From: firstname.lastname@example.org (ChaosopherMFP)
Date: Sun, Apr 4, 2004
As a young entity i found a signal from a wierd little
planet that seemed
filled with multi colored happy creatures that called themselves Muppits. They
came in all shapes and sizes and had all kinds of things to do and people to
talk to and i, locked in my space ship had no one as my parents were still in
One day wile watching the out put from this quaint little place i saw a show
with a big bird like creature that called itself BigBird. The large avid was in
the middle of an emotional crises as he had the ablity to see a creature that
all the other people of Mup( Humans?) could not see. It was called Snuffy and
was friendly in a rather semple minded way that indered it to the bird. But as
all the others could not see it no one would belive that it was real and this
caused a fair amount of destress for the bird.
I with my own eyes
have seen such horrors
that i would dare not speak of them
but for a warning to those that
would follow the path.
For this is the Book of Snuffy , the Book of the Unknown
Beast, that I impart
to you at peril of my life, as it was scattered on the planes of my pineal
gland by the cruel spirits from beyond the Five Pints Of Southern Comfort who
stold it from an old episode of Honeymooners.
Let all who read this book be warned thereby that the
habitation of Earth is
watched and surveyed by that Ancient Race of Gods and Demons from a time before
time,(sweeps week), and that they seek revenge for that forgotten battle that
took place somewhere in PBS and rent the Worlds in the days before the time of
Mup, when the Elder Ones walked The Street, the race of Kermit, as he is known
to the Chaldeans, and of Elmo the Artist of our Tickling Hands, the Lord of
I have seen Between The Channels, that no map can chart.
I have lived in Public
Access and the wastelands of Open Air Broadcasts, and spoken with The Readers
Of Books, the souls of The Greatful Dead, and of women who have died in
Liposuction, victims of the she-fiend Piggy.
have traveled beneath the thoughts of man, in search
of the Palace of Elmo,
and found the scattered remains of the First Book Of Counting, and deciphered
the thoughts of Sleeping Sots. And because of these once scattered Thoughts the
blood of Demons and Gods alike have imbrued my hands and fed my hunger.
I have raised demons, and the dead.
I have found fear.
As a young boy I travelling alone in that space ship
I came upon this Big Bird
with three strange symbols carved into his chest.I could not move him from my
thoughts. Thinking no more of the carvings, save that they might be the work of
a network hack I built a shrine at his foot to protect me from the ratings
storms. Being about three hours after dawn, in the late of winter I was
awakened by a howl uncommonly loud and close at hand. Thetoast had burnt and
spted crums across the three carvings. I began to make haste to butter the
Bird, at once, the creature began to rise slowly into the air, as though he
were smokeing really good Tia and I could not move or speak for the fear that
seized upon my spine and wrapped cold fingers around my skull.
I heard a voice, softly, some distance away and a more
practical fear, that of
the possibility of Commercials, took hold of me and I rolled some more weed
trembling. Another voice joined the first, and soon several men in the black
suits of Metrosexuals came together over the place where I was, surrounding the
floating bird for which they did not exhibit the least fright.
I could see clearly now that the three carvings on him
were glowing like embers
as though the very fethers were on fire. The figures were murmuring together in
prayer or invocation, of which only a few words could be heard, and these in
some unknown smoozing tongue; though, SPIELBERG have mercy on my soul!, these
rituals are known to me now.
The figures, whose faces I could not see or recognize,
began to make wild
Gasses in the air with Butts that glinted cold and pastey in the early morning.
From beneath the floating bird, out of the very ground
where he had sat, came
rising a tail like a serpent. This serpent was surely larger than any I had
ever seen. The thinnest section thereof was fully that of the arms of two men,
and as it rose from the earth it was getting thicker and formed the furry head
of a creature unlike any i had ever seen.
And the Smoozing Chants of the Add Department filled the night air.
"SNUFFY UBER ALIS!!!"
The Pitch was made and the earth shook with fear and
lothing as the cute furry
Leviathan of Horror roamed out into the morning to search for strassed out
parrents that might sacrifice there children to the
New Time Slot.
All these things have i seen and known and now i impart this to you in the
hopes that all is not lost. Seek out The Green One. As for me Im getting my
space ship the fuck out of here.
~Revernd Artemis Bartholomew Zonker III Esquire~
From: El Queso <email@example.com>
Yet another reason not to huff Scotchguard, read the
watch PBS at the same time.
From: "HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer" <SeventhSqueal@SlowOnTheUptake.edu>
Recalls the visionary experiences he suffered as a child whilst his parents
were in stasis.
> ~Revernd Artemis Bartholomew Zonker III Esquire~
Original file name: Searching for Snuffu#192F33.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05
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