Lemony! was Women Assault Man With Tongs
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2004 07:28:00 -0700
--------
König, Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
>
> washingtonpost.com
> Women Allegedly Assault Man With Tongs
A patient arrived in the Royal Perth hospital's
Emergency Department with a lemon in his rectum.
He claimed that he was cleaning the gutters on his
roof, when he slipped and fell - and happened to
land on the lemon, which mysteriously found its
way into his rectum.
The anaesthetist asked him a couple of questions
before the procedure. One of which was whether he
had any food by the normal route, ie by mouth; and
why he was on the roof while not wearing pants. The
anaesthetist explained that if he had been wearing
pants it would have been extremely difficult for
the lemon to slip into his rectum.
Anyway, he was taken to the operating theatre for
the procedure of "lemonectomy". The fruit of labour
was then offered to anyone who wished to have some
for a gin and tonic. However, there were no takers.
--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2004 14:38:17 GMT
--------
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote:
>König, Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
>>
>> washingtonpost.com
>> Women Allegedly Assault Man With Tongs
>
>
>A patient arrived in the Royal Perth hospital's
>Emergency Department with a lemon in his rectum.
>He claimed that he was cleaning the gutters on his
>roof, when he slipped and fell - and happened to
>land on the lemon, which mysteriously found its
>way into his rectum.
>
>The anaesthetist asked him a couple of questions
>before the procedure. One of which was whether he
>had any food by the normal route, ie by mouth; and
>why he was on the roof while not wearing pants. The
>anaesthetist explained that if he had been wearing
>pants it would have been extremely difficult for
>the lemon to slip into his rectum.
>
>Anyway, he was taken to the operating theatre for
>the procedure of "lemonectomy". The fruit of labour
>was then offered to anyone who wished to have some
>for a gin and tonic. However, there were no takers.
>
>
"When Life deals you lemons, shove them up the responsible party's ass!"
http://www.lemonysnicket.com/
Correspondent:: "U. M. Zaporets"
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2004 12:09:42 -0700
--------
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote in message
news:41CAD5F0.15B8@succeeds.com...
>
> A patient arrived in the Royal Perth hospital's
> Emergency Department with a lemon in his rectum...
> The anaesthetist asked him a couple of questions
> before the procedure. One of which was whether he
> had any food by the normal route, ie by mouth; and
> why he was on the roof while not wearing pants. The
> anaesthetist explained that if he had been wearing
> pants it would have been extremely difficult for
> the lemon to slip into his rectum.
That sort of thinking reminds me of whatever psychological syndrome the
`comb-over' falls under.
It's a sad-but-touching delusional naivety.
The kind that I think is shared by anyone who possesses a comb-over. Such
people are clearly very insecure about the loss of their hair. Some strange
psychological process enables them to gradually delude themselves in to
thinking that growing the sides out and brushing it over the top of the head
will somehow fool people into seeing a full, glossy head of hair. Actually,
what it becomes is a very public display of their insecurity regarding
hairloss and draws attention to the very thing they want to conceal.
Just as a citro-rectal insertee dares to thinks that a transparently
unlikely story will protect him from further embarrassment, when really it
actually makes his humiliation more intense and adds some neat embellishment
to the story. The nudist vacuuming session and the fall that ended in
disaster is pretty much a cliche; people expect a weak justifying story to
accompany pretty much any unlikely object found in someone's ass.
I feel bad for the people who actually did slip and fall while playing pool
in the nude. They are the innocent casualties of this insecure mendacity.
What name does this complex have? I have no idea, but I thought of it when
reading Joe Cosby's link to the original Emperor's New Clothes story.
Perhaps "Dumbshit Syndrome"? "Lou Fuckwit's Disease"?
