3 Sort of Strange Coincidences

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Date: Tue, Sep 16, 2003

3 in 2 days.

1. On Sunday I learned that my wife's mother's mother was a SMITH who
was adopted... by a DODDS. (My human street name is Smith and my boss's
name is Dobbs.) Technically I had known those facts already, but had
not put them together just that way. Now I feel like an incestuous cult
braainwashee! YEAHHHH!!!

2. When I farted, the lights in the room flickered.

I was across the office from Princess Wei, cutting labels, when along
with the labels I more or less accidentally cut a little fart. Just a
quick little "popcorn poot," nothing abusive... didn't really mean to
let it go with her in the room... but I could have SWORN that the
overhead bare bulbs I work under BLINKED at the exact moment. "Nah," I
thought, that was just my eyes or brain hiccuping... but I said to Wei,
"Hon, the funniest thing... I just cut a little fart and I could have
sworn..." "The lights DID flicker," she said. "I heard you fart and I
saw the lights flicker."

The lights don't normally flicker like that up here.

I found this as bafflingly near-meaningful as the time a bird shat
directly into my pipe bowl two Starwoods ago. I mentioned the magic
fart on the Sunday Night IRC Devival, and Rev.Dr. Jack dubbed it a
"POLTERFART."

3. Princess Wei and I had driven to the PO yesterday right after she
got off work, to deliver the two big sacks of outgoing, somewhat late
swag. But her car was sounding bad. She decided to hotfoot it to the
repair shop before they closed. I decided to stay in line at the PO and
then walk home.

I was cutting across a vast, surreally empty parking lot on this
unscheduled walk back when I saw, right in front of me, what looked
like a dollar bill laying on the pavement. It was a TWENTY.

Of all possible places in this vast parking lot that the money could
have blown to, FATE had delivered it directly into my unscheduled path.

Boy, did that cheer me up.

A less thoughtful SubGenius would have picked up the twenty and skipped
gaily home, or to the frop dealer's, or whatever.

I, however, stopped and let my imagination run free, in the direction
of SPILLED SACKS OF TWENTIES DROPPED BY FLEEING BANK ROBBERS or DRUG
DEALERS, the wind scattering the bills all over the parking lot.

So I stood there and very carefully scanned the whole area for any
OTHER twenties that might be blowing hither and yon on the wind.

No such luck. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS, I THOUGHT OF IT THEN AND
THERE. I didn't wait until I was in some opium den miles away to
suddenly start wondering if there hadn't been a SPILT-OPEN TOTE-BAG OF
TWENTIES five feet from where I'd fount that one twenty. NO SIR, I
THOUGHT AHEAD, looked around real good, and made sure that belated
greedy ideas wouldn't bedevil me hours later, when it was too late. So
I can REST EASY TODAY, knowing that that ONE TWENTY was all there was
AVAILABLE, and that I didn't TOTALLY BLOW IT.

To nip it before it starts, NO, I don't believe that ANY of you
alt-slack-fux lost a twenty in a Cleveland Heights, OH shopping center
parking lot yesterday.

And YES, this Dobbs-given money will go to the poor. Poor Dr. Howll,
Princess Wei and Rev. Stang will eat heartily on the way to Indyvival.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull) wrote:
>>2. When I farted, the lights in the room flickered.
>
>So YOU are the cause of the blackouts!

A couple weeks ago he pointed out that the blackouts allowed him to
procrastinate doing his taxes for a while longer, and I pointed out
that with his control of the luck plane, it might have been HIS FAULT
that the blackouts happened.

And he probably thought I was kidding.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

to a man with a hammer and nails, everything looks like jesus

- polar bear, alt.slack

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: lanegibberish@yahoo.com (IshGibber)

A couple weeks a go I moved to a university. The first weekend there,
I popped a bunch of adderall and read The Book for 12 hours straight.
The next day, high as I was, from 'sniffing between the lines' of the
book, I met some vixen, and fucked her in the ass. Coincedence?
Hardly. My luck plane was tipped.--
-- Lane

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> I was cutting across a vast, surreally empty parking lot on this
> unscheduled walk back when I saw, right in front of me, what looked
> like a dollar bill laying on the pavement. It was a TWENTY.
>
> Of all possible places in this vast parking lot that the money could
> have blown to, FATE had delivered it directly into my unscheduled path.
>
> Boy, did that cheer me up.
>
> A less thoughtful SubGenius would have picked up the twenty and skipped
> gaily home, or to the frop dealer's, or whatever.
>
...
>
> So I stood there and very carefully scanned the whole area for any
> OTHER twenties that might be blowing hither and yon on the wind.

One of the few times I was ever on acid my pal and I were walking
through a parking lot and found like seventeen dollars blowing around
and I suddenly realized THERE WERE PARKING LOTS ALL OVER TOWN!!! AND
MY FORTUNE WAS MADE!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>

I keep finding money in my wife's purse. It just magically appears
there, week after week.

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Original file name: 3 Sort of Strange Co#1AD075.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05