Why amputee fetishism stumps the medical establishment

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Date: Thu, Aug 14, 2003 12:58 PM

HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subgenius.com> wrote:
> "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com> wrote:
> > So, uh, just between you and me, don?t you find
> > > that missing limbs turn you on? That amputees
> > > are sexy?
>
> Not really. She has to lean on the dog with her good arm to manage
> our best position and when the little screwhead inevitably drops to
> the floor to lick his goodies, it ruins our balance. BAD DOG!

Just yesterday we were enjoying a song about how hotfully a handless
and footless girl rocks -- "NUBS," by a band called NOFX. (I downloaded
a whole album by this band because the TITLES of the SONGS were good,
and by gobbs, they're new Shordurpersavs.)

"She doesn't walk the walk... and she doesn't like to talk... BUT SHE
SURE ROCKS, THAT'S NUBS!" is how the song ends. They're kind of like a
punk Swinging Love Corpses.

There's a newsgroup called alt.binaries.diabled-devo, or was, dunno if
it's still active... it was crammed with photos of amputees. Some from
porn. Some from medical supply catalogs. Some from inspirational
magazine articles. SOME SURREPTITIOUSLY-SHOT VOYEUR PICS. I um kept the
downloads as an um archive, um, part of my Internet Oddities museum you
see.

I understand where the would-be amputee-fuckers are coming from. Part
of amputee lust is the helplessness appeal ("she can't fight back")
mingled with the "she must be needy" appeal, the old "somebody even
more fucked up looking than me might actually want to fuck me." Which
is strictly wishful thinking on the part of the boy with the incredibly
bad self-image. Crippled girls, like very fat girls, have the same
problem most girls do -- not in getting dates -- there are plenty of
guys who DREAM of such girls -- but avoiding dates with FUCKED UP
CREEPS who have terrible self-images and twisted self esteem.

I don't understand the people who want to BECOME amputees. Talk about a
sublimated sex-change. Perhaps what's-his-name, Sterno's late redneck
driveway-plower, put it best when he said,

"'Cause he's a dumbass."

But I wouldn't know. For I have not yet limped or rolled that mile in
the shoes of the amputee wanna-be, nor in the mocassins of the aspiring
paraplegic.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> ...I understand where the would-be
> amputee-fuckers are coming from...

> ...I don't understand the people who
> want to BECOME amputees.

What about us 'third way' types?

You know, the guys who fantasize about
making girls amputees?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

What about those of us who are inverse amputee wannabes? Who want
MORE limbs? I think it would be GREAT to have 11 arms and penii at
some more strategic locations on my body.

Although I can't really see much point of having extra legs. Maybe
like rollers or tracks or something so I don't have to go about the
agonizing process of walking, which is part of that perverse group of
anachronisms known as "exercise".

And what the fuck, if an opposable thumb is GOOD, why not TWO? One on
each side. Or FOUR, so you have like front and back reach? You could
have four hands for the price of two, and then if you had four arms,
you'd get EIGHT. Or EIGHT arms with TWO hands each with FOUR
opposable thumbs per hand, so you have THIRTY TWO 'grips' altogether?
I mean what the fuck, I have like 11 remote controls, who the fuck
thought that shit up? This way I could be using the remotes, drinking
a hard drink, loading my hookah, and WHACKING OFF all at the same
time!

I mean if we're going to get into amputee fucking, then where did all
their limbs go? There must be hundreds of spares laying around. All
it needs is a little amateur surgery. Granted, I haven't done limb
unbutations before but how hard could it be? I think a little
enthusiasm and a little good ol' gumption would be enough.

And, you know, knives and glue and stuff.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

Hell, you could be the next Jackie Chan if you had a couple
extra legs. (Note to self: That's a good pre-fight insult)

Joe Cosby wrote:
> And what the fuck, if an opposable thumb is GOOD, why not TWO? One on
> each side. Or FOUR, so you have like front and back reach? You could
> have four hands for the price of two, and then if you had four arms,
> you'd get EIGHT. Or EIGHT arms with TWO hands each with FOUR
> opposable thumbs per hand, so you have THIRTY TWO 'grips' altogether?

You could hire yourself out at funerals for friendless people as a one
man pall bearer team. Of course, if the people had no friends then I don't
know who'd pay you for the service.

Personally I'd like to have my ears replaced with extra hands so I could
carry in the groceries and hold my hat on in a wind storm. Or maybe a hand
on my ass cheek on the side where I keep my wallet so I could grab
pickpockets by the wrist and hold them until the police arrived. Or even
better would be a thumb and forefinger on the roof of my mouth so I could
pick my teeth with a matchbook cover after a meal in a swanky resturant.
Not to mention that I could rest a pea on the tip of my tongue and flick
it across the room. I hate peas.

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Original file name: Re- Why amputee feti#191734.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05