Correspondent:: drdark@37.com
Date: 23 Dec 2004 11:27:51 -0800
--------
Foreign Bodies in the Rectum.--Probably the most celebrated case
of foreign body introduced into the rectum is the classic one
mentioned by Hevin. Some students introduced the frozen tail of a
pig in the anus of a French prostitute. The bristles were cut
short, and having prepared the passage with oil, they introduced
the tail with great force into the rectum, allowing a portion to
protrude. Great pain and violent symptoms followed; there was
distressing vomiting, obstinate constipation, and fever. Despite
the efforts to withdraw the tail, the arrangement of the bristles
which allowed entrance, prevented removal. On the sixth day, in
great agony, the woman applied to Marchettis, who ingeniously
adopted the simple procedure of taking a long hollow reed, and
preparing one of its extremities so that it could be introduced
into the rectum, he was enabled to pass the reed entirely around
the tail and to withdraw both. Relief was prompt, and the removal
of the foreign body was followed by the issue of stercoraceous
matter which had accumulated the six days it had remained in
situ.
Tuffet is quoted as mentioning a farmer of forty-six who, in
masturbation, introduced a barley-head into his urethra. It was
found necessary to cut the foreign body out of the side of the
glans. A year later he put in his anus a cylindric snuff-box of
large size, and this had to be removed by surgical methods.
Finally, a drinking goblet was used, but this resulted in death,
after much suffering and lay treatment. In his memoirs of the old
Academy of Surgery in Paris, Morand speaks of a monk who, to cure
a violent colic, introduced into his fundament a bottle of l'eau
de la reine de Hongrie, with a small opening in its mouth, by
which the contents, drop by drop, could enter the intestine. He
found he could not remove the bottle, and violent inflammation
ensued. It was at last necessary to secure a boy with a small
hand to extract the bottle. There is a record of a case in which
a tin cup or tumbler was pushed up the rectum and then passed
into the colon where it caused gangrene and death. It was found
to measure 3 1/2 by 3 1/2 by two inches. There is a French case
in which a preserve-pot three inches in diameter was introduced
into the rectum, and had to be broken and extracted piece by
piece.
Cloquet had a patient who put into his rectum a beer glass and a
preserving pot. Montanari removed from the rectum of a man a
mortar pestle 30 cm. long, and Poulet mentions a pederast who
accidentally killed himself by introducing a similar instrument,
55 cm. long, which perforated his intestine. Studsgaard mentions
that in the pathologic collection at Copenhagen there is a long,
smooth stone, 17 cm. long, weighing 900 gm., which a peasant had
introduced into his rectum to relieve prolapsus. The stone was
extracted in 1756 by a surgeon named Frantz Dyhr. Jeffreys speaks
of a person who, to stop diarrhea, introduced into his rectum a
piece of wood measuring seven inches.
There is a remarkable case recorded of a stick in the anus of a
man of sixty, the superior extremity in the right hypochondrium,
the inferior in the concavity of the sacrum. The stick measured
32 cm. in length; the man recovered. It is impossible to
comprehend this extent of straightening of the intestine without
great twisting of the mesocolon. Tompsett mentions that he was
called to see a workman of sixty-five, suffering from extreme
rectal hemorrhage. He found the man very feeble, without pulse,
pale, and livid. By digital examination he found a hard body in
the rectum, which he was sure was not feces. This body he removed
with a polyp-forceps, and found it to be a cylindric candle-box,
which measured six inches in circumference, 2 1/2 in length, and
1 1/2 in diameter. The removal was followed by a veritable flood
of fecal material, and the man recovered. Lane reports
perforation of the rectum by the introduction of two large pieces
of soap; there was coincident strangulated hernia.
Hunter mentions a native Indian, a resident of Coorla, who had
introduced a bullock's horn high up into his abdomen, which
neither he nor his friends could extract. He was chloroformed and
placed in the lithotomy position, his buttocks brought to the
edge of the bed, and after dilatation of the sphincter, by
traction with the fingers and tooth-forceps, the horn was
extracted. It measured 11 inches long. The young imbecile had
picked it up on the road, where it had been rendered extremely
rough by exposure, and this caused the difficulty in extraction.
In Nelson's Northern Lancet, 1852, there is the record of a case
of a man at stool, who slipped on a cow's horn, which entered the
rectum and lodged beyond the sphincter. It was only removed with
great difficulty.
