The Hairpin Turn of the Screwed

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 2004 17:16:43 GMT

--------

I went to see this nice woman and almost got into real trouble. No, not
that kind of trouble or jaunty we-got-trouble-right-here-in-River-City
trouble, but serious, everything-stops, phone-call-in-the-dead-of-night,
capital-T Trouble. The sort that haunts you long after its resolved.

She lives on a small farm not too far from the highway, although it has
the benefits of isolation without being an hour's drive from the next
nearest human being. 15 minutes will get you to a Burger King. However,
the road to her house, while not THE most winding one I have ever
traversed, is treacherously snake-twisted in several places, with not
just a few near-blind spots, aching for a mishap.

On my way home that evening, I rounded one of those tight corners and
came upon a mini-Blazer, skewed into the ditch on the opposing side,
neatly caved in throughout its length. My first thought was "Uh oh, a
hit-&-run." In the road facing the girl who was kneeling next to the
crumpled Blazer was a seemingly undamaged small truck; a man on a cell
phone had apparently stopped to help. He asked if I knew the name of the
road we were on and while I didn't, I made sure he got the next nearest
highway intersection defined so the EMTs could locate them.

This had occurred just over the crest of a hill and as he was stopped
cold, well outside line-of-sight range, I pulled around him and started
flashing my brights so as to let it be known. Good thing, as I came
semi-close to being hit head-on by an oncoming truck myself. However, we
saw one another in time and the view was now covered so subsequent
drivers could stop safely. As I sped towards the gas station on the
highway to call in the situation, I saw emergency vehicles heading for
it, so I knew it was covered. Although it was bad enough, thanks, I have
seen the aftermath of worse things.

I hope the young woman ended up being "all right." She was moving and
crying with some gusto rather than unconscious and melded with her
steering wheel, so I hope for the best. Still, you know how easily it
could have swung the other way. Having seen three men peeled out of a
real car-crusher of a wreck, I rarely drive too complacently. As the
song says, Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail and
it often happens within the proverbial blink.

Classic country roads always make me wonder who the hell decided where
the boundaries were. Many exist for no apparent reason other than to
make driving more hazardous. There are no natural land features such as
lakes or mountains requiring sudden 30-degree turns, they just happen,
as if someone threw darts at a board while blindfolded. The unwritten
law states "set no straight line where spaghetti can be rendered." It
seems quite arbitrary and is probably based in hazy mineral rights and
whoever sexually serviced the right alderman so that a gated community
might be built in a choice spot, "coming soon in 2012!" Hah, the jokes
on them; the Aztec calendar lists no time after 2012. Some eager buyers
are going to be mighty pissed when they get the last board of the deck
nailed in and then the Lord calls us all home, especially if "He" is
known as Quetzaquirkacoatal and not at all Judeo-Christian. We shall
see.

With great fanfare, there was a hefty freeway interchange built in Hot
Springs, Arkansas at a key point between Them What Has and Them What Has
Not As Much. It doesn't neatly bisect the place, but the juicier
shopping is clearly to be found on the resort-lake side of it where the
Blessed Righteous live, whereas down in the Bottoms, you find the larger
number of pawn shops and Family Dollar stores. It was a mess when it was
conceived, a bigger one while it was being built and bollixing
everything up for miles, including one side of access to a hospital and
when finished, made it clear that it had been designed by chimps in a
basement in New Jersey. Their work will soon be outsourced to Kenya and
they will be back at the fry basket at McDonald's.

The timing of lights relative to real traffic flow is grindingly off
and causes things to mesh like that classic footage of two steam engines
being rammed together just to see what would happen. Its fairly passable
at 11 pm on weeknights, but all bets are off otherwise. It is a marvel
of our species that some of us can program computers, paint fetching
pictures or make flawless 5-tiered wedding cakes, yet others of us end
up being charged with designing fanciful ways to make commuting as
maddening and imprecise as possible. When someone tries to convince me
that there is indeed a loving God who has a Purpose for my life, part of
why I give it a hedge-betting nod of Maybe is the recounting of the
75,000 times I was not creamed by some loopy hick, babbling teenager or
doddering octogenarian on the road.

