I Scooped a Handful of My Mom Out of the Creek Yesterday

Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004 14:46:25 -0600

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I Scooped a Handful of My Mom Out of the Creek Yesterday

I described pouring my mother's ashes into the family creek a couple of
days ago.

Yesterday a crowd of Stangs of varying ages went down to the East 40 to
see my brother's new tribe of goats, especially the one that got run
over and now walks sideways.

You can do a trick with meat goats. Say a goat is busy eating corn and
tin cans from a trough. Her tail normally stands almost straight up,
pointing jauntily towards the sky. If you give that tail a little pull,
even a touch, it will flop down over the goat's asshole instantly - but
then will SLOWWWLY curl back into its upright position.

This kind of thing can keep children and SubGenius adults entertained
for MINUTES.

Anyway, everyone split in the trucks but Wei and I decided to hike back
cross-country to my dad's house. On the way, we came to the bend in the
creek where we had poured in my mom's ashes the day before.

As I was making my way across the shallow creek, hopping from rock to
rock to keep from getting my shoes wet, I came to the rock I'd been
standing on when I poured the ashes and saw that at least a couple of
handfuls of her were STILL THERE. This creek was running with a pretty
strong current, so I was surprised that Mammy's remains had not all
been washed away by now.

I suddenly decided that Mammy wouldn't mind if I took a little of her
home to keep in a special jar or something, so I squatted down, reached
down into the icy water and SCOOPED OUT A HANDFUL OF MY MOTHER, and put
it onto one of the sheets of paper that I always keep in my pocket to
write things down on.

These were tiny bone chips that were yet large enough to have sunk to
the bottom of the water and stayed there despite the current. Mostly
white with little black bits here and there in it. It's now drying out
on a windowsill.

I am gonna stash these remains in a little black plastic film can -
just like the kind that you hide your WEEEED in - and carry it on the
plane going back to Cleveland. I HOPE the security guys decide it's a
filmcan of rock cocaine or something just so I can watch the guy
apologize to me after they hold us at the airport for 6 hours while
they argue over whether it's drugs or if it really is the old hippie's
mother's remains.

Correspondent:: "fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari."
Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004 16:04:07 -0500

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"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in message
news:281220041446250967%stang@subNOSPUMgenius.com...

> These were tiny bone chips that were yet large enough to have sunk to
> the bottom of the water and stayed there despite the current. Mostly
> white with little black bits here and there in it. It's now drying out
> on a windowsill.
>
> I am gonna stash these remains in a little black plastic film can -
> just like the kind that you hide your WEEEED in - and carry it on the
> plane going back to Cleveland. I HOPE the security guys decide it's a
> filmcan of rock cocaine or something just so I can watch the guy
> apologize to me after they hold us at the airport for 6 hours while
> they argue over whether it's drugs or if it really is the old hippie's
> mother's remains.

That might make a neat little, ornately decorated rattle.

Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004 13:06:23 -0800

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On Tue, 28 Dec 2004 14:46:25 -0600, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
wrote:

>I am gonna stash these remains in a little black plastic film can -
>just like the kind that you hide your WEEEED in - and carry it on the
>plane going back to Cleveland. I HOPE the security guys decide it's a
>filmcan of rock cocaine or something just so I can watch the guy
>apologize to me after they hold us at the airport for 6 hours while
>they argue over whether it's drugs or if it really is the old hippie's
>mother's remains.

i guess it would appeal to a certain type of sense of humor if some
airport baggage handler decided to steal the old hippie's exotic black
drugs and took them home and smoked them.

--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
The mirrors would do well to reflect further
- Three times

Correspondent:: Cardboard Box
Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004 23:45:20 GMT

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Some time between the hours of March 10th and Friday, Zapanaz
committed the following:

> On Tue, 28 Dec 2004 14:46:25 -0600, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
> wrote:
>
>>I am gonna stash these remains in a little black plastic film can -
>>just like the kind that you hide your WEEEED in - and carry it on the
>>plane going back to Cleveland. I HOPE the security guys decide it's a
>>filmcan of rock cocaine or something just so I can watch the guy
>>apologize to me after they hold us at the airport for 6 hours while
>>they argue over whether it's drugs or if it really is the old hippie's
>>mother's remains.
>
> i guess it would appeal to a certain type of sense of humor if some
> airport baggage handler decided to steal the old hippie's exotic black
> drugs and took them home and smoked them.

You mean like that guy in "Honky Tonk Freeway"?
--
Dear Santa,
I asked you to make all the humans die.
You didn't front.
You. BASTARD.
Yours,
Rev. Cardboard Box
www.livejournal.com/users/revcardboardbox

Correspondent:: "Salacia"
Date: 28 Dec 2004 14:17:02 -0800

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Well, provided the old hippie doesn't smoke his Mom by accident rolled
up in those little note papers, *sigh*, I think the thing to do would
be to hide stow your Mom safely up your butt. No one will bother you or
her there.

Who wants to waste 6 hours of their lives haggling over ashes in an
obvious "drug holding" place like a film container?
Or the box cutter.
Not the box cutter.

Salacia

Correspondent:: "Doktor Dark"
Date: 28 Dec 2004 15:29:32 -0800

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NEW THREAD: KEEP A HANDFUL OF YOUR MOM OUT OF YOUR BUTT!