A convict at Brest put up his rectum a box of tools. Symptoms of
vomiting, meteorism, etc., began, and became more violent until
the seventh day, when he died. After death, there was found in
the transverse colon, a cylindric or conic box, made of sheet
iron, covered with skin to protect the rectum and, doubtless, to
aid expulsion. It was six inches long and five inches broad and
weighed 22 ounces. It contained a piece of gunbarrel four inches
long, a mother-screw steel, a screw-driver, a saw of steel for
cutting wood four inches long, another saw for cutting metal, a
boring syringe, a prismatic file, a half-franc piece and four
one-franc pieces tied together with thread, a piece of thread,
and a piece of tallow, the latter presumably for greasing the
instruments. On investigation it was found that these conic cases
were of common use, and were always thrust up the rectum base
first. In excitement this prisoner had pushed the conic end up
first, thus rendering expulsion almost impossible. Ogle gives an
interesting case of foreign body in the rectum of a boy of
seventeen. The boy was supposed to be suffering with an abdominal
tumor about the size of a pigeon's egg under the right
cartilages; it had been noticed four months before. On admission
to the hospital the lad was suffering with pain and jaundice;
sixteen days later he passed a stick ten inches long, which he
reluctantly confessed that he had introduced into the anus.
During all his treatment he was conscious of the nature of his
trouble, but he suffered rather than confess. Studsgaard mentions
a man of thirty-five who, for the purpose of stopping diarrhea,
introduced into his rectum a preserve-bottle nearly seven inches
long with the open end uppermost. The next morning he had violent
pain in the abdomen, and the bottle could be felt through the
abdominal wall. It was necessary to perform abdominal section
through the linea alba, divide the sigmoid flexure, and thus
remove the bottle. The intestine was sutured and the patient
recovered. The bottle measured 17 cm. long, five cm. in diameter
at its lower end, and three cm. at its upper end.
Briggs reports a case in which a wine glass was introduced into
the rectum, and although removed twenty-four hours afterward,
death ensued. Hockenhull extracted 402 stones from the rectum of
a boy of seven. Landerer speaks of a curious case in which the
absorptive power of the rectum was utilized in the murder of a
boy of fifteen. In order to come into the possession of a large
inheritance the murderess poisoned the boy by introducing the
ends of some phosphorous matches into his rectum, causing death
that night; there was intense inflammation of the rectum. The
woman was speedily apprehended, and committed suicide when her
crime was known.
Complete transfixion of the abdomen does not always have a fatal
issue. In fact, two older writers, Wisemann and Muys, testify
that it is quite possible for a person to be transfixed without
having any portion of the intestines or viscera wounded. In some
nations in olden times, the extremest degree of punishment was
transfixion by a stake. In his voyages and travels, in describing
the death of the King of Demaa at the hands of his page, Mendez
Pinto says that instead of being reserved for torture, as were
his successors Ravaillac, and Gerard, the slayer of William the
Silent, the assassin was impaled alive with a long stake which
was thrust in at his fundament and came out at the nape of his
neck. There is a record of a man of twenty-five, a soldier in the
Chinese war of 1860, who, in falling from his horse, was
accidentally transfixed by a bayonet. The steel entered his back
two inches to the left of the last dorsal vertebra, and
reappeared two inches to the left and below the umbilicus; as
there was no symptom of visceral wound there were apparently no
injuries except perforation of the parietes and the peritoneum.
The man recovered promptly.
Ross reports a case of transfixion in a young male aborigine, a
native of New South Wales, who had received a spear-wound in the
epigastrium during a quarrel; extraction was impossible because
of the sharp-pointed barbs; the spear was, therefore, sawed off,
and was removed posteriorly by means of a small incision. The
edges of the wound were cleansed, stitched, and a compress and
bandage applied. During the night the patient escaped and joined
his comrades in the camp, and on the second day was suffering
with radiating pains and distention. The following day it was
found that the stitches and plaster had been removed, and the
anterior wound was gaping and contained an ichorous discharge.
The patient was bathing the wound with a decoction of the leaves
of the red-gum tree. Notwithstanding that the spear measured
seven inches, and the interference of treatment, the abdominal
wound closed on the sixth day, and recovery was uninterrupted.
Gilkrist mentions an instance in which a ramrod was fired into a
soldier's abdomen, its extremity lodging in the spinal column,
without causing the slightest evidence of wounds of the
intestines or viscera. A minute postmortem examination was held
some time afterward, the soldier having died by drowning, but the
results were absolutely negative as regards any injury done by
the passage of the ramrod.
