Sacred Emu's of X-Day
Correspondent:: "fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari."
Date: Wed, 8 Dec 2004 18:51:46 -0500
--------
I hope to make it to X-Day this year. May as well begin planning. I'm sure
that, considering, well, this is what is is, it wouldn't be terribly wrong
to bring a little Middlesex county tradition to Brushwood. You have emu's
down there right? If not, I'll have to wrangle some. Here's the thing.
In these parts, we developed a trick passed on to the locals by a strange
little Iroquois tribe offshoot. I guess it can be described as
'telepathically enjoining the mind of an emu for sex and show tunes'. It's a
strange, and highly pleasurable thing.
Once union with the emu is achieved, a state of concurrent orgasm exists in
the enjoined entities, and it isn't uncommon to see orgasms transmitted as
far 6-10 meters. In this state, music is actually pulled forth from the very
root of the 'soul' or whathaveya - and is transmitted via the emu, which
begins performing the music. Often the person from whom the music is coming
is utterly oblivious as to whats being transmitted. Strangely, most people
end up sending a lot of Rodgers and Hammerstein, and recently Andrew Lloyd
Webber. On rare occassions, you'll hear some Elvis.
It takes a lot of emu's though. Most have to attempt with four or five
before union is achieved.
As for the effects on the emu's, they become sentient afterwards, and are
usually quite charming. They tend to band together, and wander off. Best as
we can tell, the sentient emu's have set up a colony in the polar orbit, and
are well on their way to celestial migration.
One more thing - it may have crossed your mind to try this on something
*other* than an emu. Do you as you will, but be warned - Chickens, pigs,
spiders, have been tried, as well as people, and it has a pretty strange
effect on the person attempting union. The most common thing is for the
subject to wander, dazed, into a slaughterhouse while singing one word from
one song, over and over again, in a kind of zombified voice, until the
hammer hits, and ... etc. Others have gone feral, or attempted - not always
unsuccessfully - to catch and eat other people or animals by spinning a web
or just plain tackling them.
I myself attempted union with a Dachshund, and it took years of electroshock
therapy to keep me from trying to reach up into my own anus and pulling out
my colon. Fair warning.
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Thu, 09 Dec 2004 01:14:27 GMT
--------
In article ,
"fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari." wrote:
> Once union with the emu is achieved, a state of concurrent orgasm exists in
> the enjoined entities, and it isn't uncommon to see orgasms transmitted as
> far 6-10 meters. In this state, music is actually pulled forth from the very
> root of the 'soul' or whathaveya - and is transmitted via the emu, which
> begins performing the music. Often the person from whom the music is coming
> is utterly oblivious as to whats being transmitted. Strangely, most people
> end up sending a lot of Rodgers and Hammerstein, and recently Andrew Lloyd
> Webber. On rare occassions, you'll hear some Elvis.
>> It takes a lot of emu's though. Most have to attempt with four or five
> before union is achieved.
> > As for the effects on the emu's, they become sentient afterwards, and are
> usually quite charming. They tend to band together, and wander off. Best as
> we can tell, the sentient emu's have set up a colony in the polar orbit, and
> are well on their way to celestial migration.
> > One more thing - it may have crossed your mind to try this on something
> *other* than an emu. Do you as you will, but be warned - Chickens, pigs,
> spiders, have been tried, as well as people, and it has a pretty strange
> effect on the person attempting union. The most common thing is for the
> subject to wander, dazed, into a slaughterhouse while singing one word from
> one song, over and over again, in a kind of zombified voice, until the
> hammer hits, and ... etc. Others have gone feral, or attempted - not always
> unsuccessfully - to catch and eat other people or animals by spinning a web
> or just plain tackling them.
> > I myself attempted union with a Dachshund, and it took years of electroshock
> therapy to keep me from trying to reach up into my own anus and pulling out
> my colon. Fair warning.
HAW HAW HAW, that's completely fucking great! You sure took the mauve
pill, you crazy fucker!! You'd be my ShorDurPerSav if I didn't already
know you were as crazy as a freighter full of Chinese bedbugs and can
barely save laundry quarters. Still, that rant should be tattooed on
Rumpsfeld's back and ASS, it be's so wunnerful.
--
HellPope Huey
I lost part of my hair
when it got tangled in the malaprop
"How many times do I have to tell you people,
I met Jesus, we didn't hit it off!"
- 'Becker'
"Manhood is the ability to outlast despair."
- James Jones
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Wed, 8 Dec 2004 20:27:41 -0500
--------
Will we be seeing a video at:
http://emuse.ca
any time soon?
[*]
-----
Correspondent:: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
Date: Wed, 08 Dec 2004 21:42:10 -0600
--------
On Thu, 09 Dec 2004 01:14:27 GMT, HellPope Huey
wrote:
>In article ,
> "fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari." wrote:
>
>> > I myself attempted union with a Dachshund, and it took years of electroshock
>> therapy to keep me from trying to reach up into my own anus and pulling out
>> my colon. Fair warning.
