I Inhaled Part of My Mother Today

Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Sun, 26 Dec 2004 22:10:56 -0600

--------
So, last August my mother died. She had been sick for a long time. But
she was completely irreligious and had a really dry and, well, kind of
SICK sense of humor, and she did NOT want any kind of funeral or even a
wake. She wanted to be cremated and then to have her ashes dumped by
the family into the big creek that runs through the ranch so that she
could eventually join her dad's ashes in the ocean. (Actually we ALL
will eventually join my gramdpa in the ocean, if you really think about
it.)

Well, this weekend was the first time all my siblings and dad and
nephews and nieces and kids were all together, so we went down to an
especially pretty place by the creek to do the deed with the ashes, and
also to set up a memorial stone that we'd had made.

I noticed that everybody else was a lot more somber then Mammy's
immediate family -- me, my bro and sis and my dad. In keeping with her
dry and slightly perverse sense of humor we kept it unponderous and
short. My dad suggested that I take the plastic box of cremated Mammy
and step out into the river -- actually onto some rocks in the water --
and pour the ashes into the running water so we didn't have to, well,
THROW them in from the shore. So I stood on this rock and crouched down
a bit and started pouring the ashes and little tiny bits of black
charred bone into the water.

Well, the breeze changed direction and a little of my mom was blown
back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.

That gave me a sweet feeling. I wasn't here when she actually died, so
it was a kind of last-second sudden unrehearsed farewell. For me at
least. I got a little bit of Mammy inside me, at least for awhile, just
like I was inside her for awhile.

One thing I have not brought up with the rest of the family is that I
SUSPECT that before Mammy's former particles and remnants make it to
the ocean, they will first go through the cooling system of a huge
nuclear power plant that happens to be downstream.

I wonder if the lights will flicker in Dallas when that happens, or
what. My mother was a REALLY TOUGH and SUPREMELY ORNERY old gal.

In fact... the SubGeniuses in general owe a lot to my mom, the more I
think about it. She was a dues-paying Minister in the Church,
incidentally, as is my dad.

I gave my college-age niece a copy of ARISE! The SubGenius Video. She's
not all that Bobbed up but she knows some SubGenius fans at her college
in Boston and they'll be impressed.

My high-school age nephew brought 3 of his band mates over and they
stared at me surreptitiously, because he had shown them my old
underground movie "Let's Visit the World of the Future," and they were
going, "That's the GUY in that MOVIE!!"

The nephew's band's name is "LEFT STANDING." They have bumper stickers,
and I got 3 of them, because you can combine elements from two to make
one SLICK looking bumper sticker that says "LET STANG DIE."

My son showed everybody his new Coke commercial and I showed everybody
my last quickie animation, "Dobbsaanisqatsi," but I think they were
more impressed by the Coke commercial. Both my son and I used the
program Soundtrack to compose our own musical scores for our respective
projects.

The boy told me what I should do to make mine sound better on TV
speakers (low frequency bypass or bass limiter). He also gave me a ton
of handy Mac video techno advice. I spent a LOT on his college
education, so I'm trying to get my money's worth.

Correspondent:: Reverend Kenny <5ubg3n1u5@comcast.no.spam>
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 00:01:45 -0500

--------

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> So, last August my mother died. She had been sick for a long time. But
> she was completely irreligious and had a really dry and, well, kind of
> SICK sense of humor, and she did NOT want any kind of funeral or even a
> wake. She wanted to be cremated and then to have her ashes dumped by
> the family into the big creek that runs through the ranch so that she
> could eventually join her dad's ashes in the ocean. (Actually we ALL
> will eventually join my gramdpa in the ocean, if you really think about
> it.)
>
> Well, this weekend was the first time all my siblings and dad and
> nephews and nieces and kids were all together, so we went down to an
> especially pretty place by the creek to do the deed with the ashes, and
> also to set up a memorial stone that we'd had made.
>
> I noticed that everybody else was a lot more somber then Mammy's
> immediate family -- me, my bro and sis and my dad. In keeping with her
> dry and slightly perverse sense of humor we kept it unponderous and
> short. My dad suggested that I take the plastic box of cremated Mammy
> and step out into the river -- actually onto some rocks in the water --
> and pour the ashes into the running water so we didn't have to, well,
> THROW them in from the shore. So I stood on this rock and crouched down
> a bit and started pouring the ashes and little tiny bits of black
> charred bone into the water.
>
> Well, the breeze changed direction and a little of my mom was blown
> back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.
>
> That gave me a sweet feeling. I wasn't here when she actually died, so
> it was a kind of last-second sudden unrehearsed farewell. For me at
> least. I got a little bit of Mammy inside me, at least for awhile, just
> like I was inside her for awhile.
>
> One thing I have not brought up with the rest of the family is that I
> SUSPECT that before Mammy's former particles and remnants make it to
> the ocean, they will first go through the cooling system of a huge
> nuclear power plant that happens to be downstream.
>
> I wonder if the lights will flicker in Dallas when that happens, or
> what. My mother was a REALLY TOUGH and SUPREMELY ORNERY old gal.
>
That's really deep man! Really deep!
--
Illuminations,
Reverend Kenny