Humphreys says that a boy of eleven, while "playing soldier" with
another boy, accidentally fell on a rick-stake. The stake was
slightly curved at its upper part, being 43 inches long and three
inches in circumference, and sharp-pointed at its extremity. As
much as 17 1/2 inches entered the body of the lad. The stake
entered just in front of the right spermatic cord, passed beneath
Poupart's ligament into the cavity of the abdomen, traversed the
whole cavity across to the left side; it then entered the thorax
by perforating the diaphragm, displaced the heart by pushing it
to the right of the sternum, and pierced the left lung. It then
passed anteriorly under the muscles and integument in the
axillary space, along the upper third of the humerus, which was
extended beyond the head, the external skin not being ruptured.
The stick remained in situ for four hours before attempts at
extraction were made. On account of the displacement of the heart
it was decided not to give chloroform. The boy was held down by
four men, and Humphreys and his assistant made all the traction
in their power. After removal not more than a teaspoonful of
blood followed. The heart still remained displaced, and a lump of
intestine about the size of an orange protruded from the wound
and was replaced. The boy made a slow and uninterrupted recovery,
and in six weeks was able to sit up. The testicle sloughed, but
five months later, when the boy was examined, he was free from
pain and able to walk. There was a slight enlargement of the
abdomen and a cicatrix of the wound in the right groin. The right
testicle was absent, and the apex of the heart was displaced
about an inch.
Woodbury reports the case of a girl of fourteen, who fell seven
or eight feet directly upon an erect stake in a cart; the
tuberosity was first struck, and then the stake passed into the
anus, up the rectum for two inches, thence through the rectal
wall, and through the body in an obliquely upward direction.
Striking the ribs near the left nipple it fractured three, and
made its exit. The stake was three inches in circumference, and
27 inches of its length passed into the body, six or seven inches
emerging from the chest. This girl recovered so rapidly that she
was able to attend school six weeks afterward. In a case reported
by Bailey a middle-aged woman, while sliding down a hay-stack,
struck directly upon a pitchfork handle which entered the vagina;
the whole weight of the woman was successfully maintained by the
cellular tissue of the uterovaginal culdesac.
Minot speaks of the passage of one prong of a pitchfork through
the body of a man of twenty-one, from the perineum to the
umbilicus; the man recovered.
Hamilton reports a case of laceration of the perineum with
penetration of the pelvic cavity to the depth of ten inches by a
stick 3/4 inch thick. Prowse mentions the history of a case of
impalement in a man of thirty-four, who, coming down a hay-stack,
alighted on the handle of a pitchfork which struck him in the
middle of the scrotum, and passed up between the skin and fascia
to the 10th rib. Recovery was prompt.
There are several cases on record in which extensive wounds of
the abdominal parietes with protrusion and injury to the
intestine have not been followed by death. Injuries to the
intestines themselves have already been spoken of, but there are
several cases of evisceration worthy of record.
Doughty says that at midnight on June 7, 1868, he was called to
see a man who had been stabbed in a street altercation with a
negro. When first seen in the street, the patient was lying on
his back with his abdomen exposed, from which protruded an
enormous mass of intestines, which were covered with sand and
grit; the small intestine (ileum) was incised at one point and
scratched at another by the passing knife. The incision, about an
inch in length, was closed with a single stitch of silk thread,
and after thorough cleansing the whole mass was returned to the
abdominal cavity. In this hernial protrusion were recognized four
or five feet of the ileum, the cecum with its appendix, part of
the ascending colon with corresponding portions of the mesentery;
the distribution of the superior mesentery, made more apparent by
its living pulsation, was more beautifully displayed in its
succession of arches than in any dissection that Doughty had ever
witnessed. Notwithstanding the extent of his injuries the patient
recovered, and at last reports was doing finely.
Barnes reports the history of a negro of twenty-five who was
admitted to the Freedmen's Hospital, New Orleans, May 15, 1867,
suffering from an incised wound of the abdomen, from which
protruded eight inches of colon, all of the stomach, and nearly
the whole of the small intestines. About 2 1/2 feet of the small
intestine, having a whitish color, appeared to be filled with
food and had much of the characteristic feeling of a sausage. The
rest of the small intestine had a dark-brown color, and the
stomach and colon, distended with gas, were leaden-colored. The
viscera had been exposed to the atmosphere for over an hour.
