We're all going to DIE!!! (What, again?)

From: modemac@modemac.com (Modemac)
Date: Tue, Sep 2, 2003 10:56 AM


The latest giant asteroid collision possibility: A huge rock might hit
the Earth in the year 2014. However, the chances of the collision
actually taking place are estimated to be about 1 in 909,000.

Then again, we eagerly buy lottery tickets with far less odds than
that. So who knows?


From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

We should put all the people who won the lottery in a rocket aimed at
the asteroid NOW.

The luck plane WILL be fed.

Joe Cosby

It's OK. I didn't use -my- toothbrush.

- General purpose punchline. Invent your own joke to go with it.


From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>

Look on the bright side - we've got 11 years of asteroid kookery to
look forward to in the run-up. More grist for the mill.



From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

I wonder how this will be tied in with the 2012 kookery. For example,
if, by Dec. 31, 2012, JACK SHIT has happened,
vast-planetary-change-wise, will the 2012 believers "pull an X-Day" and
use the 2014 asteroid as some kind of procrastinatory alibi?

And, might it be feasible to adjust the path of the asteroid to make it
more likely to hit Earth? Contrariwise, would it be possible to create
some sort of "asteroid magnet" on Earth that would DRAW the space rock


From: modemac@modemac.com (Modemac)

Note to alt.slack animation buffs: Dig out your videos of the Max
Fleischer "Superman" cartoons of the 1940s, and watch the episode "The
Magnetic Telescope." This story has a machine that does exactly that:
bring down asteroids from the sky onto Earth. There's a really cool
sequence in there that has half the city of Metropolis being destroyed
in a meteor storm, as a result.


From: "nikolai kingsley" <nikolai@broadway.net.au>

> And, might it be feasible to adjust the path of the asteroid to make it
> more likely to hit Earth? Contrariwise, would it be possible to create
> some sort of "asteroid magnet" on Earth that would DRAW the space rock
> Earthwards?

and if it was big enough to wipe out a continent - say, mainland China - but
not big enough to be classed as a 'dinosaur killer', how hard would it be to
send up a shuttle and some boosters and a coupla rolls of gaffer tape and
give the rock a little nudge, say, China-wards? of course, this would all
have to be done in secret, otherwise people might level accusations of some

but think about it. we lose several million warlike chinese and we gain
several million tonnes of nickel-iron ore and on top of that we get to see
just how accurate all those CGI asteroid-hits-the-planet vids were.

look, i tried to re-write this post without sounding like a racist,
but i couldn't do it. i apologise.


From: Sternodox <sternodox@aristotle.net>

I suspect that what will most likely happen - and we're talking
astro-physics here - will be that the asteroid will contain a
previously undiscovered element that will create a "shudder" in the
fabric of space/time, allowing a WHOLE SHITLOAD of DICK-SHAPED aliens
with magic powers to emerge from their own dimension (which,
incidentally, is filled with MAGGOT-CRAWLING SHIT rather than
hydrogen). These aliens will then proceed to maniacally BUTTFUCK every
human they can find IN THE THROAT, sawing the hapless humans' heads off
since the aliens' dicks are made from carbide compounds TEN TRILLION
HUNDRED times harder than diamonds, and are shaped like bandsaws, and
then they'll BUTTFUCK THE NECKSTUMPS before reanimating the heads and
using them for portable BLOW-JOB machines except since the aliens'
dicks ARE actually rapidly oscillating BAND SAW-LIKE appendages, the
lips, tongues and throats of the alive/dead heads will just be
destroyed causing the aliens' sexual frustration to build to a peak
such that their accumulated anger coalesces into an evil force that
totally takes over the aliens' minds and causes them to cut their own
dicks off and sew them to each others' TONGUES so that when they attemp
to perform oral sex on the now rotting human heads, they'll actually be
buttfucking the heads in the MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!


From: drdark@37.com (DoktorDark)

mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull) wrote in message

> And this effects me how?
How it will AFFECT you will be with the EFFECT of DEATH if it hits
here on that date.

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