The most exciting phrase to hear in science,
the one that heralds new discoveries,
is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'
-Isaac Asimov

Correspondent:: "fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari."
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 00:12:24 -0500

--------
On Sun, 26 Dec 2004 22:10:56 -0600, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
"Bob"

>wake. She wanted to be cremated and then to have her ashes dumped by

It'd be fun to stick a heat proof video camera in the furnace, so your
relatives can watch you crisp up, start glowing and disintegrate. A
little warmth on those cold nights.

>the family into the big creek that runs through the ranch so that she
>could eventually join her dad's ashes in the ocean. (Actually we ALL
>will eventually join my gramdpa in the ocean, if you really think

You **LIE**!
Planet X, "Reverend"! I'm really wondering about that $36.86 that buys
me a ticket outta here. If I ever send it in, and X-Day comes, and I
find myself joining your relatives in a TERRESTRIAL ocean, I will
comply with the random threat I now owe you. You meant an X-ist ocean,
though, didn't you. Ahh, good good. YOU DID.

>Well, the breeze changed direction and a little of my mom was blown
>back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.
>
>That gave me a sweet feeling. I wasn't here when she actually died,
so

Any thoughts on the taste of it? Barbecue grill gunk?

>I gave my college-age niece a copy of ARISE! The SubGenius Video.

I had some Churchly fun with the relatives. I played out a little
experiment, by showing various people the face of "Bob" and asking if
they recognize it. I figured people would make some deeply buried
connection and say 'Heeey, ya, who the hell IS that?' No one did.
Which then led to the somewhat awkward explanation....uh, my
uh...Church - see, July 5th, 1998, world ends, obviously NOT yet 1998,
pleasure saucers, JHVH-1, SLACK, etc. Always fun to put on the
missionary cap. Those who know me often at first stare in bewilderment
when I mention "my Church", as I am an Orthodox Agnostic, but then
realization usually dawns when I get to the part about alien sex
goddesses. Hopefully I made a good sell, and a few of the more
enlightened relatives will be there on Planet-X. At least two of them
have distinct Yetichlorian concentrations in their system (Local
term).

Condolences about your Mom. I imagine it makes one feel a little
further from the existential shire when a parent goes. I have yet to
really go through the death of anyone close to me, save one Gramma. I
have a feeling one day, my family is just gonna start dropping like
flies. All around the same age, and still not exactly old. Alas, my 94
year old Nana's probably going to go offline soonly, albeit, she is
rather healthy for her age. She shuns medication like the plague, I
have a feeling she might have a point in that. Sometimes I think I've
finally come to terms with mortality, other times I find myself awash
in that ole existential dread (praWhoever came up with that wonderful
term).

Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 12:51:27 -0600

--------
In article , fenian
d'illudium q-36, Rlari. wrote:

> On Sun, 26 Dec 2004 22:10:56 -0600, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
> "Bob"
>
> >wake. She wanted to be cremated and then to have her ashes dumped by
>
> It'd be fun to stick a heat proof video camera in the furnace, so your
> relatives can watch you crisp up, start glowing and disintegrate. A
> little warmth on those cold nights.
>
> >the family into the big creek that runs through the ranch so that she
> >could eventually join her dad's ashes in the ocean. (Actually we ALL
> >will eventually join my gramdpa in the ocean, if you really think
>
> You **LIE**!
> Planet X, "Reverend"! I'm really wondering about that $36.86 that buys
> me a ticket outta here. If I ever send it in, and X-Day comes, and I
> find myself joining your relatives in a TERRESTRIAL ocean, I will
> comply with the random threat I now owe you. You meant an X-ist ocean,
> though, didn't you. Ahh, good good. YOU DID.

