I Am So Glad She's a Skinny Little Woman
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 16:37:17 -0500
--------
Because she's my doctor, and I just had a full physical checkup. And
you know what THAT means for guys over 50.
I will never understand how butt-sex can be attractive to EITHER party.
I hope.
Oddly enough, I got another clean bill of health. This surprises the
Doc, since I smoked like 3 packs of Marlboros a day for 25 years.
The only problem is that it's become obvious that I HAVE to exercise
now. REAL exercises, the kind that HURT. Just the walking and
mail-carrying ain't cutting it. My back felt fine while I was hauling
shit around Europe, but after sitting on my butt at my desk for a few
days straight, I can tell the rot is already starting to sink in again.
God damn it. I had so set my heart on ass-sitting for perpetuity. But
apparently if you do that, you just get OLD and PUTRID. I need to
maintain my putridity without aging. God damn it. Mom was right.
Exercise, fresh air, three squares a day and a good night's sleep IS
the only Good Pill. DANG! But, at least "too much is always better than
not enough" holds true in this instance. And with that I believe I
shall now go eat a sandwich and take a nap. I'll do the sit-ups... uh,
later.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: Hilbert Hooper Aspaspia
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 23:22:09 GMT
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"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in
news:101220041637178396%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com:
> Because she's my doctor, and I just had a full physical checkup. And
> you know what THAT means for guys over 50.
>
Welcome to my whirld, kinda.
I have to get a physical once a year as a condition of employment.
When I turned 40 the Doc started prostate exams using his
sausage-link-sized fingers, despite my offer to pay for the
PSA bloodtest.
Wait 'til "they" want to send you off for a colonoscopy.....
Correspondent:: nenslo
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 15:40:26 -0800
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"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>
> Because she's my doctor, and I just had a full physical checkup. And
> you know what THAT means for guys over 50.
>
> I will never understand how butt-sex can be attractive to EITHER party.
>
> I hope.
Hey, they just did that with a blood test for me. Seriously, they can
tell that prostate stuff from antibodies and enzymes better than by
feel. Guess what YOU just been!
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 20:49:40 -0500
--------
In article <41BA33E9.61FDBA85@yahoox.com>, nenslo
wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> >
> > Because she's my doctor, and I just had a full physical checkup. And
> > you know what THAT means for guys over 50.
> >
> > I will never understand how butt-sex can be attractive to EITHER party.
> >
> > I hope.
>
> Hey, they just did that with a blood test for me. Seriously, they can
> tell that prostate stuff from antibodies and enzymes better than by
> feel. Guess what YOU just been!
Hmmm... she gave me the blood test TOO.
Maybe she just REALLY LIKES ME! That would explain the way she checked
out my "package". But even then she was a bit rough. She was acting
more like a car mechanic than a porno star. I felt like a piece of
meat. Now I know how girls must feel when they catch me ogling them.
Maybe somebody gets off on this doctor's office proctology sort of
thing, but for me, to quote Little Big Man, "that liked to shrivel me
like a spider on a hot stove."
For some reason this talk is making me think of Mister Sister down the
street. I should call and see how HIS butt is doing.
*****
Well, his butt is doing much better, and he retires in THREE WEEKS!
Which is now sort of scaring him.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 00:12:17 -0800
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On Fri, 10 Dec 2004 20:49:40 -0500, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
wrote:
>For some reason this talk is making me think of Mister Sister down the
>street. I should call and see how HIS butt is doing.
>
>*****
>
>Well, his butt is doing much better, and he retires in THREE WEEKS!
>
>Which is now sort of scaring him.
mister sister has been going to be going to retire in three weeks for
like 800 YEARS since I have been following this newsgroup. He is
obviously not READY to quit his job for "Bob". And as such I think
your doctor should be bribed to go give him some "exams" forcibly
until his third eye is sufficiently mystically opened to see the
light.
Just tell him it's a new department of homeland security requirement,
he won't argue with that.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
Summoning his cosmic powers
and blowing slightly from his toes
the psychic emanations flow
- Syd Barret
Correspondent:: Artemia Salina
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 21:29:27 -0500
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On Fri, 10 Dec 2004 15:40:26 -0800, nenslo wrote:
> Hey, they just did that with a blood test for me.
So did they find any? Blood, that is?
--
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
0:-) Artemia Salina (-:0
0:-) Surrounded by Angels (-:0
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
Correspondent:: nenslo
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 16:55:29 -0800
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Artemia Salina wrote:
>
> On Fri, 10 Dec 2004 15:40:26 -0800, nenslo wrote:
>
>
> > Hey, they just did that with a blood test for me.
>
> So did they find any? Blood, that is?
>
Turnip juice.
Correspondent:: Artemia Salina
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 21:26:29 -0500
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On Sat, 11 Dec 2004 16:55:29 -0800, nenslo wrote:
> Artemia Salina wrote:
>>
>> On Fri, 10 Dec 2004 15:40:26 -0800, nenslo wrote:
>>
>>
>> > Hey, they just did that with a blood test for me.
>>
>> So did they find any? Blood, that is?
>>
>
> Turnip juice.
Uh huh. And I suppose you think that's going to get me
to respond with "you can't get blood from a turnip."
Wait a minute. It did!
DAMN THAT NENSLO!