Having nothing but cold Mississippi water to wash them with,
Barnes preferred returning the intestines without any attempt at
removing blood and dirt further than wiping with a cambric
handkerchief and the stripping they would naturally be subjected
to in being returned through the opening. In ten minutes they
were returned; they were carefully examined inch by inch for any
wound, but none was found. Three silver sutures were passed
through the skin, and a firm compress applied. The patient went
to sleep shortly after his wound was dressed, and never had a
single subsequent bad symptom; he was discharged on May 24th, the
wound being entirely healed, with the exception of a cartilage of
a rib which had not reunited.
FROM: Anomalies & Curiosities of Medicine (1896)
Correspondent:: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)
Date: 24 Dec 2004 16:50:49 GMT
--------
>Foreign Bodies in the Rectum.--Probably the most celebrated case
>of foreign body introduced into the rectum is the classic one
>mentioned by Hevin. Some students introduced the frozen tail of a
>pig in the anus of a French prostitute. The bristles were cut
>short, and having prepared the passage with oil, they introduced
>the tail with great force into the rectum, allowing a portion to
>protrude. Great pain and violent symptoms followed; there was
>distressing vomiting, obstinate constipation, and fever. Despite
>the efforts to withdraw the tail, the arrangement of the bristles
>which allowed entrance, prevented removal. On the sixth day, in
>great agony, the woman applied to Marchettis, who ingeniously
>adopted the simple procedure of taking a long hollow reed, and
>preparing one of its extremities so that it could be introduced
>into the rectum, he was enabled to pass the reed entirely around
>the tail and to withdraw both. Relief was prompt, and the removal
>of the foreign body was followed by the issue of stercoraceous
>matter which had accumulated the six days it had remained in
>situ.
>
>Tuffet is quoted as mentioning a farmer of forty-six who, in
>masturbation, introduced a barley-head into his urethra. It was
>found necessary to cut the foreign body out of the side of the
>glans. A year later he put in his anus a cylindric snuff-box of
>large size, and this had to be removed by surgical methods.
>Finally, a drinking goblet was used, but this resulted in death,
>after much suffering and lay treatment. In his memoirs of the old
>Academy of Surgery in Paris, Morand speaks of a monk who, to cure
>a violent colic, introduced into his fundament a bottle of l'eau
>de la reine de Hongrie, with a small opening in its mouth, by
>which the contents, drop by drop, could enter the intestine. He
>found he could not remove the bottle, and violent inflammation
>ensued. It was at last necessary to secure a boy with a small
>hand to extract the bottle. There is a record of a case in which
>a tin cup or tumbler was pushed up the rectum and then passed
>into the colon where it caused gangrene and death. It was found
>to measure 3 1/2 by 3 1/2 by two inches. There is a French case
>in which a preserve-pot three inches in diameter was introduced
>into the rectum, and had to be broken and extracted piece by
>piece.
>
>Cloquet had a patient who put into his rectum a beer glass and a
>preserving pot. Montanari removed from the rectum of a man a
>mortar pestle 30 cm. long, and Poulet mentions a pederast who
>accidentally killed himself by introducing a similar instrument,
>55 cm. long, which perforated his intestine. Studsgaard mentions
>that in the pathologic collection at Copenhagen there is a long,
>smooth stone, 17 cm. long, weighing 900 gm., which a peasant had
>introduced into his rectum to relieve prolapsus. The stone was
>extracted in 1756 by a surgeon named Frantz Dyhr. Jeffreys speaks
>of a person who, to stop diarrhea, introduced into his rectum a
>piece of wood measuring seven inches.