No, it's just that I have been through NINE X-Day Drills. There were
two Drills (so-named) before 1998(p). I have had to develop a more
PATIENT outlook towards "Bob's" prophecy than newer students of his
Word and I actually sometimes FORGET that I might not be on Earth long
enough to die, after all. It's not so much a fatalistic attitude as a
shield against potential crippling disappointment. What I should have
said was, "We ALL will eventually join my grandpa in the ocean, if
1998(x) doesn't get here first."

>
> >Well, the breeze changed direction and a little of my mom was blown
> >back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.

Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 12:56:04 -0600

--------
In article , fenian
d'illudium q-36, Rlari. wrote:

>
> >Well, the breeze changed direction and a little of my mom was blown
> >back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.
> >
> >That gave me a sweet feeling. I wasn't here when she actually died,
> so
>
> Any thoughts on the taste of it? Barbecue grill gunk?
>

It was kind of chalky. It's just ash. Those crematoriums reduce a
person down to about 2 pounds of dust in a plastic box. My mom didn't
weight much more than that to begin with though.

Correspondent:: phy
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 21:01:22 GMT

--------
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in
news:271220041256046371%stang@subNOSPUMgenius.com:

> In article , fenian
> d'illudium q-36, Rlari. wrote:
>
>
>>
>> >Well, the breeze changed direction and a little of my mom was blown
>> >back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.
>> >
>> >That gave me a sweet feeling. I wasn't here when she actually died,
>> so
>>
>> Any thoughts on the taste of it? Barbecue grill gunk?
>>
>
> It was kind of chalky. It's just ash. Those crematoriums reduce a
> person down to about 2 pounds of dust in a plastic box. My mom didn't
> weight much more than that to begin with though.
>

I hope you didn't have her remains cremated in Georgia. Because if you did,
those ashes likely werent from your mother.

-phy

Correspondent:: asscoassc@aol.comBLOWME (AssCo Assc)
Date: 27 Dec 2004 23:53:50 GMT

--------
<< It was kind of chalky. It's just ash. Those crematoriums reduce a person
down to about 2 pounds of dust in a plastic box. My mom didn't weight much more
than that to begin with though.>>

Just ash? What happened to her gold fillings?

Some crematorium worker is probably sporting
parts of your mom as "bling bling" by now.

ooOOoo

It petrifies the tongue. . .
Shoots arrows through the lung. . .
Guttural rending pain . . .
. . . and next it Sclerotifies the brain
-- Copyright 2004 Ilya Shambat

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004 06:25:25 GMT

--------

My grandmother was a vicious carnivore who had dentures made into fangs
when her real ones went. When she cacked it, my mother and drunk of an
uncle were all blubbery and revolting about what to do with the remains
of this abusive Gorgo clone, so I freed them of the weight of the
Abused, took the clumpy residue and dumped 'em in a little copse of
trees near the house.

The grass immediately withered, cicadas fell to the ground dead and
trees within a 12-foot radius turned white. I performed a Hopi apology
to Gaia, washed out the remaining dust in the box, filled it with cool
cassettes and mailed it to my old radio pal, Rev. Blaze Brown in New
Orleans. Hey, it was a really sturdy, nice maroon box and it had been
paid for. Like any right-thinking Yeti, he just laughed.

My only regret is that I did not save the dust; I could have added bits
of it to baked goods and sent them to key people I could have informed
of the added ingredient after the fact. The moral: remember to recycle
more fully; its the right thing to do.

This is why you should always graciously decline any offer of baked
goods from Nenslo: his pets disappear at suspicious intervals and, well,
you know.

--

HellPope Huey
People applauded rather than throwing fruit.
I take this as a good sign.

Infinite goodness
is creating a being you know, in advance,
is going to complain.
- William Peter Blatty, "Ninth Configuration"

"Does the noise in my head bother you,
bother you, bother you, bother you?"
- Loop Guru, "Loop Bites Dog"