There was an amusing "Star Trek" episode wherein a silcon-based colony
lifeform defined the previously-unknown humans as "big ugly bags of
water." I resent this, as I am not all water; sometimes I am partly
bourbon as well. However, the basic idea is on the mark. People who
grouse about seat belts make it plain that they have never seen a
serious wreck and have no real idea of how physics plays its wicked
games. I am 6'4" and not at all petite, yet I fully grasp how easily a
sufficient number of foot-pounds aimed just so could fling me out that 2
x 2-foot window within less than a second, turning me into a head in a
bed, which I am sure I would not care for at all. A man turning around
in his van seat and messing with his dog gave Stephen King a
much-unwanted lesson in how large changes can occur in short spans of
time. He was hit and sent pinwheeling while merely taking a walk at the
wrong time. The only thing left unscathed was, oddly enough, the lenses
of the glasses he was wearing at the time. Allow me to do you a small
service by mentioning the time I passed a nasty altercation on the
freeway in Texas and saw a person's detached arm in the road. It can
happen so easily and be so final.

Alan Moore once wrote a wonderful, dark line: "If Nature should so much
as shrug her shoulder, you would all be gone." It is so very easy to
pontificate, to carp about the little things, to become mired in habit
that we forget how fragile we are, how much water we are made of and how
casually Nature can shrug.

Salvation doesn't necessarily come in a church; it comes from slowing
down, giving someone a fair hearing, making backup copies, saying a
pivotal kind word that acts as the catalyst for a needed shift from A to
B, dusting yourself off and Trying Again. Its not a one-time thing;
there is something and someONE to save, every other minute of every day.
Sometimes it comes from simply paying enough attention that you save
yourself. Now there's a real hairpin turn for you.

--

HellPope Huey
Everyone put your left shoe in this bag
or the kid here GETS it

I was brought up in that other service;
but I knew from the first that the Devil
was my natural master and captain and friend.
I saw that he was in the right
and that the world cringed to his conqueror only from fear.
- George Bernard Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple"

God does not play dice with the universe;
He plays an ineffable game of his own devising,
which might be compared,
from the perspective of any of the other players,
to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker
in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes,
with a dealer who won't tell you the rules
and who smiles all the time.
- Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"

Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 2004 17:48:29 GMT

--------
HellPope Huey wrote:
>
>
> I went to see this nice woman and almost got into real trouble. No, not
>that kind of trouble or jaunty we-got-trouble-right-here-in-River-City
>trouble, but serious, everything-stops, phone-call-in-the-dead-of-night,
>capital-T Trouble. The sort that haunts you long after its resolved.
>
> She lives on a small farm not too far from the highway, although it has
>the benefits of isolation without being an hour's drive from the next
>nearest human being. 15 minutes will get you to a Burger King. However,
>the road to her house, while not THE most winding one I have ever
>traversed, is treacherously snake-twisted in several places, with not
>just a few near-blind spots, aching for a mishap.
>
> On my way home that evening, I rounded one of those tight corners and
>came upon a mini-Blazer, skewed into the ditch on the opposing side,
>neatly caved in throughout its length. My first thought was "Uh oh, a
>hit-&-run." In the road facing the girl who was kneeling next to the
>crumpled Blazer was a seemingly undamaged small truck; a man on a cell
>phone had apparently stopped to help. He asked if I knew the name of the
>road we were on and while I didn't, I made sure he got the next nearest
>highway intersection defined so the EMTs could locate them.
>
> This had occurred just over the crest of a hill and as he was stopped
>cold, well outside line-of-sight range, I pulled around him and started
>flashing my brights so as to let it be known. Good thing, as I came
>semi-close to being hit head-on by an oncoming truck myself. However, we
>saw one another in time and the view was now covered so subsequent
>drivers could stop safely. As I sped towards the gas station on the
>highway to call in the situation, I saw emergency vehicles heading for
>it, so I knew it was covered. Although it was bad enough, thanks, I have
>seen the aftermath of worse things.
>
> I hope the young woman ended up being "all right." She was moving and
>crying with some gusto rather than unconscious and melded with her
>steering wheel, so I hope for the best. Still, you know how easily it
>could have swung the other way. Having seen three men peeled out of a
>real car-crusher of a wreck, I rarely drive too complacently. As the
>song says, Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail and
>it often happens within the proverbial blink.
>
> Classic country roads always make me wonder who the hell decided where
>the boundaries were. Many exist for no apparent reason other than to
>make driving more hazardous. There are no natural land features such as
>lakes or mountains requiring sudden 30-degree turns, they just happen,
>as if someone threw darts at a board while blindfolded. The unwritten
>law states "set no straight line where spaghetti can be rendered." It
>seems quite arbitrary and is probably based in hazy mineral rights and
>whoever sexually serviced the right alderman so that a gated community
>might be built in a choice spot, "coming soon in 2012!" Hah, the jokes
>on them; the Aztec calendar lists no time after 2012. Some eager buyers
>are going to be mighty pissed when they get the last board of the deck
>nailed in and then the Lord calls us all home, especially if "He" is
>known as Quetzaquirkacoatal and not at all Judeo-Christian. We shall
>see.
>
> With great fanfare, there was a hefty freeway interchange built in Hot
>Springs, Arkansas at a key point between Them What Has and Them What Has
>Not As Much. It doesn't neatly bisect the place, but the juicier
>shopping is clearly to be found on the resort-lake side of it where the
>Blessed Righteous live, whereas down in the Bottoms, you find the larger
>number of pawn shops and Family Dollar stores. It was a mess when it was
>conceived, a bigger one while it was being built and bollixing
>everything up for miles, including one side of access to a hospital and
>when finished, made it clear that it had been designed by chimps in a
>basement in New Jersey. Their work will soon be outsourced to Kenya and
>they will be back at the fry basket at McDonald's.
>
> The timing of lights relative to real traffic flow is grindingly off
>and causes things to mesh like that classic footage of two steam engines
>being rammed together just to see what would happen. Its fairly passable
>at 11 pm on weeknights, but all bets are off otherwise. It is a marvel
>of our species that some of us can program computers, paint fetching
>pictures or make flawless 5-tiered wedding cakes, yet others of us end
>up being charged with designing fanciful ways to make commuting as
>maddening and imprecise as possible. When someone tries to convince me
>that there is indeed a loving God who has a Purpose for my life, part of
>why I give it a hedge-betting nod of Maybe is the recounting of the
>75,000 times I was not creamed by some loopy hick, babbling teenager or
>doddering octogenarian on the road.
>
> There was an amusing "Star Trek" episode wherein a silcon-based colony
>lifeform defined the previously-unknown humans as "big ugly bags of
>water." I resent this, as I am not all water; sometimes I am partly
>bourbon as well. However, the basic idea is on the mark. People who
>grouse about seat belts make it plain that they have never seen a
>serious wreck and have no real idea of how physics plays its wicked
>games. I am 6'4" and not at all petite, yet I fully grasp how easily a
>sufficient number of foot-pounds aimed just so could fling me out that 2
>x 2-foot window within less than a second, turning me into a head in a
>bed, which I am sure I would not care for at all. A man turning around
>in his van seat and messing with his dog gave Stephen King a
>much-unwanted lesson in how large changes can occur in short spans of
>time. He was hit and sent pinwheeling while merely taking a walk at the
>wrong time. The only thing left unscathed was, oddly enough, the lenses
>of the glasses he was wearing at the time. Allow me to do you a small
>service by mentioning the time I passed a nasty altercation on the
>freeway in Texas and saw a person's detached arm in the road. It can
>happen so easily and be so final.
>
> Alan Moore once wrote a wonderful, dark line: "If Nature should so much
>as shrug her shoulder, you would all be gone." It is so very easy to
>pontificate, to carp about the little things, to become mired in habit
>that we forget how fragile we are, how much water we are made of and how
>casually Nature can shrug.
>
> Salvation doesn't necessarily come in a church; it comes from slowing
>down, giving someone a fair hearing, making backup copies, saying a
>pivotal kind word that acts as the catalyst for a needed shift from A to
>B, dusting yourself off and Trying Again. Its not a one-time thing;
>there is something and someONE to save, every other minute of every day.
>Sometimes it comes from simply paying enough attention that you save
>yourself. Now there's a real hairpin turn for you.
>
>--