--
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
0:-) Artemia Salina (-:0
0:-) Surrounded by Angels (-:0
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
Correspondent:: purple
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 22:11:08 -0500
--------
On 12/10/04 6:40 PM, in article 41BA33E9.61FDBA85@yahoox.com, "nenslo"
wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>>
>> Because she's my doctor, and I just had a full physical checkup. And
>> you know what THAT means for guys over 50.
>>
>> I will never understand how butt-sex can be attractive to EITHER party.
>>
>> I hope.
>
> Hey, they just did that with a blood test for me. Seriously, they can
> tell that prostate stuff from antibodies and enzymes better than by
> feel.
That test was found to be fraudulent a couple years ago.
Sorry, buddy, you're on your own.
Start feeling!!
The Great Bob Dobbs
Correspondent:: asscoassc@aol.comSHUTUP (AssCo Assc)
Date: 11 Dec 2004 04:34:19 GMT
--------
<< Seriously, they can tell that prostate stuff from antibodies and enzymes
better than by
feel. Guess what YOU just been!>>
They're also groping for fissures and polyps.
That's why the American Cancer Society still
recommends the test in conjunction with a
blood screening.
I looked it up. . .
'cause I just had one too and my doctor is gay.
---
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
ooOOoo
It petrifies the tongue. . .
Shoots arrows through the lung. . .
Guttural rending pain . . .
. . . and next it Sclerotifies the brain
-- Copyright 2004 Ilya Shambat
Correspondent:: nenslo
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 16:56:22 -0800
--------
AssCo Assc wrote:
>
> << Seriously, they can tell that prostate stuff from antibodies and enzymes
> better than by
> feel. Guess what YOU just been!>>
>
> They're also groping for fissures and polyps.
>
> That's why the American Cancer Society still
> recommends the test in conjunction with a
> blood screening.
>
> I looked it up. . .
>
> 'cause I just had one too and my doctor is gay.
>
That means you are too now.
Correspondent:: asscoassc@aol.comSHUTUP (AssCo Assc)
Date: 12 Dec 2004 00:57:40 GMT
--------
<< That means you are too now. >>
Not as long as I'm pitchin'. . .
Oh, wait. You're right.
---
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
ooOOoo
It petrifies the tongue. . .
Shoots arrows through the lung. . .
Guttural rending pain . . .
. . . and next it Sclerotifies the brain
-- Copyright 2004 Ilya Shambat
Correspondent:: phy
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 05:00:54 GMT
--------
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in
news:101220041637178396%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com:
> I'll do the sit-ups... uh,
> later.
>
A few months ago my doctor told me the same crap. I started with a few
situps and pushups a day. After a week I worked up to a few more. Then my
work stuck me on massive overtime and now I am back to square one.
-phy
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 15:51:41 GMT
--------
In article ,
phy wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in
> news:101220041637178396%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com:
>
> > I'll do the sit-ups... uh,
> > later.
> >
> A few months ago my doctor told me the same crap. I started with a few
> situps and pushups a day. After a week I worked up to a few more. Then my
> work stuck me on massive overtime and now I am back to square one.
Send the Church $8 for the informative pamphlet, "Lose 3 Pounds Per Day
with Aerobic Butt-Squirming the Subgenius Way." You'll be buff in no
time. Yes, with Dobbs, where there's a will, there's a budding psychosis.
--
HellPope Huey
If your keyboard is inoperable, press 3.
If you need new plastic keys, press 9.
If you play in a stupid church band
that plays out of date Eagles tunes with Christian Lyrics,
press 3 until death occurs.
"We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities."
- Pogo
"Do you want to play music
or get your Ph.D. in audio analysis?"
- James of Tuscon
Correspondent:: phy
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 17:59:55 GMT
--------
HellPope Huey wrote in news:NoRestraint-
A462ED.09510111122004@news1.west.earthlink.net:
> Send the Church $8 for the informative pamphlet, "Lose 3 Pounds Per Day
> with Aerobic Butt-Squirming the Subgenius Way." You'll be buff in no
> time. Yes, with Dobbs, where there's a will, there's a budding psychosis.
I want to know why that pamphlet isnt included witht the $30 membership
fee.
-phy
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 19:48:58 GMT
--------
In article ,
phy wrote:
> HellPope Huey wrote in news:NoRestraint-
> A462ED.09510111122004@news1.west.earthlink.net:
>
> > Send the Church $8 for the informative pamphlet, "Lose 3 Pounds Per Day
> > with Aerobic Butt-Squirming the Subgenius Way." You'll be buff in no
> > time. Yes, with Dobbs, where there's a will, there's a budding psychosis.
>
> I want to know why that pamphlet isnt included witht the $30 membership
> fee.
Because "Bob" is the very LAST salesman who'd give away the store. The
Church is somewhat like a Korean grocery store in L.A.; you get, but you
PAY, plus 17% markup. Hey, its only fair. Any man sane enough to milk
other people's mental illnesses deserves a bonus.
--
HellPope Huey
If your keyboard is inoperable, press 3.
If you need new plastic keys, press 9.
If you play in a stupid church band
that plays out of date Eagles tunes with Christian Lyrics,
press 3 until death occurs.
"We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities."
- Pogo
"Do you want to play music
or get your Ph.D. in audio analysis?"
- James of Tuscon