Correspondent:: "Salacia"
Date: 27 Dec 2004 08:06:24 -0800

--------

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> So, last August my mother died. She had been sick for a long time.
But
> she was completely irreligious and had a really dry and, well, kind
of
> SICK sense of humor, and she did NOT want any kind of funeral or even
a
> wake. She wanted to be cremated and then to have her ashes dumped by
> the family into the big creek that runs through the ranch so that she
> could eventually join her dad's ashes in the ocean. (Actually we ALL
> will eventually join my gramdpa in the ocean, if you really think
about
> it.)
>
> Well, this weekend was the first time all my siblings and dad and
> nephews and nieces and kids were all together, so we went down to an
> especially pretty place by the creek to do the deed with the ashes,
and
> also to set up a memorial stone that we'd had made.
>
> I noticed that everybody else was a lot more somber then Mammy's
> immediate family -- me, my bro and sis and my dad. In keeping with
her
> dry and slightly perverse sense of humor we kept it unponderous and
> short. My dad suggested that I take the plastic box of cremated Mammy
> and step out into the river -- actually onto some rocks in the water
--
> and pour the ashes into the running water so we didn't have to, well,
> THROW them in from the shore. So I stood on this rock and crouched
down
> a bit and started pouring the ashes and little tiny bits of black
> charred bone into the water.
>
> Well, the breeze changed direction and a little of my mom was blown
> back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.
>
> That gave me a sweet feeling. I wasn't here when she actually died,
so
> it was a kind of last-second sudden unrehearsed farewell. For me at
> least. I got a little bit of Mammy inside me, at least for awhile,
just
> like I was inside her for awhile.
>
> One thing I have not brought up with the rest of the family is that I
> SUSPECT that before Mammy's former particles and remnants make it to
> the ocean, they will first go through the cooling system of a huge
> nuclear power plant that happens to be downstream.
>
> I wonder if the lights will flicker in Dallas when that happens, or
> what. My mother was a REALLY TOUGH and SUPREMELY ORNERY old gal.

You know...it's seems fitting that your Mom would join THE GRID upon
her passing. That's a lot better than getting shot into space. It even
suggests even more afterlife omnipotence than dying on the internet.
Salacia

Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 12:53:38 -0600

--------
In article <1104163584.835048.9690@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
Salacia wrote:

> Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> > So, last August my mother died. She had been sick for a long time.
> But
> > she was completely irreligious and had a really dry and, well, kind
> of
> > SICK sense of humor, and she did NOT want any kind of funeral or even
> a
> > wake. She wanted to be cremated and then to have her ashes dumped by
> > the family into the big creek that runs through the ranch so that she
> > could eventually join her dad's ashes in the ocean. (Actually we ALL
> > will eventually join my gramdpa in the ocean, if you really think
> about
> > it.)
> >
> > Well, this weekend was the first time all my siblings and dad and
> > nephews and nieces and kids were all together, so we went down to an
> > especially pretty place by the creek to do the deed with the ashes,
> and
> > also to set up a memorial stone that we'd had made.
> >
> > I noticed that everybody else was a lot more somber then Mammy's
> > immediate family -- me, my bro and sis and my dad. In keeping with
> her
> > dry and slightly perverse sense of humor we kept it unponderous and
> > short. My dad suggested that I take the plastic box of cremated Mammy
> > and step out into the river -- actually onto some rocks in the water
> --
> > and pour the ashes into the running water so we didn't have to, well,
> > THROW them in from the shore. So I stood on this rock and crouched
> down
> > a bit and started pouring the ashes and little tiny bits of black
> > charred bone into the water.
> >
> > Well, the breeze changed direction and a little of my mom was blown
> > back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.
> >
> > That gave me a sweet feeling. I wasn't here when she actually died,
> so
> > it was a kind of last-second sudden unrehearsed farewell. For me at
> > least. I got a little bit of Mammy inside me, at least for awhile,
> just
> > like I was inside her for awhile.
> >
> > One thing I have not brought up with the rest of the family is that I
> > SUSPECT that before Mammy's former particles and remnants make it to
> > the ocean, they will first go through the cooling system of a huge
> > nuclear power plant that happens to be downstream.
> >
> > I wonder if the lights will flicker in Dallas when that happens, or
> > what. My mother was a REALLY TOUGH and SUPREMELY ORNERY old gal.
>
> You know...it's seems fitting that your Mom would join THE GRID upon
> her passing. That's a lot better than getting shot into space. It even
> suggests even more afterlife omnipotence than dying on the internet.
> Salacia
>

Geez, I hadn't thought of that. She (or one of the avatars she'd have
spun off by now) might well have gotten into the Net by way of some
Dallas ISP machine and is even now reading my flippant comments and
getting pissed off. Oh man, I hope I'm not in trouble.

Correspondent:: drdark@37.com
Date: 27 Dec 2004 09:05:41 -0800

--------
Just remember to bury or cremate the tissue that you blow your nose
into later. Don't be disrespectful by throwing it in the trash or
flushing it down the toilet.

Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 12:20:43 -0600

--------
In article <1104167141.007546.260920@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
wrote:

> Just remember to bury or cremate the tissue that you blow your nose
> into later. Don't be disrespectful by throwing it in the trash or
> flushing it down the toilet.
>

OH, SHIT!!! (So to speak.) Too late.