Correspondent:: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)
Date: 29 Dec 2004 00:36:09 GMT

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>Yesterday a crowd of Stangs of varying ages went down to the East 40 to
>see my brother's new tribe of goats, especially the one that got run
>over and now walks sideways.

You need to run it over again, but going in the opposite direction, that will
make him walk backwards.

> If you give that tail a little pull,
>even a touch, it will flop down over the goat's asshole instantly - but
>then will SLOWWWLY curl back into its upright position.

It a learned reaction. I suggest you talk to your brother about the evils of
beatilaity before he get caught.

>This kind of thing can keep children and SubGenius adults entertained
>for MINUTES.

Maybe you can sell it toe The Fox Network as the next reality show!

TONIGHT ON FOX! WHEN GOAT TAILS ATTACK!

>These were tiny bone chips that were yet large enough to have sunk to
>the bottom of the water and stayed there despite the current. Mostly
>white with little black bits here and there in it. It's now drying out
>on a windowsill.
>

I hope you don't end up doing that Norman Bates thing. having long drawn out
conversations with her.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"War hath no Fury like a non-combatants"

Charles E. Montague

Correspondent:: Artemia Salina
Date: Wed, 29 Dec 2004 05:56:53 -0500

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On Tue, 28 Dec 2004 14:46:25 -0600, Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:

> I am gonna stash these remains in a little black plastic film can -
> just like the kind that you hide your WEEEED in - and carry it on the
> plane going back to Cleveland. I HOPE the security guys decide it's a
> filmcan of rock cocaine or something just so I can watch the guy
> apologize to me after they hold us at the airport for 6 hours while
> they argue over whether it's drugs or if it really is the old hippie's
> mother's remains.

Let's hope they don't just confiscate it and try to snort it while
on their lunch break.

Have you ever seen the movie "The Big Lebowski"? Good film. Captain
Beefheart music and the funniest cremation-ash-releasing scene I've
ever witnessed.

--
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
0:-) Artemia Salina (-:0
0:-) Surrounded by Angels (-:0
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0

Correspondent:: "Revi Shankar"
Date: Wed, 29 Dec 2004 09:09:44 -0500

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"Artemia Salina" wrote:

> On Tue, 28 Dec 2004 14:46:25 -0600, Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
>
> > I am gonna stash these remains in a little black plastic film can -
> > just like the kind that you hide your WEEEED in - and carry it on the
> > plane going back to Cleveland. I HOPE the security guys decide it's a
> > filmcan of rock cocaine or something just so I can watch the guy
> > apologize to me after they hold us at the airport for 6 hours while
> > they argue over whether it's drugs or if it really is the old hippie's
> > mother's remains.
>
> Let's hope they don't just confiscate it and try to snort it while
> on their lunch break.

The least of his worries. It's probably agin some federal law to carry human
remains in un-marked containers aboard aircraft.

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 29 Dec 2004 16:28:17 GMT

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In article ,
"Revi Shankar" wrote:
> "Artemia Salina" wrote:

> > Let's hope they don't just confiscate it and try to snort it while
> > on their lunch break.
>
> The least of his worries. It's probably agin some federal law to carry human
> remains in un-marked containers aboard aircraft.

Pour it into your shoes and claim its foot powder.

--

HellPope Huey
Oh shut up, its only a chainsaw

"Straight male seeks Bush supporter
for fair, physical fight - m4m.
I would like to fight a Bush supporter to vent my anger.
If you are one & have a fiery streak, please contact me
so we can meet and physically fight.
I would like to beat the shit out of you."
- Craig's List

"I don't wanna just rain on your parade,
I wanna blow up the floats."
- "Law & Order"

Correspondent:: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)
Date: 30 Dec 2004 00:05:16 GMT

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>The least of his worries. It's probably agin some federal law to carry human
>remains in un-marked containers aboard aircraft.
>
>

Oh! Now they tell me!

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"War hath no Fury like a non-combatants"

Charles E. Montague

Correspondent:: "jethro_hell@yahoo.com"
Date: 29 Dec 2004 04:05:21 -0800

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Interersting memory about goats: Back during my childhood growing up in
rural N GA, my uncle Lowell would barbecue a billy goat every 4th of
July. He'd always seperate the condemned one from the rest of the herd
the night before. That goat would then proceed to wail and cry all
night, like he somehow knew he was toast. Eerie.
In re: your Mom's ashes, you're lucky in a sense. GA wouldn't allow us
to spread my Mothers ashes. Had to bury them.

Correspondent:: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)
Date: 30 Dec 2004 00:08:40 GMT

--------
>Interersting memory about goats: Back during my childhood growing up in
>rural N GA, my uncle Lowell would barbecue a billy goat every 4th of
>July. He'd always seperate the condemned one from the rest of the herd
>the night before. That goat would then proceed to wail and cry all
>night, like he somehow knew he was toast. Eerie.
>In re: your Mom's ashes, you're lucky in a sense. GA wouldn't allow us
>to spread my Mothers ashes. Had to bury them.
>
>
>

There are several alternatives for "Last Resting Places"

One has your ashes used in cement to make artifical reefs in Florida Keys.

Another uses the ashes to make an artifical diamond that is then mounted on any
type of jewelry requested.

Another takes you un-embalmed body, and buries it in a private nature preseerve
so that you will decomspose naturally and "feed the forests"

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"War hath no Fury like a non-combatants"

Charles E. Montague

Correspondent:: "jethro_hell@yahoo.com"
Date: 29 Dec 2004 05:06:20 -0800