Subject: STERNO'S VERY BEST STORY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: (Rev. Sternodox)
Date: Tue, Jul 29, 2003

Somber Dries The Hoover Year

by Rev. Sternodox

Although Jones' favorite dish was wino vomit garnished with cockroach
paste and stuffed into petrified mammoth testicles, he decided that
tonight he would eat nine pounds of impacted fecal matter extracted from
the heaving bowels of an overweight, dying hydroencephalic Las Vegas poker
dealer. Lying on his semi-inflated life raft, floating in his swimming
pool filled with blood, cum, piss and real real real REAL runny shit that
had a lot of partially digested corn and green beans in it, Jones pondered
his next move. He decided that, rather than buttfuck a gelatinous mound of
whale sperm mixed with camel snot, he would simply fistfuck a dead sea cow
and lick the resultant vaginal spum off his well-lubricated arm. As he
contemplated this highly exciting prospect and got a hard-on at the same
time, his portable phone rang suddenly. He answered it and it was his next
door neighbor, who was a Southern Baptist preacher named Smyth. "Are you
going to church with me today, my friend," said Smyth, hopefully. "Fuck
your goddam asshole ragged with a tar-soaked telephone pole that has been
liberally studded with bent, rusy nails you shit-begrimed living example
of a chancre fucking retard," answered Jones. Before Smyth had a chance to
react, Jones had activated the machinery beneath his house that was
designed to dig under Smyth's house and release a flood of his swimming
pool contents into the distraught preacher's living room. But suddenly, as
the stream of aromatic shit, saliva, snot, buttfucked piss and sea cow
vaginal spum squirted all over the poor Baptist preacher, he all of a
sudden developed a craving to sit in the middle of the stream and jack off
while imagining being shit upon by the entire boy's choir of his parish.
As his excitement mounted, who should happen upon the masturbating
preacher but the entire boy's choir, except they had all been killed in a
bus crash that morning and it was right by this radiation experiment place
and the radiation got out and mixed with their genes and made them all
into living dead zombies that had a craving for Baptist preacher rectum.
Smyth screamed as the zombies slowly wiped the delicious layer of
excrement off his head and turned him over so they could buttfuck him with
an industrial sized ground auger. As the slowly rotating drill bit was
forcibly inserted into the preachers distended asshole, the pain was such
that he was going to pass out but they injected eighty hundred grams of
crystal methedrine into his testicles so he couldn't pass out and then
they started to skin him alive and eat his flesh while his wife was tied
up on the other side of the room and had her eyelids surgically removed
and her head in a vice so she couldn't turn away and had to watch as her
husband was slowly skinned alive while being buttfucked by a drill wielded
by a bunch of zombie kids. But then she got real turned on and suddenly
wished Jones would come over and fuck her in her not yet healed
appendectomy slit and amazingly he actually came over right then and did
it. And then Channel 7 showed up and put it all on the six o-clock news
and almost everybody in the whole town jacked off when they saw it.

The End


From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <>

When Princess Wei got home, we both read this story, and it got us so
hot, I swear to god, we ripped our clothes off and ran into the bedroom
to fuck -- but I couldn't get her to cut my dick off. PRUDE!! Do you
know where can I get an industrial sized ground auger, where I won't
get ripped off? I feel like that nowadays, they're out to get you on
those ground augers.

4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)

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