Correspondent:: "Ellis Dee"
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 16:15:17 -0500

--------

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in message:

My dad suggested that I take the plastic box of cremated Mammy
> and step out into the river > Well, the breeze changed direction and a
> little of my mom was blown
> back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.

There was a similar scene at the end of the film "The Big Lebowski"

Correspondent:: purple
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 16:46:29 -0500

--------

It's real obvious AGAIN, Doug, you'll type about anything trivial to avoid
doing your homework assignments.

Exercise isn't gonna help either.

The Great Bob Dobbs

On 12/26/04 11:10 PM, in article
261220042210566337%stang@subNOSPUMgenius.com, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
wrote:

> So, last August my mother died. She had been sick for a long time. But
> she was completely irreligious and had a really dry and, well, kind of
> SICK sense of humor, and she did NOT want any kind of funeral or even a
> wake. She wanted to be cremated and then to have her ashes dumped by
> the family into the big creek that runs through the ranch so that she
> could eventually join her dad's ashes in the ocean. (Actually we ALL
> will eventually join my gramdpa in the ocean, if you really think about
> it.)
>
> Well, this weekend was the first time all my siblings and dad and
> nephews and nieces and kids were all together, so we went down to an
> especially pretty place by the creek to do the deed with the ashes, and
> also to set up a memorial stone that we'd had made.
>
> I noticed that everybody else was a lot more somber then Mammy's
> immediate family -- me, my bro and sis and my dad. In keeping with her
> dry and slightly perverse sense of humor we kept it unponderous and
> short. My dad suggested that I take the plastic box of cremated Mammy
> and step out into the river -- actually onto some rocks in the water --
> and pour the ashes into the running water so we didn't have to, well,
> THROW them in from the shore. So I stood on this rock and crouched down
> a bit and started pouring the ashes and little tiny bits of black
> charred bone into the water.
>
> Well, the breeze changed direction and a little of my mom was blown
> back into my face, and I inhaled a little bit of powdered Mammy.
>
> That gave me a sweet feeling. I wasn't here when she actually died, so
> it was a kind of last-second sudden unrehearsed farewell. For me at
> least. I got a little bit of Mammy inside me, at least for awhile, just
> like I was inside her for awhile.
>
> One thing I have not brought up with the rest of the family is that I
> SUSPECT that before Mammy's former particles and remnants make it to
> the ocean, they will first go through the cooling system of a huge
> nuclear power plant that happens to be downstream.
>
> I wonder if the lights will flicker in Dallas when that happens, or
> what. My mother was a REALLY TOUGH and SUPREMELY ORNERY old gal.
>
> In fact... the SubGeniuses in general owe a lot to my mom, the more I
> think about it. She was a dues-paying Minister in the Church,
> incidentally, as is my dad.
>
> I gave my college-age niece a copy of ARISE! The SubGenius Video. She's
> not all that Bobbed up but she knows some SubGenius fans at her college
> in Boston and they'll be impressed.
>
> My high-school age nephew brought 3 of his band mates over and they
> stared at me surreptitiously, because he had shown them my old
> underground movie "Let's Visit the World of the Future," and they were
> going, "That's the GUY in that MOVIE!!"
>
> The nephew's band's name is "LEFT STANDING." They have bumper stickers,
> and I got 3 of them, because you can combine elements from two to make
> one SLICK looking bumper sticker that says "LET STANG DIE."
>
> My son showed everybody his new Coke commercial and I showed everybody
> my last quickie animation, "Dobbsaanisqatsi," but I think they were
> more impressed by the Coke commercial. Both my son and I used the
> program Soundtrack to compose our own musical scores for our respective
> projects.
>
> The boy told me what I should do to make mine sound better on TV
> speakers (low frequency bypass or bass limiter). He also gave me a ton
> of handy Mac video techno advice. I spent a LOT on his college
> education, so I'm trying to get my money's worth.

Correspondent:: drdark@37.com
Date: 27 Dec 2004 14:31:07 -0800

--------
Please die soon, so that I can complete my homework assignment: dump
your ashes into my outhouse so that I can shit, piss, and fart on you
multiple times a day.

Correspondent:: purple
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 17:36:06 -0500

--------
On 12/27/04 5:31 PM, in article
1104186667.044036.52130@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com, "drdark@37.com"
wrote:

> Please die soon, so that I can complete my homework assignment: dump
> your ashes into my outhouse so that I can shit, piss, and fart on you
> multiple times a day.
>

Wrong.

The Great Bob Dobbs

Correspondent:: Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 22:57:11 GMT