>
> HAW HAW HAW, that's completely fucking great! You sure took the mauve
>pill, you crazy fucker!! You'd be my ShorDurPerSav if I didn't already
>know you were as crazy as a freighter full of Chinese bedbugs and can
>barely save laundry quarters. Still, that rant should be tattooed on
>Rumpsfeld's back and ASS, it be's so wunnerful.
The emu idea beats the Fart Putty Fucket Buckets Orchestra.
But the F.P.F.B.O. should be a great replacement for all that damn
drumming.
Salacia
Correspondent:: "paco"
Date: Thu, 9 Dec 2004 07:39:19 -0500
--------
"fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari." wrote in message
news:msMtd.33194$l%5.1304727@news20.bellglobal.com...
> I hope to make it to X-Day this year. May as well begin planning. I'm sure
> that, considering, well, this is what is is, it wouldn't be terribly wrong
> to bring a little Middlesex county tradition to Brushwood. You have emu's
> down there right? If not, I'll have to wrangle some. Here's the thing.
>
> In these parts, we developed a trick passed on to the locals by a strange
> little Iroquois tribe offshoot. I guess it can be described as
> 'telepathically enjoining the mind of an emu for sex and show tunes'. It's
a
> strange, and highly pleasurable thing.
There is a second "Bermuda Triangle" created by Toronto, Detroit, and
Cleveland. Southwestern Ontario's "Emuing" (local slang ) is just one
manifestation of this phenomenon. The mermaid colony at the bottom of lake
Erie is another. Teletourism is on the rise here because of our location,
and the warm inviting atmosphere of the local merchants.
http://www.speedcityrecords.com/
Correspondent:: asscoassc@aol.comSHUTUP (AssCo Assc)
Date: 09 Dec 2004 13:32:01 GMT
--------
<< You have emu's down there right?
If not, I'll have to wrangle some. >>
Yes, in fact thre is an emu-raising farmer
in Sherman (actually Westfield, the next town up):
see "Buddas Whitetail Farm" on the Corral placemats.
Sorry -- Budda doesn't seem to keep a
website.
---
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
ooOOoo
It petrifies the tongue. . .
Shoots arrows through the lung. . .
Guttural rending pain . . .
. . . and next it Sclerotifies the brain
-- Copyright 2004 Ilya Shambat
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 20:56:32 -0500
--------
In article <20041209083201.12009.00001677@mb-m16.aol.com>, AssCo Assc
wrote:
> << You have emu's down there right?
> If not, I'll have to wrangle some. >>
>
> Yes, in fact thre is an emu-raising farmer
> in Sherman (actually Westfield, the next town up):
> see "Buddas Whitetail Farm" on the Corral placemats.
>
Oh no.
As if the "blood wrestling" wasn't bad enough.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: polar bear
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 07:04:14 -0800
--------
In article , "fenian
d'illudium q-36, Rlari." wrote:
> I hope to make it to X-Day this year. May as well begin planning. I'm sure
> that, considering, well, this is what is is, it wouldn't be terribly wrong
> to bring a little Middlesex county tradition to Brushwood. You have emu's
> down there right? If not, I'll have to wrangle some. Here's the thing.
>
> In these parts, we developed a trick passed on to the locals by a strange
> little Iroquois tribe offshoot. I guess it can be described as
> 'telepathically enjoining the mind of an emu for sex and show tunes'. It's a
> strange, and highly pleasurable thing.
>
> Once union with the emu is achieved, a state of concurrent orgasm exists in
> the enjoined entities, and it isn't uncommon to see orgasms transmitted as
> far 6-10 meters. In this state, music is actually pulled forth from the very
> root of the 'soul' or whathaveya - and is transmitted via the emu, which
> begins performing the music. Often the person from whom the music is coming
> is utterly oblivious as to whats being transmitted. Strangely, most people
> end up sending a lot of Rodgers and Hammerstein, and recently Andrew Lloyd
> Webber. On rare occassions, you'll hear some Elvis.
>
> It takes a lot of emu's though. Most have to attempt with four or five
> before union is achieved.
>
> As for the effects on the emu's, they become sentient afterwards, and are
> usually quite charming. They tend to band together, and wander off. Best as
> we can tell, the sentient emu's have set up a colony in the polar orbit, and
> are well on their way to celestial migration.
>
> One more thing - it may have crossed your mind to try this on something
> *other* than an emu. Do you as you will, but be warned - Chickens, pigs,
> spiders, have been tried, as well as people, and it has a pretty strange
> effect on the person attempting union. The most common thing is for the
> subject to wander, dazed, into a slaughterhouse while singing one word from
> one song, over and over again, in a kind of zombified voice, until the
> hammer hits, and ... etc. Others have gone feral, or attempted - not always
> unsuccessfully - to catch and eat other people or animals by spinning a web
> or just plain tackling them.
>
> I myself attempted union with a Dachshund, and it took years of electroshock
> therapy to keep me from trying to reach up into my own anus and pulling out
> my colon. Fair warning.
Dude, you've been watching way too much Untalkative Bunny.
pb