>
>There is a remarkable case recorded of a stick in the anus of a
>man of sixty, the superior extremity in the right hypochondrium,
>the inferior in the concavity of the sacrum. The stick measured
>32 cm. in length; the man recovered. It is impossible to
>comprehend this extent of straightening of the intestine without
>great twisting of the mesocolon. Tompsett mentions that he was
>called to see a workman of sixty-five, suffering from extreme
>rectal hemorrhage. He found the man very feeble, without pulse,
>pale, and livid. By digital examination he found a hard body in
>the rectum, which he was sure was not feces. This body he removed
>with a polyp-forceps, and found it to be a cylindric candle-box,
>which measured six inches in circumference, 2 1/2 in length, and
>1 1/2 in diameter. The removal was followed by a veritable flood
>of fecal material, and the man recovered. Lane reports
>perforation of the rectum by the introduction of two large pieces
>of soap; there was coincident strangulated hernia.
>
>Hunter mentions a native Indian, a resident of Coorla, who had
>introduced a bullock's horn high up into his abdomen, which
>neither he nor his friends could extract. He was chloroformed and
>placed in the lithotomy position, his buttocks brought to the
>edge of the bed, and after dilatation of the sphincter, by
>traction with the fingers and tooth-forceps, the horn was
>extracted. It measured 11 inches long. The young imbecile had
>picked it up on the road, where it had been rendered extremely
>rough by exposure, and this caused the difficulty in extraction.
>
>In Nelson's Northern Lancet, 1852, there is the record of a case
>of a man at stool, who slipped on a cow's horn, which entered the
>rectum and lodged beyond the sphincter. It was only removed with
>great difficulty.
>
>A convict at Brest put up his rectum a box of tools. Symptoms of
>vomiting, meteorism, etc., began, and became more violent until
>the seventh day, when he died. After death, there was found in
>the transverse colon, a cylindric or conic box, made of sheet
>iron, covered with skin to protect the rectum and, doubtless, to
>aid expulsion. It was six inches long and five inches broad and
>weighed 22 ounces. It contained a piece of gunbarrel four inches
>long, a mother-screw steel, a screw-driver, a saw of steel for
>cutting wood four inches long, another saw for cutting metal, a
>boring syringe, a prismatic file, a half-franc piece and four
>one-franc pieces tied together with thread, a piece of thread,
>and a piece of tallow, the latter presumably for greasing the
>instruments. On investigation it was found that these conic cases
>were of common use, and were always thrust up the rectum base
>first. In excitement this prisoner had pushed the conic end up
>first, thus rendering expulsion almost impossible. Ogle gives an
>interesting case of foreign body in the rectum of a boy of
>seventeen. The boy was supposed to be suffering with an abdominal
>tumor about the size of a pigeon's egg under the right
>cartilages; it had been noticed four months before. On admission
>to the hospital the lad was suffering with pain and jaundice;
>sixteen days later he passed a stick ten inches long, which he
>reluctantly confessed that he had introduced into the anus.
>During all his treatment he was conscious of the nature of his
>trouble, but he suffered rather than confess. Studsgaard mentions
>a man of thirty-five who, for the purpose of stopping diarrhea,
>introduced into his rectum a preserve-bottle nearly seven inches
>long with the open end uppermost. The next morning he had violent
>pain in the abdomen, and the bottle could be felt through the
>abdominal wall. It was necessary to perform abdominal section
>through the linea alba, divide the sigmoid flexure, and thus
>remove the bottle. The intestine was sutured and the patient
>recovered. The bottle measured 17 cm. long, five cm. in diameter
>at its lower end, and three cm. at its upper end.
>
>Briggs reports a case in which a wine glass was introduced into
>the rectum, and although removed twenty-four hours afterward,
>death ensued. Hockenhull extracted 402 stones from the rectum of
>a boy of seven. Landerer speaks of a curious case in which the
>absorptive power of the rectum was utilized in the murder of a
>boy of fifteen. In order to come into the possession of a large
>inheritance the murderess poisoned the boy by introducing the
>ends of some phosphorous matches into his rectum, causing death
>that night; there was intense inflammation of the rectum. The
>woman was speedily apprehended, and committed suicide when her
>crime was known.
