My holiday gift basket
Correspondent:: "Revi Shankar"
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 19:55:33 -0500
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I have received a "Care Package" from mother. Its contents:
- One Jelly belly sampler box. (actually not bad)
- One Belgian Cacao roll. (Like a giant stale, crusty ho-ho)
- One box Little Debbie Pecan Spinwheels. (yeesh!)
- One box of expired, stale Ritz crackers. (bleh)
- One Hickory Farms Sausage sampler. (not on your life)
- One 8 oz. bag Racconto dried cheese ravioli. (maybe)
- One 8 oz. bag Racconto dried cheese tortellini. (ditto)
- Two small bottles (6 oz?) or white wine. (OTAY!)
- A few pounds of homemade cookies. (also OTAY)
And finally,
- One paper-back book: "Living with Enthusiam... How the 21-Day Smile Diet
can change your life". (Laugh my ass off)
Have I mentioned that I am diabetic, 250lbs or so (I aint checking), and
that my mother is insane?
MERRY XISTMAS!
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 17:03:52 -0800
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On Mon, 20 Dec 2004 19:55:33 -0500, "Revi Shankar"
wrote:
>I have received a "Care Package" from mother. Its contents:
>
>- One Jelly belly sampler box. (actually not bad)
>- One Belgian Cacao roll. (Like a giant stale, crusty ho-ho)
>- One box Little Debbie Pecan Spinwheels. (yeesh!)
>- One box of expired, stale Ritz crackers. (bleh)
>- One Hickory Farms Sausage sampler. (not on your life)
>- One 8 oz. bag Racconto dried cheese ravioli. (maybe)
>- One 8 oz. bag Racconto dried cheese tortellini. (ditto)
>- Two small bottles (6 oz?) or white wine. (OTAY!)
>- A few pounds of homemade cookies. (also OTAY)
>And finally,
>- One paper-back book: "Living with Enthusiam... How the 21-Day Smile Diet
>can change your life". (Laugh my ass off)
>
>Have I mentioned that I am diabetic, 250lbs or so (I aint checking), and
>that my mother is insane?
>
>MERRY XISTMAS!
>
and a tofu chicken burger in a pear treeeeeee
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
Without God, people might get more specific.
- Andrei Codrescu
Correspondent:: Eddie Vroom
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 03:07:37 GMT
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Zapanaz wrote:
> and a tofu chicken burger in a pear treeeeeee
But think about it - how would the X-ists know what a tofu chicken
burger tastes like? Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think a tofu
chicken burger tastes like really tastes like a hot dog - or school
paste. Or yeast-infected pussy. Maybe someone should just kill me before
they run The Matrix on goddamn cable again. My brain hertz...
--
Art and Fashion for the New Conspiracy
http://www.cafepress.com/luciddragon
the Mystical RevvedErrand Doktor Eddie Vroom
Certified God by the holy authority of
the White Lotus Fortune Cookie Company
June 23, 2004
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 20:21:18 -0500
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With all due respect to your progenitress, what, was there a big sale at
Marc's?
[*]
-----
Correspondent:: "Revi Shankar"
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 20:44:23 -0500
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"iDRMRSR" wrote in message
news:rrmdnfMHntcS51rcRVn-tw@giganews.com...
> With all due respect to your progenitress,
WHICH AINT MUCH, lemme tell you.
> what, was there a big sale at
> Marc's?
DING DING DING. Indeed, some of the packages did have "REDUCED" or "HALF
OFF" stickers on them.
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 18:22:58 -0700
--------
Revi Shankar wrote:
>
> - One paper-back book: "Living with Enthusiam...
> How the 21-Day Smile Diet can change your life".
> (Laugh my ass off)
>
> Have I mentioned that I am diabetic, 250lbs or so
> (I aint checking), and that my mother is insane?
>
You are aware, of course, that the original title of
that book was "Living with Euthanasia...How the 21-
Day Smite Diet can end your life"?
--
Herring communicate with each other
via a high-pitched, "raspberry"-like
sound emitted from their anuses.
These noises are not produced by
digestive gases.
-- from 'The New Scientist'
Correspondent:: Ued
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 21:17:06 -0500
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In article , me3@privacy.net
says...
> I have received a "Care Package" from mother. Its contents:
>
> - One Jelly belly sampler box. (actually not bad)
> - One Belgian Cacao roll. (Like a giant stale, crusty ho-ho)
> - One box Little Debbie Pecan Spinwheels. (yeesh!)
> - One box of expired, stale Ritz crackers. (bleh)
> - One Hickory Farms Sausage sampler. (not on your life)
> - One 8 oz. bag Racconto dried cheese ravioli. (maybe)
> - One 8 oz. bag Racconto dried cheese tortellini. (ditto)
> - Two small bottles (6 oz?) or white wine. (OTAY!)
> - A few pounds of homemade cookies. (also OTAY)
> And finally,
> - One paper-back book: "Living with Enthusiam... How the 21-Day Smile Diet
> can change your life". (Laugh my ass off)
Does the Hickory Farms Sausage sampler have one of those big sausage-log
things that look sort of like a collosal hotdog (it's usually dark red
or dark purple)?
I used to love those things, until the time I saw a girl sit on one.
Now they gross me out because I think of them as big dildos. But it's
just as well, because those things probably have enough fat in them to
induce an instant heart attack in anybody over the age of 30.
Correspondent:: Eddie Vroom
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 03:10:05 GMT
--------
Ued wrote:
> I used to love those things, until the time I saw a girl sit on one.
> Now they gross me out because I think of them as big dildos. But it's
> just as well, because those things probably have enough fat in them to
> induce an instant heart attack in anybody over the age of 30.
Naw, you're supposed to lube them valves every now and again. It's
shooting Krazy Glue that'll fuck you up.
--
Art and Fashion for the New Conspiracy
http://www.cafepress.com/luciddragon
the Mystical RevvedErrand Doktor Eddie Vroom
Certified God by the holy authority of
the White Lotus Fortune Cookie Company
June 23, 2004
Correspondent:: Aratzio
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 06:27:56 -0800
--------
On Mon, 20 Dec 2004 21:17:06 -0500, Ued
transparently proposed:
>In article , me3@privacy.net
>says...
>> I have received a "Care Package" from mother. Its contents:
>>
>> - One Jelly belly sampler box. (actually not bad)
>> - One Belgian Cacao roll. (Like a giant stale, crusty ho-ho)
>> - One box Little Debbie Pecan Spinwheels. (yeesh!)
>> - One box of expired, stale Ritz crackers. (bleh)
>> - One Hickory Farms Sausage sampler. (not on your life)
>> - One 8 oz. bag Racconto dried cheese ravioli. (maybe)
>> - One 8 oz. bag Racconto dried cheese tortellini. (ditto)
>> - Two small bottles (6 oz?) or white wine. (OTAY!)
>> - A few pounds of homemade cookies. (also OTAY)
>> And finally,
>> - One paper-back book: "Living with Enthusiam... How the 21-Day Smile Diet
>> can change your life". (Laugh my ass off)
>
>Does the Hickory Farms Sausage sampler have one of those big sausage-log
>things that look sort of like a collosal hotdog (it's usually dark red
>or dark purple)?
>
>I used to love those things, until the time I saw a girl sit on one.
>Now they gross me out because I think of them as big dildos. But it's
>just as well, because those things probably have enough fat in them to
>induce an instant heart attack in anybody over the age of 30.
Instant heart attack? One word:
Carbonarra