From: "nu-monet v6.0" <email@example.com>
Date: Tue, Feb 3, 2004 1:28 PM
"I knew as soon as I saw the breast that I had
to sell. Sell, at ANY PRICE."
So said a senior executive at Merrill Lynch, which
led the DOW Jones Industrial Average to drop over
2700 points today on the heaviest trading day ever
recorded, blamed on the exposure of Janet Jackson's
right breast on CBS during the Super Bowl.
In Iraq, the exposure of the Afroid titty was seen
as a rallying cry for all those opposed to the US-
led occupation, causing them to spontaneously rise
up and attack coalition forces. Early estimates are
over 17,000 Iraqis killed, with heavy casualties to
the 4th Infantry Division alone, perhaps numbering
as high as 650 killed and thousands wounded in the
Other shockwaves of the Nubian Nipple are Al Sharpton
suddenly being propelled to the top of several major
democratic primary polls and the declaration of war
between the nations of Guatemala and Uzbekistan and
Switzerland and Swaziland.
Reports of elementary school children fornicating
by the hundreds in front of their shocked school
teachers, smoking cigarettes and marijuana openly,
and youngsters as little as 5 calling for the
abolition of western civilization in favor of
have been circulating around what is left of the
Threats of rock and roll, homosexual marriage and
consensual cannibalism seem imminent. Mini skirts
and moon boots are back in vogue.
President Bush is nowhere to be found, with Vice
President Dick Cheney declaring a state of national
emergency and ordering that all breasts be registered
by the Department of Homeland Security and that nipple
concealment devices be employed to protect the nation's
The FBI has been renamed (The Department of) Female
Body Inspectors. Squeezing breasts while making
"honking" sounds is still regarded as juvenile.
Stay tuned to this CBS station for further updates.
Don't PANIC!!! And always watch the skies.
"HERE LIES NU-MONET.
GOT TRIPLE HIS MONEY BACK."
Original file name: horrors.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05
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