>
>Complete transfixion of the abdomen does not always have a fatal
>issue. In fact, two older writers, Wisemann and Muys, testify
>that it is quite possible for a person to be transfixed without
>having any portion of the intestines or viscera wounded. In some
>nations in olden times, the extremest degree of punishment was
>transfixion by a stake. In his voyages and travels, in describing
>the death of the King of Demaa at the hands of his page, Mendez
>Pinto says that instead of being reserved for torture, as were
>his successors Ravaillac, and Gerard, the slayer of William the
>Silent, the assassin was impaled alive with a long stake which
>was thrust in at his fundament and came out at the nape of his
>neck. There is a record of a man of twenty-five, a soldier in the
>Chinese war of 1860, who, in falling from his horse, was
>accidentally transfixed by a bayonet. The steel entered his back
>two inches to the left of the last dorsal vertebra, and
>reappeared two inches to the left and below the umbilicus; as
>there was no symptom of visceral wound there were apparently no
>injuries except perforation of the parietes and the peritoneum.
>The man recovered promptly.
>
>Ross reports a case of transfixion in a young male aborigine, a
>native of New South Wales, who had received a spear-wound in the
>epigastrium during a quarrel; extraction was impossible because
>of the sharp-pointed barbs; the spear was, therefore, sawed off,
>and was removed posteriorly by means of a small incision. The
>edges of the wound were cleansed, stitched, and a compress and
>bandage applied. During the night the patient escaped and joined
>his comrades in the camp, and on the second day was suffering
>with radiating pains and distention. The following day it was
>found that the stitches and plaster had been removed, and the
>anterior wound was gaping and contained an ichorous discharge.
>The patient was bathing the wound with a decoction of the leaves
>of the red-gum tree. Notwithstanding that the spear measured
>seven inches, and the interference of treatment, the abdominal
>wound closed on the sixth day, and recovery was uninterrupted.
>Gilkrist mentions an instance in which a ramrod was fired into a
>soldier's abdomen, its extremity lodging in the spinal column,
>without causing the slightest evidence of wounds of the
>intestines or viscera. A minute postmortem examination was held
>some time afterward, the soldier having died by drowning, but the
>results were absolutely negative as regards any injury done by
>the passage of the ramrod.
>
>Humphreys says that a boy of eleven, while "playing soldier" with
>another boy, accidentally fell on a rick-stake. The stake was
>slightly curved at its upper part, being 43 inches long and three
>inches in circumference, and sharp-pointed at its extremity. As
>much as 17 1/2 inches entered the body of the lad. The stake
>entered just in front of the right spermatic cord, passed beneath
>Poupart's ligament into the cavity of the abdomen, traversed the
>whole cavity across to the left side; it then entered the thorax
>by perforating the diaphragm, displaced the heart by pushing it
>to the right of the sternum, and pierced the left lung. It then
>passed anteriorly under the muscles and integument in the
>axillary space, along the upper third of the humerus, which was
>extended beyond the head, the external skin not being ruptured.
>The stick remained in situ for four hours before attempts at
>extraction were made. On account of the displacement of the heart
>it was decided not to give chloroform. The boy was held down by
>four men, and Humphreys and his assistant made all the traction
>in their power. After removal not more than a teaspoonful of
>blood followed. The heart still remained displaced, and a lump of
>intestine about the size of an orange protruded from the wound
>and was replaced. The boy made a slow and uninterrupted recovery,
>and in six weeks was able to sit up. The testicle sloughed, but
>five months later, when the boy was examined, he was free from
>pain and able to walk. There was a slight enlargement of the
>abdomen and a cicatrix of the wound in the right groin. The right
>testicle was absent, and the apex of the heart was displaced
>about an inch.
>
>Woodbury reports the case of a girl of fourteen, who fell seven
>or eight feet directly upon an erect stake in a cart; the
>tuberosity was first struck, and then the stake passed into the
>anus, up the rectum for two inches, thence through the rectal
>wall, and through the body in an obliquely upward direction.
>Striking the ribs near the left nipple it fractured three, and
>made its exit. The stake was three inches in circumference, and
>27 inches of its length passed into the body, six or seven inches
>emerging from the chest. This girl recovered so rapidly that she
>was able to attend school six weeks afterward. In a case reported
>by Bailey a middle-aged woman, while sliding down a hay-stack,
>struck directly upon a pitchfork handle which entered the vagina;
>the whole weight of the woman was successfully maintained by the
>cellular tissue of the uterovaginal culdesac.