At first, I thought that was going to be a Stephen King sort of a story.
Roads were sometimes built following old cow paths, so there's not
a lot of rhyme or reason to it. But I've seen people total a car on a
straight piece in Nevada. A girl comes roaring up to a T-intersection
at about 85mph, and had no choice but to make a right or left, so she
slams on the brakes, gets two wheels off the road into the gravel, and
rolls the car six times. The car stops upside down with the girl still strapped-in
and more or less OK. Or a 'Vette coming off the interstate at 3AM at 100mph+
gets on the rough part of the ramp for traction, but comes around the corner
and rear-ends a parked Mexican gardener's pick-up truck, and I could smell
like it smells when you gut a deer within 50' of the car. The hood had shattered
and pretty well cut the passenger in half, the driver had a broken neck. The local
drunk ran up to the car and says, "You all right?"

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 2004 22:45:24 GMT

--------
In article

,
König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:

>>> The local drunk ran up to the car and says, "You all right?"

As rotten a creature as a drunk really is, in a moment like that, he
cares about you more than damned near anyone else. He's SINCERE.

In this, the holiday season, wherein we remember those who are less
fortunate than ourselves, if any, please slip the poor bastard some Wild
Irish Rose instead of PGA. Remember, Jesus died so Santa could haul
sausages to all the unfortunate raghead children who will never know the
joy of a Hershey's Bar because the things turn into liquid when its 117
degrees. You don't want that to have been for bupkiss, do you?

That town drunk is your brother in Christ and maybe Dobbs TOO, so hedge
your bets and get him snockered. Happy Annual Gift Man says BIG OFF!!

--

HellPope Huey
Everyone put your left shoe in this bag
or the kid here GETS it

I was brought up in that other service;
but I knew from the first that the Devil
was my natural master and captain and friend.
I saw that he was in the right
and that the world cringed to his conqueror only from fear.
- George Bernard Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple"

God does not play dice with the universe;
He plays an ineffable game of his own devising,
which might be compared,
from the perspective of any of the other players,
to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker
in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes,
with a dealer who won't tell you the rules
and who smiles all the time.
- Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"

Correspondent:: phy
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 2004 23:49:55 GMT

--------
HellPope Huey wrote in news:NoRestraint-
18DD4E.16461014122004@news1.west.earthlink.net:

> That town drunk is your brother in Christ and maybe Dobbs TOO, so hedge
> your bets and get him snockered. Happy Annual Gift Man says BIG OFF!!

I will be glad whent he holidays are over so you can quit acting like a
decent type human being and get back to your old self. Or am I mixing you
up with nenslo?

-phy

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2004 04:10:24 GMT

--------
In article ,
phy wrote:
> HellPope Huey wrote in news:NoRestraint-
> 18DD4E.16461014122004@news1.west.earthlink.net:
>
> > That town drunk is your brother in Christ and maybe Dobbs TOO, so hedge
> > your bets and get him snockered. Happy Annual Gift Man says BIG OFF!!
>
> I will be glad whent he holidays are over so you can quit acting like a
> decent type human being and get back to your old self. Or am I mixing you
> up with nenslo?

You try to do that and I'll kick your goddamned crotch so hard, the
graves of your ancestors will emit puffs of dust.

