing I've learned is that if you put
Connie on a product, IT WILL NEVER EVER BE BOUGHT. "We Connietites
aren't being serviced! Make more Connie stuff!" Yeah right. I have a
fucking warehouse full of Connie stuff. Connie is the KISS OF DEATH in
more ways than one. Another popular misconception shot down -- that
anybody but IMBJR and Heart Ignition gives a shit about Connie.


YOU, Nu-Monet, are the EXCEPTION. You write ACTUALLY FUNNY and
INTERESTING stuff constantly and post it. You SPENT BIG MONEY on the
Church at a time when it probably kept us from going UNDER. You give
back to the binaries groups majorly. So I'm not bitching at YOU by ANY
means! Or any of the few who HAVE helped on the NOT-FUN stuff,
ESPECIALLY BACHNER, JESUS AND MAGDALEN. I'm just bitching in general
because most people are Rewardians, and I'm an Emergentile, and never
the twain shall meet. Except for SEX.

So your suggestion that I ask for non-artistic, technical help prompts
bittersweet emotions in me, as you can see.


From: "nu-monet v6.0" <>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> ...YOU, Nu-Monet, are the EXCEPTION...

Oh, kisses. I'll have to post a SHITLOAD of
other binaries to monter.

Bulldada so Slackful, they'll PUKE.

Or at least learn how to use WinRAR and


From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>

And they WILL thank us for it.

I was thinking about all the nifty shit I have on VHS... and how much
hard drive space that stuff takes up when you go to make it
Internettable. And the TIME. It's all I can do to keep the SubGenius
stuff spewing so I'm gonna have to leave the Bulldada by The Others in
your capable hands.

Wei and I were admiring that short you posted, BALANCE. I had that on a
VHS collection (probably something Puzzling Evidence sent me, and see,
that's a whole 'nother can of worms, the endless Puzzling Evidence
half-SubGenius half-Not TAPES. (And all the PAPER ART and DOCs I could
be scanning and posting,.... AND....)... anyway that is a KILLER
short. As a stop motion animator I am ASTOUNDED every time I see it.
Fucking unbelievable sense of... balance... and timing. Man, nobody
animates puppets like those Rooskies and Czecks and Poles and

Yes, BALANCE is one I have seen while tripping more than once. It
brings to mind the vast collection of trip-worthy, "baked potato"
films... well, those are all in the can. A lot of the SubGenius stuff
is NOT in the can yet though so I got my editing work cut out for me.
Soon as I get a couple of HoSlacks done and the web stuff. The TON of
web stuff.

To give you an example... last night I decided I was DONE with the
Detroit stuff. I made special DVDs for MAN and the Aminos, and the 29
minute version, and the whole-show version. They're made from about 20
gigs of original DV transfer that I can now erase... having made DVD
back-ups of a) the original edited DV b) all the DV titles and extras
c) the Final Cut Pro "edit script" d) the Rm version e) the VCD mpeg,
and the VCD; the SVCD mpegs, and SVCDs, the MP4s which are made for the
coming time when MP4 is normal, the avi, the little mov, etc etc.

Altogether, that one set of home movies from that one devival was
eating up about 75 GIGABYTES.

Almost all of it is now backed up and erased from the drives. But it
was taking up all that space for over a month.

NEXT: 6XD? Starwood? The music videos I made from the a.b.s. art? All
that shit's in the hopper... BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN MADE THE BOX ART FOR
THE 10 NEW CD and CDR and DVD products that I FINISHED! And I can't
make the AD until I've made the BOX ART!!

(There's TONS of art, I just have to make all the WORDS that go on the
boxes!-- and make them FIT THE ART, see.)

It's enough to make a feller want to quit typing and triping, and git
to WORK! After a quick "pit" stop at,


From: (Chip Salzenberg)

According to
>At the EXACT MINUTE that you posted this, your new "HAND-LABELED"
>Memorex brand copy was duping!

I won't turn on the chronosynchlastic infindibulum until 2007, but
you know how those things are.

>Anyway, now you'll have a version for each possible player. I still
>have some "skeleton-fuckers" if you want to complete your collection.

Yes, thanks, toss one in; I think I'd like to stress my DVD hardware,
and possibly give you a data point about whether your player is more
or less picky than most.
Chip Salzenberg - a.k.a. - <>
"It furthers one to have somewhere to go."

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