>
>Minot speaks of the passage of one prong of a pitchfork through
>the body of a man of twenty-one, from the perineum to the
>umbilicus; the man recovered.
>
>Hamilton reports a case of laceration of the perineum with
>penetration of the pelvic cavity to the depth of ten inches by a
>stick 3/4 inch thick. Prowse mentions the history of a case of
>impalement in a man of thirty-four, who, coming down a hay-stack,
>alighted on the handle of a pitchfork which struck him in the
>middle of the scrotum, and passed up between the skin and fascia
>to the 10th rib. Recovery was prompt.
>
>There are several cases on record in which extensive wounds of
>the abdominal parietes with protrusion and injury to the
>intestine have not been followed by death. Injuries to the
>intestines themselves have already been spoken of, but there are
>several cases of evisceration worthy of record.
>
>Doughty says that at midnight on June 7, 1868, he was called to
>see a man who had been stabbed in a street altercation with a
>negro. When first seen in the street, the patient was lying on
>his back with his abdomen exposed, from which protruded an
>enormous mass of intestines, which were covered with sand and
>grit; the small intestine (ileum) was incised at one point and
>scratched at another by the passing knife. The incision, about an
>inch in length, was closed with a single stitch of silk thread,
>and after thorough cleansing the whole mass was returned to the
>abdominal cavity. In this hernial protrusion were recognized four
>or five feet of the ileum, the cecum with its appendix, part of
>the ascending colon with corresponding portions of the mesentery;
>the distribution of the superior mesentery, made more apparent by
>its living pulsation, was more beautifully displayed in its
>succession of arches than in any dissection that Doughty had ever
>witnessed. Notwithstanding the extent of his injuries the patient
>recovered, and at last reports was doing finely.
>
>Barnes reports the history of a negro of twenty-five who was
>admitted to the Freedmen's Hospital, New Orleans, May 15, 1867,
>suffering from an incised wound of the abdomen, from which
>protruded eight inches of colon, all of the stomach, and nearly
>the whole of the small intestines. About 2 1/2 feet of the small
>intestine, having a whitish color, appeared to be filled with
>food and had much of the characteristic feeling of a sausage. The
>rest of the small intestine had a dark-brown color, and the
>stomach and colon, distended with gas, were leaden-colored. The
>viscera had been exposed to the atmosphere for over an hour.
>Having nothing but cold Mississippi water to wash them with,
>Barnes preferred returning the intestines without any attempt at
>removing blood and dirt further than wiping with a cambric
>handkerchief and the stripping they would naturally be subjected
>to in being returned through the opening. In ten minutes they
>were returned; they were carefully examined inch by inch for any
>wound, but none was found. Three silver sutures were passed
>through the skin, and a firm compress applied. The patient went
>to sleep shortly after his wound was dressed, and never had a
>single subsequent bad symptom; he was discharged on May 24th, the
>wound being entirely healed, with the exception of a cartilage of
>a rib which had not reunited.
>FROM: Anomalies & Curiosities of Medicine (1896)
>
Why does everything today have to do with things goning into and out of my ass?
-Eric Cartman_
MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man
"War hath no Fury like a non-combatants"
Charles E. Montague
Correspondent:: Reverend Kenny <5ubg3n1u5@comcast.no.spam>
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 2004 20:32:14 -0500
--------
nu-monet v7.0 wrote:
> A patient arrived in the Royal Perth hospital's
> Emergency Department with a lemon in his rectum.
> He claimed that he was cleaning the gutters on his
> roof, when he slipped and fell - and happened to
> land on the lemon, which mysteriously found its
> way into his rectum.
>
> The anaesthetist asked him a couple of questions
> before the procedure. One of which was whether he
> had any food by the normal route, ie by mouth; and
> why he was on the roof while not wearing pants. The
> anaesthetist explained that if he had been wearing
> pants it would have been extremely difficult for
> the lemon to slip into his rectum.
>
> Anyway, he was taken to the operating theatre for
> the procedure of "lemonectomy". The fruit of labour
> was then offered to anyone who wished to have some
> for a gin and tonic. However, there were no takers.
Sounds like a Douglas Adams Story! LOL!
--
Illuminations,
Reverend Kenny
Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy,
"Baa ba Baa ba Baa baa."