--

HellPope Huey
Everyone put your left shoe in this bag
or the kid here GETS it

I was brought up in that other service;
but I knew from the first that the Devil
was my natural master and captain and friend.
I saw that he was in the right
and that the world cringed to his conqueror only from fear.
- George Bernard Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple"

God does not play dice with the universe;
He plays an ineffable game of his own devising,
which might be compared,
from the perspective of any of the other players,
to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker
in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes,
with a dealer who won't tell you the rules
and who smiles all the time.
- Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"

Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 2004 20:39:46 -0800

--------
On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 04:10:24 GMT, HellPope Huey
wrote:

>>am I mixing you
>> up with nenslo?
>
> You try to do that and I'll kick your goddamned crotch so hard, the
>graves of your ancestors will emit puffs of dust.

what -do- you get if you mix you with nenslo?

Henslope Puey?

--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
Doing my part to piss off the Christian Right

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2004 18:16:08 GMT

--------
In article ,
Zapanaz wrote:
> On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 04:10:24 GMT, HellPope Huey
> wrote:
>
> >>am I mixing you
> >> up with nenslo?
> >
> > You try to do that and I'll kick your goddamned crotch so hard, the
> >graves of your ancestors will emit puffs of dust.
>
> what -do- you get if you mix you with nenslo?
> Henslope Puey?

A very large pie that smells sort of like apple & cinammon, but sits on
the table PULSING and disturbing everyone. People are afraid to approach
it. Something moves around under the crust. Dumbass, I said "90 minutes
at 325 degrees," not the other way around. It be an unclean thing and
the whorelilies wilt in its presence. There are some Pipes mere Man was
not meant to smoke.

--

HellPope Huey
Lewd Interpretive Dance Done
In The Privacy Of Your Own Home; by the hour.

I have no need of your God-damned sympathy.
I only wish to be entertained
by some of your grosser reminiscences.
- Alexander Woolcott

"'Black Dracula' is now a congressman from West Virginia."
- "The Simpsons"

Correspondent:: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2004 12:58:50 -0600

--------
On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 18:16:08 GMT, HellPope Huey
wrote:

>In article ,
> Zapanaz wrote:
>> On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 04:10:24 GMT, HellPope Huey
>> wrote:
>>
>> >>am I mixing you
>> >> up with nenslo?
>> >
>> > You try to do that and I'll kick your goddamned crotch so hard, the
>> >graves of your ancestors will emit puffs of dust.
>>
>> what -do- you get if you mix you with nenslo?
>> Henslope Puey?
>
> A very large pie that smells sort of like apple & cinammon, but sits on
>the table PULSING and disturbing everyone. People are afraid to approach
>it. Something moves around under the crust. Dumbass, I said "90 minutes
>at 325 degrees," not the other way around. It be an unclean thing and
>the whorelilies wilt in its presence. There are some Pipes mere Man was
>not meant to smoke.

Correspondent:: SubGenius Spice
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 07:03:23 GMT

--------
In alt.slack, HellPope Huey was all like...

:: In article ,
:: Zapanaz wrote:
:: > On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 04:10:24 GMT, HellPope Huey
:: > wrote:
:: >
:: > >>am I mixing you
:: > >> up with nenslo?
:: > >
:: > > You try to do that and I'll kick your goddamned crotch so hard, the
:: > >graves of your ancestors will emit puffs of dust.
:: >
:: > what -do- you get if you mix you with nenslo?
:: > Henslope Puey?
::
:: A very large pie that smells sort of like apple & cinammon, but sits on
:: the table PULSING and disturbing everyone. People are afraid to approach
:: it. Something moves around under the crust. Dumbass, I said "90 minutes
:: at 325 degrees," not the other way around. It be an unclean thing and
:: the whorelilies wilt in its presence. There are some Pipes mere Man was
:: not meant to smoke.

the definitive answer to why david cronenberg should have a show on the
food network.

Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2004 00:21:51 GMT

--------
HellPope Huey wrote:
>In article
>,
> König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
>
>>>> The local drunk ran up to the car and says, "You all right?"
>
> As rotten a creature as a drunk really is, in a moment like that, he
>cares about you more than damned near anyone else. He's SINCERE.
>
> In this, the holiday season, wherein we remember those who are less
>fortunate than ourselves, if any, please slip the poor bastard some Wild
>Irish Rose instead of PGA. Remember, Jesus died so Santa could haul
>sausages to all the unfortunate raghead children who will never know the
>joy of a Hershey's Bar because the things turn into liquid when its 117
>degrees. You don't want that to have been for bupkiss, do you?
>
> That town drunk is your brother in Christ and maybe Dobbs TOO, so hedge
>your bets and get him snockered. Happy Annual Gift Man says BIG OFF!!
>
>--

Yep, hooray fer drunks!

And remember: Nenslo's grandma got run over by a reindeer!

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

Correspondent:: kdetal@aol.com (kdetal)
Date: 15 Dec 2004 01:04:41 GMT

--------
HellPope Huey wrote:

> Alan Moore once wrote a wonderful, dark line: "If Nature should so much
>as shrug her shoulder, you would all be gone." It is so very easy to
>pontificate, to carp about the little things, to become mired in habit
>that we forget how fragile we are, how much water we are made of and how
>casually Nature can shrug.

I never forget this. It aggravates the hell out of me that no one else seems to
remember. Part of the denial necessary for most I guess. But a lot is lost in
that trade-off.

> Salvation doesn't necessarily come in a church; it comes from slowing
>down, giving someone a fair hearing, making backup copies, saying a
>pivotal kind word that acts as the catalyst for a needed shift from A to
>B, dusting yourself off and Trying Again. Its not a one-time thing;
>there is something and someONE to save, every other minute of every day.
>Sometimes it comes from simply paying enough attention that you save
>yourself. Now there's a real hairpin turn for you.

Despite loving the curmudgeonly repartee on alt.slack, I believe and agree
wholeheartedly about the kind word business. Maybe its something you learn as
you get older. I try to remain aware of this in real life, and to enact it
when possible. Its not something that will impact everyone, but you'd be
surprised at the number of people who *do* respond to positive words directed
at them with sincerity. It's actually amazing sometimes the difference just a
small amount of kindness can make; and I can speak of that as both giver and
recipient.

.
.
.
.

Ok, that was my sweetness and light speech for the year. Don't expect any more.
--
Pissing me off never means that you're right. Only that you are an idiot.

Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 2004 18:10:14 -0800

--------
On 15 Dec 2004 01:04:41 GMT, kdetal@aol.com (kdetal) wrote:

>HellPope Huey wrote:
>
>> Alan Moore once wrote a wonderful, dark line: "If Nature should so much
>>as shrug her shoulder, you would all be gone." It is so very easy to
>>pontificate, to carp about the little things, to become mired in habit
>>that we forget how fragile we are, how much water we are made of and how
>>casually Nature can shrug.
>
>I never forget this. It aggravates the hell out of me that no one else seems to
>remember. Part of the denial necessary for most I guess. But a lot is lost in
>that trade-off.
>

Something like that is probably why I am never really in synch with
other people.

If I decide to go somewhere with somebody in a car for instance, to
me, it's a choice of possibly dying. It isn't that I worry about it,
it just is what it is. Driving on the freeway at 60 mph or whatever,
if you turn the wrong way or at the wrong rate or something goes wrong
then you probably end up dead. It's an active thought to me most of
the time.

For that matter I think I know where my limit is beyond which it would
be better to blow my own brains out than to keep living, if life got
fucked up beyond a certain point. I suppose that line is always
somewhere in my awareness as the day to day things unfold.

It isn't that I walk around terrified and depressed about death. I
have been doing it so long it's just second nature. The raven on the
bust of Pallus, it's always there.

Then sometimes I realize that other people don't do the same thing.
Normal people get in a car, and think of it like watching TV. There
is a certain set of actions they are supposed to perform to change the
image in the windshield from where they are to where they're going.

The thought that the wrong set of actions might cause them to die
suddenly is not one they want to think so they shut it out. They shut
a lot of things out. They aren't really even in the world anymore.

Most of the people I know are ardently anti-Bush (the county I live in
was actually strongly anti-Bush in the voting) and when the elections
came out I know everybody was upset about it. But they were EERILY
SILENT about it. At first I thought, "well, they just don't want to
talk about it", which was understandable enough. What's there to say,
and it's all just depressing anyway.

A couple weeks ago though, something came on the news while a bunch of
people were around, I don't remember what but bearing on Bush and the
election. And everybody was completely quiet. I knew all of these
people were upset about the election, it was strange that not one
single person would have anything at all to say.

I think they are just shutting it out, completely. Shoving the
thought out of their world.

That's how the most insane things can happen in the world, and nobody
does anything about it. They just take the border line, "beyond THIS
would be totally insane" and they adjust it.

>> Salvation doesn't necessarily come in a church; it comes from slowing
>>down, giving someone a fair hearing, making backup copies, saying a
>>pivotal kind word that acts as the catalyst for a needed shift from A to
>>B, dusting yourself off and Trying Again. Its not a one-time thing;
>>there is something and someONE to save, every other minute of every day.
>>Sometimes it comes from simply paying enough attention that you save
>>yourself. Now there's a real hairpin turn for you.
>
>Despite loving the curmudgeonly repartee on alt.slack, I believe and agree
>wholeheartedly about the kind word business. Maybe its something you learn as
>you get older. I try to remain aware of this in real life, and to enact it
>when possible. Its not something that will impact everyone, but you'd be
>surprised at the number of people who *do* respond to positive words directed
>at them with sincerity. It's actually amazing sometimes the difference just a
>small amount of kindness can make; and I can speak of that as both giver and
>recipient.
>
>.
>.
>.
>.
>
>Ok, that was my sweetness and light speech for the year. Don't expect any more.

--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
Last night you were, unhinged.
You were like some desperate, howling demon.
You frightened me. .......... Do it again.

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2004 04:28:56 GMT

--------
In article ,
Zapanaz wrote:

> That's how the most insane things can happen in the world, and nobody
> does anything about it. They just take the border line, "beyond THIS
> would be totally insane" and they adjust it.

Which is the point where I had the face of a small boy sticking out his
tongue tattooed on my right bicep. It just seemed like the thing to do,
or at least *A* thing to do.

I am also doubleplusUNfond of the very close cousin of "beyond THIS
would be totally insane," namely "I'll Stomp Your Instep and Look Like A
Startled Deer When You Don't Just Swallow It With A Smile and Instead,
Clop Me In the Moosh or Somethin'." It doesn't work on the world stage,
it doesn't work on the freeway and it sure doesn't work with the
neighbors. Well, the ones who don't Moo, anyway.

I try SO hard, so BE NICE, damnit, if you don't want to wind up with a
house full of pigeons. I can make it happen. Don't try me.

--

HellPope Huey
Everyone put your left shoe in this bag
or the kid here GETS it

I was brought up in that other service;
but I knew from the first that the Devil
was my natural master and captain and friend.
I saw that he was in the right
and that the world cringed to his conqueror only from fear.
- George Bernard Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple"

God does not play dice with the universe;
He plays an ineffable game of his own devising,
which might be compared,
from the perspective of any of the other players,
to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker
in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes,
with a dealer who won't tell you the rules
and who smiles all the time.
- Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"

Correspondent:: asscoassc@aol.comBLOWME (AssCo Assc)
Date: 16 Dec 2004 00:54:55 GMT

--------
<< Then sometimes I realize that other people don't do the same thing. Normal
people get in a car, and think of it like watching TV. >>

Not that watching TV can't kill you. I used to
have a hockey-fan cousin that had a massive
aneurism because the Flyers were losing. And
then there's that fuckin' Dr. Phil.

ooOOoo

It petrifies the tongue. . .
Shoots arrows through the lung. . .
Guttural rending pain . . .
. . . and next it Sclerotifies the brain
-- Copyright 2004 Ilya Shambat

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 02:19:52 GMT

--------
In article <20041215195455.12301.00002232@mb-m28.aol.com>,
asscoassc@aol.comBLOWME (AssCo Assc) wrote:

> And then there's that fuckin' Dr. Phil.

Christ, is there footage of that on Fox after MAD TV or something?
These ARE the End Times and not just the pre-game show. Now THERE'S a
DVD you can give to someone you really hate: "Dr. Phil's Wettest Pop
Shots." Um, no. NOOOO!

--

HellPope Huey
Lewd Interpretive Dance Done
In The Privacy Of Your Own Home; by the hour.

I have no need of your God-damned sympathy.
I only wish to be entertained
by some of your grosser reminiscences.
- Alexander Woolcott

"'Black Dracula' is now a congressman from West Virginia."
- "The Simpsons"

Correspondent:: Candlemoth
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 00:31:21 -0800

--------
HellPope Huey wrote:

> In article <20041215195455.12301.00002232@mb-m28.aol.com>,
> asscoassc@aol.comBLOWME (AssCo Assc) wrote:
>
>
>>And then there's that fuckin' Dr. Phil.
>
>
> Christ, is there footage of that on Fox after MAD TV or something?
> These ARE the End Times and not just the pre-game show. Now THERE'S a
> DVD you can give to someone you really hate: "Dr. Phil's Wettest Pop
> Shots." Um, no. NOOOO!
>
> --
>
> HellPope Huey
> Lewd Interpretive Dance Done
> In The Privacy Of Your Own Home; by the hour.
>
> I have no need of your God-damned sympathy.
> I only wish to be entertained
> by some of your grosser reminiscences.
> - Alexander Woolcott
>
> "'Black Dracula' is now a congressman from West Virginia."
> - "The Simpsons"

Oh Pu-leeze... Quit cryin'.. There are DVD's of the first three
season's of "Seinfeld" fer cryin' out loud! They'll never enter my
house but I have 3 new ice-picks ready for the heating!

Correspondent:: wbarwell
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 02:24:56 -0500

Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 08:43:09 GMT

--------
wbarwell wrote:
>HellPope Huey wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> I went to see this nice woman and almost got into real trouble. No, not
>> that kind of trouble or jaunty we-got-trouble-right-here-in-River-City
>> trouble, but serious, everything-stops, phone-call-in-the-dead-of-night,
>> capital-T Trouble. The sort that haunts you long after its resolved.
>>
>
>The guy who used to sit next to me at work until three months ago just
>got killed in Austin. A stupid kid travelling far too fast ran a red light
>and hit his truck dead center. I see these punks all the time, their stupid
>little Hondas with funny wheels and ugly bolt on spoilers and loud mufflers
>that don't work but apparently mean "I drive fast and stupid", weaving
>through traffic at high speed and roaring off from lights like maniacs
>looking for a car crash. One of 'em hit my friend Tommy and he's dead.
>
>Morons and drunks and young punks in cars.
>

I'm strictly bicycle and bus now. Drunk a lot, and also prone to road rage,
so it's for the best.

One time, a guy cussed me, flipped me off, and threw a beer can at me
out of sheer joy when I was riding in a car. But he had to stop at a light,
so I got out of the car and knocked his teeth out. The judge fined us each
$25; it was worth it!

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 17:13:13 GMT

--------
In article

,
König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:

> One time, a guy cussed me, flipped me off, and threw a beer can at me
> out of sheer joy when I was riding in a car. But he had to stop at a light,
> so I got out of the car and knocked his teeth out. The judge fined us each
> $25; it was worth it!

You missed a good bet if you did not save some of his teeth and have
them made into a necklace. It would make a really thoughtful gift with
that added personal touch, considering the work you did to acquire it.
People just don't recycle enough.

--

HellPope Huey
An explanation in 30 minutes or less
or its pointless anyway

Indifference and neglect
often do much more damage than outright dislike.
- "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"

"Look alive, here comes a buzzard."
- Walt Kelly

Correspondent:: Baldin Pramer
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 09:51:17 -0700

--------
HellPope Huey wrote:

> There was an amusing "Star Trek" episode wherein a silcon-based colony
> lifeform defined the previously-unknown humans as "big ugly bags of
> water."

"ugly bags of mostly water". There is a big difference, as you can
attest. Had the girl been all water, they could just sew up the bag and
pump her full again.

--
Sir Baldin Pramer, R.P.A.